Flock (The Ravenhood)

Well-orchestrated anarchy.

That’s the only way to describe it when we pull in. A slew of cars are parked in a circle around a story-high, raging bonfire. The rest outline a large clearing surrounded by a forest. Kegs are hauled off trucks by some while others wait ready, tossing bags of ice around them. Music blares from the speakers of a truck as a few more cars pull up and empty. Fifty heads, at a minimum, most gathered in small groups as if there’s some social protocol amongst them.

“Please give me a straight answer, what in the hell is this?” I ask Dominic as he surveys the yard, pulling dead center into the circle where just enough space was left as if it’s his rightful place in the lineup.

“Just a gathering of friends.”

“I don’t have this many friends.”

“Lucky you,” he says with an edge as he scans the crowd. He dodges my next question by exiting the car and pulls my door open, lifting me to stand with him as I survey the party. Sean meets us at his car, his eyes going straight to my lips, satisfaction brimming in them when he sees they’ve been left untouched.

“Have fun?” He asks, pulling me into his side.

“We didn’t,” I can’t meet his eyes, “we didn’t…do—”

He shakes his head and tips my chin. “That’s not what I was asking.” He drapes an arm around my shoulder and looks over to Dominic. “They’re here. Waiting on you.”

Dominic dips his chin, his eyes darting to mine before he takes off.

I immediately look over to Sean as he walks us into the crowd. The scene playing out before us looks like one straight out of From Dusk till Dawn, an old Quentin Tarantino flick, and I half expect fire breathers and half-naked girls dancing on poles to pop up at any moment before the fangs come out. “Are you going to tell me what this is?”

“It’s a party.”

“I can see that.”

He chuckles at the arrival of my mean mug. “Then why are you asking?”

“Back home we don’t call parties a meetup.”

“This isn’t the Atlanta suburbs.”

“No shit.” I look around to see bottles and joints being passed around like free-flowing water before noticing the out-of-state plates on some of the cars. “And not everyone lives here.”

He nods. “Good eye.”

“Sean, come on, give me something.”

He gestures in the direction of an El Camino where two mammoth men sit on the tailgate scanning the party, their faces void of any animation. Clearly brothers, their features similar. “See those two?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s Matteo and Andre, The Spanish Lullaby. Behind them is their crew. They’re from Miami.”

“They drove here from Miami?”

“Yeah.”

“For a party?”

He nods.

“Why are they called The Spanish Lullaby?”

He eyes me. “Use your imagination.”

“That isn’t scary at all.”

“I’ve got you, Pup.”

And I believe him. Sean’s face turns to stone as he dips his chin at the Miami crew when they zero in on us. The lift of their chins barely perceptible.

“And that group over there,” he points to a truck where one of the guys lands a backflip off the hood of a pickup before downing some Jack Daniels. “That fool is Marcus, and the guy next to him is Andrew. That’s Tallahassee, the rest of Florida, and they’re fucking shysters. So, stay a foot or six away at all times, if you want to keep your valuables.”

He takes his time walking me around the party, or meetup, or whatever the hell it is, and it doesn’t take long to notice the slew of raven tattoos marking the arms of everyone in attendance. Some of the girls have a tattoo as well, dainty wings inked on their shoulder blades. A few of them are wearing halters, no doubt to show them off. And it’s then I know those wings are a symbol of possession.

Sean leads me over to a freshly tapped keg and passes me a beer. I take it, and a sip, preoccupied with the truth behind this party. Sean merges us in with a few of the groups, easy conversation flowing from his lips as I scan others sitting on the edge of their cars, watching the rest of the party. I press up on my toes after a few minutes and lean into Sean with a whisper.

“Are you in a gang?”

He tosses his head back and laughs.

I scowl. “How is that funny?”

“Do we look like gangsters?”

“No. Yes. Kind of. Then what is this?”

“Just a bunch of like-minded people with similar interests hanging out.”

“With the same tattoo?”

He shrugs. “It’s a badass tattoo.”

“Sean,” I grit out impatiently. Though we’re in the midst of a mingling with Alabama, he lifts his chin at Tallahassee and turns to me. “I need to go talk to a few guys. You cool here?”

Eyes wide, I search his face. “They won’t touch you, Cecelia. You pulled up with Dominic.”

“And that means what exactly?”

“It means I’ll be right back.”

He smiles and shakes his head, moving to abandon me and I grip his arm. “Where’s Layla?”

“She’s here somewhere. Go find her, and I’ll come get you in a bit.”

“You’re seriously leaving me here?” I whisper yell. “Alone?”

He drains his beer. “Yep.”

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Is this like a throw her in the deep end thing and see if she can swim test?”

He laughs. The bastard laughs. “No floaties. Show me that mean mug.”

Furious, I grip at his arm as he begins to saunter away, and he shakes me off easily. “You’re fine, baby.”

Pulse rocketing, I scan the party for Tyler, Layla, Russell or anyone I know, and see Sean find Tyler just in front of the raging fire before they both disappear behind a few cars.

I decide to bite Sean’s testicles the minute I’m able.

Trembling from head to foot, I toss back more beer.

“What’s he like?” A feminine voice sounds up from behind me and I spill half my beer jumping out of my skin before I turn to face her.

“Sorry,” she laughs lightly. “Didn’t mean to scare you. Must be your first time here.”

“It is,” I take her in. She looks to be my age and has jet black hair with purple tips. She’s dressed in black from head to boot, a silver and black raven wing’s necklace resting in her ample cleavage. “Are you asking about Sean?”

She’s exotically beautiful and jealousy simmers through me to the point that I can’t help my question. “Why?”

She takes a step toward me, hesitation clear as she lifts light brown eyes to mine. “Sorry, I guess that was weird to ask his…girlfriend?”

She wants Sean, and she’s brazenly telling me within seconds of meeting me. Is that how this works? An even better question is would he be interested to know about her?

“I don’t know…what we are.” I take a sip of my beer. “We’re new.”

“Hard to know what you are with any of these assholes unless you get winged,” she sighs. She glances at my cup. “You’re out. Let’s get another one.”

I never used to drink, not like this. I blame the new men in my life and the nerves associated with them. She nods toward the guy minding the keg as we walk the few steps to get to him and hand him our cups.

“I’m Alicia.”

“Cecelia.” She’s taller than me by a few inches, definitely not a girl any male eye would pass over. She sizes me up just as carefully. “Did you come with anyone?”

“My brother,” she supplies. “We’re Virginia.”

“Oh.” Not from Virginia, no, she claimed a whole state.

“Dominic’s never brought…neither of them have ever brought a girl here. I thought you came with Dom, so I wasn’t sure which one you were with?”

I fumble with my reply because I don’t know exactly how to answer. And I decide I’m not going to. She smiles and does me a solid by taking the question off the table, so I do her one back, even with the lingering sting of jealousy.

“Sean is kind, considerate, smart, so smart, caring, sexy, funny, protective.” And mine.

“I thought as much,” she blows out a breath, pushing her waist-length dark hair away from her shoulder. The woman has the most beautiful head of hair I’ve ever seen.

“So, you’ve got a thing for him, huh?”

I’m graced with an apologetic grin. “He used to come to Virginia a lot when I was younger. I never said a word to him, but yeah, I guess you could say I do. Hope that doesn’t piss you off.”

It does, to a degree. But she’s being honest.

“He’s also bluntly honest, like you.”

“Yeah?” She smiles.

“But, I am with him.”

She nods. “I’ll back off. I just…he’s perfect, but you know that. Dominic too. But he scares the shit out of me.”

Me too. But in the way I can’t get enough of him.

“Yeah, they’re…hard to describe.”

“So, come on, girl,” she nudges me with her elbow, “what exactly did you do to get in that car?”

Fucked them both on a float. I cringe at my vulgar thought and burst out laughing despite it.

Who in the hell am I? Alicia gives me an odd look.

“Sorry, it’s been an interesting week. I met Sean at work and we all just started hanging out.”

“If my brother wasn’t such a dick, I could too.”

“Overprotective, eh?”

“Yeah, to the point I might kill him in his sleep.”

“Have you been to many of these?”

“This is my fourth.” She rolls her eyes. “Twenty years old and I still have to ask my brother to play with him and his friends.”

“So, what is the meetup about?”

She shrugs. “It’s just a party.”

I harrumph. Third time is not the charm.

“You don’t find it odd that every one of these men has the same tattoo?”

She lifts a shoulder, her face impassive. “Not at all.”

“Please, please tell me what I’m missing.”

She frowns. “You don’t know anything?”

“No. Is this a gang?”

She squelches her laughter after gauging my expression. “No, not like that. But if they were to bust us right now, I’m sure half of these assholes would serve time.”

“For?”

“Their crimes.”

Questions and evasive answers. It’s becoming an infuriating pattern and I can see she’s sympathetic. I go at her at a different angle.

“So why do you come here?”

“Because I believe in this.”

“And this is?”

“A party.”

Annoyed, I glance around and look for a sign of either Sean or Dominic and come up empty. The longer I look around, the less faces I recognize. My garage guys are also nowhere in sight.

She sees my panic and does her best to study me. “You have nothing to be afraid of. This is just a meetup. It happens once or twice a month.”

“Like Masons?”

She nods sharply. “Sure. Like a club.”

“But you can’t tell me about the club? Like rule number one of Fight Club?”

“What’s that?”

“A movie,” I run my hands through my hair in frustration. “Never mind, so this is a club?”

“Sure, and I guess you could say this is the clubhouse.”

“So that necklace…”

“Means I belong to someone or am with someone in the club.” She grimaces. “Right now, it’s my brother.”

“So, who is the leader?”

“There’s no leader at a party.”

“I thought this was a club?” I counter.

“A club party.”

More evasion, another thousand questions popping up that I have no doubt will go unanswered.

“This is so weird,” I mutter as an outburst of laughter sounds behind us.

“I thought so too, at first.”

“And now?”

She shrugs, pulling a joint from thin air and lighting it. “It’s a way of life.” She exhales a plume of smoke and offers it to me.

“No thanks.”

“Sure? It’s going to be a long night.”

“Yeah.”

I need to keep my wits about me. What in the hell am I doing here? The question spins in my head constantly as I survey the party. Alicia walks with me as we talk in circles and I get nowhere with answers until commotion breaks out on the other side of the fire. We both strain to search for the reason around the volcanic flames. A second later, we hear the roll of engines.

“Shit, this should be interesting. Come on,” she grabs my arm and I allow her to drag me to the other side of the circle to see Dominic’s Camaro roar to life along with two other waiting cars. “One of them belongs to one of the Miami crew, the other is Tallahassee’s ride,” she continues on. Sean appears at Dominic’s side as they exchange words and Dom gets a clap on the back from Sean before he steps away and starts his own car.

“Where are they going?”

“To play tag.”

“Like a race? On these roads?” I turn to see Sean searching the party for me behind the wheel before his eyes land on the two of us. I hear the stutter of Alicia’s breath as he looks from me to her, and I know she’s got it bad. The smile he casts in our direction lights me up, and I know I do too. And I’m not sharing him.

Even if these weird-ass men belong to a strange club held in the backwoods of Bumfuck, Nowhere.

“So, what’s going to happen?”

“They’ll race.”

“And then?”

“One will come back the winner.”

Catcalls and whistles sound out as they collectively pull out, engines gunning as they make their way toward the road. The now-familiar rumble stirs something within me. It’s as if new code is being embedded into my genetic makeup. An image of Sean hovering over me the first night we were together flashes through my mind, along with the stolen minutes Dominic and I shared tonight.

“Anyone ever died?” I ask, the blood draining from my face.

“Twice. But that was years ago before the rules changed.”

Years. I wonder how long this has been going on. Unease slithers through me as I focus on at the fading taillights.

And then I hear it, the tell-tale signs, engines roaring in the distance. They’re racing. A part of me wishes I was inside that car with Dominic. But mostly, I’m terrified. Sean’s more careful, but Dominic is fearless with his driving, dangerously so.

“Don’t worry. They’ll be back,” Alicia speaks up from beside me.

“Let me have that joint,” I say, hoping it will calm my nerves. She laughs and passes it to me, and I inhale deep.

Ten minutes later, the sound of an engine has us all craning our heads. Dominic is the first to enter and the bodies around us roar with cheers.

“He won,” Alicia lifts her beer toward him in salute.

“Of course he did.”

He’s hell on wheels and tonight he represents his name well, a king amongst the masses crowding around his car. Pride fills me as I watch him, knowing tonight was the start of something between us. I move to go to him, but the second he’s parked, he’s out of the car, pushing those congratulating him out of the way to inspect the body, a string of curses erupting from him. Miami comes idling in next, and the second the driver is stopped, Dominic flies towards him, meeting him at his door. Emerging from the car, the Miami driver smiles in a way that makes my stomach roll. A moment later Dominic wipes it off his face with his fist.

“Oh, shit,” Alicia says next to me.

Sean speeds in sideways, barely stopped before he’s flying out of his car and stalking over to where Dominic is unleashing hell. Tallahassee trails in last, the side of the car caved in as it comes into view under the firelight, wheels wobbling, smoke billowing out of the hood. The driver gets out, a crocodile smile in place as he watches Dominic beat the ever-loving shit out of the Miami driver. Everyone at the party stands by, watching, including Sean, for several punches before he moves forward, barking at Dominic to stop. I can’t help myself. I move closer to hear the exchange as Miami finally steps up in defense.

“Ease up, Dom.” The guy Sean informally introduced as Andre says, moving in. His expression puts me on edge. These men are dangerous, and as I survey the faces of most of the onlookers, I see amusement. They’re clearly desensitized by what’s playing out in front of them, which instills some fear in me. I’ve never bore witness to this type of raw violence. Not only that but by a man who less than an hour ago was lighting my body on fire with tender touches.

Though a little fearful, a foreign but carnal desire begins to course through me as I watch him destroy his opponent. Dominic delivers one last punch and the guy goes down, landing limp at his feet.

Dom steps away, his power rolling like a tidal wave over the crowd as he addresses everyone within feet of where he stands. “Happy to fucking address any objections.”

Andre jerks his head and two of the guys behind him lift what’s left of the guy on the ground.

Dominic’s livid gaze follows him. “You do that again, you’re out,” he barks as the guy spits out a mouthful of blood. Dom’s hand is dripping with it, and I push through the crowd to get to him as Sean speaks up.

“Ease up, man,” he mutters just as I reach them.

“Fuck him,” Dominic snaps, his rage-filled posture challenging everyone within feet of him.

“You’ve made your point,” Sean takes his place by his side.

Dominic looks over to where Tallahassee stands, surveying the damage to his car. “You all right, man?”

He nods as I reach Dominic, lifting his hand to inspect it. He jerks away from my touch, turning on a dime and rears back, fist drawn. He drops it once he sees my face, which drains of all blood when I witness up close, the rage in his eyes.

“I’m good,” he snaps, jerking away from me and I back away, right into Sean’s chest just as he hooks a hand around my waist. “Let him cool off, baby.”

I nod as Sean pulls me to his side and glance over his tense frame, scanning for Alicia in the crowd, but she’s disappeared. “Let’s go,” Sean prompts, tugging me in the direction of his Nova.

My gaze flits back to where Dominic stands, his chest heaving, his eyes frighteningly feral before he stalks out of sight.

“He’s good,” Sean assures before he whisks me into his car and in seconds, we’re back on the dark road, the eerie quiet a stark contrast to the party we just left. If I hadn’t have been there, I would have thought I’d imagined it.

“You’re pissed,” he speaks up as tension grows in the cabin. I am angry, but these men make it impossible to rationalize a functional line of hard limits and remain sane while doing it. But in choosing my battles, this one I’m not backing down from. I’m done with all the mystery.

“First of all, you left me at a party where I hardly knew anyone.”

“I knew enough people to know you were safe, safer than you are locked up all alone in your house.”

“Whatever. Second, you went racing—racing—in the middle of the mountains at night.”

He grins. “Sorry, Mom.”

“It’s fucking dangerous and stupid. Look what just happened.”

“I love that you care.”

“Don’t smile at me all sexy.”

His grin only grows as he checks his rearview.

“Third, what the hell is all this?”

He expels a breath.

“And don’t you dare tell me it was a party, or you can lose my number.”

He flicks his gaze on me, and it’s unforgiving. I’ve just pissed him off. Good.

“What is this, Sean?”

“It’s your explanation.”

I focus on the beam of the headlights as I sift through my thoughts.

The phone rule, his dealbreaker. The secrecy. The omissions and half-truths. The subtle hints he’s been giving me since the day we met. This is what he’s been hiding, and I still have more questions than answers. It’s not enough.

“Then explain.”

“I just did.”

“You have to know how infuriating this is.”

“Trust me, I do.”

“Yet, you won’t give me anything.”

He glances my way. “Let me guess, you asked around tonight and got no answers.”

“How did you know that?”

“Because that’s how it is.”

“So that’s what this is…like a secret society? Like the masons or some shit?”

He doesn’t answer.

“Take me home.”

He chuckles. “I am.”

“And then lose my number.”

His smile disappears as his fingers tighten on the top of the wheel. “If that’s what you want.”

“I want the fucking truth!”

“You’re getting it,” he says calmly, “you just don’t like what I’m telling you.”

“Because it makes no sense!”

“It makes perfect sense.”

A minute or two of silence follows before he finally speaks up.

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Of course.”

“Too quick to answer,” he snaps. “I mean really keep a secret. Can you think of secrets that you’ll take to your grave, that you’ve never confided in anyone, ever?”

“I have a few, yeah.”

“And how do you go about doing that?”

“By never talking about it. Or thinking about it. Acting like it never happened.”

“Exactly, I can’t give you specifics on a history that doesn’t exist. I can’t give you rules and details or dates about things that never fucking happened.”

“So, all of those people back there?”

“Can keep a secret. Nothing about that party, and no one in attendance can tell you who was there or what went down because it never happened.” He goes quiet for long minutes and I know it’s because he’s trying to find his words. He darts his gaze my way. “Masons have walls, out here, it’s tree lines. So, when you asked me what tonight was. I told you the truth. It was a fucking party. When you asked what we do, the answer is nothing.”

“Unless I’m in on the secret. And even then, nothing ever happened?”

My answer is silence, but I’m starting to think that silence may be admission.

“So why even show this to me? Why not leave me clueless like the rest of the world?”

“Because you’re with me.” Simple. To the point. And if I want to be with him, I have to be willing to be in on his future secrets. He chances another quick look at me. “It’s going to be your decision.”

“And what if I don’t want to be in on it?”

“No choice tonight,” he says, gunning the gas. He checks his rearview again and I turn and see blue lights flash from a side road behind us before turning our way. “Hold on,” he says as I turn to face him in the seat.

“You’re kidding. You’re going to pull over, right?”

“No can do, baby, they aren’t impounding my shit for thirty days.”

Oh, Fuck. Oh, Fuck. Oh, Fuck. Oh, Fuck.

A phone rings in his pocket, and when he pulls it out, I don’t recognize it. He answers without looking my way. “Yep, someone must have called in… I figured. Better break it up. I’ll take this one.” Sean floors it and my eyes go wide. I turn and see the lights are falling farther behind us, he’s losing them, but every muscle in my body is screaming with warning.

“We’re running from the police. You do realize that?”

I sink in my seat as Sean completely ignores me, his concentration solely on the road.

“Sean, this isn’t fucking funny!”

Calmly, he says to me. “One more time, Cecelia. Can. You. Keep. A. Secret?”

Terrified, I search myself for the answer. “Yes.”

He slows, downshifting and yanks the wheel and I scream, slamming my eyes shut as we veer sideways onto a gravel road. When I open them, I fully expect to catch a glimpse of my imminent death, but I can’t see anything because Sean cut his headlights and we’re now running in the light of the moon.

I’m seconds away from pissing myself as Sean guns the gas, leaving us flying down a gravel road. It’s while the tires crunch beneath and the silent wind whips through the cabin that realization dawns. These men I’ve been hanging with are exactly the type that Mom warns you away from and that Dad is supposed to greet at the front door with a shotgun in hand.

Since day one, I’ve been subtly and not so subtly warned by them to keep my distance—by both them and those who knew of them—and since day one, I’ve done nothing but walk directly into the line of fire. There’s always some basis or truth to rumors. But this? This is so far from what I expected. And it’s in the dark where I see the light. I’ve been running with these secretive devils for the last six weeks, and I’m being baptized in truth in something akin to hellfire.

“Jeremy was serious when he said he’d just robbed someone, wasn’t he?”

Silence.

Sean makes another fast turn, and I have no idea how, because I can’t see a foot in front of his hood, but his quick side-eye confirms everything.

“You spend all your free time crossing invisible lines,” I say, knowing it’s the absolute truth. “Jesus, Sean. How many secrets do you have?”

His reply is another turn before we slide to a stop. He kills the engine as we sit quietly under the cover of a few trees. I twist in my seat but see no sign of the blue light. I’ve never been prone to panic attacks before, but I’m positive I’m having something close to one now.

“It’s okay, baby. We lost him. We were too far ahead. He never even saw the make of the car. We’re safe.”

“Safe?” I pant, trying to even out my breathing. “I don’t think so.”

He watches me carefully as I gather and examine all the red flags that have been piling up in front of me over the last several weeks.

“I didn’t expect this. I knew something was going on, but this? Tyler’s a United States Marine, and he’s a part of this!?”

He nods.

“How far does this go, Sean?”

He bites his lip in contemplation and I glare at him.

I gesture toward the phone resting between his thighs. “That’s not your phone.”

“Never was.” With the quick workings of his hands, he pulls the SIM card out and snaps it in half.

“So, you all are like fucking outlaws or something?”

“Or something.”

“All of you?”

“Everyone with the bird was invited to the party. And they can all keep a secret. If they can’t…they can’t party. And probably never will again.”

I shake my head, unbelieving of the truth.

“I don’t know you at all, do I?”

“You know me,” he swears and moves toward me, but I jerk away from his advance. In the dim cabin, the slight sting of rejection shines in his eyes as he curses and fists his hands at his sides before turning back to me.

“You know me,” the gentle timbre of his voice has my eyes watering. “You know my mind and my heart. You know me. I made sure of it. But this is my world, our world, and if you want in, you have another decision to make.”

Sean speaks up, jerking me out of my reverie. “I can see I’ve blown your mind again. And not in a good way.” His tone is mournful, and I know he sees the battle I’m fighting. He’s put me in a dangerous position with his explanation, but he’s also left the door wide open on the other side of it for a quick escape. The problem is, I can’t even look at the threshold, because it means losing him. Knowing nothing about the party is my saving grace. I can walk away now, no ties. Merely aware of their existence but with nothing that incriminates me.

He runs a knuckle along my wobbling chin, and I look up to see we’re parked in his driveway. I’ve been so lost in my thoughts I didn’t follow his route home.

“I thought you were taking me home?”

“I didn’t tell you which home.”

“You’re a good liar.”

“You’re a terrible one.” His beautiful chest bounces. “And you don’t really want to go home.”

He reaches for me again and I shy away from his touch because it will draw me further in. Right now, I’m toeing a very dangerous line in some sort of alternate reality.

“Cecelia, I tried to ease you into this the best way I could. I had to be able to trust you.”

“I still don’t know anything.”

“And that kept you safe from your involvement and all that it implied. But from this point forward, your decision changes that.”

Chin set, he looks over to me. “I have a lot to lose, too.” He turns his head, looking out the window and I swear I hear “more,” muttered under his breath. He rests his head back on the seat and sighs before his head lolls back my way, his expression weary. “You’ll go crazy trying to figure it out. Everything we do, we do for good reason. If you choose to stay, a lot of your questions will be answered over time. But everybody at the party has to earn their place. No exceptions.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Not tonight, and not until you’ve made your decision. And even then, I can’t guarantee I’ll answer. Come on, let’s get some sleep.” He cuts the engine and gets out of his car. I follow him silently into his house and up the stairs to his bedroom. Everything has changed, every part of my involvement. I must be a willing participant in whatever comes next, or I have to walk away from him. I can feel the weight of my decision already weighing heavy on my heart.

When he closes the bedroom door, he pulls off his shirt and slips off his boots.

I’m too exhausted from the crash of adrenaline to fight, and he clearly is as well as he unbuckles his jeans and shoves them off, along with his boxers. The sight of him naked has my fingers itching to touch, my blood pulses more rapidly, but inside all I feel is dread.

I’m already more than halfway in love with this man and walking away will break my heart. He watches me carefully, no doubt reading my thoughts and then goes down the hall into his bathroom, leaving the door open, before turning on the shower.

An invitation.

Another decision.

I follow, shut the door, strip bare and join him. He draws me to him, kissing me for long minutes. Back in his room, we’re silent when we towel off and I pull on one of his T-shirts before slipping into bed, into his waiting arms.

“Please understand, there was no other way,” he murmurs into my neck, pulling me snugly into his body. He’s hard, but he doesn’t act on it, he just keeps me firmly tucked into him, weakening me with his scent.

I should feel betrayed, but I do understand the ‘why’ of how he introduced me to it. And now I also understand that if I’m in, I’ll have to become a lot better at lying, and if I can’t keep a secret, it will cost me a lot more than a broken heart.