Flight 118: A Woman’s Future

Clarisse cringed back and her eyes darted from side to side before settling on my forehead, not meeting my eyes. “I’m so sorry! I know I shouldn’t have but I just… I can’t stand how everyone takes this life and what we are told at face value! Especially you, Emilia! You weren’t meant to be hurt, just rescued.”

“Face value? Especially me? What the heck are you talking about?!” I yelled, staring at her with wide eyes. “I didn’t need rescuing. I needed to not be lied to and knocked out! You aren’t making sense!”

“You were supposed to be my friend! And you’ve all but abandoned me, listening to their half-truths!”

“Half-truths? I’m really not understanding what you’re goin’ on about Clarisse!” My voice raised, and my accent deepened a little, in exasperation. Which served just to make me more irritated, if I was honest with myself. I hated the southern accent I had and couldn’t seem to shake no matter how hard I tried.

“How? How do you not understand? We aren’t meant to be here; in this time, in this place, with these people. They aren’t like us, don’t you see that? Why doesn’t anyone see that? You all look at me like I’m crazy; like I’ve lost my mind. But I’m not the one who’s lost it! Do you have any idea what it feels like getting on a plane after saying goodbye to your family, about to start this great adventure in college...to have it all ripped away?!”

“Clarisse,” I speak slowly after struggling to a sitting position. “We all know what it feels like. We didn’t choose to be taken from everything and everyone we know. And we don’t think you’re crazy. We know you’re just upset-”

“Upset?! Oh really? I’m just upset? Oh! Poor little Clarisse! She’s just a kid! She doesn’t understand anything because she’s not old enough to. Let’s coddle her instead of listening to her because she doesn’t know what she’s talking about! She’s too young! Walking around in the world without being able to fully understand anything!”

I wince. “That’s not what I meant and you know it! Yes, you are young and yes, you are upset. But we aren’t coddling you! You just need to cool down and realize we aren’t abandoning you. Why do you keep trying to make us?”

“Trying to make you?! You know what? I’m done! Look at you all high and mighty! Sitting there, even now when you can’t move, acting like you’re so much better than me! You’re not my mom! You’re not my sister! You go on and on about how I’m so young and impressionable when you’re TWENTY-ONE. Who do you think you are staring down at me like you’re so much older and wiser! I’m eighteen, not some kid. I’m not stupid or too young to understand what I’m seeing!”

I sat there with wide eyes, stunned. My mouth opened but I was not really sure how to respond. Was she right? I feel so much older than her but I’m really not. It was probably for the best that I couldn’t respond because she was not done.

She stood up, walking away from me, and began to pace. As she yelled, the rays of light extending in the dark from the lantern lit up the area between us. It brightened the dark enough I could see spittle shooting from her mouth with certain words.

“You want to know why I did what I did? Fine! I’ll tell you! I really thought you people were just blind to the truth staring back at you. But I guess you all just don’t care if we never make it back home. I bet you don’t have a family back there! That would make sense for you! Or maybe it’s just so great being popular now that who cares if it’s even possible.”

I frowned as anger sparked inside me. My eyes narrowed and I shook a little at her having the audacity to think she was the only one whose life had come crashing down around her.

“My life is gone! And you all prance around like it’s over while I sit at night staring at the stars and wondering if my family misses me; what they’re doing; if I’ll be alone for the rest of my life! I thought if I could get you away and remind you how awful this place is that you would finally understand. But I was wrong.” Clarisse’s voice broke off at the end and she turned away from me, but not before I saw the tears shining in her eyes.

I sighed, feeling my anger drain a little to once more be replaced with pity. Rubbing my temple, I felt a headache coming on. This, in turn, made me feel ashamed.

Part of me still thought she needed to realize she was wrong. But then part of me was questioning if what she said didn’t have some truth to it. Did I ignore thoughts of the world I grew up in for the world I was now in? I did have parents but we weren’t close. I was sure they loved me in their own way but I doubted they were too upset when they learned I was missing. I had no close friends in high school or college. I had no past boyfriends. I was missing nothing by being here. I was really gaining everything by being here. But was I allowing that to cloud my judgment with everything? Was I ignoring other people and a possibility for them to get back to their families? Was I supposed to stay here?

No, no. I shook my head to clear those thoughts. They weren’t any I hadn’t had before and I knew I still agreed with what I came to terms with the many other times I had asked myself those questions. Who knew what life would have been like before. Yes, families would have more time together. But there was no plausible way for us to get back. Besides, wasn’t it better for us to remember those we loved as they were and not as they would be when everything started to go bad, with no future in sight?

Looking up at Clarisse my eyes softened some more. Still, I felt like she needed guidance. Not really because of her age, as I may have unknowingly suggested, but because of how she acted.

“Listen Clarisse. I’m sorry. You’re right that we kind of walk on eggshells around you. Everyone has the same thoughts you have. Everyone misses their family and their pets and their lives. But, nothing we can do is going to fix that. We need to come to terms that this is our life now. That is the only way we have a chance at being happy and at having a future here.”

She whipped around so fast her blonde braid swung and hit her cheek. “I don’t want a future here! I don’t want to settle!”

“I know. I know. But we don’t have a say in it. In none of this. The sooner you understand that the sooner everything can be better. I know it’s sad, the thought of all that you’ve lost, and I know you don’t believe me when I say you aren’t alone. But you’re not alone, Clarisse. I won’t leave you. I forgive you for what happened tonight and everyone else will too. Just come back with me to the pack. Please.”

“That’s just it! I don’t want your forgiveness. I don’t want to go back where I’m reminded nonstop that nothing is the same and everyone has already moved on!

I frowned in fear as a shiver of foreboding went through my body. “Clarisse, what do you mean?”

She turned towards me from her place near the trees I had stumbled through earlier. “Despite what you may think of me, I know we can’t go back. But that doesn’t mean I’m fine living this life I’ve been forced into. I had hoped you’d come with me. But I know you won’t, now. I’m leaving.”

“What? No! You don’t know what you’re saying! Please just come back with me! We can talk about this. You don’t know what it’s like out there! Danger is everywhere. There are no hotels or restaurants! You won’t survive, Clarisse!”

She shook her head. “My mind’s made up. If this is what my life’s going to be like now, I’m not spending it here like a bird in a cage or someone who is seen as a little girl or a baby machine. I’m leaving.”

She began to walk away as I pleaded for her to stay. Right before the darkness completely swallowed her up, she stopped and met my eyes.

“I really am sorry, you know. Not for what I believe or why I did it. But I do regret how I went about it. I never meant to hurt anyone. Or make anyone do anything they didn’t want to do. That’s the reason why I have to leave, after all.” She hesitated and then a small smile graced her lips. “You know, despite what I said...you kind of are like the closest thing I have to a sister now. Thank you for everything you did and tried to do for me. Maybe one day we’ll see each other again but I can’t be this person anymore. I can’t stay here any longer and watch you all just accept what’s being thrown at you. Goodbye, Em.”

I struggled from my place on the forest floor, trying to get up and go to her, before collapsing. “Please Clarisse. Don’t go! No one’s trying to alienate you or make you do something you don’t want to do. Clarisse! Stop!”

Then she was gone.

I looked down at the lantern she left next to me and hit the ground in frustration. I could barely move and I sat there unable to do anything to stop her while she left. Before I could do anything or think of anything else, a twig snapped behind me.

I turned around as fast as I could, internally groaning at the sore feeling radiating down my body from the movement. I didn’t see anything at first. Then I saw a glint. Squinting in its direction I saw the glint become golden eyes. It was a shifter.

It had been a long time since I had seen Jonah’s wolf form. I could vaguely recall what it looked like and I could barely see it in the dark now. But I knew the sense of rightness that filled me. A feeling of safety filled me. It could only mean one thing. Jonah had finally found me.

I cried out in relief. Ignoring the pain, I slowly turned my body to try and face the direction he was coming from.

“Jonah!”

The wolf emerged from the woods before it shifted to that of a naked Jonah. One I shouldn’t have had trouble looking away from, given how much pain I was in, but a girl could only be so strong.

Blushing, I quickly looked up to his eyes as he pulled me into his arms and practically onto his lap.

“Emilia, Mine. I was so worried.” He kissed my forehead, cheeks, and then mouth. Pulling away he growled as his eyes ran over my body. “Look at you! Who did this to you?”

I winced but gave a sheepish smile. “Ironically, the trees and myself. For just about all of it.”

“Just about? Who hurt you?! Where?” He snarled even as his hands and eyes searched my body. I could just tell he was cataloging everything.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not fine! You’re crying!” Even in his human form, his eyes were still glowing and I could tell he was ticked off.

“Because I’m happy to see you?” I said almost like I was asking a question. I was hoping to have him relax a little. As much as I didn’t want Clarisse gone, him snapping on her since she was probably still close by would not help anyone.

He growled and gripped my face, forcing me to meet his eyes. “You were crying before I snapped that twig. Please. Tell me where it hurts the most and who hurt you, Mine.”

I could practically feel my heart melt at his concern and awareness. “You snapped the twig on purpose?”

“Of course. I didn’t want to scare you. Now stop avoiding my questions!” He huffed.

I smiled and just had to peck him on the lips again, quickly. Pulling back I reluctantly answered. “Honestly, I didn’t realize I was crying. I do hurt… everywhere. But I think it’s a bit of that and… Clarisse.”

Almost like my emotions were agreeing with my assumption, fresh tears came to my eyes. Jonah visibly softened and wrapped his arms around me.

“I heard. I’ve been looking for you for what seems like way too long now. After finding out who convinced the townspeople to attack and Clarisse’s involvement and you being missing… I wasn’t in the best headspace. I’m not going to lie, I was the closest I’ve ever been to attacking a woman when I heard the two of you yelling and came.”

I pulled back with wide eyes. Just enough to read his face. “Really? What stopped you?”

He gave me a wry yet soft smile. “You. As soon as I saw you, I calmed down enough to realize you were trying to get her to come back. I figured she wasn’t a threat to you...anymore.” He shook his head in confusion. “I guess I was also a bit confused. When I left to find you, Clarisse was with everyone else. A bunch of people went to confront her and did. Alpha Eric and this human named O’Connor. Then they left to find me and tell me what they learned. Clarisse was supposed to be under guard. I spent forever trying to find you, Mine. And the human girl who was being watched managed to sneak away from a bunch of shifters and find you in the middle of a dark forest first.”

He shook his head, the wrinkle of his nose and furrowed brows leading me to think he really was confused by his statement.

“How? Why was it so hard for you to find me?” My voice broke a little and he wrapped me back in his arms, comforting me. “I’ve been waiting for someone to come. I tried so hard to get back on my own, and I really did make it far. I think. But I only made it so far before I knew I needed help or serious rest before I could have enough energy to get back. I don’t know if I’m just that out of shape or if it’s all of this pain my body is in. Maybe it’s both. But the first time someone did find me, it was Clarisse.”

“Normally I would be able to scent you and find you fast. But with the fire… all that I can smell is smoke. Of course, when we’re finally mated we will have a bond I could trace. Something that will always connect us. But right now?” He took a shaky breath. “I’m just glad I’ve finally found you.”

I blushed softly at the thought of us finally mating. But I pushed it aside. “So, you heard all of what Clarisse said? That she decided to leave?”

He nodded and looked at me sadly. “Yes. I’m sorry, Mine. I know how much she means to you.”

I sniffed as the thought came to mind. “It’s all my fault! I should’ve done something to make her stay!” Maybe if I had just spent more time with her. Or if I had just listened to her when it first became obvious how upset she was.

He growled. “No, it’s not. You tried your best. Before and tonight. I heard. Yes, she’s young but she is an adult. Her decisions are her own, and I hate to say it, baby. But you trying to force her to stay would’ve just made her think she was right for the way she thinks staying here is like.”

I brushed my hands against my cheeks, wiping my tears. “You’re right. It just hurts. I feel like I could’ve done more. If not tonight then before.”

“My beautiful mate. My strong and caring Luna. You can only help those who want to be helped.” He kissed me, his lips parting mine to deepen the kiss for a quick second before pulling away. “But enough of that.” He gave me a stern look. “It didn’t escape my notice, you’ve still managed to not answer my questions. I know of Clarisse’s involvement. But I want to know what happened tonight and who hurt you.”

I winced but nodded. “Fine, I’ll tell you. But first, can we go back? I really do hurt and I feel so disgusting.”

Alarmed, Jonah pulls back to stare at my body. “Oh no! I’m so dumb! Of course, baby. We’ll get you back to the packhouse! I’ll have a bath made for you even if I have to get the water from the stream. It’ll help your sore muscles as you clean yourself off.”

“You’re my hero. You know that, right?” I smiled up at him lovingly.

He grinned. “Of course I am. It’s my job to care for you; to love and protect you. Whether it’s your physical health, your mental health, from a situation, or from yourself. I’ll always protect you. Be that as it may, I think in this specific situation you were your own hero. You got yourself this far. Just needed a little help to make it the rest of the way.”

I smiled at him happily. My stomach felt fluttery, like when I used to write in my novels that someone had butterflies. This was exactly what that sounded like.

He lifted me from the ground and into his arms, after handing me the lantern. He grinned down at me and quipped, “We don’t need to start another fire tonight.”

I giggled and agreed, then wrapped one arm around his neck to hold on. The other arms dutifully holding the lantern.

“Once we’re done getting you all cleaned up, I’ll feed you and you’ll tell me all about what happened.”

“You just had to get that in again, didn’t you?” I laughed.

He looked almost affronted. “Of course. You’re the most important thing in my life. You are my life. I almost lost you tonight and I need to know everything so it won’t happen again.”

I smiled softly as I stared up into his face. “It’s okay. Your protectiveness is one of the many reasons why I love you.”

Just as we finally broke through the tree line into the pack’s clearing, he stopped suddenly. He stared down at me with wide eyes, an almost amazed look in them, and a slowly growing smile.

Well, I did say I was going to tell him I loved him as soon as possible. I grinned up at him happily just as people began to rush over.