SWNOVELS Flawed Heart: Chapter 6
18 years old
January air fills my lungs, making my body shiver from the inside out, with every breath I take. Snow flurries swirl in the air, before melting once they hit the ground. When it does, it’s majestic and almost mythical, signaling the larger snowstorm that is moving in soon. The snow creates a quietness on the campus, as no one is ready for the chilled temps, and they scatter to their dorms and apartments. I really should get my feet moving and head back to my dorm, where it’s warm and my Kindle is charged, except the moment I’ve been waiting for since I arrived this past fall at Columbia University in New York is happening. Zander is right in front of me, and he’s alone. My stomach twists until I feel like I might be sick. Sure, I knew coming here, across the country from our hometown, meant I ran the chance of seeing Zander or my brother, but I thought maybe I’d have more time to prepare. It is a campus of over thirty-five thousand students, and I’ve successfully dodged them for almost a whole semester. As much as I wanted to see them, I was actually enjoying just getting the college experience at a school where no one knew me already. Not even the same surname has tipped anyone off that I am York’s sister.
I duck my head and take a hesitant step backward. Wait, why am I running? Actually, I know why and the reason involves a seventeen-page-long contract that ruined my life. After my sixteenth birthday, it was a year and a half before I saw Zander and York again, and under circumstances none of us had seen coming. Mr. Knight, Zander’s grandfather, passed away after a short battle with liver cancer. He and York came home for the funeral and stayed at a hotel, despite my grandfather’s protests. I know why they did it, because neither of them wanted to see me. I didn’t let that stop me, though. I still made up a batch of their favorite cookies and dropped them off at the hotel. I wanted to let them know I still cared. That I was there for them, that I loved them. It was the only comfort I could provide. Nothing I did helped though. After the funeral, things only got worse.
Emilio Knight had updated his will and he included a new stipulation in the contract: in the event of his death, my grandfather would oversee Zander’s finances and the conditional marriage contract. Along with inheriting Zander’s grandmother’s priceless, rose-gold, emerald cut, engagement ring. A family heirloom. Meant only for his future bride, me. My family fell apart. York and my grandfather’s relationship was ruined. They only kept in contact now when it regarded Allister Holdings. York didn’t come home for my graduation; he didn’t celebrate my eighteenth birthday; he didn’t even call on the anniversary of our parents’ death. York and Zander were on one side, and because I was named in the contract, I was lumped together with my grandfather. Even though they were willing to freeze me out, I still held onto hope that someday things would change, that they wouldn’t hate me forever. I hate that I’m still hoping.
“Amelia?” Zander’s voice breaks the silence, and I’m painfully aware of the harshness in his tone as it wraps around my name.
Taking a deep breath, I walk toward him, praying he can’t see how much I’m trembling in my puffy-jacket. “Hey, Zander.”
His eyes widen, as if I’m something his mind conjured, that I can’t really be standing in front of him right now. For one small fraction of a second, I want to believe I see a hint of happiness, but it’s quickly suctioned up by the black pits of his irises, before he blinks and the same loathing, I’m used to, takes its place. “What are you doing here?”
My mind blanks. Every time I think of this scenario, I’m usually more prepared, better dressed, and fully informed. I know he’ll be wanting to know about the contract, and I won’t be able to give him the answer he’s looking for. “I, ah, I go here.”
His eyes narrow further and his jaw hardens. So much for the scenario where I can quip some Legally Blonde quote when he asks me if I go here. My heart thunders in my chest when he takes another step toward me. “So, what did he say when you told him?”
“Told him?”
“Yes, what did your grandfather say when you told him you won’t go through with it?” He presses further, one hand raking through his long, black tresses.
My eyes drop to my booted feet, and I suddenly feel the shame washing over my skin, heating it and turning it red. “I haven’t told him yet.”
The words slip out of my mouth and hang in the air between us, crackling with energy. I can feel Zander’s body growing tenser, larger, his presence dominating. “Come again?”
I glance up and meet his fiery golden eyes. “I haven’t told him yet. I,” I glance around, mourning the comfort I was feeling just minutes ago, “I haven’t even seen the contract.”
He staggers back from me, as if my words were tiny bullets aimed right at his chest. Finally, my heart catches up with my brain, and the warning it’s been giving since I left Magnolia Hills and came here. I knew I should have read the contract. I knew I should have talked to my grandfather and made that a priority. Stupidly, I had wanted to have the experience I didn’t have in high school. The experience, the three of us had planned before I was pushed off the mountain. And, I won’t lie, a tiny part of me had hoped that seeing me might change Zander’s mind.
“I can’t believe this,” he mutters under his breath, before turning his back to me. Zander starts to leave and my heart leaps into my throat.
“Wait! Zander.” I run after him, grabbing his arm with my hands. He stops and turns to face me. The hatred in his eyes flares, and my stomach clenches. “I am going to read it. I promise. I just…school started. And I wanted to be normal again. I wanted to see you and York, but I also—”
“You’ve been here for months, Amelia. This isn’t some joke or some game. This is my life. There are other lives at stake, and you decided playing college kid for a few months was more important?” His voice edges on calm, that type that happens right before a storm. I can sense the worst is coming, but I’m still outside, looking at the dusting of flakes first.
“I know. I know it’s important. I just wanted a chance to be happy too, before it has to become real.” I swallow past the lump rising higher in my throat. I think I might be sick.
Zander’s eyes whip to mine, a sneer pulls at his lips. “Happy? Well, I’m glad you got to enjoy being happy, Amelia. Meanwhile, the rest of my life is going to crash down because you can’t get over yourself. I knew it. I knew you would destroy me.”
I shake my head. I would never hurt him. Tears sting my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m going to read it, I swear, Zander. I just want things to go back to how they were.”
“Nothing will ever be how it was, Amelia! We aren’t kids anymore. You can’t fix things with your bullshit, and expect that everyone is going to cater to making you happy. This is the real world. There is no way in this world where we live happily ever after. I love Carrigan. I’m going to marry her. Fuck! I thought, I thought you were here to tell me that it worked out.” Both his hands slide through his hair, tugging slightly.
My mind races, trying to explain myself. Hurting him has always been the furthest from my mind. “Zander—”
“Just forget it, Amelia. Honestly, I never want to see you again. Unless you are hand-delivering a shredded contract on a silver platter, never and I mean never, show your face in front of me again. You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me.”
I try not to flinch as his shoulder bumps into mine when he walks away from me. His words were meant to destroy and they did. Any shred of dignity I had fades away. I know my action was selfish. I know I was inviting pushback, and I should have known that Zander Knight would obliterate me for even thinking we could be friends.
Dazed, I manage to make it across the courtyard to my dorm. The snow is starting to fall heavier, and my fingers slip on the keyring a few times, before dropping them to the ground. Through the tears swimming in my eyes, I bend and grab them.
“Mia?” I hear my brother, and for the second time tonight, doom spreads through my chest. “What are you doing here?”
“I go to school here,” I sniffle around the words.
His brows shoot up, and he glances around, probably looking for Zander. What are the odds I would see them both in one night after months of being on the same campus. “You’re going to college here? How come I didn’t know?”
I shrug. “We don’t talk anymore.”
He nods for a second, before glancing at his phone again. “Does Zander know you’re here.”
“We just talked,” I tell him. Sighing, my arms wrap around my body, preparing for the verbal attack. “I told him I haven’t read it yet.”
York’s head tilts back, and he breathes deeply, before returning his gaze to mine. “Don’t be stupid, Mia. You need to read it. I get it, you had a crush on Zander growing up, and maybe that means something, but we’re adults now. Zander loves Carrigan. He wants to marry her, he even has the ring. He doesn’t love you, sis. I’m sorry, but he doesn’t. It’s not going to happen. And after all the shit our family is putting him through, what his grandfather put him through, you can’t expect him to let this go. Maybe, maybe years from now, you guys can be friends again. But that won’t happen if you don’t let it go.”
Every word from his mouth feels like another dagger being buried in my heart. Logically, I know he’s right. I hate my pathetic heart for trying to tell me differently. “I get why Zander hates me. I don’t get why you do, though.”
York sighs. “I don’t hate you. But he’s my best friend and you’re hurting him. Our grandfather is hurting him. Besides, why do you care about making him happy? It’s not like you have any interest in the company when you graduate.”
“You don’t know that. I get equal shares to you, that I do know,” I throw back, hoping to hurt him just a little like he has hurt me for the past five years.
“Mia, you know nothing about Allister Holdings. I’ve done the time and learned everything from the ground up. Do not think about fucking with our plan, just because Zander doesn’t love you.” He practically growls in my face, and I finally see the big picture. It’s them, ruling the world, and I’ll forever be discarded like trash, all because my name is on that stupid document.
I don’t respond. Before I can stop myself, I run into the dorms and fling my door open. My roommate, Tabbi, is studying late tonight with her study abroad crew, so I don’t worry about waking her. I grab my suitcase, enough clothes for the weekend and my ID. Once I’m back outside, I scan the area for York or Zander, but I don’t see them. My breathing is uneven, but I manage to make the call I’ve been dreading.
“Grandpa, I need a flight home tonight.”