SWNOVELS Flawed Heart: Chapter 35
“Thank you again for your support,” I bow my head slightly, again thanking the GM of the Radio City stadium for continuing on with the tour dates that we’ve had set up. Once the call ends, I sigh and fight back the tears. My one hand rubs my stomach, trying to calm the wave of movement in there, while I brush the tears off my cheek with the other. I cross off Radio City from my list and move down the line to the next. This has been my chore for the last few weeks. I am constantly reaching out to the remaining twenty-five venues we have booked for the next six months for the tour, and making sure they are still on board, that they received payment, and squashing any bad publicity.
When the investigation started between Knight Industries and Allister Holdings, the media was crazy. Because I was associated with both and with the allegations that I was out to ruin Zander over the marriage contract, it affected Rosen Records as well. For months we lost sponsors, support, and worst of all, gigs. Many times I cried myself to sleep, praying that my small client list wouldn’t leave, but the option was always there for them. I was ruining my business’ image with my past, with the history that was being dug up and paraded on social media and in the tabloids. The worst part was that Zander never spoke up. He never refuted the claims, he never gave an interview to explain his piece of our shared history. I attempted to, but it felt like the story was spun and there were specific sections that were cut out.
Now I was showing, the baby bump sitting low on my waist, and I was hiding. Because worse than Zander never speaking up was that he also wasn’t speaking to me. Our baby was due in the next few weeks and all my attempts to speak to him, to let him know about his impending fatherhood, had not been acknowledged. I talk to his secretary more than anyone, but I refuse to tell anyone else until I can tell Zander. He deserves to know, even though things didn’t work out between us. I sent emails, they went unanswered, I tried calling and was told he would call me back, I sent him a sonogram picture and a letter by express mail, and didn’t hear a word. It hurt. I was trying really hard not to make this about him and me and our relationship. This was about our child, and I tried. I even tried to tell him in person.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Ocean asks from next to me in the car. We’re parked down the road outside of Zander’s home, and as much as its killing me, I know I have to. After coming to the realization in Aruba that my period was late, the girls took me back to the pharmacy and we grabbed a few pregnancy tests. All of them were positive. I cried for three days straight, and on the fifth day Onyx made us come back to the U.S. Jade and Ocean swore they would keep my secret. I wanted Zander to know before I told anyone else. He’d already missed me finding out. I was scared. I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it. I had been on the pill, and getting pregnant on those is almost impossible. Given the timing, and now the internal investigation, I wasn’t sure he would believe me, but I had to try.
“He needs to know,” I whisper, my eyes never leaving the front door.
Ocean sighs, but she nods in agreement. I know she thinks I’m being too lenient on Zander right now, and maybe she’s right. There isn’t a book on how to do this though. I feel like anything I do in regards to Zander is wrong. Taking a deep breath, I grab the handle and move to get out of the car to knock on his front door. At the same time, car lights hit the building and a car pulls up in front of the house. I pause and watch, my heart sinking when I see Carrigan get out of the backseat. Zander follows a few seconds later, and I watch in horror as he leans on her, and they walk to the door. They exchange a few words but soon Carrigan opens the door and they both go inside. His driver leaves a minute later.
“Yeah, screw him,” Ocean hisses between her teeth and starts the car. I can’t move. I can’t talk. The pain is nothing like I’ve ever felt before, amplified by the past year and all our memories. I love him. I gave him my heart and soul. I let him back in, and all it took was a lie and Carrigan to end everything.
I’m so out of it I don’t even realize that Ocean has driven us back to her landing strip and private jet. “What are we doing? We can’t leave again.”
“Correction, Jade and I can’t leave again. Well Jade really can’t, Onyx will probably chain her to a bed. I’m staying because Jade needs me, and we have to get this concert and tour underway. You can leave,” Ocean looks at me pointedly and I really want to argue.
“I should be here to help with things.”
Ocean shakes her head, her wavy hair swinging with the movement, “You need to take care of you and the baby. We can handle things here. Plus there’s Zoom and FaceTime. We can make things work and you can do business over the phone. Everyone will understand that you needed to leave.”
She makes sense and I really hate that I want to go. It feels like running. I’m scared to leave on this note when the media is a circus, but Ocean is right. I need to protect the baby. I don’t want Zander to find out from a tabloid story. I can’t be here though either while my heart is dying inside me.
“Okay,” I tell her. When I turn in my seat she wraps her arms around me.
“James will bring you to New Zealand. If you ever need to get back, or need anything at all, tell me, okay,” she instructs me and I nod my head, too choked up to speak. I know if I even look at Ocean right now I’ll start crying.
Eventually, I pull away and manage to get my bag and purse. My legs shake the entire walk across the tarmac to the waiting plane. James greets me with a sad smile, and I crumble. Tears streaming down my face, I turn and wave at Ocean before taking refuge in the private plane that will whisk me off to safety. On autopilot, I send a quick text to York letting him know I’m leaving too. I promise myself I’ll use the flight to breakdown. When I get back to New Zealand, I’ll put on my game face, and tackle everything I left unfinished.
Since I landed in New Zealand, I’ve been working behind a camera, and keeping myself occupied at Rosen Records. I use back exits and avoid the media. I don’t want my baby-bump revealed, especially with the headlines that have been circulating. I’ve been keeping a low profile, and doing anything and everything just to keep going.
My phone rings, and I quickly wipe my cheeks and clear my throat. It’s York, and I know my brother will be able to tell if something is wrong. We’ve become closer since the investigation started. He’s been my rock with the reporters and tabloids. York even went as far as to help me when one of our huge sponsors pulled out. Everything was a nightmare, and I felt like I was letting my clients down. York and Onyx were able to fix it though.
“Hey York, “I answer his call and try and make myself sound cheerful.
“Hey, Mia,” He replies, and I can hear the tiredness in his voice, “Sorry its late, but I wanted to call and give you the news.” I hold my breath, contemplating if I want to know or not.
“And?”
“And of course they found nothing. Turns out, Lacy and Carrigan worked it all out together. They found the phones and texts, and also the stationary. Lacy had found my copy of our agreement with your letterhead. She ordered the same to match yours. It’s a mess, and I’m glad its fucking over. I finally have my office back without a bunch of suits in and out of here all day. Zander is a fucking idiot.”
“Who’s Lacy?” I ask, trying to follow the tirade he’s on. I’m not ready to talk about Zander with him.
“Lacy, my previous secretary. The one who I let go right before Zander let Katie come over. She was responsible for the Dominion fiasco,” York explains, and my memory jogs. I swear baby-brain is a real thing these days.
“Oh, that’s right,” I mumble, “Sorry, I–these past few months have been a blur.”
York sighs into the phone and I can just imagine him at his desk, fingers steepled, a look of absolute concentration on his face. He’s worried about me, I can hear it in his voice over the phone, “Do you still want me to come visit for Christmas?”
“Can you?” I ask, hating that my voice sounds so small. I wrap my arm around my belly. The baby should be here by Christmas. It takes everything in me not to break down over the phone and let my brother fight for me. I don’t know why I feel like I owe Zander so much, but I do not want anyone else knowing before him. Foolishly, I keep hoping he’ll call me back and be excited.
“I should be able to. I have a meeting with him tomorrow,” York is quiet for a second, “I’m not ending the mergers we already have, but I am ending our future partnership deal.”
“Are you sure?” This time I’m the one checking my tone, “You guys waited a long time to make this happen. It was your dream.”
“He had an internal investigation done on me,” York chuckles, “He can wallow in the past all he wants. We’ve both done things to make it better, but he keeps reverting. Plus, he hurt you. After the last time, and the damage we caused…I never want to hurt you again. You’re my sister and I love you,”
I don’t know what to say, or how to answer. Somehow I feel as though this is all my fault. I should have been stronger against Zander in the beginning, then everything would have stayed the same. A tear rolls down my cheek and lands on the top of my swelling stomach. I instantly regret the thoughts. Being without Zander is painful. The journey was beautiful, and in the end I’m getting a precious gift. Even if Zander won’t be a part of our lives.
“York, I’ll support you with whatever you want to do,” I tell him, letting the warmth in my chest from thinking of my big brother sink into my voice, “I did move though, so remind me to send you the new address.”
“I will,” York laughs, “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”
“See you soon,” I respond and hang up first.
My office feels empty suddenly. Will my life always be this way? Will I always be waiting on a man who says he loves me and hurts me at the same time? Everything is changing, and I’m unprepared. Anger builds in my chest thinking about how I will be doing this on my own. About all the nights I’ve made it through so far. Another part of my heart hardens towards Zander, and this time I’m not sure it can ever be undone.