First Love, Take Two

I’d taken a cab to the hospital, leaving a message for Daniel in hopes that my departure wouldn’t interfere with the importance of tonight and what he needed to get done. I would explain to him later.

The messages had initially poured in with concern, my parents asking how I was and checking in, since I hadn’t attended mandir. I’d listened to those early ones before.

Over the course of today, they’d turned into slashes of disappointment about my interactions with my fois, tempered with pleas regarding my decision to leave Yuvan.

To add to how pissed off our parents were, Yuvan had seen me having coffee dates with Daniel. Had he told my parents?

Damage control. I could repair this. I had to. Maybe things wouldn’t be spiraling out of control had I just had the conversation with my parents and been woman enough to talk to everyone with clear intentions. Not grappling in the aftermath. I’d wanted to believe that there was too much going on at once: job interviews, apartment hunting, presentations, work, gala, anxiety, depression. And maybe that was true. But the fact remained that I was making the same mistake twice by allowing excuses to hinder communication.

I cursed my gown when I crawled out of the cab and hurried through the hospital. Mummie was in room 436 in the labyrinth of a medical floor.

Someone walked out of her room, closing the door behind him, and dropped his head to read his phone.

“Yuvan?”

“Preeti,” he nearly shouted and came for me, arms wide before I staggered away.

I muttered, “Oh, no.”

“Right. No touching. You look…amazing,” he said, sounding confused, maybe at my attire or maybe at having thrown a compliment at a time like this.

“What the hell?”

“What?”

I seethed, not at all expecting to see him, “What are you doing here?”

“Your parents are supposed to be my future in-laws. Of course we’re going to be here for them.”

“Were,” I corrected, walking past him.

When I opened the door to my mom’s little hospital room, I didn’t expect to find Yuvan’s parents, too. Or a collective gasp at my appearance. I saw it in their eyes, accusations of me running around partying and having the time of my secret life with another man while my mother suffered. Not to worry…the loathing was mutual. I hated myself for it, too.

Papa lifted his arm for me to go to him. I immediately attached myself to his side and hugged him, my hand reaching out to hold Mummie’s where she lay in bed.

“What happened?” I said, kissing her forehead.

“You happened,” Yuvan’s mother replied from across the bed, looking pissed.

“Ma,” Yuvan rebuked, but neither of his parents was having it.

“Can you excuse us?” I asked as politely as possible, but with severe annoyance.

“Don’t be rude, beta,” Papa said softly.

“I’m not. It’s okay to ask people to leave the room. We need privacy,” I calmly replied.

“We’re staying,” Yuvan’s mother said.

“This is my mom. I’m asking you to give us a minute.”

“You want a minute now? Who do you think has been sitting with her all evening in the hospital? Where have you been?”

“Ma, stop,” Yuvan said and gently ushered his parents out, despite their arguments to stay.

I sat on Mummie’s bed, my shoulders slumping and curling over her. “I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.

“Beta, for what?” she asked, running her hand over my head.

“What I did. I messed everything up again. I kept it from you. Everyone else knew before I came to you.” I hiccupped, remembering how, last time, I had avoided my parents instead of talking with them, instead of supporting them and allowing them to support me, instead of sticking to their side and creating a unified front. Maybe if I’d done that, then we could’ve withstood the storm and Mummie would’ve never been hospitalized. I should’ve been stronger before, proactive, instead of allowing anyone else to fracture us.

She sat up in bed and I adjusted her pillows, raised the top portion of her bed so she could lean back.

“I’ve never said this before, beta, but I’m disappointed in you.”

I clenched my eyes, holding back tears, and nodded.

“I’m disappointed that you didn’t tell me what you were feeling, that you had doubts about marrying Yuvan, that you broke off the relationship, that you were still in love with Daniel, that you’ve been seeing him. I’m disappointed that you didn’t talk to us but avoided us. We’re the last people in the world who you should feel that you can’t turn to. I had to hear the truth, again, from someone else. And if they know, everyone knows.”

“I’m sorry I did this to you.”

“What are you doing with your life?” she asked, rubbing my head.

“I don’t know. I thought I knew. Do you hate me?” I mumbled.

She tsked. “No. Never, beta, never.”

A few minutes went by as I gathered myself, surprised to look up to see that Mummie was crying. Nothing broke my heart faster than seeing her suffer.

I cleared my throat. “What did the doctor say? Is it like last time I put you in the hospital?”

“Preeti,” she said in a seldom-used commanding tone. “You did not hospitalize me last time or this time.”

“Yes, I did. It was because of me being with Daniel.”

“It was because of others. You’ve always done good things.”

I shook my head. That was hard to believe when Mummie was sickly and pale in a hospital gown with tubes poking into her.

Yuvan knocked and popped his head in. “Your fois are on their way up.”

“What? Why are they here?” I demanded.

“Beta, they’re my sisters,” Papa said.

It took everything inside me not to lose my temper. “They’re conniving little witches who tormented you and Mummie. I’m not allowing them inside.”

“Don’t argue. It’s extremely rude to prevent them from coming,” Mummie said, despite all they’d done to her. “You must always respect your elders, and sometimes that means holding your tongue.”

I let out a rough sigh and excused myself. I wouldn’t be able to hold my tongue around them. In the hallway, I had no choice but to wait with Yuvan as his parents walked back inside, his mother giving me that sharp look.

“Your mom hates me,” I muttered, although who could blame her?

“She’s upset,” he replied.

“You’re not?”

“I am, but I’m not going to lash out.”

“You’re too calm.”

“You just need extra time to get over Daniel, but does that mean you never will? Does that mean you should put your life on hold or end what we could have? You have to move forward, and I’ll be there. What you feel for him will fade as you find happiness with me.”

Did he seriously want us to work out? Did he seriously think that I could force myself to get over Daniel like it was a matter of choice?

Yuvan looked past me and I expected my fois to parade around the corner as if they gave a crap. Daniel was the last person I expected to see.

There was no ignoring or missing Daniel Thompson. Not with that tall, wide frame, that commanding posture. Definitely not in a tux.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him, his long, fast strides bringing him into my space in a matter of seconds. The tendrils of anxiety rose up behind me in a near physical, overpowering entity, growing larger and harsher.

He barely looked at Yuvan, his concern only for me. “Liya texted me. Are you all right?”

“An emergency with my mom. It’s happening again,” I replied, my words rotten little bites on my tongue. I avoided thinking about what his father had said, what Daniel had decided.

“Then let me be here for you. It doesn’t have to be like last time,” he implored, taking my hands into his.

Yuvan watched from my side in a bitter silence. Because one, it was obvious Daniel and I had been at the same fancy-shmancy party. Two, Daniel was touching me and I didn’t abhor it. And three, there was obviously no comparison between the two of them. Daniel would take the cake every single time.

A small horde of relatives rounded the corner from the elevators. Clucking tongues wagged. We were hard to miss in these glimmering outfits.

Had the gala mishap and my relatives’ arrival not happened, I would’ve been moved to tears by Daniel showing up. But the facehugger came from behind. It punctured my thoughts from the back of my skull, inciting a throbbing headache.

Realization crested on Daniel’s features, maybe not of everything that was happening in that secluded, closed-off room behind me, but definitely of the thing that was perceptible only to him. The torment no one else saw. The anguish most people would never know.

He kept a soft hold on my hand. “Breathe. Don’t go there. Stay with me, Preeti.”

“You should leave, but she needs to be here,” Yuvan told Daniel.

That wasn’t what Daniel meant at all.

Daniel ignored him, never losing his calm or his concentration on me, and said, “I see it on your face. Don’t let go, okay? Just…we’ll discuss whatever we need to discuss, but right now? Stay focused, calm.”

“Did you come to save me?” I asked.

He leaned down to meet my gaze. “I will always come to save you.”

The fois were tsking and glaring and openly muttering about my filth, about Daniel, in front of me, directing pity at Yuvan, taking my elbow and pulling me away from Daniel, telling him that he needed to go, igniting his concern and anger, evoking my rage. All in a blur of movement.

I released his hands, my face hardening. “It’s time I saved myself.”

I had never seen red, but I was about to. The hallway spun and I let them drag me into the room, leaving my lifeline to sanity in the hallway. Yuvan followed and closed the door.

I spun to face the accusatory, staggering stares as my fois went into a spiel, demanding to know why Daniel was here when they should’ve inquired about my mom’s health, or at least greeted literally anyone else.

“Sharam nathi?” Kanti Foi hissed with an aggravated hand gesture as if I couldn’t get common sense into my brain.

“What’s going on?” Papa asked.

“That man is here,” she snapped, as if Daniel’s presence caused her personal harm. “What is he doing here? Weren’t you shamed enough when we discovered you two before? Yuvan…you cannot marry someone as wretched as my niece.” She turned to his parents and pleaded, “What a mistake it would be. I kept my mouth closed to be polite, but she has a history of being with men, American men. She is an immoral girl, sullied by another, and still prancing around with him. The indecency.”

Yuvan stepped between me and his parents, surprising us all with his next words. “We are not going there.” Then he said to my fois, “Whatever you misunderstood is between us, not you.”

“Beta!” his mom chastised.

“No. This is not what we’re doing, not here, not right now,” he responded, his voice low and even, yet irate.

“Were you with him? Dressed like this?” Jiya Foi jumped in, dismissing Yuvan. “Running around with him? While this poor boy is waiting for you? While your mother is—”

“Don’t talk about my mother,” I growled. That red lurking in my peripheral vision? It came rushing toward me, an undertow of rage and anxiety mixing into one hideous conglomerate of a monster. The facehugger was like an annoying cockroach in comparison, and this evolving anxiety monster was tearing through my medication like an alien emerging from its pod.

“Beta…” Papa scolded, but I wasn’t hearing it.

“Why are you here?” I demanded, stepping around Yuvan. “I told you many times, and actually not very long ago, to stay away from my parents.”

“Preeti, you should calm down,” Yuvan whispered to me. “They’re your elders.”

I shook my head. “Mm-mm…Nope. This is where you’re all wrong. We can’t let crap like this slide just because they’re older. Everyone has to evolve; they have to deal with their consequences.”

“Preeti. You need to sit down and be quiet now,” Kanti Foi said.

“No. This time, you’re going to listen and learn and then you get out and don’t come near my parents again.”

She gasped, stunned, playing up her offended nature like a master thespian.

“You are the vilest women I’ve ever encountered. I used to look up to you, used to be so happy when you came around. But I was blind. You’ve spent your entire lives tearing down my dad, and spend your energy trying to ruin my mom. You’ve dragged them for so long and so far, hoping they’d be miserable, hoping people would believe your pathetic lies and turn on them. Telling every auntie and uncle that my parents were horrible people and raised a slut. Guess what? You never broke us, and you never will.”

My voice rose, heated. “Take a step back and realize that everyone sees the monstrosity of your ugliness. Everyone rolls their eyes when you open your mouth. Everyone talks about you behind your back when you act so pious. And before you come in here and point fingers at me without knowing anything, remember that the God you worship so hard watches everything you do. Say what you will here, but remember, one day it’s going to be you and Him and you cannot manipulate or lie your way out of that conversation. And yes! I had a relationship with Daniel! Yes! I had sex with him! Don’t talk about him again.”

“You’re defending him?” Jiya Foi pointed at me. “You bring shame to our entire family, you selfish child!”

“Because I had sex with a man I was in love with for years? For being in a healthy, loving relationship with a man who respected me and my family? With someone who treated me like a queen, better than you’ve ever been treated? Before you say anything, what do you think your daughter does when she goes on vacations and work trips with her fiancé?”

“Don’t you dare talk ill of my daughter!” Kanti Foi yelled.

“Why? Because you can talk nonsense about me and be a hypocrite over her? Everyone knows they’ve been having sex since high school. I’ve caught her! My dad has overheard her! But guess what? We’re not heartless, cruel people to slander her and tear her apart and tell everyone. My dad told you discreetly and you turned it around on him. No, what you really have an issue with is Daniel being Black.”

“It’s not right,” she snapped. “What you do reflects on all of us.”

“It’s called racism. You are a racist. You are a hypocritical, defaming, racist liar. You are everything my parents are not. Are your shoulders not burdened by the amount of sins you’ve amassed? You come in here because you saw Daniel outside and run your petty mouths. You haven’t said hello to anyone. You haven’t asked my mom how she is. You didn’t come here to make sure she was okay. You came here for lip service and to drag her again.”

I clenched my fists so hard that my nails nearly broke skin. Red inundated my vision. My breathing was fast, hard, sharp. “You almost killed her last time. You will not get near her again. You won’t break us, but you will get out.”

Kanti Foi looked to Papa with crocodile tears streaming down her face. Yuvan and his parents stood against the wall in shock.

I didn’t care if I razed every rule of etiquette to the ground, or if ashes of charred relationships floated around us. There were more important things than being polite and respectful of my elders.

This was okay.

Everything would be okay.

“You’re going to let her talk to us like that?” Kanti Foi demanded of her younger brother.

I clasped my hands together and bowed my head to my parents, tears fighting their way to my eyes. “I’m sorry, Papa and Mummie. Please forgive me for losing my temper. But I care more for you and protecting you than about etiquette. The only thing I regret is not saying this six years ago.”

“But you’ve said this often to my sisters since, haven’t you?” Papa asked.

I swallowed hard and nodded. I’d stood up to my aunts countless times without my parents knowing. Of course, my aunts had probably complained to them, but my parents never told me, never scolded me.

The quiet and stillness in the room was thick enough to slice with a knife. Mummie gripped Papa’s hand. He reached out with his other hand and took mine.

He said to his sisters, “I guess we’re too meek to say such things because we want to keep the peace, despite how often you try to destroy it. But you toy with us like it’s a game. I’m supposed to protect my wife and child first. I’ve failed at that, haven’t I?”

Tears flooded down my cheeks. I never meant for him to feel bad, never implied that he hadn’t protected us.

He brought me into his chest and I managed not to bawl my sore little eyes out.

“I suppose we start now,” he told the fois in a hard tone. “Don’t go after my wife or my daughter again. Get out.”

I let out a trembling breath, the tentacles of anxiety and rage retreating the tiniest bit. I hugged Papa, then marched to the door, swinging it open, my glare hot. My aunts stormed out, revolted, chins high in the air, with looks that could kill. I shoved the door after them, but the hospital rooms had door-closing mechanisms that prevented slamming. It smoothly, quietly closed.

Whatever.

My stare washed over Yuvan’s parents, whose stunned expressions hadn’t worn off, and landed on my mom.

“Are you all right, Mummie?” I asked, rushing to her side. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She nodded as I wiped her tears. We held each other in silence.

A minute later, the doctor knocked and entered, giving us a moment for Yuvan to take his parents out and clear the room.

The doctor spoke to my parents with a tablet in hand. “According to your records, Mrs. Patel, you’re a fairly healthy woman. When we saw you six years ago, you’d had a minor heart attack from stress. This time, it was an anxiety attack. Not as serious as last time, but certainly something we need to keep on top of. I’m prescribing some medications to control the symptoms. Take this medicine to help you relax and sleep tonight.”

He held up one packet of meds, then another, explaining, “This one for blood pressure, which you’ll need to take regularly until your primary care physician says otherwise, and this one for anxiety to take now and tomorrow and when you feel another attack coming on. These are a few to hold you over tonight and tomorrow until you can pick up the prescriptions from your pharmacy. As always, check in with your primary care physician. We’re getting discharge papers ready.”

“Thank you,” I told him as he nodded and walked out. “That means we can go home now,” I told Mummie.

“Anxiety?” Papa asked when the doctor left. “Such an awful thing to have.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Mummie muttered as he helped her change.

My hands clenched and unclenched at my sides. It was time to give up the stigma. It was time to own up to our health issues and take care of ourselves, because the lord knew no one else was going to do it for us.

I squeezed her hands. “This isn’t something to be embarrassed about, Mummie.”

“No one must know that I have something wrong with my brain.”

I shook my head. “Don’t think that. It’s okay. We’ll make an appointment with our doctors and get the right medicine. It’s better to take care of ourselves than ignore a problem because we’re embarrassed or think it makes us less. Who decided these things were shameful?”

“What do you mean our doctors?”

I gave her a reassuring smile. “We have a lot to talk about. I’ll even sit with you during a therapy session if you want…the way Daniel sat with me.” Daniel being there for me had alleviated a lot of stress, and I could do that for my mom.

She furrowed her brows as realization dawned on her.

“I’ll let you get dressed. I’ll be right back,” I told her.

“Pree? Are you all right?” Daniel asked as soon as I stepped into the hallway. His hand ran down my arm to take my fingers.

I wanted nothing more than to be held by him, but I pulled back, my brain still incredibly, irritatingly full from tonight. “You should return to the gala and get what you need done.”

“You know that’s not what’s important for me right now. Don’t push me away.”

I bit my lip. “I need time, and I need to take care of my mom.”

The movement of his throat as he swallowed, the flare of his nostrils, the look of panic in his eyes, the shifting of his feet. I’d only ever seen Daniel as strong, intelligent, a man who knew what he wanted, calculated. Right now? I’d never thought desperation was a thing he knew about.

“All right,” he finally said and stepped back. “But I’m here, okay?”

“I may need time, but I’m not going to run.”

Papa opened the door behind me. “Daniel?”

“Mr. Patel. Hi. I hope things are all right. How is Mrs. Patel?” Daniel asked.

“She’ll be okay,” Papa replied. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on Preeti and Mrs. Patel. Is there anything I can do?”

Papa gave me a curious look. “Would you like to see her?”

“Papa,” I objected.

“I would love to,” Daniel said, “but not at the expense of furthering her stress or bothering you or Preeti.”

Papa said to me, “Beta. Can you get the paperwork and ask the nurse to send the prescription to the pharmacy near the house instead of the usual one at the grocery store? That way I can pick it up in a quick trip in the morning.”

“Of course,” I replied.

“And a wheelchair. We’re almost ready to go.”

“Okay.” I walked toward the nurses’ station and frowned at Daniel, who walked into the room with Papa.