First Love, Take Two

Giving Daniel space wasn’t easy. Not calling, not running after him, and checking my phone every five minutes for a text that never came. I put my frantic energy toward my presentation. Evening came. I typed and erased a dozen text messages. In the end, the only text I’d sent was to Brandy to decline her offer to go to church.

I went to bed around midnight, exhausted and depressed, but now I had medication in addition to my calming app. The Alien facehugger tried its hardest to attach itself, but I fought it and made it through the night, waking up every hour, my hand blindly searching the bed for Daniel.

It seemed that he’d slept on the couch.

The covers were pulled to my chin, my back to the door, when Daniel knocked and called out, “I’m opening the door. I need to get my suit.”

I ignored him and glared at the filtered light seeping in through the closed blinds. It was easily seven in the morning, which meant I’d lazily stayed in bed way past my preferred wake-up time. I was curled into a fetal position, knowing that my cramps were at their apex and Crampus had fully descended.

Daniel had woken up before I had. While I’d only checked off my starting day on my period app, he’d showered and made breakfast. And what was I doing? Holding in my pee and my period.

While Daniel was in the walk-in closet taking his sweet time and humming a tune like he wasn’t pissed at me, I went to the bathroom.

I got my day going, starting with a tampon and ibuprofen.

When I opened the bathroom door, my stoic face on, my intention to look unaffected went out the door when Brandy looked up from the living room chair and gave me a sly smile.

“Uh…hi, Brandy,” I managed to say through my surprise.

Daniel was standing beside the couch. He looked over his shoulder at me and groaned.

“What are you doing here, Preeti?” she asked in a singsong voice.

“Woman, I already told you that Preeti was living here,” Daniel said.

I glared at him, but Daniel simply explained, “Brandy the super-sleuth was here the other night for the game and figured it out.”

“How?” I asked.

Brandy clucked her tongue. “Girl, please. Plain as day that a woman is living here, and almost as obvious that it’s you. Raspberry Rain shaving cream and pink razors. Women’s gummy vitamins. An opened box of tampons. A stethoscope.”

“Not to mention Brandy and Liya were in on this together,” Daniel said.

“Yeah, yeah. That too. So. Are y’all…seeing each other again?”

“Definitely not back together, nor will we ever be,” he told her without another glance at me as he fixed his tie. “Let’s go.”

Ouch. But I deserved that. And he was right. My actions had made sure of it.

“Wait a minute.” She rose slowly with that ethereal grace she’d always possessed. Brandy Thompson had high-class style and always dressed to impress. For her church outing, she wore a sleeveless white silk blouse tucked into a crimson knee-length pencil skirt. Her matching red high-heeled shoes, or as I liked to call them, devil hooves, were in the foyer. She wore strands of pearls around her neck and wrist, paired perfectly with the pearl-white clutch on the chair arm.

Brandy twisted her ruby-stained lips. “You’re living together and not talking? Not feeling anything?”

“I am feeling something right now,” Daniel muttered. “How is it that my sister is still friends and hanging out with my ex, along with my grandparents, unbeknownst to me? Huh?”

That was a valid question. I often wondered why Brandy and her grandparents had been so nice to me after I’d broken the heart of their family favorite. I’d figured they’d hate me, or at the least want to keep their distance, expecting Daniel to move on with a new woman.

“I didn’t take sides.”

“Not even with all—” He stopped himself and took a breath. “Never mind. I’m here for another week or so, until my place is done. It’s going to be ready early.”

Our already borrowed time was going to be cut even shorter. Both relief and sadness trickled through me.

“Just don’t tell anyone about this, Brandy,” I pleaded. “No one has to know except us. The last thing we want is drama.”

“Or gossip. Wouldn’t want that,” Daniel added dryly, his tie now perfected as he slipped on his vest. His three-piece suit was tailored and fitted in all the right places. Not baggy, not tight. The charcoal color paired with his dark gray tie with tiny white dots over a textured red-and-gray shirt.

“Of course not,” Brandy conceded. “Why aren’t you dressed?”

I glanced down at my pajamas, the nonsexy sweatpants variety. “I’m not going. Didn’t you get my text last night?”

Brandy sauntered around the couch, took my elbow, and guided me into the bedroom, then sifted through my closet. “I see my brother’s best suits are in here…”

The sound of clothes hangers clanking against one another filled the void as Daniel’s shadow paced the living room.

“I’m one hundred percent sure Daniel would be upset having me at church, much less at your grandparents’ place,” I said as I made the bed and sat on the edge.

“He’ll get over it.”

“Why are we still friends?” I inquired.

“Are you kidding me? We were friends before you dated Daniel. Just because there’s a rough patch in a relationship doesn’t mean it should burn to ashes. You’re a good friend and remarkable person. I don’t understand why you never told me the real reason y’all broke up, but I’m not entitled to everything and your relationship with my brother isn’t my business. Do I wish that you two stayed together? Yes. You made a great couple, and my grandparents wish the same.”

“Just not your parents.”

She waved them off. “They, like all parents, have certain expectations. My parents are especially detailed in what they want, but who is the perfect child? No one. Despite my brother’s education, network, respect, community work, earnings, and so forth, they still expect more. They say it’s to give us a high mark to aim for in order to live our best lives. As kids, you know, we feel like we fail miserably when we don’t meet the mark, when in reality, we’re pretty damn amazing.”

“I do want to see your grandparents, but I don’t want to step on Daniel’s toes.”

She pulled out one of two dresses that I owned. It was more of a springtime dress, meant for office get-togethers. Brandy laid it on the bed beside me with a cardigan and flats. “Ever notice that sometimes it’s just fun to annoy him?”

“He’s mad at me,” I confessed.

“What now?”

“I told him why I broke up with him.”

She stood back. “Inquiring minds want to know. You two were so in love.”

“It had just gotten out of hand in my family.”

“Because he’s Black?” she asked tersely.

I blew out a breath and nodded. “I could deal with it, but my parents were destroyed by how my aunts tore them apart. My mom was hospitalized and I thought…she would die. Because of me. In some illogical, extreme, warped panic, I really thought it could happen. And how could I put Daniel through all the racism? He doesn’t deserve it. So I had to let him go to protect him and my parents.”

I’d rarely seen Brandy look as shocked and concerned as she did when she sat beside me. “Preeti. Oh my god, that is absolutely awful. I had no idea. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I don’t know. It’s difficult for me to express my thoughts. I kept it to myself. Only a few people knew about my mom. And the rest? Saying it aloud, especially now, it didn’t seem like a good enough reason. But I was deathly afraid of what could’ve happened to my mom if I didn’t leave Daniel behind.”

She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. “Honey, that wasn’t on you. That’s blood guilt on your aunts.”

I stared at the partially open bedroom door. I couldn’t see Daniel, but he was still out there. “The truth is, I’m a coward, and Daniel deserves better.”

Brandy rose to her feet and pulled me up with her. “Now you have to come.”

“Did you, uh, not hear a word I said?”

“Woman, I heard. You shouldn’t be alone all day. Look at you. Besides, nothing like Grandma’s pies to soothe your feels.”

“I barely finished the last pie.” I patted my stomach.

“What else are you going to do? Mope all day because y’all finally had the fight? That fight should’ve happened long ago. It’s time to move forward.”

“But my period literally just started half an hour ago. Crampus is upon me.”

She snickered. “You better shut up with that. Now you really need good food and something to get you out of your head. Pack your tampons and let’s go already.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered, but I got ready for church, much to Daniel’s annoyance. Well, shoot. Crampus had alighted, igniting my hormones, so I was just as annoyed.

I started with the sexy Parisian underwear set because I needed to feel less miserable, and for some reason fancy underwear did the trick. It felt nice and cool against my irritated skin, as if telling Crampus to shove it. I wore what Brandy had picked out and ended with light makeup and hair down. Then I added the Parisian scarf, tied fashionably by Brandy because of course she knew how to wear a scarf.

Daniel, neither happy about me coming nor willing to wait for me to get ready, took his own car.

I rode with Brandy in her very sleek dark Lexus SUV. The car’s leather interior and heated seats were so comfy, I could’ve fallen asleep. The drive was smooth and quiet and I absolutely understood why driving around lulled babies to sleep.

“It’s not weird, right?” I asked nervously when we pulled into a large, packed parking lot in front of a grand two-story church with a towering steeple, surrounded by manicured lawns and winter-bitten magnolia trees.

We were running behind, thanks to me, and quickened our steps to get inside. But there was no hurrying past people when you were a Thompson. Everyone and their mama stopped Brandy to say hello and ask about Jackson and something about a gala, which, in turn, was her cue to introduce me.

The churchgoers offered a warm, vibrant welcome with so many handshakes. “Elbow bump?” I offered awkwardly. Ugh. Who said that? Apparently, people with touch aversion did.

“All right now,” most said and agreed with a laugh, bumping elbows with mine like it was a dance.

“What is this newfangled greeting?” someone asked as Grandpa Thompson cut through the crowds at the entrance to the seating area, decked out in his finest dark gray suit with hat. “Elbow bumps replaced fist bumps?”

“Elbow bumps replaced handshakes for me years ago,” I explained as Grandpa Thompson chuckled and drew me in for a big ol’ hug. He was like a teddy bear. Next came Grandma Thompson with eyes full of happiness. She gave me a hug, rocking back and forth.

She stepped back and studied me. “My, my. Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes, baby girl.”

“I think you mean Dr. Baby Girl,” Grandpa Thompson said.

In the next second, she was stopping everyone to introduce them to the doctor. Leave it to Brandy’s grandparents to shower me with love and the sort of pride rivaled only by my parents. My cheeks hurt from grinning, but these minutes leading up to the start of church were exactly what the doctor ordered—joy. There was a sort of intense, grateful energy percolating in the air, loud and joyous singing and laughter to come if the pastor was as engaging and energetic as the last time I’d been here, years ago.

“Oh, lord, Grandma…” Brandy intervened. “You’re one step away from introducing my friend as the doctor in the family.”

Grandma Thompson waved off the remark. “She should’ve been the doctor in the family,” she mumbled, but I caught every syllable.

With so many finely dressed people, it was safe to expect the onslaught of perfumes and colognes tangling in the air. Alas, the ibuprofen hadn’t fully set in and my cramps were power-kicking my uterus to death.

“I should sit down,” I told Brandy, suddenly very aware of exactly how large and touchy-feely this crowd had become. There were easily three hundred people, all chatting and laughing, hugging and shaking hands and bumping shoulders.

“Over here,” she said and guided me away from her grandparents, who continued to eagerly show me off with a wave in my direction.

We spotted Daniel and his parents near the front, but before Brandy made a move for them, I clutched her arm. “Oh, no. I’m not sitting up there.”

“We always sit up front.”

“That’s okay. You can sit with your family, no worries. I’ll sit in the back.”

“That would be rude of me. I brought you here; I’m not going to let you sit by yourself.”

Up ahead, near the front pews, Daniel mixed into the crowd seamlessly, but when he moved, there was no denying where Daniel Thompson stood. Suddenly, everyone else became muted. All others blurred into endless brushstrokes of color and there was only him.

“Look at him any harder and you might actually pop a blood vessel in your head,” Brandy whispered as she shimmied down an aisle not exactly in the back, but nowhere near the front, either.

Alisha Peterson was also hard to miss. She cut through the throngs to get to Daniel, nodding and smiling and greeting everyone on the way. Even his friends opened the circle to let her in. She was stunning. Suddenly, I felt so flat-chested and flat-butted and ineloquent and anything but glamorous.

She wore a snug knee-length gold-and-black dress with amazingly tall stilettos. How did she even stand up in those? She might as well have been walking on stilts. Her hair was black blending into brown and ending mid-back in perfect curls. Her jewelry was so bright that the diamonds sparkled even from this far. She stood with shoulders back and chin held just high enough. She was poised and elegant and…everything that Daniel should have. Apparently, he did have her. Because the way she rubbed his back and then leaned in for a cheek kiss and lingering hug was not the way friends did in passing.

I plopped down into my seat, my heart cracking all over the place. My throat was dry and raw, and not just from the chemicals in the air. Whatever good judgment I had told me not to even ask.

But Brandy noticed my stare. “That’s Alisha, if you’re wondering.”

“I remember. She’s gorgeous.”

Brandy flicked a hand in her direction. “I guess. If you like that model look.”

“Do I detect some shade?”

“Eh. She’s nice. I guess she can’t help how she looks, but if I catch Jackson checking out her backside one more time…”

“No!” I whispered. “He doesn’t do that.”

“All men do that.”

I wasn’t going to argue with her in the middle of church, but all men absolutely did not do that. Daniel didn’t. My dad sure didn’t. Yuvan, Rohan, Jay…just to name a few men who didn’t.

Alisha had Daniel’s dad eating out of her hand. Now, that looked like a woman he’d want for his son. Those cracks in my heart deepened. There was nothing as soul-crushing as seeing the love of your life moving on. Before I could think how that should be me beside him, I chastised myself and stopped. He deserved better. And I needed to find happiness and forgiveness in myself.

“What’s the deal with her and Daniel?” I asked nonchalantly. Oh my lord. Who was I kidding! I needed the details.

“Alisha is touted as this brilliant businesswoman, and you know about our architecture firm? She was at Harvard right as Daniel was graduating. Her dad and my dad think it would be phenomenal if she and Daniel got married so that they could merge empires.”

Those cracks in my heart? They exploded. One. By. One.

“Daniel is set to take over the firm and she would be great to assist on the business side. Alisha comes from money, too. Her mom and my mom are on the board for the organization that Grandma cofounded. Our families grew up together.”

I gasped for air as subtly as possible while my vision grew blurry behind tears, watching Daniel’s dad give Alisha a side hug the way fathers often did with their daughters. He must’ve thought of her as a daughter by now, having been that close to her family for so long. One didn’t get more “in” than interwoven boards of directors and childhood friends.

“Dad is really pushing for them to get married,” Brandy ended quietly, watching me from the corner of her eye.

“Oh,” I breathed out. “That’s lovely. She seems like the perfect match for Daniel and your family.”

“If you sounded any less happy, you’d pass for a robot.”

I shrugged. “It’s best. Right? Your parents seem to love her. She fits right in.”

“I just believe there’s more than logistics and logic when you start thinking about someone as a spouse, you know? There has to be emotion, connection.”

“Daniel’s not into her?” Hadn’t he been on dinner dates with her recently?

“They’re friends. There’s only one person he’s ever loved. And it’s not Alisha Peterson.”

Daniel and his parents took their seats near the front, on the right side of the aisle, whereas Alisha sat to the left. He gave a short wave to someone down the row and happened to glance back. He caught me staring, but I couldn’t look away, couldn’t even blink. The funny thing? He seemed stuck, too. Like it took a great deal of effort for him to break his gaze until the service started.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and tore my gaze away from Daniel and his apparent intended, my body numb and my head dizzy. I wanted to leave and drown my heartache in ice cream. Maybe try the new seasonal flavor from Blue Bell.

This was for the best. It really was. He would do better with someone who could keep up with him, who wouldn’t disappoint him.

So, then…why did those exploding cracks in my heart fully detonate?