SWNOVELS Finn Rhodes Forever: Chapter 43
“EVELYN! COME ON,” my mom called down the beach and Evelyn barreled toward us on the sand, drool flying and slinging over her snout, jowls flapping. She galloped past us and did a loop on the beach before splashing through the sparkling water. The sun was out, warming my skin, and the sand was soft under my bare feet. A light breeze drifted in off the water and I inhaled the clean air. Surfers lay on their boards in the water, catching waves.
God, it was beautiful here.
I smiled at my parents’ chocolate Lab. “She loves it here.”
My mom laughed as Evelyn ran over for scratches. “She sure does. If I’m ever feeling lazy about taking her out, I remember this is the best part of her day, getting to run around outside. You’re such a good baby,” she cooed, and Evelyn’s tongue hung out the side of her mouth while my mom rubbed the sweet spot behind Evelyn’s ears.
“I want to get a dog.” Finn would love to get one.
My mom glanced up with interest. “Someone to join you on hikes?”
I smiled, imagining a big dog wedged between Finn and me in our tent. “Yeah, that would be nice.”
A weird tension hovered in the air when we didn’t address the other someone who’d been joining me on hikes.
“I heard you had a fun time at Sadie’s baby shower.” Her mouth twisted to the side in a smile.
I huffed a laugh, and heat spread up my neck and cheeks. My god. Everyone in town had been talking about the show, about Finn dancing for me and about us making out in front of everyone. Half the town was there, and the other half had been able to hear the noise from the community center. Miri had posted a picture of us kissing, Finn hovering over me, my hands in his hair, us surrounded by screaming people.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what we did in my apartment after.
“Um, yeah,” I told my mom, turning away to hide my smile. “I did.”
“And the whole getting-him-to-dump-you thing…?”
I chewed my lip, searching for the words.
She sighed. “I knew this would happen.”
Frustration spiked in my blood and my shoulders hitched with tension. I blinked, at a loss for words. Evelyn brought me a stick and I hauled it as far as I could before she raced to retrieve it.
“It’s new,” I said. “We’re figuring it out.”
She made a humming noise, gaze on the beach ahead of us with a wrinkle in her brow. I studied her. My mom had me at twenty, which put her at forty-nine now. Freckles splashed over her nose and cheeks. We had the same nose and face shape.
I didn’t remember much from before Joe came into our lives, but I remember her being stressed. My grandparents were still working when I was born, so they couldn’t take care of me during the day. I remember my mom scrambling for childcare, and occasionally bringing me to work with her, having me sit with crayons at the nurses’ station.
After Joe came into the picture, it was easier. He worked evenings, so he did the school pick-ups and drop-offs when she was at the hospital. Even when she wasn’t working, he was happy to take on just as much parenting. With Joe around, she finally had time for herself.
A memory appeared in my head of a birthday party. I was turning nine or ten, and Finn and I were having a joint party like always. My mom kept glancing at the side of the yard, watching.
I found out later she had been waiting for Cole, but he never showed.
On the beach, she turned to me with a sad, tense expression. “I don’t want you to go through what I did.”
“I won’t.” My throat felt tight, talking about this.
She was quiet as we walked along the beach. It was high tourist season so even on a Monday afternoon, there were people having picnics and kids making sandcastles. Seagulls hopped along, picking at things in the seaweed, and the waves crashed on the shore.
I thought about what Finn told me last month when we were camping, what my mom had said to him about dragging me down.
“He’s not Cole,” I told her quietly.
Our gazes met briefly, hers loaded with worry. She raised her eyebrows.
“Did you ever consider that it’s unfair to compare them?” I continued. “Finn and I aren’t teenagers anymore.” I swallowed, hesitating. I thought about how vehemently he had reassured me that he would never leave me, never leave our kid. “If we had a family, he wouldn’t ditch us the way Cole did.”
My mom swore under her breath. “Are we really talking about you having a baby with this guy?”
Anger rushed through my blood. This guy? “Don’t do that. Say his name,” I spat out.
“Fine. Finn. For real?”
“Yes,” I burst out, surprising myself. “Not today and not even this year but maybe one day. I don’t know.” I tucked my arms around myself as my stomach flopped around, uneasy and uncertain. The words locked up in my throat. “I don’t know anymore. Finn is different now and I might have been wrong. It isn’t fair to judge someone for the dumb shit they did when they were seventeen.”
My mom sighed out at the water, chewing her lip. “This is hard for me.”
“I know.”
Evelyn dropped the stick at my mom’s feet before sitting, waiting, and my mom dipped down and chucked it down the beach. Evelyn took off after it.
“Every cell in my body is screaming at me to protect you,” my mom said, eyes on Evelyn.
“That’s because all you know is the guy who fucked up.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m a grown-up now,” I told her. “I can protect myself.”
She shot me a sad smile, wincing. “I know you can. I’m sorry. It’s my mama bear instincts.”
“I want you to try to like Finn.”
She pressed her mouth into a thin line, and it was like staring into a mirror.
“And I want you to try to forget who he used to be.”
Evelyn dropped the stick at my feet and I threw it for her. She took off, sand spraying behind her.
A few of the knots in my stomach loosened but my pulse picked up at what I was about to say. “I’m going to reach out to Cole.”
“What?” My mom’s jaw dropped. “Are you kidding?”
I shook my head.
“Olivia.” Her expression was a mix of worry, shock, and warning.
I knew what she was thinking. Why on Earth would I try to find the guy who fucked our lives up? The guy who couldn’t be bothered with us? He had let us down. He was supposed to love us and didn’t.
“He’s in the past,” she said, shrugging and shaking her head. “I worry that you’re setting yourself up for disappointment with him.”
I explained what Finn had told me, how he had seen Cole in Whistler, how he’d seemed sad and full of regret.
“I hate this,” my mom said, shaking her head. “I can see how this will go. He’ll be who he’s always been and you’ll be devastated.”
“So maybe I’ll be devastated.” My voice was soft. “I can handle it. I just need to know. What if he needs me to reach out first? He might have no one.”
My heart twisted. I just had to know.
My mom dragged a breath in and let it out on a sigh. “This scares me.”
“I know.”
Her face was etched with worry as her gaze lingered on me. “I’ll give Finn a shot.” Her eyes widened in emphasis. “You’re right.” She nodded to herself. “He was just a kid.”
Warmth squeezed my chest and I smiled at her. “Thank you.”
My heart beat like a drum, slowing only when my mom changed the subject to dispel the tension.
LATE THAT AFTERNOON, I sat at my kitchen table, arms crossed, staring at the Google Maps listing for Wright Handyman Services in Whistler, BC. Anxiety wrenched in my stomach as I read through the reviews. They were positive, citing that Cole was trustworthy, showed up on time, and charged a fair price for quality work. He didn’t have a website, but there was a phone number listed.
I had been hoping I could email him. I hated talking on the phone. Besides, if he never responded, I could have told myself that it went to his junk mail.
What was I even going to say?
Finn had offered to be here with me while I did this, but I said no. This was something I had to do myself.
Before I could lose my nerve, I dialed, heart beating in my ears. My mouth went dry as it rang.
“Hi,” a low, gravelly voice answered, and my blood spiked with adrenaline. “This is Cole Wright. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you.”
Voicemail. My gut eased a fraction before it beeped and I sat there, frozen.
What was I going to say?
Fuck.
“Hi,” I said, blinking. “Um. This is Olivia.”
My heart beat out of my chest, and I was struck by an ugly thought.
What if he didn’t remember me?
No, I countered. Obviously, he’d remember me.
The side of me that wasn’t frozen and blinking was baffled at how hard I was fucking this up.
“Your daughter,” I added. It felt like my mouth was full of sand. “And I’d like to meet you.”
Oh god, what if he thought I wanted something from him? Alarm shot through me.
“I don’t want money or anything,” I hurried to add.
Wow. Olivia. My ears felt warm.
“I want to talk.” I paused a moment. “Okay, bye.”
I hung up and stared at my phone with wide eyes. That couldn’t have gone any worse.
A pulse of pride flicked through me. I did it, though, and I couldn’t wait to tell Finn.