SWNOVELS Finding You: Chapter 11
“Yes,” she said softly, and I felt her breath warm my lips.
Before she could even breathe out the word, I crushed my lips to hers. My mouth opened, teasing and tasting her as my tongue slid over hers. I moved my hands down to her ass and pulled her in tighter to my hips, my dick hard and trapped between us.
Alarm bells raged in my head. I knew this was a mistake, but as she wrapped her arms around the back of my neck, I didn’t give a fuck. Joanna’s body felt warm and hard and amazing against mine, and if this was the only chance I had to feel it, I was taking it.
Her tits pressed against me, and I lifted my hand to find her soft, round breast, her tight, hard nipple. My thumb brushed against it, and her hips jerked in response. She moaned into my mouth, and I took the kiss deeper, teasing her tongue with mine. I wanted to devour her as I let my mouth travel down her neck—licking and sucking and biting her pale skin. At the base of her neck, I felt the thrumming of her heartbeat and dipped my tongue into the soft trench of her shoulder, and she gasped.
“Holy fuck, Lincoln. Yes.” Her fingers tugged at my hair.
Her voice snapped my senses back to reality.
You’re about to fuck your brother’s girl. This isn’t right. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Breaking from the kiss, I rested my forehead against hers as I tried to regain my bearings. I breathed heavily, my hands trembling at Joanna’s hips.
Camping trip, wading pool, woods.
Camping trip, wading pool, woods.
Camping trip, wading pool, woods.
Fuck.
My old trick of getting my mind right worked temporarily as I felt my breathing slow.
“Hey, come back to me.” She dipped her head to try to catch my eye. As she leaned in to kiss me, I turned my head, her kiss landing against my neck. Damn, even that felt good.
“I’m sorry, Joanna.” My arms betrayed me as I gently eased her away from me.
We stared at each other, our chests rising and falling. I saw a flicker of hurt pass over her face when her jaw ticked once, and she turned from me.
Sloshing through the water, she made her way to the edge of the pool. I watched her like an idiot as she wrapped a towel around her body, slipped on her shoes, and started to walk toward the trail leading to camp. She grabbed her backpack and, with a whistle to Bud, who’d been snoring against a rock, started toward our campsite.
She didn’t look back.
Fuuuuuuuuck.
I rubbed my eyes, still feeling the taste of Joanna on my lips, the feel of her body against mine.
You’re a piece of shit. You know Finn is in love with Joanna. So much for honor, asshole.
I had royally fucked up. All day, I’d had a growing feeling that Jo was Joanna. There’s no way that she couldn’t be—her time in Chikalu Falls lined up perfectly, her random knowledge of the Western United States . . . but once I saw the Sharpie marker doodles on her backpack, I knew it was her.
Why couldn’t Joanna be anyone else? Finn looked up to me. I was stealing his girl from underneath him, and deep down, I didn’t really care. What kind of brother did that make me? But, in that moment, I had to have her. Looking at her was like seeing a piece of my soul walking around outside my body.
And now she was walking away from me, into the woods, as it was getting dark.
Muttering under my breath, I hauled ass out of the water, grabbing my clothes as I went and to tried to catch up with her. I struggled to get my clothes and shoes back on, and despite my long strides, she was keeping a steady distance between us.
When she rounded the bend, the light from the campfire came into view. Panting, I ran my hands through my hair and took a deep breath as I stepped from the cover of the trees. I looked to my right in time to see Joanna zipping up her tent.
Shit.
Near the campfire, I could hear the laughter and low music from the group. Brandon caught my eye and lifted a beer in invitation. With a glance back at Joanna’s tent, I rubbed my palms on my thighs and turned toward the group.
“Hey, boss, come have a beer with us,” Brandon called in greeting as I walked toward them. The fire was bigger than it needed to be, but its heat felt good as the mountain air made the temperatures drop. I grabbed the beer and sat on an upturned log.
I stared into the dancing flames, feeling the heat blast my face and trying to get a handle on what the hell just happened. I’d betrayed Finn. I’d groped a woman I was paying to work for me. I finally found the woman I’d been searching for only to freak the fuck out and push her away.
I felt like I was falling apart at the seams; Joanna pulled at one thread and I was unraveling at her feet.
“You all good, Linc?” Brandon’s low voice brought my attention back to the group.
With a swig of my beer, I nodded. “Yep.”
I shot a look over my shoulder toward Joanna’s tent. It seemed quiet, like maybe she’d just turned in for the night. When I looked back, Brandon was pinning me with a look.
“What?”
“Dude, you’ve got it bad,” he said. He shook his head and laughed quietly.
Bristling, I replied, “Shut the fuck up.” But panic stirred in my gut. He knows. He’s going to tell Finn.
“Hey.” I asked, “How long have you known her?” My head tipped toward Joanna’s tent.
“Jo? Shit, man, a few years maybe? Fished together with her and Finn a couple of times, that kind of thing . . . Why? What’s up?”
Nodding, I kept my eyes down toward the fire. “I know her and Finn have been friends since college, but he’s never really brought her around much.”
“Well, do you blame him? Jesus, just look at her . . .” he added.
Two of the men at the fire passed a flask between them when one added, “I’d see if she needed a goodnight kiss but looks like she’s got a rabid dog on her heels.”
Before I could stand and beat his face in with my fist, Brandon cut him off with, “Not the time, man.”
A hot bead of sweat trickled down my back. The thought of anyone, especially any of these candy-ass yuppies, near Joanna made my ears buzz and my pulse skyrocket. My fist curled, denting the beer can. The familiar feeling of rage, the one I hadn’t been able to shake since my time in the service, simmered just below the surface.
Look at you, you’re a lunatic. A lunatic who’s all too eager to cut your brother off at the knees for her. Does he deserve that? Does she?
I finished the beer even though it tasted sour on my tongue. I grabbed another but drank in silence as the rest of the group shot the shit around the fire. Every so often, someone would eye me warily, but they kept mostly to themselves.
Draining the second beer, I stood. “Well, I’m calling it a night. Thanks for the beer.”
“Anytime.” Brandon nodded. I tossed the empty can into the trash bag and started toward my tent.
When I reached the end of the path, I glanced between Joanna’s tent and the fire. I knew the likelihood of anyone messing with her was slim, but I still couldn’t get their snide comments off my mind. As I scanned through the trees, I thought of her.
She was so capable—more so than most of the men on our books. She grabbed fish without squirming, tied lines, hiked ravines, and her instincts were spot-on. A few times she’d suggested going upstream or trying a new spot, and when we’d listened, everyone started catching. This woman didn’t need my protection.
I smiled briefly. I couldn’t stop thinking about how my body reacted to hers. It seemed like she felt it too, but I couldn’t be sure. Did she think I was an asshole for grabbing her like that? Was I as bad as the rest of them? I ground my teeth at that thought.
I couldn’t let that happen again. I needed to maintain control—of my desire, my temper, my fucking life. If I could prove to be loyal to Finn and forget all about the heat I felt in the water, I could force myself to feel nothing. Stuff it down, ride it out, and forget all of the feelings Joanna had dragged to the surface.
I was still a Marine. Honor and duty were tenets I would always live by.
Nodding in resolution, I reached into my tent and pulled my canvas journeyman jacket out of my pack. Zipping it and tucking my hands into the pockets, I sat at the base of the tree next to Joanna’s tent between the campfire and her. It was my duty now to control the situation, and I wasn’t about to take any chances with the rowdy group of drunk, horny assholes nearby.
Fuck those guys.
Leaning my head against the hard bark of the tree, I closed my eyes. I had spent more nights sleeping in uncomfortable places than not when I served, but I’d also learned that even if your body rests, your mind does not.
I dreamed of a beautiful and fierce Valkyrie soaring over the lifeless bodies of fallen soldiers. Smoke plumed above the field, curling around the bodies. My broken, charred arms reached for her as I crawling against the dirt in her direction. I begged her to take me with her. Landing, she stood, the armor vest fitted against her muscular frame, hands on her hips—staring at me. With her green-gray eyes locked on me, she smirked. Begging, I continued forward, dragging myself toward her. Unfolding her wings, she turned, leaving my soul behind.