Finding Shadow BOOK ONE

"Can I keep you?" She whispered, lips trembling slightly, and bright violet eyes filled with the fire of the young.

"Only if I can keep you, Izzy." He grinned, gangly arms wrapped tightly around his best friend.

"Do you think we'll be best friends forever, Shadow?"

"Of course, we will, silly! I will be the Alpha, and you are my Beta. One day we will rule this pack together, side by side."

"Pinky promise?"

"Alpha promise!" Shadow replied proudly.

For ten-year-old Isabella Romano, an Alpha promise made by her twelve-year-old friend Shadow was like a blood oath. Once made, nothing but death could break it, and she smiled up at him, the Alpha's oldest son, safe in their hillside hideaway staring out on the pack village below, knowing that Shadow would keep her safe forever.

The savage sounds of growling shattered their peace, and Isabella clung to Shadow in fright as chaos erupted below. Wolves poured out from the surrounding trees and down through the gullies bordering their village until all they could see was a mass of invading wolves swamping their town from all directions.

As the two youngsters watched in horror, the invaders coated their village in red, the sounds of gut-wrenching screams and growls shattering the air. It wasn't long before the heavy stench of blood clogged their noses. Bella had never heard such haunting sounds before.

Babies' screams rent the evening air amidst the brutal barbarity of a surprise attack, and the wails that came with each death from the mouths of mates and family members made the gentle girl cry.

"Bella, you need to stay hidden, stay here, and don't come out until I call for you," Shadow told her, and Isabella was powerless to defy an Alpha command.

"Don't leave me, Shadow!" Isabella begged, her young voice breaking, as she watched her friend shift effortlessly, Shadow’s mind already linking to the pack warriors, and she knew she had lost him. He’s an Alpha blooded male. It was deeply ingrained in him to protect the pack.

As the Alpha’s eldest son, Shadow first shifted at ten and was accustomed to his wolf Malik whereas Isabella had yet to meet her wolf, so she was helpless to aid in defending their village, and deep down, she knew that he had to leave her, but Bella had a bad feeling where her heart was.

Screwing up her face, Bella lunged at him and gave him the biggest hug her tiny frame could, whispering, "Come back to me, safe, Shadow."

And with troubled eyes, she watched as her friend took off down the hill towards their village, both utterly unprepared for the mayhem soon to follow. Before long, his wolf was lost in the melee, and Isabella prayed to the Moon Goddess to protect her best friend.

Isabella waited an eternity of heartbeats for Shadow to come back for her.

The screams were so horrible, tears soaked the earth around her as she witnessed the pack deaths deep in her soul. When Bella thought she could bear it no more and had to go back to the village to see for herself, a single howl pierced the air, followed by dead silence. And her little heart shattered.

Isabella tipped her own head back, uncaring that her fiery curls flew in disarray around her face as she screamed her pain and fury out.

The howl was from the Alpha letting their pack know that his family had experienced death, which could only mean one thing: Luna Abigail or her son Shadow no longer walked this earth.

Isabella sunk to her knees, the gaping hole in her heart too much for her to handle. 'It's Shadow,' she thought, 'it has to be. Otherwise, he would have come back for me, he promised me his Alpha promise, and only death would break it.'

Bella's broken-hearted sobs wracked her petite frame, consuming the ten-year-old so wholly, they masked the sound of footsteps behind her, and she was unprepared for a hand to touch her shoulder. "Mija...Isabella, we must leave now, quickly!" But Bella didn't have the will to stand anymore; something was crushed and hurting inside.

Santos, her father, and the pack's Beta stood covered in blood. Behind him, her younger brother Mikhail, baby sister Raeann and their mother Maria looked at Bella, bloodied and bruised but okay. Her family had made it, and they had come for her, knowing that this was the place Bella and Shadow would be playing.

"Why, Papa? Why are we leaving? There’s been a death, and I need to know who it was?" Bella's violet eyes glared, tears taking up permanent residence, it seemed.

Santos looked at his eldest daughter, and something unreadable passed through his eyes as he knelt before her, "Oh Bella, you already know who it was Mija, you can feel it in your heart, now we must go, trust Papa, we must leave now, it's not safe for us here."

"No!" She screamed in denial, hitting out at her Papa and trying to flee back down the mountain, back to her friend to see for herself. Shadow's command had lost its strength long ago, and Isabella felt sure that if she could just find him, he would be alright, but she never got the chance. Santos tackled his daughter to the ground, causing Bella to graze her knee and hit her face on a rock as his heavy body landed on her.

They lay there for a minute, breathing harshly as spots of blood trickled down Bella's face and into the dirt. Papa had torn her shirt in his haste to restrain her, and Mama pulled a spare out of the backpack she carried to help her little girl into another one, leaving the torn garment on the ground where it dropped.

Isabella allowed herself to be dragged up and watched numbly as her father shifted, his dark grey wolf bending down so she and her siblings could scramble onto his broad back. He looked to his mate with a nod, and she shifted as well, shouldering the burden of the family's hastily packed bags.

Amidst the chaos and confusion of the brutal ambush, the Beta wolf and his family faded into the night. They left behind the remains of the Howling Warrior pack, venturing out into the unknown. And young Isabella left her heart in the spot where she had last held her best friend, knowing things would never be the same for her again.

Seven years later...

Left jab, right hook, roundhouse, spin kick ground, repeat, jab, hook, roundhouse, spin, and kick sweep repeat.

The only sounds permeating the gym's stale air were grunts of suffering coming from the bag in the corner as Isabella punished it.

Hours passed, but the seventeen-year-old didn't care. It was the mating run for Bella's pack tomorrow night, and the other unmated pack wolves were busy getting ready, a palpable excitement staining the air, all hoping they would hear an answering howl and find the other half of their soul.

There were unmated wolves from all the other packs arriving today, as it was an annual event that happened to fall on her birthday this year, and the first year Bella was allowed to attend. Still, she already decided she wouldn't be going. Why bother? After all, these days, Bella’s heart lay dormant, unfeeling, and numb.

An outsider amongst her peers, Isabella knew what they called her behind her back.

'El despiadado.' The ruthless one. She was destined to be alone and oh how right they were.

A part of her heart had never recovered after the death of Bella’s childhood friend. Shadow's flinty grey eyes would haunt her dreams forever. Their last moments together branded their way into her very soul, tearing her apart; no one else had ever come that close to her again.

Isabella's walls were higher than the walls protecting the Royals, and she had no plans to lower them any time soon. 'Hell no,' comfortably numb was the best she could ever hope for; Isabella had hidden like a coward while her brave friend rushed fearlessly into battle, and Bella lost him forever because of her stupid skins' weakness.

But no more, she vowed, and as the years progressed, Isabella Romano honed her body into a lethal fighting machine.

A formidable warrior in both skin and wolf form, she rose to the top with her punishing self regime and earned the rank of youngest elite pack warrior ever to graduate the Shadow Moon Academy.

Now working as one of the packs' trainers, even if she didn't have a reputation that preceded her, there was an invisible line between warriors and other pack members and a more significant gap between trainers and trainees.

Yes, alone is exactly what Isabella Romano needed to be.

Psssssssssss...

'And another one bites the dust,' Bella thought as the poor bag split open, spewing its guts onto the floor.

She wiped her brow and looked around, signaling to the Omega cleaning the hall that she required a cleanup and another bag.

The male, in his early twenties, if she were to hazard a guess, kept his eyes lowered as he grabbed the split bag and began cleaning the contents.

There were bruises on his shoulders and finger type marks on his upper arms. He was underweight, and something about the way he gingerly carried himself caught her attention.

"What's your name, male?"

He began shaking under her intense gaze, and his voice when he spoke was hesitant and gravelly- almost as though he hadn't used it in a while.

"Ethan Fletcher, ma'am."

"Ethan Fletcher, who gave you those bruises?"

"No one, ma'am, I'm just clumsy." He muttered between clenched teeth.

Isabella cocked her head to the side and narrowed her gaze.

"Look at me, Ethan."

Slowly he raised his eyes, and Bella could see the fear in his chocolate gaze, but he continued to look her in the eyes despite the apparent difference in pack ranks.

"I don't respond well to lies, Ethan Fletcher, so I will ask one more time. Who.gave.you.those.bruises?" Bella let the stranglehold she had on her power as a Beta born loose just enough to fuel her words with a hint of authority, and the Omega straightened, eyes ahead feeling violated as the answer was ripped from his mouth by her dominance.

"Ma'am, I am gay; my fated mate is not. But he made sure to let everyone know exactly what he thinks of gay mates and insists on waging bets to see which of his friends can break the most of my bones on any given day. My wolf is so weak now I doubt I will ever shift, so I am stuck in this useless human skin getting my arse handed to me every time he has an insecure thought about his sexuality."

Bella's brow furrowed.

"Why don't you reject him then?"

This comment earned her a bitter laugh from the Omega.

"It's a bit hard to reject a Beta born ma'am. As you can see, I can't even keep my mouth shut around his sister."

'Holy shit!'

That must mean...

"You’re Mikhail's mate?" Bella exclaimed, her hand flying to her mouth as if to stop the words from coming out as a shout.

Ethan dropped his gaze, hoping to avoid the uncomfortable conversation but, as the silence lengthened, he realized that 'El despiadado' wasn't going to release him until she knew the whole story, so, sighing, Ethan began,

"I’m twenty-three years old; my dad is a Gamma in another pack, and Mom is the Omega cook in this pack. Dear old Dad is ashamed to have a gay son and forced Mom to choose between us. Let's just say he was not impressed when she chose me, and before we could blink, we were cast out of our pack, and Dad disowned me."

"I was only seven at the time, for Christ's sake."

"When we came to the Shadow Moon pack, without Dad's confirmation, the Alpha here was unable to formally acknowledge me as Gamma blood, which is why I am classed as a lowly Omega... Gamma's are meant to be warriors, dammit, not cleaners! But here I am not even allowed to train with the pack warriors, forbidden to train on my own; I am no one."

"As an extra kick in the teeth because of my blood, I can still sense my mate, even if he isn't of mating age yet, and I just assumed he was gay since, well, you know, we are fated."

Ethan paused briefly, taking a deep fortifying breath, feeling familiar prickly heat making its way across his body, a clear sign his wolf was also getting edgy.

"As it turns out, your brother is so straight you could stick a broom up his arse, and the damn thing wouldn't need to bend at any stage in its journey."

Isabella couldn't help but snicker at his description. Mikhail was so arrogant he would never have lived down Ethan's impression of him if he'd heard it. Her younger brother thought he was the Goddess's gift, alright.

Ethan was worked up at this point, so she stayed silent, waiting for him to continue. He wouldn't need to be pushed; once Ethan started, it just seemed to tumble from his lips like an avalanche.

"I was eighteen when I realized Mikhail was my mate, but he was only twelve at the time; it would've been wrong of me to pursue anything, so I stayed away, in the shadows just watching out for him, until three weeks ago, when he turned seventeen, and I figured well twenty-three and seventeen didn't sound like that much of an age gap like it wasn't creepy or anything."

"I waited until after his school friends left, he was just on his own down by the lake, and I was so excited to reveal myself to my mate finally, I wouldn't be alone anymore, even if he can't feel the mating pull properly until he turns eighteen, he would still recognize me as his, and as a Betas mate, I could have my Gamma blood recognized. I could train as a warrior. It has been such an insult to be seen as an Omega for the past sixteen years; my wolf wants to be free, to run to fight to train to mate!"

It was common knowledge that the Omegas were considered too weak to be allowed to run as wolves; their creatures were often scabby and small, sometimes a little unhinged as well. Almost as if the Omega mind couldn't fully house a wolf's spirit. The results were ugly.

Isabella hadn't known that a wolf of higher blood rank could be forced into the role of an Omega though, which was a bit scary.

"So how did they contain your wolf for sixteen years, and how come you think you will never shift again? Surely with the Gamma gene, any bind that’s been put on you wouldn't weaken your wolf, merely subdue him?"

Slowly Ethan's eyes found hers, and Isabella saw the brown swirls turn caramel. She realized that Ethan's wolf was now staring back at her. As he regarded her solemnly and began to speak, his voice was no more than a whisper.

"They made me eat a plant root; every day, I am forced to endure its awful taste; it keeps me weak, wolves are not meant to eat roots.

My skin side may be gay, but I can assure you that I am not, and I will never allow him to mate with the same sex. I wait for my mate, my FEMALE mate, until she comes. I will remain flaccid because the skin side and I are waging an inner war. There will be a continued draining of energy until one of us bows down. That means no healing for him and no running for me; we are stuck in a stalemate."

Isabella frowned at this. She thought wolf and human spirit were joined, but if they were fighting against one another for something as fundamental as sexuality, then what would become of them?

"Wolf, what is your name?" She asked.

"I am Drastus, Beta warrior Isabella."

Slowly Ethan's eyes returned to normal, and Isabella motioned for him to continue with his story.

"I tried to tell your brother that I was his mate, hell I begged him to search deeply, to recognize the pull, but he flat out denied it. He called me a creepy faggot, bared his teeth at me, and used his Beta blood to command me to remain silent, not to tell anyone that I thought I was his mate; Mikhail told me his social status wouldn't take it, that he could never be with an arse fucker and that this is a sick joke."

Ethan's gaze fell to the floor, and his body seemed to shake a little more when he spoke his last words.

"For the past three weeks I have been in living hell, Mikhail won't reject me because the broken mate bond would cause him to weaken, proving I told the truth, and I am ambushed almost every day on my way home from work by his sadistic mutt mates who love to play "Break the faggots sticks" as I said, whoever breaks the most bones wins."

Unfortunately, because of my Gamma blood, my bones are hard to break and are partially healed every time they jump me..lucky me, right?"

For once, Isabella was lost for words. How could her brother be so cruel? Knowing that the only reason Ethan could tell her what was happening was that she had ordered him to, and her blood outranked Mikhail's was disgusting.

He had made his poor mate suffer, and as an Omega, all Ethan could do was let him. The real question is, what was this softly spoken male going to do to stop it?. Truth be told, some of his mannerisms reminded her of another special friend. Maybe that was it? The spark of Shadow she could see every so often in this man.

Thinking back, she could vaguely remember Ethan attending Mikhail's football matches and watching their family from a distance when they trained or played at the park. Ethan had seemed just to blend in. And just like that, Isabella Romano made up her mind, and Ethan Fletcher gained a friend.