SWNOVELS Finding Hayes: Chapter 31
“It’s a great property. Nothing else like it in Magnolia Falls,” Nash said as we walked toward the barn.
Cutler ran ahead of us, with Winnie and Roddy chasing after him. It was good to see him running around and feeling well, and the asthma medication they were using now seemed to be working much better. He hadn’t had any attacks in months, but it didn’t hurt that Emerson was a pediatrician and was on top of it.
“Yeah. I know how much Savannah loves it out here, so I wanted to get your perspective.”
“Well, it’s going to sell fast because it’s unique. If you aren’t sure about letting it go, you need to get it off the market right away.” Nash paused in front of the barn and chuckled when he glanced over to see Cutler rolling on the ground with Roddy and Winnie watching them like she couldn’t figure out what they were doing.
“He’s feeling good, huh? No issues lately?”
“No. He’s been great. But you just never know, so I’m always prepared, and I’ve always got his inhaler on me, just in case. It can sneak up out of nowhere.”
I knew how seriously he and Emerson took it. We were all aware of the asthma action plan and always had the inhaler on us when we had Cutler at our homes.
“Damn, brother. Parenting is not for the weak at heart.”
“No question about that. You don’t think you and Savvy will have kids? She’s pretty fucking amazing with Cutler.” He pulled the door to the barn open.
“She knows that kids aren’t in my future. It kills me, though, because I know she wants a family, and all I can offer her is me and Roddy.” I chuckled, but the truth of it was always with me.
When I closed my eyes, I could see us living here at the farmhouse. And every time I allowed myself a moment to think of the future, I would see a bunch of kids running around on the property. There were animals, laughter, and love.
Things I’d never had.
Things my sister never had.
“I just don’t think I’m cut out for it. And failing at it—it’s too risky, you know?” I scratched the back of my neck as I followed him into the barn.
“You really don’t get it, do you?” he asked, as we both turned slowly to take in the enormous wide-open space in the barn.
“Don’t get what?” I asked, as Cutler and the dogs came barreling inside.
“Hey, Cutler,” Nash called out, and the little dude came running over.
“This place is cool, Pops.”
“It is.” Nash chuckled. “Tell Uncle Hayes here who I say is the best dad I know, next to Gramps.”
Cutler smiled up at me. “Uncle Hayes is the best dad you know. When things are bad, you always think of him, and you know it’s going to be okay.”
What in the actual fuck are they talking about?
“You got it, kiddo.” Nash ran a hand over the top of Cutler’s head before he took off running after Winnie and Roddy again.
“Not sure what you mean, but I think we both know that I had a shit example when it comes to being a parent. Unfortunately, I know the risks. I know the outcome when you fuck up.”
“Dude. Look in the fucking mirror. You don’t fuck up. Ever. You’re the most reliable guy I know. You may hate most of the world, but when you love, you love harder than anyone. You’re fiercely protective of the people you care about, and it’s impossible to miss.” He knocked on the wall inside the barn and ran his hand down the wood. “This is well built.”
I was still reeling from what he’d said, but I didn’t respond. There was no question that I loved my people fiercely, but I was also a grumpy bastard who took a long time to warm up to people. I’d always been cautious when it came to trusting others.
“All right. I’m going to spell it out for you, because you clearly don’t see it.”
“I can’t wait,” I grumped, as I folded my arms over my chest.
“The reason I tell Cutler that you’re the best dad I know is because you taught me at a young age what it meant to be a parent. From the minute I found out that I was going to be a father, and the moment I realized I’d be doing it alone, I thought of you. Of the way that you sacrificed and did whatever you needed to do to protect Saylor. You gave up a football scholarship, a chance to go away to college and be a selfish asshole. You got an apartment at eighteen years old so you could take custody of your younger sister. You gave her the life that you wanted her to have. You worked your ass off to make sure she went to college and had all the experiences you thought she deserved.”
I blew out a breath. That was just what you did for the people you loved. “Your point?”
“My point is, you love to say you’d never have children because you wouldn’t be cut out for fatherhood. But the truth is, you’ve already been a father. And a damn good one. Saylor always says that you were more of a parent to her than a brother. She attributes her success to the fact that you sacrificed so much to give her the future you thought she deserved. Your sister is kicking ass because she had a parent who supported her. And I’ve got news for you, asshole. That was not your mom or dad. That was all you. So, I think it’s about time you owned the fact that you’re already a father. And a damn good one.”
His words hit me hard. Right in the center of my chest. That feeling like you might be having a heart attack and then you realize it’s just all these feelings stirring around inside you.
“I should kick you right in the dick for pulling this shit this early in the morning,” I hissed before clearing my throat to push the lump away.
He chuckled. “It’s noon. You’re a good man, Hayes Woodson. Just accept it and stop fighting it. That’s why Savvy won’t push you into anything you don’t want.”
“Why is that, ole wise one?”
“Because she’s just like you. She’s willing to sacrifice her own dreams for the man she loves. We all see it.” He shrugged. “It’s not my place to tell you what to do, brother. She wants to be with you, and you want to be with her. But missing out on something magical because you’re afraid—that’s not who you are. You’re the bravest bastard I know.”
“Fuck you,” I said dryly, which made him laugh harder.
“Let it go, Hayes. The past. The anger. The fear that you’re going to be left or fail or whatever the hell it is that you’re wrestling with. You’re better than that. You aren’t your father. You aren’t your mother. You’re a really good guy. A man I trust my son with implicitly.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “We all see it. Cutler sees it. Your wife fucking sees it. The only one who doesn’t see it is you. So open your fucking eyes and let yourself be happy. You’ve earned it.”
I looked away, trying hard to push away all these feelings that were swirling around. I pinched the bridge of my nose to stop my eyes from watering. “Damn seasonal allergies.”
He barked out a laugh. “Yeah. I know, brother.”
“All right. Let me process this.”
“Wow. You’re actually admitting to having feelings? This is a huge breakthrough.” He quirked a brow.
“If you tell anyone, I’ll make King shave your balls in your sleep.” I moved toward the window to look at the clear view of the water in the distance.
This place would be fucking perfect for what I had in mind.
“It’s our secret.” He took out his tape measure and started measuring different areas and jotting down the measurements on his iPad.
“We’ve got to bring Sunny out here, Pops. She’ll love it.” Cutler turned to look at me. “Hey, Uncle Hayes, did you hear that I want to start calling my Sunny mama?”
I couldn’t help but smile, because this kid was so honest and open; it always made my chest squeeze. “I think she’d love that. Did you tell her yet?”
“Nope. I’m going to tell her on Mother’s Day. It’s going to be the bestest surprise ever.” He jumped up and then ran toward a pile of hay in the far-right corner and dove into it.
I turned to Nash. “Emerson was exactly what was missing from both of your lives, huh? She was everything you guys needed. And you and Cutler were exactly that for her.”
“You know, for a grumpy fucker, you sure have a lot of insight into everything that’s going on around you.”
“Whatever. I just pay attention when it’s the people I care about,” I said, pulling out my phone and taking a picture of Cutler in the hay. I’d show it to Savannah later when I told her my plan. Right now, she had enough on her plate.
She’d been a little distant the last few days. She was quieter on our calls. Normally, I’d be concerned, but Ruby reminded me that Savannah was dealing with a lot, being there with her father.
My plan was to handle everything here. Come up with a plan to keep the farmhouse that I knew she loved.
Savannah was so busy doing everything for everyone, and she wasn’t used to anyone doing the same for her.
I was here to show her that I was that man.
“You think it’s doable?” I asked Nash as he jotted down a few more measurements.
“Everything is doable, brother. It’s going to cost you, but King and I will get it done for as reasonable as possible—and at the end of the day, it’s a really good investment.” He looked up at me and smirked. “Investing in your future is a good thing. It means you see one. And this would be an awfully big house for just two people. But you already know that, don’t you?”
I flipped him the bird, turning to look out the window at the big open space.
A perfect place to raise a family.
And for the first time in my life, I actually saw it.
Wanted it.
But I had a lot to figure out before I presented my plan to my wife.
So today was the start of putting this plan into action.
“Uncle Hayes!” Cutler shouted. “Come jump in the hay with me.”
“Isn’t hay an allergen? Should he be doing that?” I asked Nash.
He chuckled. “Those are the words of a father, you dicknugget. But Cutler isn’t afraid of living and having fun. So go jump in the hay with the boy. I’ve got the inhaler in my pocket if we need it.”
“Damn. Emerson is rubbing off on you. You aren’t nearly as uptight as you used to be,” I said with a laugh as I jogged over to my favorite little dude and dove into the hay beside him.
Laughter filled the barn, and I lay there on my back, imagining a life I’d never thought possible.
And it was right here in my grasp.
Or maybe I was already living it, and all of these other things would just make it all the better.
I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Savannah.
Thinking of you. I love you, baby.
I could see that she read the text, and the three little dots moved around the screen before they disappeared.
No message came through.
She was definitely struggling, and I wasn’t sure what to do about it.
I dialed our realtor’s number and sat forward.
“This is Sabrina,” she said on the other end of the phone.
“Hey, Sabrina. It’s Hayes Woodson. Can you meet me at my place in an hour? I think I want to list our other home, and I’d like to talk to you about the farmhouse.”
“I was just about to call you and Savannah. We got an offer, and it’s a good one,” she said, and she didn’t hide her excitement.
“Can you do me a favor?” I asked. I’d known her since elementary school, as we’d grown up together.
“Of course. Name it.”
“Don’t send the offer to my wife just yet. She’s got a lot on her plate with her father, and I have a few things I’d like to discuss when I see you this afternoon.”
“Okay. You’ve got forty-eight hours to respond to the offer, so we’ve got time.”
I was grateful that Savannah had added me as a decision-maker on the listing, even though my name wasn’t on the title of the home. As her husband, she’d asked that I be the first contact, knowing that things would be busy in Dallas.
And I had no intention of accepting this offer.
Because we weren’t selling this home.
We were going to start our lives here.
I didn’t have a doubt in my mind.
Everything was suddenly crystal clear.