Finding Fae

You know the feeling you get when you’re dealing with a lot of messed up crap in your life and you have that moment where you just have to shake your head and say “I’m goning to need therapy after this is over”? Yeah, that’s exactly what was happening, only I wasn’t exactly a willing volunteer.

Nana had barged into the room I had been given in the insanely early hours of the next morning like a freaking hurricane, leaving nothing but mayhem in her wake. I was pulled out of the bed, pushed into a shower, scrubbed until I felt my skin was coming off, then dried, dressed, and dragged back to the couch I was on. After being unceremonious shoved down with a shockingly strong hand on my shoulder, Nana started talking.

I understood very little of it, but she insisted that having a clear mind free of turmoil and doubts would make my life better and it would be easier to get through the day without my “incredibly disappointing failure that is the Soul Bond”. I wasn’t about to go spilling my life story to anyone, though. I’m not a big sharer. I like my privacy too much.

She glared at me and I felt like she was about to unleash the entire weight of the universe on me if I didn’t agree and start cooperating, so, with great reluctance, I started talking. Nana tutted more often than anything else, obviously not happy with how things worked out for me so far. Even Jacob grumbled a few times from his place on the second couch, though he made no comments.

When I got up to the recent events, she shook her head and sighed.

“This is going to be a lot harder than any of you ever thought, Fae,” she said sadly. “At least, if you continue trying to muddle your way through.”

“What are we talking about, exactly?” I asked. “There are so many problems no one seems to have a solution, or even a name, for.”

“Start by making a list,” Jacob said as his tail moved idly, hanging off the arm of the couch. “Start with the most immediate issue.”

“That’s easy. My Awakening,” I said and he pointedly looked at a desk in the corner. I got up and started writing.

“Next? What needs a solution the most?” he asked.

“What am I?” I said, writing it down.

“I would have went with “who are you”,” he said. “Once you know the who, the what usually follows. Unfortnately, without any leads on either of those, you’ll have to wait until after you’ve Awakened for those.”

“Who and what are typically the same when it comes to yourself,” Nana offered. “Like myself. I’ve been alive for so long, I’m a grandmother to the oldest trees and stones. It is who I am, as well as what I am.”

“Just don’t eat her cookies,” Jacob said, thumping his tail on the couch. “They’ll likely kill you.”

“Shut your yap, cat,” Nana fussed and I coughed to hide the giggle that got out.

“Following “who” and “what”, comes “why”,” Jacob said, turning back to the topic at hand.

“Why was I taken? My bet is on ransom,” I scoffed.

“Then why keep you for so long?” he asked back as I came back to the couch beside Nana. “Ransom is common enough and, if your guess is right and you’re family comes from the upper classes, it would have been paid almost immediately. Even if they had refused to pay, it’s unlikely Gary and Ricca would have kept you, especially once the Elite Guard was involved. They would have counted it as a loss and moved on to another target.”

“Listen to the cat, dear,” Nana patted my knee. “He would know more about these things than almost anyone.”

“Do I want to know how?” I asked flatly and Jacob scoffed.

“I was kidnapped, turned into a kidnapper, then turned to redemption as a hunter of kidnappers,” he said. “In a nutshell.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said looking at his bright green eyes. “Does it get any easier?”

“Not usually,” he answered. “Most of us don’t ever get to know where we came from, some of us don’t care, buying into the opinion that they’re better off as they are than as they would have been.”

“That’s depressing to hear,” I huffed and leaned back in the couch.

“It’s the truth,” he shrugged his shoulders as much as a cat could. “Some of us get lucky and find answers, but it’s very few. My suggestion is that you don’t dwell on it too much. Try, of course, but don’t expect results. Without Gary’s cooperation, it’s not likely you’ll get anywhere.”

“You’re just a ray of freaking sunshine this morning, aren’t you?” Nana glared at him.

“I prefer honesty, Nana. Sugar coating the truth, no matter how harsh it is, is still lying,” I said.

“You two are going to get along great,” she pouted.

“Act your age,” Jacob grumbled.

“I don’t know my age, so there,” she shot back and stuck her tongue out at him, making him roll his eyes and me to choke on another laugh.

“You know it just fine, you old hag. You just chose to “forget” it,” Jacob said, smacking his tail on the couch in annoyance.

“Call me that again, pussy cat, and I’ll have a new rug in my bedroom,” Nana glared at him.

“I said what I said,” he grinned, flashing his terrifyingly sharp fangs. “Now, Fae, there is one thing you talked about that might trump your Awakening in deadline.”

“Can we not us “Awakening” and “Dead” in the same sentence, please?” I cringed.

“Your Soul Bond,” he said. “It’s a smaller priority, obviously, but it’s still a major issue.”

“Main;y the emotions coming from it and his walking away from it,” Nana pointed out. “Tell me, child, how do you feel about it?”

“Currently or in general?” I sighed. “Right now, I’m numb to it. If I push it far enough away, stay busy and distracted, I can get through the days well enough.”

“And when you’re not lying to yourself?” he asked.

“It hurts and I’m mad and on the verge of tears all the time,” I admitted. “I want to break his neck as much as I want to just sit on the couch and watch a dumb movie again. It’s colder than it used to be and it’s harder to be happy.”

“I can see how that would be annoying,” he nodded.

“So annoying!” I groaned. “I am a capable person that can take of herself, but this jerk comes along and worms his stupid way into my life and I don’t even know hoe far he gets until the piece of crap takes off out of freaking no where! How do you think I feel about it?”

By the time I finish talking, I’m shouting and pacing around in front of the fireplace, waving my arms around.

“Whether you two want to admit it or not, you are connected to each other for all of eternity,” Jacob sighed. “Just because the Bond was never finished, doesn’t mean it will go away. It only grows, never fades. You said that in his letter, Malachi called himself a coward.”

“One thing we agree on right now,” I muttered.

“I know the King clan. Granted, it was a long time ago, but cowards isn’t a word anyone would ever use to describe them,” Jacob said. “They are the best, most fearless fighters I have ever met, and I have lived a very long time. It makes little sense that he would just run away from something.”

“Well, he did,” I said and flopped to a chair. “I still have the others, but it’s not the same anymore.”

“It never will be, until he comes back,” Jacob nodded.

“If he comes back,” I correct.

“He will,” Jacob said. “It might not be right away, but he will come back. He has deep remorse for everything he’s done with you, which as you tell it is basically everything. Perhaps he’s telling the truth when he says he thinks you’re better off without him.”

“That’s not his choice to make,” I snap.

“And there’s the root of the problem,” Jacob smiled. “He took away your choice, something you never had until he and the others came along. Something that, while never talked about, all of those that are Bonded to you agreed they would never take away from you again. Yet, he did. You’ve never been able to let people in, were never allowed to. Now that you did, you are taking his leaving as a betrayal. The Bond you two share is amplifying that emotion, causing this depression you’re now feeling.”

“What do you know of betrayal?” I snapped.

“I’m not supposed to look like this, you know,” he said softly. “I was born an elf. I Awakened as a healer. I fell in love and had a short time of utter bliss and happiness. Then my best friend and my lover... I ended up like this.”

I instantly felt like dog crap. Of course he had a past. Every one did. After telling me about the kidnapping, I should have guessed something else may have happened to him. My nails suddenly became very interesting.

“Trust and betrayal are, sadly, part of living, Fae,” Jacob said. “Two sides to the same coin. You can’t have one without the risk of the other. You trusted Gary. You called him your father. Then you find that was all a lie. Had he stayed, things would be different now, surely. But he didn’t. He left. You trusted Ricca and though of her as your mother, though she died while you were still so young. She left you, too. Malachi, the one person that should be by you always, left.”

“So I have issues with abandonment,” I shrugged.

“It goes deeper than that and you know it,” he growled softly. “You’re opinion of yourself has suffered greatly from all of this. You think you’re not worth being around. That you only bring trouble and those around you are better off far away from you.”

“Am I not?” I asked. “Every since I got pushed into that pool, I have done nothing but cause problems for everyone involved with me. I’m just a useless dead weight, pulling five of the best people I have ever met away from their families. I’m putting them in danger constantly, just because they’re there.”

“They choose to be there, though,” Jacob pointed out as he swished his tail around. “Do you want to take that right away from them, as it was taken from you?”

“I could never do that to someone,” I snapped. “But the damn Call did it anyhow.”

“The Call is only a calling, Fae,” Nana said. “They chose to answer or not.”

“How is that a choice you can make, not knowing what you’re getting into?” I huffed as I started pacing again.

There was a loud commotion at the front door followed by the most terrifying sound I have ever heard in my life. It was a growl that sounded like a canine, but it gave me cold shivers all over my body and I was standing in front of a fire in wool socks and flannel pajamas.

“It would seem that one of your Bonded has arrived,” Nana smiled.

Thinking it was Zane, I rushed towards the door but froze in my tracks at what I saw. This... thing, was indeed canine, but also not very dog-like at all. It was tall, with long legs like a greyhound and a a long, whip-like tail. It’s head was shaped like a pit bull, with a long muzzle like Doberman with the ears to match. It’s body wasn’t as wide as Zane’s rottweiler frame, or as bulky, but I could see that, should the two end up in a fight, this creature would have distinct advantage in muscle alone.

There was no fur to speak of. Just a sickly pale gray skin that looked like it was dead. Th ears, were more hole than flesh and the claws at the ends of the massive feet looked like they belonged on a bird of prey and not on a paw. The eyes were completely black from lid to lid and the teeth inside the deadly jaws were like razors, dripping with saliva as the upper lip was pulled back, wrinkling the flesh of the nose in a silent snarl at everything it saw.

Those black eyes landed on me and the tense rigidity of this creature relaxed slightly and the upper lip fell slightly and I knew who this was.

“Blaine?” I squeaked and his ears went up and down a few times before his whole body contorted and changed, leaving a very naked twin in front of me.

“Thank the gods your okay,” he rushed out as he grabbed me and hugged me tightly.

I blushed and shoved him away, turning my back to him.

“Find some pants at least!” I snapped. “Jesus, are you trying to blind me?”

I heard a chuckle as Nana came out of the room we had been in with a blanket that she tossed to Blaine.

“Glad to see you’re just fine,” Blaine joked.

“That remains to be seen,” Jacob said as he padded across the hall towards the kitchen.

“Is that-?” Blaine pointed.

“Yes, and no,” Nana waved him off. “It’s a long story.”

“Wait, let me process this for a second,” I said rubbing my temples. “You’re a hellhound?”

“Unfortunately,” Blaine sighed.

“How is that a bad thing?!” I said, shaking his shoulders. “That’s freaking awesome!”