Finding Fae

The silence was astoundingly complete. Charles and I looked out over the huge field as I tried to take it in. Admittedly, I was having a difficult time of it and I was glad he let me process it on my own.

Mary Justine Lansing. Queen of the Sidhe. My mother.

“What is she like?” I asked, after what felt like ages.

“I can’t say about now, but when she came for her Trials, she was a lot like you,” Charles chuckled. “You get it from your grandmother.”

“And you couldn’t tell me about my father, can you?” I asked.

“I never met him, sadly, but from what Mary told me when she was here, you’re a lot like him as well,” he smiled. “Your mother is quite an artist and was able to draw a good likeness of him on the ground while here. That’s how I know you have a little of both of them for appearances. But I see so much of my Celeste in you. Your grandmother would have been thrilled. When she was killed and we had to take Mary out of her, I could almost hear her giving me grief about how our daughter looked like me and nothing like her.”

I smiled a little and rubbed my arms.

“Will I find them?” I asked him after another quiet pause.

“I don’t know,” he frowned. “But I do know that they wouldn’t have stopped looking for you. And your mother will feel it when you get out of here. She’ll know you’re alive. That will only make them look harder.”

“What kind of fae am I?” I asked, suddenly excited.

“Well, your mother is royalty by blood and our line is quite unique,” he scratched his beard. “The legend of our heritage says that out line started with a demon and an angel. I don’t know why, but it seems like that part usually wins out when we Awaken.”

“Is that true?” I asked, confused.

“Who knows,” he shrugged. “It certainly explains a few things, but there’s no telling. Even for the longest living species, that was a long, long time ago.”

“And my father?” I asked.

“Dark fairy, I think,” he answered. “A good man, from what Mary told me all that time ago. Troubled, but still a good man in the middle.”

Dark fairies weren’t very common, mostly because they tended to gravitate towards professions that got them killed young. They were skilled in shadow combat, the kind of fights that take place with smaller weapons or long range. Assassins, thieves, mercenaries, and such. They typically took on the more dangerous jobs because they were perfectly suited to the work. They could see better in the dark, move with almost no sound, even fly without sound as their wings had a thin layer of velvet like fuzz. They were still translucent, like most fairies were, only in shades of black or gray, to help with stealth.

“That’s pretty cool,” I smiled.

Charles chuckled and I looked back out over the field. It was peaceful and quiet. I closed my eyes and laid back on the grass with a sigh. It had been a long five debatable days. I wanted to sleep, but I was worried about getting back to the real world.

“He’s keeping a close watch over you, you know,” Charles said. “Your Bonded. I can see it when he’s trying to connect.”

“You mean he can’t?” I asked, sitting up on my elbows.

“While you’re here, only when you really need him,” he said. “Since you don’t need him right now, he can only get so far. He’s worried about you more than an unfinished Bond would cause.”

“What happens to him if I don’t make it?” I asked softly.

“He’ll survive, but I don’t think anyone would ever call it living,” he answered. “You are half of him just as he is half of you. It was bound to be that way, even if the Call hadn’t have made it obvious. That’s the thing about Bonded souls. You would have completed each other without the Bond. All it does is make it so it happens, despite your pride and ego. You can deny your feelings, but the Bond is absolute.”

“Even without it being complete?” I asked.

“Even so,” he nodded then he turned so he was looking at me, a serious look on his face. “As foolish as it was, he left because he thought it would protect you. He came back because he learned it was hurting you. If he had know before, he never would have even thought about it. That’s how a Bond works. That connection you were bound to have together is amplified beyond words. One cannot survive without the other, but not just in life or death. Apart, you can’t function. You go through the motions, but your not living. You’re simply existing.”

“It certainly felt like it,” I mumbled as I sat up again.

“It would seem that your judgment is here,” Charles frowned. “If you see your mother, tell her to have some snicker doodles for me. I just can’t seem to get enough of them.”

I felt a sharp pain in my chest. Well, it was everywhere, but it was the worst right over my heart and I threw myself back as I let out a screech I didn’t think a person could make. It was so intense, I knew I was dying. There was no way living would feel like this.

Mal

I kept reaching for her through the Bond. I had never heard of any Awakening lasting for so long. It had been nearly a full day now and even Justine and Quinn were starting to worry. Blaine and Ben were nervously pacing around the medical room while I held on to Fae.

She was getting worse much faster now than before. Her lips were white, her skin was gray, and she was barely breathing. Her heart was so slow, I could barely feel her pulse under my fingers. I felt like we were all sitting on a death watch, waiting for her to pass so we could properly mourn. Hope that she would survive was in very short supply, even for me. I was clinging to it, though, like a drowning man to a log. She was going to make it. She had to.

Her chest shuttered and I held my breath before it went back to normal. She was struggling so much. I just knew she was fighting to live. She was too stubborn to give up.

“That’s my girl,” I whispered softly against her knuckles. “Keep fighting it.”

Ben

She wasn’t going to make it. There was no way. She looked nearly dead already and she had yet to cross back to the real world. We all knew that was the worst part of all of this. It felt like you were being ripped apart then crammed back together again then ripped apart again, over and over until the part of you that was there made it back here. That was the part that Awakened. It freaking hurt.

Blaine was lost in his own mind as he paced and, while I would like to say I was the calm one, I, too, was a wreck, chewing on my nails until they bled, pacing back and forth. Mal stiffened for a moment when Fae’s breathing faltered, but when it steadied again, he started whispering to her again.

Out of all of us here, he was probably the only one that was holding out that she would make it. Then the real fight began.

Quinn had taken him aside and explained the best way to give her his energy. I didn’t hear anything, but Mal was determined as he listened carefully. I’m not sure he’ll be able to give her enough in time, though. The healers had stopped working on her some time ago. They all looked somber as the head healer told them to save their energy. That Fae would need it if she made it back.

They were going to keep her organs working while Mal gave her his energy until her body could function on it’s own. But no one believed that was going to happen anymore. I knew Fae was strong and stubborn and would probably kick my ass for thinking this, but she was going to die. We all needed to prepare for it, and, with the exception of Mal, I think all of us were ready. From the way Blaine kept glancing at Mal. I knew he would be the one to keep him from doing something stupid, which meant I would be the one to handle the final preparations.

Fae

This had been going on for a long, long time now. I no longer had a voice to scream with, but that didn’t stop me from trying. I was clawing at my chest, trying to get the pain to go away. I felt so weak. Too weak.

Eventually, I was too weak to feel the pain anymore and just floated there. In oblivion. Wondering what my afterlife would be like. I hoped it would be nice. I didn’t want to die, but at least it wouldn’t be so bad if I had a decent afterlife. I hoped I would have company. Charles, maybe. My grandmother, hopefully. I would enjoy meeting her, I think. It would be lonely and boring if I was there alone.

I was cold now. Very cold. And I couldn’t breathe. Nothing worked anymore. I couldn’t move my fingers or open my eyes. Not that I really wanted to. But the tightness in my chest from the lack of air was annoying. Maybe if I stopped trying to breathe, it would be better.

There was pressure on me. My wrists, my chest, my legs. Whatever the source was, it was warm. Hot even. It was burning me, I was so cold. So tired.

Then it felt like I drank hot cocoa after playing in the snow. Tingling and warm in a pleasant way, though it still hurt a little bit. It started just under my ribs directly in the middle of my body. It started spreading so slowly, but it felt nice, like when you sat by a fire after finishing your cocoa. Still a little uncomfortable, but too good to complain about.

“You’re going to die!” I heard someone shouting and rolled my eyes. Of course my negative uncle would have something to say right now.

“Twit,” I muttered, hoping he would take the hint and leave me alone.

“Fae?” I heard someone else. This one sounded familiar and desperate and so tired.

“What did you say?” the first voice said.

“Twit,” I repeated a little louder before I went to sleep.

Mal

“Stop it!” Blaine yelled at me as I kept giving Fae more.

“You’re going to die!” Quinn shouted as he tried to pull me away.

I heard Fae mutter something. She honestly said it, because Blaine, who had jumped to hold her down as she started convulsing looked up at her.

“Fae?” I called, too desperate to believe it had been real. Did she really say something.

“What did you say?” Quinn asked her softly as he leaned over her.

“Twit,” she said again before she went limp.

The healers pushed us all out of their way as they started working on her, healing the damage to her insides from nearly dying while I stood there shaking and barely standing.

“That was reckless, even for you,” Quinn scolded me as he grabbed a chair and swung it around quickly, shoving me into it as he slapped my cheeks a few times.

“Did she call me a twit?” I blinked.

“Knowing her, I would say she was talking to all of us,” Blaine snorted, looking relieved.

“It seemed like she was talking to Quinn to me,” Ben smirked and crossed his arms. “I can’t wait to see when Justine hears about that.”

“She’ll probably agree,” Quinn chuckled as he poured a glass of water for me. “Don’t ever do that again. You almost killed yourself to bring her back. Then what?”

“Then she would be a live,” I said as he helped me drink.

“And you would have sentenced her to a lifeless existence,” he snapped. “I swear, you have got to have the most selfish sense of selflessness I have ever seen.”

“Quinn!” we heard Mary calling as she rushed into the room, tears running down her face with a big grin plastered on her lips as she rushed to her husband and threw herself into his arms. “She’s alive! I felt it, Quinn. She’s alive and she survived it! She made it through her Awakening! Our little girl, my love! She’s alive!”

“Truly?” Quinn asked, eyes wide and filled with his own hope. “After all of this time?”

“Yes! Yes, she’s truly alive! She’s here! In the Sidhe!” Mary laughed as Quinn picked her up and spun her around.

“We have to find her!” Quinn smiled and I honestly didn’t recognize him. “Right away!”

They rushed off together as Blaine grabbed the cup that Quinn had practically tossed aside and refilled it.

“What was that about?” Ben asked puzzled.

“Not a clue, but whatever it is, it’s good news,” I said as I took a shaking sip of water.

“We need as much of that as we can get right now,” Blaine said sadly, looking at the only other occupied bed left.

“Fae isn’t going to take this well,” I sighed, closing my eyes, too tired to stay awake.