Find Me in the Rain: Hockey Romance (Nighthawks Book 1)

Home.

My home.

I breathe him in, and his arms tighten around me. After engulfing myself in his embrace for what feels like minutes, I pull back.

And that’s when I notice he’s not alone. Cam stands to his right and Reed to his left. And my heart feels warmth at the support they’re giving me even though we’ve only known each other for a short time.

They’re all dressed head to toe in the finest suits, which now definitely need to go to the dry cleaners.

I offer their saddened eyes a soft smile. “Thank you guys for coming.”

My eyes slowly drift back to Alec. Dark circles surround his eyes, and my heart twists for the pain I’ve caused him.

I want to say something to him, anything. But I can’t get any words out.

My mouth opens and closes over and over as tears flood down my cheeks, and my head shakes back and forth, until he takes a step closer to me, his hands falling gently to my arms.

His hazel eyes meet mine, and I swallow the lump in my throat. “You don’t have to say a single word right now, Laura. Let’s go back inside.”

My head involuntarily shakes; I’m afraid that I’m going to spiral again and run.

His right hand glides down my arm and interlocks with my fingers, the raindrops following his touch. “I know it’s hard, Lu. I know. But I’m guessing Jack is in there, scared of where you went, and you need to be there for him.”

I sigh. He’s always known what to say to me, just the right thing. I nod my head, and he leads me inside to face the biggest heartbreak I’ll ever know, his hand locked with mine, our hearts reaching to intertwine.

When we get back inside the church, Jack jumps right into Alec’s arms, in a similar fashion as I did.

The funeral service is … hard. Seeing her face the same way I did for months feels like we are still in the hospital and I am just waiting for her to wake up. But she’s never going to open her eyes again, and I think it will be a long time before I’m willing to accept it.

My mind is empty the rest of the service. I feel like I should be crying harder, having more emotion. But nothing can break through. I think I might have already used my lifetime supply of tears.

Alec offers to give Jack and me a ride home, which we accept. Cam and Reed ride with Char and Josh, who are happy to oblige.

The short ride back to the house is ridden in silence, so many unsaid words hanging in the air between our lips.

When we pull into the driveway, the only thought on my mind is my bed. But the only thought on my heart is Alec. I haven’t decided if I have the strength to send him away again. And I’m starting to think he deserves the respect of a choice.

Jack’s saddened face smiles at me as we walk inside. Everyone else beat us here, and Char walks straight to Jack when we reach the living room. She knows Alec and I need to talk. And I’m so thankful for her ability to read my mind.

Jack stretches his arms out and lets Char pick him up and carry him to the living room. I hear her offer him ice cream and candy as Alec and I ascend the staircase. I don’t even have the energy to shoot her a look at her suggested “meal.”

Alec closes the door behind him as I sit on the edge of my bed. The floor is his to start. I’m the one who’s already done all the damage.

Alec crosses the room and sits down beside me, a good couple of feet between us. The distance doesn’t go unnoticed.

He clears his throat. “Laura, we don’t have to talk about anything right now if you aren’t up for it, okay? Today has been a lot for you and for Jack, and I don’t want you to have to worry. I can wait.”

My gaze stays homed in on my white knuckles, where my hands are clasped in my lap. “Postponing this conversation isn’t going to make me worry less, only more. Especially when you’re right there.”

Ugh, nothing I wanted to say even came out. I wanted to say, Your coach threatened to end your career if I didn’t leave you, but I love you, and I’ve never stopped.

He nods. “Okay. Do you want me to go?”

My eyes shoot to him. “No. Please no.”

A gleam of hope sparkles in his eyes. “Then, I’m not going anywhere.”

He lifts his hand off the bed and reaches over to my still-locked fingers. He slowly pulls one away and intertwines our hands.

“Look, Lu, I’ve been thinking a lot. About me and what I want, about hockey and my future. And I’ve come to a decision.” Alec’s voice is definite and concise. I can’t tell where he’s going with this. “And what I want is right here. I’ll have to finish off my contract—I don’t have a choice. And I understand it’s a lot to ask of you and Jack to deal with my being gone all the time—”

My free hand flies to his mouth and cuts him off. “Stop, Alec. There’s something you need to know.”

The look of terror that ripples through his features wrecks me.

I remove my hand from his lips and let all the secrets out of mine.

I start at the beginning. “After the game, your coach found me …”

And I continue telling him every detail I can remember. From the coach’s conversation to when I called him later that night. And when I went to the hospital and found out about Mom. And by the time I’m done, Alec is fuming.

He’s pissed that the coach had the audacity to talk to me like that. And he’s livid that I had to go through losing my mom alone. He’s in tears within minutes. He’s sad that I was forced with that choice. But he couldn’t help but smirk when I told him about how I planned to go around the coach.

“I love you. Please, let’s find a way to work through this together, not by yourself. You are never alone in this life, Lu, you will have me till the day I die, and even after that.”

I’m speechless as anger seems to take back over his features. He’s pacing back and forth when there’s a knock on the door.

“Mommy?” Jack’s little voice calls from the other side of the door.

Alec’s shoulders instantly loosen, the anger dissipating quickly.

“Come in,” I call to Jack.

The door swings open, and Jack is standing there with a question on his mind, his eyes big and his lips twisted.

“What’s up, buddy?” I ask him.

“Um, I heard Dad shouting, and I wanted to make sure you guys were okay.” He swings his hands behind his back, rocking on his feet.

Alec sighs and immediately drops to Jack’s height, grabbing his small shoulders. “Hey, everything’s okay. I was angry but not at your mom. At something else. Everything’s perfect, little man.”

Jack instantly smiles and turns around without another word. Well, until he gets a few steps away. “I’m getting a cookie! Char said I could have as many as I want today!”

I giggle as I hear his pitter-patter descend the stairs.

Alec walks over, the intensity of our convo resuming, and shuts the door.

I’m hyperaware of his movements. I know he said he wants us to be together, but I’m scared. I broke his heart. And yeah, my intentions were good, and the breakup wasn’t real for me, but I still hurt him.

He stops, where I’m sitting on the edge of the bed and kneels before me, his hands sliding to my waist. “Listen to me, Laura. Hockey has been my life since I was two years old, maybe even before then. It’s given me everything I have now, and for that, I’m grateful. Without it, I might never have run into you again.”

His thumbs slide up and down my sides as he gathers his next words.

“But if you think for one second that I wouldn’t give it all up to be right here with you and Jack, you, my woman, are batshit crazy.”

He laughs, and I can’t help the one that slips past my smile.

He continues, “Clumsy, I love you. I’ve always loved you. That night when I ran into you at Fireflies, I was in shock that you were there, that out of every place in the entire world, you were in the same room as me. You’ve always been gorgeous, for as long as I’ve known you. But you are fucking beautiful and sexy, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you. You’re the sweetest woman I’ve ever known, completely selfless. And you’re the most amazing mother. You are funny, and kind to everyone you meet. You would sacrifice your own heart in an attempt to save mine. But there was a fatal flaw with your plan. My heart won’t survive if it can’t love you.”

My eyes burn, and tears cloud my vision. But for the first time in days, they’re not tears of loss or pain.

He moves closer to me, his lips mere inches from mine. “I know you still have two months of school left, and I know you and Jack have built a life here. And I couldn’t be prouder of you.”

A flame flickers through his eyes seconds before he leans in and kisses me, his hand sliding around the back of my neck and squeezing. Our kiss is not gentle and clean; it’s messy with teeth clashing and tongues dancing, and passion flares.

His cheeks are pink when he pulls back. “Sorry. I just … you were way too close, and it’s been way too long.”

He smirks and hesitates before he says, “Duluth is a hell of a ways from New York. And I was hoping that when you finish school, I could convince you two to move in with me. I don’t want to spend a second more apart from you guys than I already have. Jack will be able to be around the team and continue to pursue hockey if he wants. He’ll have the best of the best of everything. And I get the both of you.” He bites his lip in anticipation. “What do you say?”

I don’t have time to answer before the bedroom door flies open, and Jack tackles us both. “Oh my God! We’re moving to New York!”

Alec laughs, and I scowl at Jack for eavesdropping. The tears that roll down my cheeks fall onto my dress, a mixture of the sadness from saying an eternal good-bye and the promise of a happy forever.