Find Me in the Rain: Hockey Romance (Nighthawks Book 1)

I shake my head. “I’m sorry, what?”

There’s no way the words I heard could’ve come from his mouth.

He takes a step closer to me. “I was clear. Alec has missed practices because of you. And he lost this entire game because he was concerned for the little boy and for you. His head and focus are clouded. If you do not leave him alone, I will make damn sure that he never sets foot on the ice for the rest of his contract here. Or any contract after for that matter.”

Dumbfounded, I ask, “You’re serious?”

He takes a step back and straightens his tie.

He looks around, smiles, and waves to fans while he says, “You have twenty-four hours, or he’s done.”

And with that, he turns, leaving me with my heart in pieces on the floor.

I should tell him to shove it, to fuck off, that his opinion would never and could never affect my life. I should run to Alec, I should tell him the threat that his coach made.

But am I willing to be the reason that his entire life’s work is thrown in the trash?

I would like to think that Alec would be calm and smart with handling this, but Alec is a man driven by his emotions. He would probably beat the seat out of the coach and for sure get thrown off the team, and with the sway his coach has in the league, he would be done.

I will find a way around this, I just need some time. I need some time to figure out how to go around him, how to keep our family together and to keep Alec on the team. But I just don’t know how to do that quite yet.

As my lip starts to tremble, the world around me seems to slow.

When did it get so quiet in here?

My body takes control, my mind is numb. My legs carry me outside, through the never-ending people and cars.

My hand opens the passenger door of the car, where Charlotte, Josh, and Jack are waiting.

I can’t hear their words as I slide into the seat. My hand grabs ahold of the buckle and latches me into place.

My shoulders move, and water runs down my face.

Not moving.

Shaking, rapidly rising and falling.

Not water.

My fingertips touch my cheeks—tears.

There’s only one voice that breaks through the silence. “Mommy, why are you crying?”

As if my ears were hearing for the first time, sound floods in. Charlotte’s and Josh’s voices blend with the medley of horns honking, cars starting, and cheering that has spilled into the parking lot of the arena.

I nod my head. “I’m okay, buddy. I’ll be okay.”

“Laura, what happened?” Charlotte’s voice is scared, a hollow whisper.

“Later, please.” I nod to Jack, who is looking out the window.

“Of course. I love you, Lu. Whatever it is, it will be okay.” She squeezes my shoulder and leans back against the backseat, next to Jack.

Josh offers me a sad smile as he pulls out of the parking lot, farther and farther away from Alec.

Leaning my head against the window, I can’t get three words out of my mind—twenty-four hours.

Even if it’s only until I find a solution, I still only have twenty-four hours to break up with Alec. I wish I could let him in on my plan, but as much as I love Alec, that temper of his would get the best of him.

I have to walk away for now, for a short while, but not for long, I won’t be able to stay away. Just long enough until I can take his stupid coach down.

He has spent his entire life to get to where he is. It would be selfish of me to stay with him right now. How could I say that I loved him if I was the reason he lost the most important thing in his life?

We just found each other again, and now, we have to say good-bye, even for just a moment. It’s not fair.

But if I’ve ever learned anything in life, it’s that nothing is fair, and you just have to fucking deal with it.

I don’t know how I am going to tell Jack. I’ll need to come up with a good lie, maybe that Alec just can’t come back for a while right now. I don’t know, I’ll come up with something. And I know for a fact that I can’t tell Charlotte what’s really going on because she will run right to Reed to try to fix it. So, let’s add another lie to the mix.

And then another and another, and soon, everything out of my mouth will be a made-up story that I can’t unravel.

I am lost in my own mind.

The ride home happens in a flash. And Jack is asleep by the time we pull into the driveway.

I’m about to ask Char if she can take Jack in, but when I turn to her, her eyes bulge so big that I lose the words.

“Oh, Laura.” Her tone is full of sorrow.

My fingers dance across my face, feeling for whatever caught her eye.

I don’t feel anything there. I think Char might just be crazy until my fingers touch my eyes.

The puffiness proves her sanity.

“Oh,” I whisper.

Char’s eyes drift over to Jack. “Head inside, love. I got it.”

With all my remaining energy, I nod and stumble out of the car.

Josh is helping Jack out of the car, lifting him into his arms to carry into the house.

My steps are heavy as I drag myself to the front door. Silence attacks my ears, begging to be broken up with the laughter of Alec and Jack.

But that’s not going to happen.

My sadness carries me upstairs. I crave the softness of my bed.

Where Alec and I slept together after years spent apart.

At some point while I was lost in my thoughts in the car, I decided to handle this breakup in the quickest way I could think of—one phone call. I have to think of it as a breakup, because if I don’t I’ll slip up and say that it’s just until I can find a way around his dumb ass coaches order.

I pull his contact info up.

And as my feet pad the carpet of my bedroom, I hit the Call button to call the love of my life and to destroy the happiness we both found again.

But his pain will be temporary, and soon, we will be back together. But for right now, this is only temporary to me, to him, it’s forever. And I hope he can forgive me. But that time is not now.

It rings once, twice.

My heart jumps to my throat as I anticipate his smooth, deep voice greeting me like nothing is wrong.

On the third ring, he picks up. “Hey, Lu. Make it home okay? I miss you already.”

My voice drifts through my lips, the lies flowing scarily easily. “Yeah, we’re home. Your flight leaves soon?”

“Yeah, about to board in a minute.” He hesitates. “Are you okay? You sound kind of off.” His concern shines through.

The lies continue without effort. “Yeah. But, Alec, I—we need to talk.”

Silence rings in my ears, and then his voice goes quiet. “Is everything okay?”

My phone vibrates in my hand, but I ignore it.

My chest burns, and I grab the edge of the Band-Aid and rip. “No. Alec, I—as much as I thought this was working, that I was happy, I’m not. And I- we can’t do this anymore, okay? We-we can’t pretend that after all this time, everything will be fine. This isn’t working for me, and I’m not happy anymore.” My voice breaks. “The long distance won’t work, the paparazzi, everything is just too much.”

His tone shifts as he says in utter disbelief, “You’re serious? You can’t be serious, Laura. What is going on?”

My hand slams to my open mouth to stop the soul-shattering cries from breaking free.

“Laura, I’m about to run out of this fucking airport. Fuck this jersey. Fuck this contract. I will break it right now. But I can’t lose you, Laura. I can’t fucking lose you again.”

There’s a shout in the back, but I can’t make it out.

“I’m coming. Stay right where you are. I’m coming to you.”

I manage to push two words through my trembling lips. “Alec, please.”

His words crack when he speaks, and I can practically see the tears in his gorgeous eyes. “Laura, please don’t do this. Please. I love you. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old, and I’ll love you when we’re fifty, eighty, a hundred. For God’s sake, Laura, it’s only ever been you. Since the day I first met you, your name has been branded on my soul. I can’t lose you, Laura. I can’t lose Jack. I didn’t know I was ready to be a dad, but Jack … he-he’s my son, and the second I met him, I never wanted to be anything more than his dad. More than I ever wanted this jersey.”

There’s a beat of silence, and then he quickly takes a large breath in. “Lu, p-please don’t.”

The last string holding my heart together is cut with my next words. “I don’t want to be with you anymore, Alec. It was fun to relive old memories. But that’s all it was—a walk down memory lane. I’m sorry, Alec. I’m sorry. We can finish out details with Jack later. I need some time to myself. Get on the plane. Don’t come here. I promise you it won’t change my mind. Good-bye, Alec.”

The air is heavy with silence, with all the broken promises that are tearing through me, and I imagine him too right now. He’s quiet, and I wish I could read his mind. But it’s probably for the best that I can’t.

I end the call, and a bomb goes off in my chest, a black hole forming in its place. I know that for me this break won’t last forever. But I just broke his fucking heart, and I can’t stop the pain of that from slicing my chest. The black hole sucks everything in. It takes all remaining happiness from my body.

I check my phone for the missed call. It’s just the hospital. Probably calling about the bills, like they always do.

Sometime during the call with Alec, I ended up in my bed. I grab the edge of my covers and yank them up and over my head.

Sobs break through my chest, stabbing pains throbbing with each breath.

I hear a knock on my door, and after the next gasp of air, I hear the door open.

Soft steps grow louder, and then two arms wrap themselves around me.

“Let it out, Lu. I’m here.” Char’s hands rub up and down my arms.

I curl into her, trying to permanently seal our bodies together so that I never again have to be alone.

My body shakes.

Char holds me for what feels like hours. Eventually, sleep creeps into my peripheral vision. But I’m terrified to dream. Because they will all be of Alec.

And in the split second in the morning when I wake, I won’t remember this. When it hits, it’s going to feel like a train, demolishing my heart and soul all over again. But then, I will be angry at the coach, furious for his attempt to tear us apart. And I will do everything in my power to fix it.