SWNOVELS Filthy Crown: Chapter 16
Oh no. Whatever he’s about to ask isn’t good.
His face contorts as if in physical pain, making my stomach knot. “Just spit it out. I’m not exactly a delicate flower, despite what you might think.”
He raises a brow. “I don’t think you’re a delicate flower. You’re a precious rose. Breathtakingly beautiful, but downright brutal to those who get caught in your thorns.”
I chortle. “I think Georgina might agree with the thorn part.”
The corner of his mouth tilts up as he gently shakes his head. “There isn’t any easy way to do this, so I’m banking on these thorns to push me away if it’s too much, okay?”
I give him a small nod, ready to get this question over with.
“I’ve looked at the reports from your rescue and nowhere on there is it listed that you were sexually abused. I need to know if this is true, or if they…” His jaw clenches, making his cheek tick. “I need to know if they touched you.”
My mouth goes slack as the rest of my body goes rigid. Visions of Mexico flood in, the four walls of our keeper’s cell closing in on my mind.
It isn’t until I feel Jack’s hands on my face that I snap out of the fog I’m in. “I’m sorry, what was your question?”
“Did they touch you, Pen?” His eyes are intense, the pain palpable in his voice.
“They didn’t touch me like that.” I shake my head, sending up a prayer of thanks for that small miracle. “They starved us and beat Mom and Austin, but they never touched the kids or me.”
Jack’s hand falls to my own, his grip tightening on my fingers. “There are a couple of reasons why the next question is really important. I hate to even have to ask, but… are you a virgin?”
My eyes go wide and my mouth parts open. I suppose I knew this question was coming, but hearing it from Jack makes my breath hitch and heart rate spike.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I give him my answer. “Yes.”
The one word is all I can muster. It’s no secret I have an aversion toward men, and it wasn’t until seeing Jack again that this dormant part of me had awakened.
Finally, I found something men are good for. Too bad it typically comes attached to an emotional minefield. I’ve barely crossed that line with Jack and I already know my heart has started to get tangled up where it’s not supposed to.
Jack licks his lips, his eyes twinkling with hidden secrets I want to pry free. How many women has he been with? Would I be too inexperienced for him?
“And the men… they were never inappropriate with you?” Jack’s voice comes out low, as if the octave helps to shield me from the memory.
I go to shake my head no when I’m thrown back into that dark room, the smell of iron coating the air.
“Come here, pretty girl.” My captor’s bulky figure slinks over to me in the dead of night.
I try to press myself against the wall, my feet pushing me back as far as I can go. He’s at my feet when Mom shouts, “No! Don’t touch my baby!`”
She tries to drag her beaten body over to me, attempting to use herself as a human shield. But she’s too weak after her last beating and every move she makes is accompanied with a full-body flinch.
“Dumb bitch.” The man pulls Mom up by her hair, placing the barrel of his gun to her temple.
“You’re the dumb bitch.” Mom spits in his face, the bold action earning her a punch to the ribs. Still, she gives the man shit, diverting his attention from me. “Her father is going to have your head.”
The asshole tenses at her words, his reaction making my brows furrow. Are they afraid of Austin? Is he the reason we’re here?
“Then I’ll have my fun with you.” He rips the remnants of her tattered shirt, leaving her in nothing but her bra and pants. “Your cunt won’t be as tight as your daughters, but I can watch her while I fuck you, imagining it’s her I’m inside.”
Bile crawls up my throat as my little brother and sister whimper. Unwilling to let him rape our mom in front of us, I push them both behind me and stand up to the thug, not caring that he’s still holding his gun.
“Enough. Leave her alone!”
His eyes cut to me and a slow smile creeps up his thin lips. “Oh, does the princess want some of this?”
“Penelope, no!” Mom shrieks as he flings her against a wall.
I shake my head at her, willing her to be quiet. She’s been the one to take the heat these past couple of days, letting them abuse her so they’d spare her children. She can’t take much more, and I can’t just sit by and keep letting it happen.
The man snarls at my mother’s protests. “Quiet, woman. I promise she’s going to love it.”
The smell of his cheap cologne crawls up my nose and a wave of nausea rolls over me. I pitch over to hurl, but nothing comes out.
“Now, now. No need to be scared, little girl.” The tips of his boots are visible through my tear-soaked lashes and I know I’m only seconds away from losing my virginity to this monster.
The man jerks my top up, exposing my breasts to the room. I’m praying my little brother and sister aren’t watching, that my mom is shielding them from this horror when the door flings open and another one of our captors comes rushing in.
“What the fuck are you doing!?” He yells at the one still gripping on to my shirt. “Get the fuck away from her. You know the orders, pendejo.”
“Pinche cabron. I was only having a little fun. Nobody needs to know.” He looks at the other guard like he’s an idiot.
“You dumb ass. You think you aren’t being watched?” The man points to a camera in the corner of the room. “Follow the fucking orders.”
“Follow the fucking orders.” I whisper into the haze.
“Baby, what are you talking about? Talk to me. I’m right here.” I feel lips press to my temple as strong arms hold me tightly against a muscular chest. Jack. His scent of leather and tobacco envelops me, giving me the comfort I so desperately need. “What orders, Pen?”
Jack must’ve pulled me onto his lap when I fell into my panic induced time warp. Slowly, I come to with the help of Jack’s firm hand rubbing circles on my back.
Lifting my own hands, I see that they’re shaking, my teeth chattering and lips trembling right along with them. No matter what I do, I can’t make them stop.
“You’re in shock. God, I’m so sorry. I should’ve waited to ask. Maybe when we were around Dr. Leventhal.”
“No.” I turn to face him, burrowing my hands under his flannel. The thought of spending another minute with that shrink has me wanting to come out of my skin. “The dinner with him the other night was enough torture to last a month. At least. So don’t. Just give me a sec.”
Burying my face into the crook of his neck, I inhale deeply and let the feel of his strong body center me.
He presses a kiss to the top of my head but remains quiet, all while his hands continue to soothe me with gentle but firm touches.
Once my body has stilled and the panic has subsided, I let myself sit up. “Touching me.”
Jack’s brows come together. “What?”
“The fucking orders. Apparently, it was part of their orders to not touch me. At least not in that way.
Jack blinks, his face blank before it grows heated. “Pen, I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. They will never touch you again.”
His chest is vibrating against my hand, the anger and conviction in his voice palpable. “I believe you.”
I press myself against him, needing to feel his warmth. Instantly, his powerful arms wrap around me tight and squeeze. “Your pain. I wish I could take it all away. I felt so damn helpless when you went into your head just now. It’s like you were stuck in this nightmare and I couldn’t reach you. I couldn’t pull you out.”
I sit back up and cup his handsome face between my palms. “But you did pull me out. You came for me. You saved me when I was in Mexico, and you saved me just now.”
His brows drop, matching the downturn of his lips. “How did I save you right now?”
“You’re my anchor, Jack. You tether me to reality when I’m drifting away in a sea of desolation.” I brush a thumb across his bottom lip, and butterflies swarm in my stomach when he sucks in a sharp breath.
“Pen.” He closes his eyes, inhaling deeply.
“Shhh.” I press my index finger to his lips before lowering my own onto his.
Jack’s body tenses with my kiss, his breathing turning shallow. But he doesn’t move. Doesn’t kiss me back. The rejection stings, but I try not to let it show. Pulling away, I brave a weak smile. “Thank you. For everything. And even though I’m not fully over what happened four years ago, my heart can slowly heal now. I was a foolish girl and had no clue you were going through your own emotional battles.”
After enjoying his embrace for far too long, I finally try to pry myself from his arms.
“Stay, Pen.” Jack’s fingers dig into my hips, keeping me in place on his lap. “Just a little while longer.”
My eyes search his, trying to figure out what he needs from me, but frankly, not caring. Whatever this man needs, I’ll give to him freely.
I’m lowering my head back onto his chest when he begins to talk. “You’re my anchor too. You and the kids give me purpose. A second chance at redemption after having failed my brothers.” He presses another kiss to my forehead while his left hand strokes my hair. “When our parents passed, I wasn’t there for them. I should’ve been the glue that held our family together. Instead, I retreated into the dark pits of my sorrow and left everyone to fend for themselves. Maybe if I hadn’t been so selfish, Austin and your mom would still be here. I would’ve kept him from Mexico somehow. I could’ve saved him.” His words choke out at the end and in that moment, all I want to do is take away his pain.
Sitting back, I run my fingers through his scalp before letting them fall to the back of his neck. “They weren’t your responsibility, Jack. No matter how much you want to think they are. Yes, you’re the older brother, but that didn’t make them your children. Austin was a grown man and you can’t keep blaming yourself for his decisions.”
Jack’s body tenses. “You knew what Austin was doing in Mexico?”
“I didn’t. Not the specifics, anyway, and not until we were in Mexico. That’s when Mom said something that made me realize it.” I shudder at the memory, but Jack is quick to pull me back into the safety of his chest.
“Rest, baby. We don’t have to talk about this right now.”
Taking his words as the excuse I need to let myself be, I sink back into his chest and focus my attention on the rise and fall of his breath, letting it lull me into the peaceful blankness of sleep.