Falling For The Man I Married

"Well, how would I start? Uhm... I am an illegitimate child."
His mouth fell open, I know he wanted to say something but he remained quiet so I continued my story.
"I know my Mom already told you she's not a Davis, not like me. It's because I was born out of marriage. My father has his own
family when he and my Mom got into a relationship, and then I came. And do you remember when I told you about my siblings?
They were just my half brother and a half-sister."
I sighed as I remember them. I missed them so much.
"I was ten when I found out the truth about my Mom and my father's relationship. I was so happy before then. I thought I had a
complete family, with my Mom, my Dad and my siblings who were both older than me. But when I reached the age of ten, I
started to ask some questions about our situation."
"I thought we were family. And when you say 'family' it means they all live on the same roof. But why do my Dad and my brother
and sister have to go home every afternoon or every time they come to visit us. I've always asked Mom about it, but she just kept
changing the topic when it comes to that question."
"And then I learned how to use the internet. Facebook, youtube, google, and I searched for my Dad's name on Facebook. And
then it explodes! I found out that we're just his second family. That he's married and my mother was just his second woman. That
we're just his second option."
I felt warm tears forming around my eyes. All my life, we have never become first, we're just a second family, I was just a child of
the second wife, but until now, I was still a second option, my heart personally chose to be just a second choice.
No... wrong! I wasn't a second choice, because I wasn't even listed from one of his choices, but yeah, I remember, I once
became his first... 'his first support' to his revenge plan. At least I experienced becoming first...
"I was bullied after that in school, by our neighbours and everyone who knew our family story. They called my Mom a lot of
names. A slut, a bitch, a plague in the society and whatever harsh words they wanted to call her and on me, I became their
favorite pet everywhere. They were always shouting 'Hey, Madi! The illegitimate child, the second family, the second option!'.."
"And because of that, I wanted to prove to myself that they were wrong! That I can be first! I tried to participate in sports and
because of it, I gave my Mom a new name... 'The mother of the champion'. I became first! I became the champion! And even at
school, I always make sure I remained on top."

I wiped the warm liquids that now running down my face. He shifted himself closer to me and held both my hands.
"But now you are the champion, Madi. No matter what they say, you will be our champion, you're number one for us. And you've
already proven to them that you're not just a second option or a choice."
He said looking into my eyes, but it just brought me more tears and deep pain to my heart.
-'Yeah, I've already proved it to them, but not to you. Because whatever I do, I will be just a second choice for you. I can never be
your first, neither now nor ever.'- my heart murmured silently while I was still in closed eyes.
"But you know what, no matter what they did or told us, I never felt mad with my Mom. Because I know the only wrong thing that
she did was fall in love. To fall in love with the wrong person and the wrong situation. But it's different with my Dad. I haven't
talked since then. It really hurts me to know that the man you're admiring was the same man who would also have broken your
little heart and your little dream. When all I wanted in life is to have a complete family, but then I realized, it's never going to
happen."
The moment I finished speaking, he pulled me into a hug and kissed me on top of my head.
"Shhh... it's in the past. If your father can't be a man for you... then I will be."
I pulled back and looked at him. He cupped both of my cheeks.
"I can be your man, Madi."
I smiled bitterly.
"You can't, Gabriel. You can't." I said looking into his eyes as I shook my head. "How will you become my man, if you're still
someone else's man?"
-'And how can you be mine if you're heart still belongs to her? You can't be my man and I can never be your woman.'-
I took both his hands off my face and looked back into the water. He didn't say anything, he just remained quiet.
-'How can I unlove you, Gabriel?'-
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Gabriel's POV:

I can't form any words after what she said. I just remained quiet and played the water with my feet.
She's right. I can't be her man. Well, how can I, if until now I can't be a man to myself?
I sighed and glanced at her face. Her eyes were filled with sadness and pain and how I wished to ease them or take them away
from her. Now I understand her more and I think I'm ready to share that sensitive topic in my life.
"Remember how many times you've asked me, what's the real reason I can't move on with Stacey? And why I need to get
revenge?"
She looked at me with wide eyes and shock was written all over her face. I know that she has been asking me since the first time
I offered her to marry me and I also know she wasn't expecting this topic at that moment.
"It's not like I can't move on, Madi. I was hurt and devastated when she left me. Remember I told you, I almost gave her
everything? Well, I did. I gave up my dreams just for her. I was so stupidly in love with her during those times, so when she
chose to go with Ray, I can't accept it------"
"Why are you telling this to me now?" she cut me off and I looked at her. "Was it because I shared my life story with you?"
"No! I understand you completely and I think I've been in awe of these things since you decided to help me."
She sighed but she didn't speak again, so I continued.
"I couldn't accept what she did, but do you know what really hurts the most?" I looked directly into her eyes. "That's when I found
out that she had our baby aborted."
Her eyes widened like saucers when she turned to me.
"Oh my God, Gabriel!" she said now facing me.
I have tried to avoid that topic many times before, but for her, I'll try to open up myself more.
I smiled as I continued. "I didn't know she was pregnant at that time. She's asking for more of my attention, but it never came to
my mind that she might be pregnant. She said she was on pills when we decided to live together and I just found out that she
stopped it when she missed her period. And when she got pregnant, she didn't tell me as she wasn't ready. Then one day I found
out from one of our friends that she was going out with Ray."

"And when I came home, the maid gave me a bottle of pills that they found in the bathroom. 'Mifepristone'. It's also called the
abortion pill. I don't know where she got it. My world suddenly turned upside down, Madi. I can be a father, but she took that
opportunity away from me! She killed our child, Madi. That's why I wanted to have her back and make her feel the pain she
caused me. She acts as if nothing had happened, as if she hadn't killed an innocent child."
I balled my fists as the anger and grief from losing my child came back to me once again.
She held my hands and I was shocked when I saw her crying. It made my heart more shattered when I saw her in tears. I wiped
them and cupped her cheeks.
"Shhh... you don't need to waste your tears on this. I'm okay, well not really, but I know I will."
I smiled and kissed her on the forehead before pulling her closer to me.
"You can also ask me anything," I said looking her on the face. But she just smiled and shook her head. And my eyes landed on
her lips. I missed the feeling of kissing her soft lips. And I almost go insane when she bit the corner of it.
"Madi..." I warned her with a stiff breath.
"What?" she asked me and she chewed it up more. I was at the edge of exploding.
"Don't do that?"
I said my voice barely a whisper and my thumb released her lips from her teeth. But the stubborn teeth chew it again... and that's
it!
I cupped her face and kissed her. I missed this. I missed her scent, her soft skin and her soft lips. She kissed me back and put
her hands on the back of my neck.
We stayed there for I don't know how long.. kissing... until...
"Aherm! I'm sorry to interrupt your romantic moment kids, but you can also continue that in your own room."
We instantly moved away from each other when we heard her Mom's voice. We looked at her and she has a mischievous smile
on her face.
"It's cold here and you two can catch colds. You don't want that to happen, do you? And I don't want my first grandchild to be
done by the pool!"

"Mom!"
Madi's face flushed into a deep shade of red and she glared at her mother. And seeing her discomfort, I hugged her and kissed
her on the top of her head as I chuckled.