Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)

I would swear I saw heaven and hell there.

In his eyes, which were staring at me now.

Paradise and doom, light and a piece of darkness.

He was silent as he was laying on my bed, facing me. He didn’t say a word for a long time, he just kept watching me. And I, lying by his side, couldn’t speak either. He robbed me of all my will to move, I was afraid I could ruin this moment.

“Why are you so quiet, Dove?”

I smiled, but I couldn’t break the eye contact. “Why should we always talk? Even silence has its charm, Eric. Especially when you’re silent with someone who you have something to be quiet about with.”

The beautiful smile that followed my words took my breath away.

I knew, I knew I was falling for him again, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. Like the fact that I was calm again. My shell of happiness and safety returned, at least for this moment.

And then I felt his touch on my hand.

I still couldn’t do it; I simply couldn’t take my eyes off his, I couldn’t look at what he was doing. I could only perceive it. His fingers, which gently caressed me, he intertwined them with mine right after. Somewhere in the most remote part of my still-rational thinking brain, a faint voice whispered to me that I shouldn’t allow it. That I should stop it. Still, I let him. To squeeze my hand gently. To hide it in his palm.

Ten minutes every night.

Just me and him.

Nothing in between.

I was studying his eyes. In every their shade, I was losing myself again and again. I watched them looking at me in detail.

“My God,” he exhaled.

It surprised me. Maybe I raised my eyebrows, maybe I was about to ask what was going on. But he overtook me, as he said softly: “You’re really beautiful.”

Aha.

Ehm…

What the hell am I supposed to answer him?

With a heavy sigh, I turned away from him. I landed on my back, and simply stared at the ceiling instead.

Damn, why is he telling me such things?

Because if he thought he would soften me by paying me compliments, I should probably disprove his conviction right now. I looked at him again, I wanted to tell him something, I just wanted to discourage him from talking like that. But the way he was staring at me now… It completely silenced me before I even opened my mouth.

It was not a compliment, he hadn´t meant it as a compliment.

He just stated what he was thinking. What he´d realized straightaway.

And I was suddenly too confused to want to extend those seconds. I didn’t want to let him know how he´d disconcerted me again.

“Tell me something,” I begged.

Anything. Just please, don’t daze me like that anymore.

But my demon remained silent, as if he was thinking. I already given up my attempt when he turned to lay on his back and focused his gaze on the white ceiling of my room as well.

“Jamie was my best friend when we were kids.”

I stiffened, I froze, his words made me. I remembered very well the evening back at his place when - at my request - he removed both of his swords from the wall in his room, which hung over his bed. I wanted to see them, I wanted to learn how to handle them properly. And that was when I noticed the names engraved on their grips.

Eric on the first one.

Jamie on the other one.

I recalled asking my demon about it. And I recalled his reaction too. How restless he subsequently remained. We ran away into the night together and then he held me in his arms at the lookout over the city.

That night, when I had to promise him, we’d be together forever.

“He was a few months older than me, but I always took care of him,” he interrupted my torn thoughts. Suddenly I was not interested in anything else but his voice. I had the impression as if it deepened because of the nostalgia that crept into his tone.

“His father died shortly after his birth, so his mother and three sisters coddled him. I often made jokes of him because of that.” My demon smiled as he looked at me once more, and I found myself listening with bated breath. Because he was talking to me, because it was again one of his inaccessible walls that he was tearing down for me.

“I had to teach him how to make a bow or slingshot and arrows, because all, his sisters taught him was how to sew and knit. I laughed at it, I laughed too much sometimes. Until the day he silenced me. We were playing in the woods when he knitted a laurel wreath and placed it on my head. Then, as I sat on an old tree stump, I felt like a true Roman emperor. In every single tree, I saw a soldier ready to listen to me. At that time, the whole world belonged to me.”

I wasn’t able to suppress that smile, it conquered my lips as I was listening to his memory. Because it seemed that even little demon had that tendency to subdue things around him.

My smile widened as he turned his attention back to me. Maybe I had a little hope after all. That I would learn something about him. That he would finally tell me the truth about himself.

“I know better about that influence, you know,” I laughed. “And no, it’s not that funny.”

“I’m listening, Dove,” he said as I paused. And one look was enough for me to know that he wasn’t lying, that he was really listening to every single word I said. The sparks in his eyes told me that as they were shining much brighter. I was pretty sure; they were to blame for the arrhythmia of my heart.

“I grew up with Joel, you already know that. Well, even before we met Dave, Oscar and Spikey, I was permanently surrounded by boys, “I winked at him. “But I was still a girl to them. I was annoyed that they treated me like a doll, so I constantly felt the urge to prove them that I was no different. When someone climbed a tree, I had to climb it too. When someone ran a route too fast, I had to be faster. When someone picked up something extra heavy, I had to pick up something heavier.”

The corners of my demon’s lips widened into a beautiful smile, forcing me to look back at the ceiling. Just so I wouldn’t lose my heart completely, just so I would still be able to think.

“This bone,” I pointed to my left arm, “was broken three times. Each time in a different place. I have no strength in this hand. If I hit you, you wouldn’t even notice it.”

Voilà! The sparks in his eyes grew into flames and my demon’s shoulders started to shake. I could observe it from the first row, as he was trying hard not to laugh.

Unsuccessfully.

“So, I’m only supposed to tease you if I’m standing on your left side?” He burst out laughing.

I couldn´t have kept a strict expression either, his cheerfulness made me want to chuckle too. Yet, there were some last logical thinking cells left in my brain that reflexively made me get up. I immediately leaned to him and cover his mouth with my hand.

“Hey!” my attempt to frown failed epically, “It’s half past ten, you’re incognito here, and I have an uncle downstairs.”

Oh!

I collected myself right away, realizing what I´d just done. The touch was burning my skin, but it was too late. There was no salvation, no redemption, no hope for me. It all died at the moment when he looked at me.

I didn’t find sparks in his irises anymore; I didn’t see flames as well. There was something else there, something that made my whole body listen to him. The depths of the ocean suddenly seemed ridiculous compared to how deep brown dominated his eyes. And my demon became absolutely serious, underlining the negligible distance that now separated us.

And then I felt it.

His fingers gently tickled the skin of my neck, he didn’t hesitate to run into my hair with them. So softly, yet I felt it fucking vividly how he was gently pulling me closer to him. His eyes dropped on my lips and in one his piercing gaze, he served me a temptation I hadn´t known so far.

I immediately jerked and pushed myself away just to land back on my back.

“Jim’s asleep, Dove,” he told me as soon as I released him. I couldn’t help but notice how his voice roughened. As if he had to try hard to be able to control himself. “In his chair in front of the TV. Ronaldo just scored the second time and even the wild cheering of fans didn’t wake him.”

Great!

He´s gonna protest if I wake him up to go to sleep. Or he´s gonna grumble how his back hurts if I let him stay there all night.

Damn it, Lara, you need to wake up too!

“What happened next?” He interrupted my totally confused thoughts with a silent question.

“What do you mean? My adolescence?” I blinked. “My boobs and butt grew bigger. I didn’t need to prove anything anymore; I just snapped my fingers and I had anything I wanted.”

Especially with Oscar.

I just shrugged because it was true. And then I could watch in detail as my demon tried to suppress another burst of laughter. Again, he didn’t do very well.

“Also a good way to have all your own way,” he nodded appreciatively.

I looked at him, I studied every feature of his beautiful face. I stared too curiously as his words kept rewinding in my mind. And maybe for the first time, I really thought about it.

“What´s up with you and this ´having all your own way´?” I simply asked. Because now, I was already truly intrigued. “Why is dominance so important to you? Why do you constantly need to have everything under control?”

He exhaled as he got serious again. He put his hand under his head, and when he looked at me again, I almost didn’t manage to endure the intensity of his gaze. He´d always been an intricate brainteaser to me and now, I probably learnt a tiny part of him that could help me to decipher him. Because it occurred to me that there could have been a cause, a reason why he wanted to force everything and everyone to listen to him in the first place.

“If you have dominance, or power, or control, Dove,” he smiled, but I didn’t see much happiness in his face, “you don’t need to be scared anymore. Of nothing and no one. Everything is as you wish, and you don’t have to worry anymore that something ends up the way you don´t want to. I admit that I mind if I don’t have everything and everyone around under control.”

Well.

I´d guessed correctly.

That tiny part he´d just revealed, indicated to me that he used to be scared of something when he was so afraid to be afraid again. And maybe that was the reason why he needed to control everything. To make all his own way.

“Not everyone, Eric,” I tried a kind smile. He frowned, suddenly looking as if he didn’t understand something. As if he didn’t understand what I was telling him at all. Maybe it was his biased expression, maybe his closeness and maybe just the crazy need to be here for him, which made me turn to him again, too.

“You can’t control the people you love,” I needed him to hear the sincerity in my voice. “One day, you´re gonna meet a girl for whom you’d rip your heart out of your chest and lay it at her feet. And you will be able to do nothing, absolutely nothing to make her love you too. You will be able just wait to see if she feels for you the same way or if she tramples your heart in front of you instead. It’s not all about power, it won’t help you every time. Sometimes it can make things worse.”

It cost me all my strength not to shiver under the intensity of his gaze. It shouldn’t seem strange to me. He already confessed once that he´d never been in love. Still, I was a little bit surprised. Because expression in his beautiful face was telling me right now that he´d never thought about these things before.

“I wish you,” I whispered. Suddenly I could only dream of being capable to speak louder. “I wish that you find what will make you happy.”

I was sure that all those shining stars of the universe could be lost in the depths of his gaze. Exactly as I lost myself, staring at him. And at that moment, I think, I never wanted to find myself again. For that little moment, I had the impression as if the last month had been just a long bad dream. Nothing more.

I had to sit. Whatever I was feeling right now, I had to interrupt it before it would consume me. His ability to subdue affected me critically.

“I should go take care of Jim,” I decided.

“No, Dove, please, not yet. Please, don´t send me away.” He sat next to me as well and I felt how heartbreaking his plea was. I swear I felt it as my heart really ached.

“Haven’t those ten minutes ended already?”

Like an hour ago?

“Give me five more, please. Please.”

I didn’t like the urgency of his tone, hell, I didn’t like the compulsive need to please him. Because I felt good with him, I felt damn great with him. As before. When there was truly nothing in between us.

But the reality simply could not be ignored, I had to listen to the warning voice that was whispering somewhere inside me. That reminded me of my heart, the cracks he´d left on it. Although, thanks to him, it was jumping happily in my chest right now.

“Five today,” I shook my head sharply and got up from bed, “and tomorrow you´re gonna want ten, then fifteen, then…”

“And then maybe, there will come a day when I can spend every second with you,” he interrupted me quietly.

Yes, it was definitely high time to say goodbye.

“Take a walk with me tomorrow. There’s still snow up in the forest.” He got up too, he faced me as if he knew that this was the best possible way to daze me.

But no, I couldn’t back down so easily. I still could feel those cracks in my chest. Those who kept me from believing him utterly.

“I’d rather not,” I repeated the same answer. I forced myself to look up at him, I forced myself to endure the disappointment that appeared on his face.

“Alright,” he nodded quietly. “Not yet.”

Although he exhaled heavily, it was still his smile that stunned me right after. He raised his hands to hug my face and I let him. I suppressed all my inhibitions, my insecurities, the fear that separated me from him when he pressed his lips to my forehead.

“Good night Princess.”

Suddenly, there was just coldness and the lack of his scent that surrounded me, I felt it too vividly. Now, as I watched him moving further and further away from me.

“Eric?”

I froze, I stiffened completely. As soon as I realized that I´d said it out loud, that I´d addressed him. A soon as I realized that it was a huge nonsense that had occurred to me.

However, the damage was done, my demon stopped and turned back to me.

Holy crap!

This is going to be pretty embarrassing.

“What is it, Princess?” He looked at me hopefully.

Gosh, Lara! You act sometimes as you would come from another planet.

“Um, nothing,” I shook my head quickly. I really wanted to change the subject, to make something up, I don´t know, anything! Yet, there was just an empty hole in my head. “Nothing. Nothing at all. See you tomorrow, OK?”

I really wanted him to believe me so he wouldn’t deal with it. But it wouldn’t be my demon if it was that simple.

I let my sight drop to the floor. However, I didn’t need to be looking at him to know that he turned, that he was standing in front of me again.

“Dove, what’s going on?” He cupped my face again, he made me face him easily. His piercing gaze didn’t last long, as if he´d known me for ages. He just said quietly and confidently: “You want something from me, don’t you? C´mon, tell me.”

I couldn’t. Because it sounded infantile and terribly stupid in my head. Because it would sound more infantile and even more stupid if I would say it out loud.

“Princess, what can I do for you?” He smiled at me as I just kept staring at him quietly. “I´ll do anything. Just ask for it.”

Well…, looking at him, watching his beautiful face, I just understood. That with the hot envoys from the deepest parts of hell couldn’t be negotiated. It was clear to me that I didn’t stand a chance to win.

So you´re gonna look like a completely idiot. Whatever.

“Dove, I’m not leaving until...”

“I want your T-shirt!” I immediately blurted out, frightened by the idea of him staying. Because he would keep his word, he would stay. And my self-control was already on its last legs.

“I like your scent. It was always such a nice feeling when you were here, sleeping next to me. I thought it would be nice to have your scent with me overnight again.”

I confessed, I told him what he wanted to know, though I wished he wouldn´t have heard it. And I expected him to tease me, I awaited that he would make fun of me. But without saying a word, my demon unzipped his sweatshirt to take it off along with the T-shirt he was wearing.

Oh, mother of all holy mackerels!

I should have thought about it, it should have occurred to me that I was not ready to see him half-naked. Those tattoos and divine abs of his, out of the blue, his divine body was floating right in front of my nose. I could just reach out and touch him. I could just…

“I’m already looking for that day, Princess,” my demon himself stopped me from further drooling as he spoke softly. As he lay his T-shirt on my bed and put only his sweatshirt back on. Yet, it didn’t help me at all when he smiled magically. “When you have me here overnight instead of my clothes.”

I smiled at him as well. And even though he really left, I, wearing his scent, slept peacefully the first time in an awfully long time.

***

Dammit, Lara!

Stop thinking about nonsense and focus on the important things!

For example, a normal pen. You’re going to need it during that stupid test tomorrow.

I was standing at my table, looking for a notebook. And also a pen. Maybe my textbook too. Fuck, I was standing at my table. Just to find out that half of my stuff were missing. I was totally out of order.

Again.

I really put my foot in my mouth today and suddenly, at half past ten in the evening, I was overwhelmed by fear. I was scared that it´d been my demon´s line that I´d crossed. I was scared that in an hour, I would sit here alone. That he wouldn’t come.

I wanted to stop thinking about it. I wanted to concentrate at least at those things which I should pack, which I would need tomorrow at school. But despite all my effort to get it out of my head, I couldn’t help but let my brain to rewind me that moment at lunch about a thousand times in one minute.

It was my heart, which eventually made me wake up from my confusion. It started cavorting in my chest as soon as I heard a soft knock from the window.

What...?

I just reached out and opened it. And all I had to do was to look up, and in an instant I faced my a head taller demon.

“What are you doing here so early?” He surprised me, he did, but I was happy.

He sighed heavily as he threw himself into the chair next to me. And something stiffened in me, as I saw him like this. As if he was tired. Terribly tired. “I´ve missed you, Princess,” he smiled weakly.

I had the impression as if there was a battle, raging inside him. As if he was about to lose. As if he couldn’t fight anymore. As if he even didn’t want to. “I couldn’t stand it anymore; it was impossible to resist the urge to see you again. I had to come earlier, I´m sorry.”

Aha.

So, he probably isn’t mad at me…, right?

I hated the relief that overwhelmed me immediately. I hated it because I shouldn’t care in the first place. I shouldn’t care if he was angry or not.

But my heart had a completely different opinion.

I headed to sit on my bed. I wanted to devote those ten minutes only to him. However, the warm hand that seized my forearm completely changed my plans. I looked at him confused, but he just pulled me closer, he just made me sit onto his lap without further ado.

I wanted to protest, in the first moment I really wanted to. Although I agreed that there would be nothing in between us during these ten minutes, I automatically counted with a few inches.

My demon obviously didn’t.

Hell, Lara!

Screw it.

It´s just ten minutes.

Just let it go, OK?

I stopped fighting with myself too. I stopped pretending I didn’t want to be so close to him as well. Instead, I listened to every molecule of my body that longed for him. And I obeyed my urge when I snuggled up to him. I let him take me into his arms as I rested my head on his shoulder. I let him lean his face against my hair as I softly touched his hand.

And then we both remained quiet.

Just like today in the lunchroom. After he surprised me and cheekily sat down opposite me.

“Do you want something?” I couldn’t stand it and broke the silence first. Because it pissed me off a little bit. I had a reasonable suspicion that he´d sat down next to me on purpose. Just so that Colin, whom I´d seen a minute before, couldn’t take this place instead.

“I wanted to see you,” he shrugged, dazing me with a smile. “We don’t share a class together today. I have to make up for it somehow.”

I glared at him; I watched his amused face in detail in an effort to figure out what this was really about.

“What is it, Princess?” It couldn’t be more obvious. The way he was suppressing laughter. “I’d also like to have a beautiful company at lunch.” He repeated Colin’s words.

And I almost snaped.

“First of all, where´s your lunch?” I hissed, rolling my eyes at him. “Second of all, you two are starting to annoy me pretty much.”

“You have such beautiful eyes,” he answered. Damn, he completely ignored everything I´d rebuked him. “The most beautiful green-brown eyes I’ve ever seen. I swear, there´s something golden there that makes them shine even more.”

He rested his head against his hand as he kept staring at me. The ardent envoy from the gates of hell was completely ignoring the fact that I wasn’t in the mood for his teasing.

“Do you want prevent Colin from sitting with me?” I asked straight.

“Mmmm maybe. But the time I could spend with you is far more important to me.”

I shook my head defensively, I just let my sight drop back to my book, and yes, I tried, I really tried to read.

In the presence of Eric Lestrad?

Unrealizable.

“Do you mind, Dove?” He interrupted me after a moment. After five seconds, to be more precise. “I can’t read your mind; would you like to sit with him?”

Suddenly, the letters in front of me looked incomprehensible, none of it made sense as I was staring at them. I couldn’t understand their meaning, even though I´d read the same sentence about ten times. I wasn’t able to concentrate on it, not after I´d just heard.

Because it surprised me, because I didn’t expect it. I awaited snarling, anger, disgust, whatever always accompanied his expression when it came to talking about Colin. And now, he´d seriously asked me for my opinion. Had I at least a small hope that my Monday´s trying to talk some sense to him wasn’t useless?

“No,” I replied indifferently. “Actually, I don’t really care. He´s not the worst company when he´s not hitting on me.”

I was going to turn my attention back to Tolstoy, I truly was. But…, damn! I was too curious to ignore it.

“And why the hell do you mind?” I asked straight away. “Why do you mind that he´s being nice to me?”

I didn’t like when his gaze dropped as well. There was something serious reflecting in his face now and I had that impression as if he thought about it. He took a deep breath and I also found honesty in his eyes as he looked at me again. “I guess I’m afraid,” he said. “I’m afraid that you’ll fall in love with him as well and I’ll lose you.”

I blinked as the words reached my brain. As my mind replayed me the same situation. A memory from October when we had lunch together. When he told me exactly the same thing. What did I answer him back then? Oh, yeah, I know! I said I would never trade him because friendship remains forever, and love doesn’t.

Well, I was wrong.

Even that friendship didn’t last long.

“Yet, you didn’t need Colin´s help to lose me. You took care about that all by yourself.”

I didn’t think as I blurted it out. And I didn’t stop it either. I don’t know, at that moment, I didn’t really know what I´d meant by that. I didn’t realize that it had been a mistake until my demon’s gaze dropped to the table again. And this time he didn’t lift it anymore.

The pain that was reflecting in his eyes, the damn despair I saw there before he closed them, was a sufficient punishment for me for failing to control myself.

Back then, I couldn’t even look at him properly. I simply got up, apologized, and literally ran away. And now, as I was sitting pinched to his chest, I couldn’t escape anywhere anymore.

Although the truth was hidden in every single word I let out of my mouth. Although it was him who had first hurt me. Although it wasn’t supposed to be me, asking for forgiveness, I didn’t help myself. The memory of the hopelessness in his face literally tortured me.

“I’m sorry, Eric,” I whispered, “for what I said at lunch.”

His hand left my back, he tangled it into my hair, only to stroke it.

“Don’t apologize, Princess,” he whispered, too. “I deserved every word you´d said to me. I would deserve much more. I would deserve if you ignored me. Yet, you´re here sitting with me.”

The grip around me automatically intensified as I shook my head unhappily. I didn’t like what he was saying, but I also didn’t know what to tell him. Because yes, he was the one who had let me go. And I wanted to know now how much he wanted me to come back. How hard he was willing to try.

“I want to listen to you again,” I asked for it softly. “Tell me something about you.”

He froze I felt that, and I had to repeat to myself that I couldn’t back down.

“My mom was beautiful.”

A second, an instant and I froze too. The silence around us tried to deceive me, maybe I even believed that it was just a dream. That I hadn’t hear it at all. But he said it, he really said something like that, my pounding heart convinced me of it. Suddenly, I was afraid to move, as if it might scare him and he would remain quiet again.

“I remember the peace I felt when she was around. As if I was in some kind of impregnable castle full of safety. When she was with me, there was nothing that could get me, that could hurt me.”

I had my wish. I was really listening to him with bated breath. I was listening to every single word he said, just to realize, that my yesterday´s theory must have been right. There must have been something he´d feared when he was a child.

And then there was something else that didn’t allow me to breathe properly. The tenderness hidden in his voice when he spoke of her, made me understand that she hadn’t left him voluntarily. Which most likely meant that she was no longer alive.

“I remember the evenings when she put me to sleep. Those were special moments for me, in fact the only ones I have full memories of.”

Oh my gosh!

Hell, if he didn’t remember anything else, he must have been a child when he lost her!

I didn’t stop it; I didn’t control the need. I raised my hand and hugged his face to make him look at me. “I’m sorry, Eric,” I said at least that, “I’m so sorry.”

He smiled at me. He smiled despite the pain in his eyes. He leaned his forehead against mine, and at that moment I was more than sure that he hadn’t come to terms with her death till today.

I had a lot of questions, I desperately wanted to ask. But I suppressed the urge. Because more than the answers, I wanted him to want to tell me. I appreciated that he shared at least a small part of his life with me. But I also didn’t want him to regret it later. I didn’t want him to regret that he´d told me something because I´d insisted.

But this time my demon remained silent.

He kept leaning his forehead against mine, he was just breathing slowly. And I could have felt it. I felt it too intense. The intimacy of that one touch. It made me want to comfort him somehow. To hug him, to pull him even closer to me and never let him go. In a brief instant, the desire to stay in his presence seemed unbearable.

I was the first to break the silence.

“What about your dad?” I allowed myself to ask.

But I knew it right away.

How bad the question was.

He stiffened noticeably, and even if he hadn´t pull his divine face away from me, I would have known that he frowned.

“He was an asshole,” he growled softly, “I’m ashamed to have his genes.” His gaze dropped, he looked somewhere, and it didn’t matter where. He just didn’t want to look at me. “His asshole genes,” he exhaled, as if talking about some kind of a curse.

And it bothered me.

It bothered me that he thought something like that about himself. It bothered me a hell of a lot. I raised my hand to cup his face again. To make him face me once more.

“Don’t you dare talk like that, Eric,” I deliberately sounded vehemently. “You may act like an arrogant jerk sometimes, yes, but you definitely don’t have asshole genes.”

I had to laugh as the corners of his lips twitched when he heard my comparison. Yet I became serious right after. “Please don’t tell me that this is the reason why you think you’re not good enough for me?”

He took a deep breath, as if he wanted to say something. He looked at me again, as if he planned to answer. However, not a sound came out of his mouth. I waited patiently, ready to convince him that anything bad he kept thinking about himself wasn’t true. But he fell silent again, and I was getting a little desperate.

“I apologize to you, Princess. For that evening, “he said only.

I raised an eyebrow as he surprised me. Also, I wanted to ask what he was talking about. But I didn’t need to even open my mouth. I understood what he´d meant as he took my hand and made me seize his bracelet. And I remembered, I remembered exactly the last time I held him like that. Back then in his car. A day before my flight back home at Christmas.

“I can, I will always be there to protect you. Always. You know that, right? Please, tell me you know that.”

Well, even though I hadn’t found it funny back then, now I had to laugh. “By pulling me out of the bar in a neanderthal way?”

“No. Forgive me,” he laughed softly, relieved. “Although I must admit, it’s kind of a nice idea.”

Um, excuse me?

He became serious again as he looked for my eyes. He sought forgiveness in them, as if he didn’t know I couldn’t be angry with him.

“I was terribly upset, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to get involved, not really. But then I read his mind…, and I…, just the idea that someone would hurt you… I had to be there, I had to come. Although I tried to make you think that I never lost track of where you were or whether you were alright.”

It caught my eye, the touch of his fingers, running over mine, over his bracelet. Over the only word that described how much he´d tied me to him.

“It was never only a word. Never,” his voice broke. “That bond was everything to me, Dove, and I want it back.”

I allowed my fingertips to run through his palm. I allowed him to intertwine his fingers with mine. But I wasn’t able to return his gaze.

Before he made me to do so.

“Could I stay longer?” He asked quietly, and I realized that our ten minutes were over.

His hot arms, his embrace which he hid me in. There it was, my shell of peace, my great temptation, and all I had to do was to succumb to it.

“Alright, Dove, I respect that,” he understood my silence in his own way. “I won´t put pressure on you to agree. Even these ten minutes are more than I can ask. Thank you.”

It was good this way, right?

Lara, don’t even hesitate…, OK? It´s still too early to trust him fully.

I tried to smile, I also tried to thank him for his understanding somehow. That he really didn’t insist, that he gave me space to think about all of it.

“Would you care to join me for a drive tomorrow? Babygirl misses you, I swear! I would come to pick you up in the morning, so you don’t have to take your car,” he looked at me hopefully.

And then I understood.

At that moment, at that second, I understood it. That a heart could break not only when it´s being rejected, but also when it itself rejects something.

It sounded tempting, damn, it sounded like an ideal afternoon. But I was still scared, fuck, I just was. He was the boy who turned my world upside-down only to hurt me. When only those stupid ten minutes threw me off balance like this, after a few hours with him, I would lose myself completely.

“I’d rather not.”

I hated that I was responsible for the fading sparks in his irises. Even for a disappointment in his beautiful face when he nodded: “OK. Not yet.”

Suddenly, I felt the irrepressible urge to distract him somehow, to make him think about something else. Out of the blue, there was nothing more important than not letting him leave sad.

“What were those special moments with your mom?”

And my demon smiled. My gosh, it was truly a magical smile that beautified his lips, his whole expression. And in that tenderness that radiated from his eyes, I drowned without the chance of salvation. But he didn’t say a word.

It disconcerted me, it disconcerted me a lot, when je just wrapped his arms around me again. He stood up not letting go off me and carried me to bed.

It disconcerted me even more when he covered me with my blanket. But then he just stroked my hair as always. He cupped my face as always. He leaned over to kiss my forehead as always.

“Good night, Princess,” he whispered.

I was a little confused. No, I was actually totally confused as he simply left. Well…, I asked, I wanted to know what those unique moments with his mom were and he just put me to sleep instead of answering.

Should I have understood it to be beyond his line again? That he simply ignored my question?

After all, he repeated what he´d done every night.

I wasn’t complaining, not by any chance. I loved his ritual. I loved his protective kiss, his gentle gestures. As if I was the most precious, the most fragile thing he had under his hands.

Oh!

FUCK!

Exactly the precious as a little demon must have been for his mum!

My heart stopped for two beats as it slowly dawned on me. Damn! After all, he’d been doing it all this time! Since the day he gave me my dragon pendant! He passed the special moments he´d shared with his mother on me.

No.

There was nothing more there that could help me.

I completely fell for him all over again.

🙕