Falling Awake (Unbreakable #2)

“Is he still alive, or should I make other plans for tonight?” I heard my uncle chuckle as I opened the front door. I wanted to growl at him for reminding me how weak I was. But I didn’t manage to even try.

“Dammit, Honey! You were outside in a tank top?!”

Shit!

“If you don’t want to go to school, just say a word! You don’t have to necessarily catch a cold.”

I raised an eyebrow at his offer. But despite the temptation to take it, I rather decided not to deal with it. I couldn’t tell him the truth. That I didn’t went out on a cold February day wearing just a tank top. That I was actually wearing a sweatshirt. The one which was lying on the floor in Eric’s room. Because I totally forgot to pick it up as I was literally running away from him.

Fuck! Thank heavens, he didn’t see me leave the house!

“I’m sorry, I kind of forgot.” I made a poor excuse. I didn’t prolong the moment anymore, I just headed to my room.

It was getting dark.

I had no idea how long I had been sitting on the floor leaning against my bed, but it was no longer the daylight that could be seen through my windows. I picked up some flowers that lay around me, I kept playing with their leaves. They smelled beautifully and even under the light of the lamp I could see their stunning vivid colors.

My gosh, what have I done? Again?

A fucking million-dollar question I’d asked myself too often lately.

I kissed him.

This time, I was the one who kissed him. If I ever managed to sow a seed of uncertainty in him, or to convince him that I didn’t want anything to bind us anymore, I just proved him the opposite.

Damn, how did it come to this?

Dear brain, please start thinking rationally and finally stop going against me.

For a moment, I wanted to punch something only to feel terribly apathetic right after that. For a while I had the impression, I was going crazy only to realize I´d already been insane for a quite long time.

What the hell happened to me? What’s going on? How did we get this far? Why would I let him?

Because you love him, Lara. Although you’re still looking for reasons elsewhere, the truth is, you love him. Regards, your brain.

I sighed heavily as that one thought spun around and around in my head. Yes, I was in love. But… Hell! What about him? What did he want from me?

167 roses for every day I know you. I care for you. E.

My gaze fell on the notice that was still lying on the ground where I had left it. In black and white, I found my answer. He cared about me, he told me that as well more than once. But he never said something about being in love with me. He never even sketched that he loved me. Even when I gave him the opportunity to say something as we were standing at the rest area in the middle of nowhere.

There was too much tension and desire between us already back in the days when we used to spend every minute together. When we were friends. Like a waking volcano, it must have erupted one day.

But what did he want from me now?

To be his friend with benefits?

Yes, maybe it would be worth a sin… Holy crap, I was sure it would be worth a sin. If there wasn’t a broken heart lying helplessly in my chest. I loved him. I loved him desperately much.

And what would happen then? If I took a risk if I got involved with him and then he really fell in love with someone else? Thanks a lot, Lara, for a perfect fuck. But I met someone, I’m leaving. How much would it hurt then?

And what about all the things he´s keeping away from me?

Even if we moved to some kind of parallel universe where none of his ex-girlfriends existed, and he would care for me more than just as a friend. What relationship would we have if I still didn’t know him? And he still refuses to tell me? What about Leroy? Why is Eric talking to him in first place when he knows that Leroy wanted to hurt me? Is the weird Frenchman more important than me?

I laughed at my naivete. Because I was naïve indeed.

White, pink, red, yellow, it looked like the colors of the petals were blending in my palms. His gift was beautiful, truly beautiful. Nonetheless, I couldn’t allow him to do that ever again.

I told him that I didn’t want anything to do with him. Yeah, I know, I succumbed to the lust three times. But I couldn’t let him play with me like that anymore. He would destroy me. Or I would destroy myself.

I got up from the floor abruptly when it occurred to me that I should get water for the flowers. I had no idea how I should provide it, where I could find so many containers or vases, and then… Then all my thoughts disappeared out of my head anyway.

At the second I saw him.

I froze, I stiffened. It was dark outside, yet I was sure my demon was sitting on the tree next to my window. I was sure he saw everything.

My doubts, my uncertainty, my suffering. I was sure he must have understood. That it was all because of him. That I never stopped caring. That I just pretended he meant nothing to me.

And he jumped down.

My heart stopped immediately. I didn’t have time to breathe or even to panic. I ran to my window only to see him landing on his feet softly.

What the hell?

Fuck! The boy was everything, but ordinary!

I shook my head. I kept shaking my head as he scared the shit out of me for nothing. For a second there, I had that irresistible feeling that it was just a strange dream. That I simply had some kind of bizarre vision. But my sweatshirt, lying over a branch by the window, clearly proved me wrong. I didn’t hallucinate yet.

I wasn’t able to go downstairs for another hour.

Locked in my room, in my own tower, I felt like an animal in a cage. But the fear of meeting him after I kissed him, was stronger.

I managed to put those roses into water and then I just kept marching here and there, cursing inwardly at my stupidity. That I allowed him to influence me like that. That I was literally scared to walk through my own house because of him. I mean, Jim’s house, but that’s not the point.

My stomach was the one, which forced me to leave my room eventually. I was terribly hungry and there was dinner in the fridge. With my heart pounding madly, I slowly descended the stairs only to see him sitting on the sofa. He wasn’t watching soccer.

He was looking at me.

“Oh, Honey,” Jim said to me, noticing Eric’s gaze, “don’t you want to join us?”

“I´m starving,” I rather ignored his invitation. “Do you want me to make some dinner for you too?”

Well, that was a dumb thing to ask. Jim never refused something to eat. His wide smile was an adequate answer to my question, and I headed straight to the kitchen. Straight to the refrigerator. I took the meal I´d cooked this morning out of it and divide it into two portions.

Goodness gracious! Lara! Come on! Wake up!

Why are you so restless?

Just go to the living room and act like nothing had happened.

Like you two had never kissed before.

Like you have no idea who the boy sitting on Jim´s sofa is.

I guess I had to take a deep breath before entering the living room. I ignored the piercing gaze of those black eyes as I handed my uncle his dinner. And then I sat down. I really sat down next to him. For a brief moment, I considered throwing myself onto the other chair. But I never sat there. They would both understand why I did it and yes, it would be weird.

I pressed myself to the opposite end of the couch as much as I could in attempt to extend the space between us. Although I wasn’t sure if it helped me in any way.

The hot envoy from hell didn’t hesitate, he automatically handed me a beer and I took it, pretending to be very interested in actual score. I took a sip of it before I started eating.

It was disgusting.

Damn, I was hungry as if I was on a three-months’ diet, but I couldn’t force myself to eat more. I tried to remember what else I´d seen in the refrigerator, yet nothing was able to arouse my desire to eat. Even the idea of ​​pizza made me want to throw up. I gave up, placing still full plate on the table and filled my stomach at least with another sip of beer.

I wasn’t comfortable.

His presence was distracting me terribly. I wasn’t feeling well with my legs hanging down from the sofa. I wasn’t feeling well in Turkish sitting position. I craved to curl up into my favorite position, but that would mean turning to him.

No way.

For nothing in the world.

Some Messi almost scored, the crowd cheered frantically, and I had had his arms around my body four hours ago.

I immediately jerked as the thought of his lips, his damn mesmerizing lips, run through my head. But no, I couldn’t shake it off anymore. Not when the boy was sitting next to me. His naked chest, his whole divine body pressed against mine, I goddamn recalled that moment and the intense temptation almost swept me away.

Heck, Lara, stop it!

The player in the black-and-yellow jersey fouled the player in the red-blue one. The referee whistled to signal a corner kick restart. I swear, even the fans at the stadium weren’t so turned on as I was right now. And they both managed to achieve their goals.

Messi truly scored.

My demon really stopped my heart.

I felt a soft tickle on my hand, as he ran through it with his fingers. Just a fucking soft tickle, yet it made the ant gang gallop down my spine. With a single touch, he managed to conquer me again, and I let him entwine his fingers with mine. He must have seen it; he must have noticed how stiffened I was. He squeezed my hand gently, he hid it in his palm, and at that moment I couldn’t stand it anymore.

Jim was too preoccupied with watching the repetitive shots of Messi´s goal, he hadn’t noticed anything yet. And I didn’t mean to risk either. I broke free of his grip and crossed both arms on my chest to make sure he wouldn’t do it again. And the demon next to me just stared at the screen, not showing any emotion at all. Still, I didn’t miss his crooked smile.

Sitting next to him was torment.

I was perceiving his presence just as you perceive a doctor who´s about to take your blood. You don’t look at him because you´re scared. Yet you know he’s getting things ready, he´s unwrapping the needle. And you’re still waiting for him to stab you. For the needle to hurt you.

It hurt that he was sitting so close. It literally hurt me to smell his scent next to me. To feel the heat of his body when I wasn’t allowed to touch him.

I wasn´t allowed.

He was sitting comfortably on the sofa like a damn hot temptation right in front of me. Everything I longed to have. My weakness, my ticket to hell, the reason of my heart´s failing.

With an absolutely refined sense for self-control.

“Dammit, Lara,” I heard his voice whisper in my head, “I can think of so many ways how to make you moan my name. Right now, right here.”

And my doom had been accomplished.

I didn’t stop the silent moan, coming out of my lungs. Perhaps my chest was trying to release the pressure that was gripping me from outside. I could only thank heavens that my uncle had heard nothing, that he hadn’t registered anything at all.

My demon on the other hand…

I was fully aware of how he suddenly froze. The last remnants of my common sense screamed at me, but no, I was unable to obey it. I looked at him, I looked at his beautiful face, only to see that he felt the same way. He must have felt the same way as I did.

He was staring at me. He didn’t watch soccer anymore; he didn’t watch as the black-and-yellow ones were trying to equalize the score. He was studying me in detail.

He leaned against the sofa; he parted his lips as his sight dropped to my mouth. Only the fucking memory of how his kisses tasted like made me bite my lip. I desperately wished that a piece of my demon´s taste would still cling to it.

And he narrowed his eyes, I swear he was suddenly breathing completely differently. Shallow, fast, as if something made his heart pound madly.

The air between us thickened, it was charged with electricity. Like before the storm. As if we were about to start yelling at each other or ripping our clothes off. Suddenly, the room became stuffy. Suddenly, I could only dream of oxygen. My lungs refused to obey; I couldn’t breathe. I craved unbearably to touch him.

And he didn’t help me suppress that lust, no way. My demon made it worse when he clenched his fists, making it clear to me that he himself was struggling with his own self-control. Making it clear to me that he noticed very well what his presence was doing to me.

And Jim noticed it eventually, too.

“The tension between the two of you could be cut with a knife,” he said amusedly. I almost jumped as he yanked me out of those wild thoughts. And he sent me back to reality.

“Time to go to bed,” I said immediately, though I knew I wouldn’t fall asleep.

And they both looked up at me in surprise.

“It’s not even ten o´clock, Honey. Saturday night,” Jim’s gaze made me realize that he knew very well that I wasn’t tired. He just probably didn’t notice I couldn’t sit here any longer.

“I know. But I´m still feeling like going to bed, “I shrugged nonchalantly, being appropriately proud of my acting. Because I would rather go to hell than staying here with one of its demons. Even that seemed to be a better option at that moment.

I took those two plates, Jim’s empty, and mine still full, I left them in the kitchen on the counter and then I didn’t look back. Ignoring the temptation to return to the devilish envoy, I ran upstairs to my room and headed straight for my window to open it.

Once, twice, I took a deep breath. A faint wind caressed my face, the chill of the February night was able to clear my mind in a brief instant. And suddenly I was overwhelmed by an uncontrollable desire to escape.

To run away.

To drive until the sunrise.

There was a spare car key in the first drawer of my bedside table. My documents were lying on my table. And I pulled some money out of my wallet. I didn’t need anything else. It was decided.

There was only one problem left.

It was out of the question to go through the front door. Because then, either one or the other one would check up on me every minute. I couldn’t even pick up my jacket, which hung down in the hall. I put on a thicker sweater and I looked at my window with determination.

Come on, girl! If you managed to climb down that tree with him, you can do it alone, as well! Right?

I turned off the light, I scattered the bed to make it look like I was truly sleeping. With a pounding heart, I climbed out of my window and stepped on the first strong branch next to it. I managed to get to the last part without any major problems. But then, damn, I totally forgot that there were no branches for me to catch there. That the last one was approximately seven ft above the ground.

I didn’t want to go back; I didn’t want to give up. Under no circumstances. Even though I had no idea how I would get back when I would return.

I gripped the branch beneath me as I knelt on it. I slowly lowered one knee, then the other, and then I tried to slide myself down until I hung, holding the branch only with my hands. I looked into the darkness, measuring, estimating.

Okey. It´s 7 ft and I am 5,4 ft tall.

That´s not a big difference.

So… When I let go, I should fall softly on my feet, right?

I took a deep breath and tried. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t bad at all. Yet, I bent my knees too little, and I wobbled. And maybe I would have fallen, maybe I would have ended up on the ground if there hadn’t been hands that kept me upright.

“That was impressive, Dove.”

Fuck!

“I heard you,” he smiled, perhaps at the horror reflecting on my face. “I had to make sure you´re okey.”

“Jim?” I blurted out, asking the only thing that interested me at the moment. Because the last thing I needed was for my uncle to think I was regularly running away from home.

“He has no idea, don’t worry. He believes you went to bed,” my demon shook his head. “I said I needed to talk to Will and left the phone in my car.”

Oh.

I literally felt the relief relaxing my tense muscles, as I – willy-nilly - returned the burning gaze of the boy in front of me. Because it was burning. We were standing outside, in the middle of February night, but I was still sweating.

“Thank you,” I exhaled softly, as I really was grateful. One word of his and my plan for a night trip would fail in a second. Yet my demon didn’t do it to me, he didn’t betray me. He only took me by my hand and put the keys in my palm. And I didn’t fake my confused, surprised expression at all.

“I want peace, Dove,” he told me determinedly. “I want peace between the two of us. I know how you feel, and I know what you want to do. It has helped me countless times too. Take my car. You´ll enjoy the ride more. Think about my proposal, and when you return, I´ll ask for your answer.”

I gasped for air. In an instant, I needed oxygen more than ever. After all, he just offered me, he… Dammit! I was squeezing his car keys in my palm! Although I had no idea which car, he´d chosen to come here tonight with, I was pretty sure that a house could be bought for the price of the vehicle.

“Eric, are you crazy?” I whispered, yes, I did, but the disconcerted tone of my voice was still recognizable. “You can’t lend me your car! What if I do something to it? “

Without hesitation, I reached out to return the keys to him. Nonetheless, my demon just took my hand in his own and made me squeeze the cold metal in my palm again.

“You won’t. You´re driving perfectly, I have no doubts about this,” he smiled and stroked my hair gently. “Besides, you’re far more responsible than I´ll ever be. I don’t care about the car. Just promise me you´ll take care of yourself. Enjoy it, Princess. “

Mother of all holy mackerels!

I had the keys to his car.

I had in my hand the keys to his probably pretty luxurious and fast car.

Goodness gracious, what am I doing?

“Thank you,” I said for a second time. And that was all, all I was able to do. Except staring into his beautiful eyes.

The dim light shining on us through the blurred blinds of a kitchen window allowed me to see the tenderness adorning his face. Yet, there was something in his face, something that was disturbing the peace radiating from him.

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself,” I heard a plea in his voice, as he repeated himself again. And I understood. My demon didn’t like the idea of me going alone. And that´s why I truly appreciated that he let me, that he didn’t protest at all. “Dove, say - I promise.”

“I promise,” I nodded, not hesitating to give him what he needed to hear. And maybe it was for his puppy eyes, maybe it was because I simply loved him too much, I gave up and added: “I’ll have my phone with me, okay?”

He got my permission to check up on me, he got what he wanted. I knew it from the way he exhaled with relief. From the way his shoulders dropped as if a huge load was taken off them. The corners of his lips widened into a gorgeous smile, yet he stepped back as if giving me the space to run away.

I laughed, all of a sudden, I wanted to keep laughing and I rather ran away. Before I would succumb to the temptation to ask him to come with me.

It was no problem to sneak secretly under the living room windows. To stay standing straight, to force my knees not to wobble after I saw what I saw, that problem already was.

Because there was a Porsche, there was his Babygirl parked on the street in front of the Jim´s house.

“Goddammit, Lestrad, what are you doing to me? How can you just trust me with your Porsche?”

After all, even if I overlook the fact that it’s a damn PORSCHE and a little stupid stone can scratch its shiny metallic, it’s your girl, your love at first sight!

I mumbled the rebuke just for myself, shaking my head along. Because even when I wanted to, even when I should, I couldn’t resist the temptation to drive her again. Only when my phone beeped did I realized that I actually said those words aloud. That my demon could still hear me.

My heart pounded as I pulled it out of my pocket and then, I just couldn’t believe my eyes. But no, his answer shone brightly on my screen.

Did you forget that I only want the best for you?

I shook my head for the second time as I simply couldn’t understand him. Still, I stepped forward, I kept walking toward her, convinced she would disappear at any moment. That this wasn’t really happening. But no, my fingers really touched the door, it really was her seat I sat on.

“Oh, hey Beautiful,” I greeted her with due respect. “I missed you, you know that, right?”

His beloved Babygirl, his greatest passion.

And now, she was mine.

Everything around me scented like he, everything here belonged to him. And it was a delightful feeling, being allowed to drive his car.

“Let´s make a deal, okay?” I stroked the steering wheel gently. “I’ll give you what you desire, and you’ll be nice and obedient to me. Do you agree?”

I was sure she would do it, too. That she would give me the distraction I longed for. I needed her to obey me. I needed her not to betray me. I needed us to understand each other. Because I knew I wouldn’t be holding myself back tonight.

And that annoying phone vibrated again.

That was damn hot, Dove.

What?

I rolled my eyes, yet I had to laugh. I didn’t think he would keep listening to me… Actually, not even a minute after, I completely forgot about his ability to hear so good as only his girl had my attention. But when I had the opportunity, I took advantage of it. I was too lazy to tap something, I simply replied aloud: “Excuse me, please. This is a private conversation. Thank you.”

I slipped the keys into the ignition; I depressed the clutch and turned the keys slightly. And the way she growled under my touch immediately floated adrenaline into my blood vessels. And I forgot again.

“Holy crap, girl,” I moaned, “I may not be so obedient.”

I collected myself, yes, but it was already too late. That stupid phone announced me another message.

Dove, I’m struggling right now. Stop it! Don’t do this to me.

I snorted. Aloud. I was hoping he’d hear this too.

“Stop listening to me!” I hissed aloud. Yeah, I admit, I felt like a weirdo talking to myself. I mean, like a total weirdo. Like freshly released from the insane asylum, so huge weirdo. But I had my answer almost immediately.

Eric: Stop provoking me! You´re playing with the fire, you know that, right?

What?

I am provoking him?

Eric: You´re risking that I´ll come out, lock you up in that car and then you´re gonna beg me to stop.

Eric: Or not to stop.

Damn what?!

Eric: Don’t think I got myself under control since this morning.

I was staring at his texts; I was looking at them with my mouth open. Once again! I am provoking him?! Okay! When he was convinced of that, so be it! At that moment, I intended to show him what provocation is.

“You know, Eric,” I deliberately sighed, “the next time you’re locked up here alone, think of me. How I´m touching your steering wheel. How I am caressing it. I’ll take your Babygirl, I´ll take all of her and I´ll let her have me. Either I’ll make her moan today, or she’ll do it to me. I’ll make her beg for more. And when I’m done with her, when I return her back to you, it will take you weeks to tame her again. The girl just won’t forget this ride.”

It was menacing.

That silence after my speech.

I was about to throw the phone away and finally drive off as it vibrated again. And I was a little scared to look at it. Rightfully.

Eric: Lara.

Eric: My dear little miss Princess.

Eric: Here´s a little and very honest advice from me.

Eric: To be you, I would check at least ten times that all the windows in the house are closed before I go to bed tonight. Because if you forget about just one, it´s gonna be me who will make sure that you´ll be moaning my name the whole night.

Fuck!

Eric: You have ten seconds to leave. Go, drive off while I’m holding back my self-control. And now, I’m not asking anymore. Now, I’m warning you for the last time. Because when I cross that fucking line, you´ve been playing with lately, neither all the saints, nor all the angels, nor the servants of hell will help you. Not even the fact that your uncle is sitting here.

I read it, I read his messages, and… Yes, they made me shut up. I was no longer able to speak. I could only perceive my heart, pounding crazy in my chest. He meant it; I knew he did. I was sure of that, and he only confirmed it to me.

Eric: Ten.

Eric: Nine.

Eric: Eight.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

I probably went too far this time.

Eric: Five.

Eric: Four.

“Okay! I’m leaving!” I admitted my defeat. There was no point in arguing with him, there was no point in provoking further. After all, he was the first reason I wanted to run away tonight.

Eric: Good girl.

I didn’t consider it wise to tell him anything else. I rather threw my phone on the seat next to me. I added gas and headed out of the town, trying to get that thought out of my head. The only one terrifying thought that I still had to meet him today to return his car keys.

**