Fall With Me (Playing For Keeps Book 4)

“You’re moving out?”

The words come out exactly as frantic as I feel. They hurt, every one of them, like Lennon’s shoved her fist down my throat, plucked each one out of my chest in excruciatingly slow motion.

“I—”

“Y-y-y—” Christ, I’m stuttering. Losing it, if I even still had it. I shake my head, taking in the sight around me, boxes upon boxes of furniture that were meant to make up her home, her home away from me. “You-you . . . you can’t. No. You can’t.” I don’t know what I’m doing, how I wind up here. Pulling the box from her hand, shoving it back through the door, inside my apartment. I just know she can’t leave me. “Please.” I grab another off the wall, pushing it inside, then another.

“Jaxon.” Lennon watches me, mouth gaping as I take every single box, shove it back where it belongs. She reaches for one, eyes widening as I pull it away. She scoops up the smaller items, kitchen utensils with the tags still on, dish towels and pie plates, and she dumps them all in a box that she clutches to her chest. “Jaxon, what are you⁠—”

“You can’t leave!” I blurt out, hands trembling as everything bubbles up to the surface. The fears, the insecurities, all the years I spent self-loathing. My thoughts run rampant, screaming at me that she’s leaving for a reason, just like we knew she would, just like everyone else.

But my heart screams at me to stop. To stop running, stop hiding, and for once in my goddamn life to stay. To fight for the ending I want. To fight for who I want. Who I want to be, and who I’ve always been beneath the fears, the labels, the self-doubts.

To fight for the life I deserve.

So when I open my mouth, I don’t know what’s going to come out of it. I just know I’m going to stand here and give it my all before I let her walk out of here.

“What do you want me to say, Len? What do you need to hear? Because I’ll tell you everything. You want to know why I have every place I’ve ever lived tattooed on my body except for Vancouver? You want me to tell you how I finally, finally, gave up? That when I was traded to my fourth team when I was only twenty-six, I was tired of telling myself this place might be it, the place I finally get to stay, the place I get to truly call home? Because I am. I’m so fucking tired of trying to belong somewhere, of getting my hopes up just to get traded when I fuck up, when they find someone who can do my job better than me, just to be forgotten by the people I called family while I was there. That’s why I pushed you away. That’s why I pushed everyone away. Because I’ve never been enough, Lennon, and I didn’t want to be here when you figured it out.”

Hot tears slide down my face without my permission, and I watch Lennon’s heart break in real time. The way her face crumples, the longing in her eyes to hold me, comfort me. The tears that gather in her incredible brown eyes, spilling down her cheeks. That tremble in her chin as she watches me wipe my tears away, her chest heaving in time with mine.

“You want me to beg you to stay? To tell you how badly I wanna be the one who reminds you how much Advil to take, massages your back when you’ve got your period? The one who makes a detailed instruction manual for your favorite lattes, but makes them for you anyway when I wake up first? The one who puts your favorite flowers on the kitchen counter every week just to see you smile, who does your hair routine when you’ve had a shitty day and aren’t up for it? You want me to tell you how I wanna be the one sitting next to you on the couch while you show off all the pictures you took that day, listen to you talk about your favorite ones, smile at the way you you trip over your words because you’re so excited, so damn in love with your dream? That I wanna be the one who drives you out to the middle of nowhere at midnight just to fucking stare at you while you stare at the stars, because somehow, in this whole huge world, I got lucky enough to find you, not once, but twice? You want me to ask you to stay, Lennon? To tell you I’m in love with you?”

She gasps, more tears running free, cascading down her beautiful face while my heart slams in my chest as I struggle to breathe.

“Here it is, honey. I love you. I am so goddamn, mind-blowingly in love with you, and the thought of losing you is killing me. I don’t want you to go. This place only feels like a home when you’re here.” I whisper my final plea. “Please, honey. Please stay.”

Lennon stands there, box still clenched to her heaving chest, full lips parted and trembling.

And she says nothing. Nothing at all.

Makes it impossible to miss the way my heart claws its way out of my chest and shatters at my feet.

“Right. Well.” I drop my gaze, burying my hand in my hair as I fail to swallow down the searing pain creeping up my throat. I pull my hands free, taking in the violent shake to them before I quickly curl them into fists, turning away from Lennon before she can see. “I can help you . . . I’ll . . . if-if . . .”

“Jaxon.”

“Um, yeah, just gimme a minute, and then I can help you with the . . . with the-the . . .”

“Jaxon.”

I close my eyes, memorizing the way my whispered name sounds leaving her lips. It takes everything in me to turn around, to look at her again, that fucking box in her hands. “Yeah?”

“I love you too.”

That box falls to the floor.

And then she’s dashing across the kitchen, crashing into me at full speed. Her arms around my neck, my hands on her ass as I hoist her up to me.

I brush her curls from her soaked face. “What? What did you just say?”

“I love you,” she cries, laughing through the tears running rampant down her face, wiping at mine. “I love you for reminding me how much Advil to take, and for massaging my back when I’m on my period. I love you for teaching me how to use the complicated espresso machine, and for making my lattes most of the time anyway. I love you for the tulips, for taking the time to learn how to care for my hair, for sitting next to me on the couch and listening to me ramble on about my pictures. I love you for supporting my dreams, for taking me to watch the stars, for looking at me the way I look at them, and the same way I look at you, like I’m the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen.” She cups my face, sniffling, licking the teardrops from her lips. Her gaze doesn’t waver, swimming with honesty, raw and vulnerable. “There is no one alive who could love me better than you do, Jaxon. You love me the way I always dreamed of being loved. The way I deserve to be loved. And I’m going to love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

The beam that spreads across her face is so stunning, so devastating, my knees wobble. I look away, shaking my head, because this is, without a doubt, the most overwhelming thing I’ve ever felt in my life. Is it real? Is it mine?

She touches my chin, guiding my gaze back to hers. “I love you.”

Tears gather all over again in my eyes. She brushes them away, whispering, “I love you,” against my cheek.

“One more time.” I swallow against the tightness in my throat, licking my lips. “One more time. Please.”

Soft lips sweep over mine. “I love you, Jaxon.”

My mouth collides with hers, fingers sinking into the thick spirals at the nape of her neck, gripping them tight in my fist. My legs move, walking us to the kitchen counter, where I sit her on the edge so I can take her face between my trembling hands as my mouth moves with hers. I pull her head taut, looking down at her as I catch my breath. Except, staring down at her, at the world I hold in the palms of my hands, all I do is lose it.

“Where did you come from? How did you walk into my world out of nowhere and knock it off its axis? I took one look at you and started falling, terrified every damn moment, from the top right down to the bottom. But you were there. You were always there, honey.” I press my lips to hers, tasting her tears. “Thank you for falling with me. I don’t think I could’ve survived falling alone.”

“I think you can survive anything, Jaxon. You are so much stronger than you realize.” The smile she hits me with is soft and gentle, everything Lennon. “But you never have to be strong on your own again. You’ve got me, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yeah,” I murmur, coaxing her mouth open with mine, sweeping my tongue against hers. “I got you, honey.”

“And for the record,” she manages on a whimper as I trail wet kisses down her throat. “I was never leaving.”

My head snaps up. “What?” I look at all the boxes, and before I can ask her what she was doing with them if she wasn’t moving back into her apartment, there’s a knock at my door.

“C’mon.” Lennon hops off the counter, scooping up a box on the way to the door. Two women with carts greet her, and when they start loading the boxes up, I slowly approach them.

Lennon gathers the final box, the one she dumped all the kitchen stuff into just minutes ago, and tucks it on top of one of the carts. “That’s the last box.”

“This is incredible,” one of the women says. “Thank you so much.”

“Are you sure we can’t reimburse you some of the cost?” the other asks.

Lennon shakes her head. “Please, just take it. I don’t need it.”

“What’s going on?” I ask quietly as the women disappear into the elevator. “Where are they taking your stuff?”

“To the domestic violence shelter for mothers and children. I was never leaving, Jaxon.”

“But you said⁠—”

“My landlord called and said my apartment was ready. I told him I didn’t need it anymore.”

“You were never leaving,” I whisper. “You were always going to . . . to . . .”

“Stay. I was always going to stay. I don’t walk away from the people who need me, Jaxon. Even if they’re afraid to admit it.” Her hand slides along my jaw as she steps into me, and I lean into the warmth. “I don’t know when I fell in love with you. It happened slowly, I think, but maybe we planted the seeds that first night. One day I just looked at you, and I knew. It was like my world stopped, and all I could focus on was the way I felt in that moment, like I’d come alive, stepped out of the shadows and into the sunshine, embraced all of me for the first time in my life because I’d found someone who let me be me without ever asking me to change a thing. Someone who saw me and just . . . appreciated me. Exactly as I was. There is nothing in this world that could pull me away from you, Jaxon. You are my best friend, my line, and my home. Why would I ever leave?”

She shrugs then, a saucy smirk crawling up her face. “Now if you’d have let me speak, I would’ve told you all that. But you were intent on delivering your monologue, and it was so beautiful and heartfelt I couldn’t bear to stop you once you started.”

A growl rumbles in my chest. I stoop down, wrapping my arms around her knees, tossing her over my shoulder. I clap a hand to her ass as she squeals, bouncing along as I cart her off to the bedroom.

The truth is, she deserved the monologue. Honestly? I think I deserved it too. I’ve spent too many years questioning my worth, trying so damn hard for people who didn’t matter. The only person I should’ve given that time to was myself. All I wanted was a friend or two in my corner, someone to call family, someone to cheer for me. But I should’ve been cheering for myself. Lifting myself up. Because through this all, I’ve been a good friend. I’ve given everything I’ve been capable of giving to the people I cared about, time after time. I showed up for them when insecurities whispered in my ear, reminding me how the time before ended, and the time before that.

Lennon deserved my words today.

Carter, Garrett, Adam, and Emmett deserved my words today.

I deserved my words today.

I won’t do it perfectly every day, but, fuck, I’m gonna try. Because if these are the people I get to call family? If this is the place I get to call home for this season of my life? I must be doing something right.

I lay Lennon down on the bed, and a lump beneath the blankets springs to life, scattering out and onto the pillows. Mittens looks around for a moment, blinking the sleepy, dazed look from his eyes, his white and orange fur disheveled like he’s been hibernating in a cave for the last three months. When he spies us, he meows, tossing himself onto his back, wriggling around with his belly out.

“Mitts, I love you, but I’m about to make Mommy scream for Daddy when she comes all over my cock, and I don’t think you should be in here for that.”

He climbs to his feet, and I think he’s gonna listen to me for once in his life. Then he plops himself down on Lennon’s chest and nuzzles the fuck out of her neck.

“Nooo,” I whine. “Those are my boobs to lie on and my neck to nuzzle.”

He whips his head around, hissing at me before he goes right back to nuzzling Lennon, and I swear to God the little shit pauses to glance back at me, gloating.

Lennon snickers, cuddling him to her chest as she stands. “I know, buddy. We had a beautiful Mommy-son day today, and now Daddy’s ruining everything for you. It’s not fair. How about we do a fashion show tomorrow morning, huh? We’ll get up early and put on your best outfits, take lots of pictures, and then post them on your Instagram so everyone can see how handsome you are?”

With his paws on her chest, he pushes up, bopping his forehead off hers, and I watch as the two of them disappear into her room. I don’t have the heart to tell them I’m keeping Lennon in bed until the moment we need to leave for the arena, and also, I don’t wanna risk my balls. Sweaty jocks and cat-attacked cocks don’t mix well.

Lennon returns a moment later, closing the door softly behind her. “Think he’s down for the night,” she whispers, coming to stand between my legs. “Being a cat mom is so challenging. You have no idea.”

Laughing, I pull her into me, pressing my lips to her torso as she threads her fingers through my hair. My fingers dance up her sides, inching her shirt up as they go. It disappears somewhere behind her, and she moans as I grip her hips, flattening my tongue over one nipple, then the other. I suck them into my mouth, tease them with the gentle nip of my teeth, the roll of my tongue, and she keeps me there, head thrown back, fistfuls of my hair in her hands. Hooking my thumbs into her shorts, I wiggle the tight denim over the wide flair of her hips, let them fall to the floor at her feet, her pretty pink toenails. My palms glide up her thighs, squeezing her ass as my mouth slides across her perfect, copper skin.

Her hands leave my hair, grabbing the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. She guides me to my feet, where she trails the tip of her finger over my chest, down my torso, lighting me on fire with her touch. She works my shorts and boxers off, smiling as my cock springs free, poking her belly, saying hello. With her palm on my chest, she pushes me down to the bed and climbs on top of me, straddling my lap, and my brain goes haywire.

“I love you,” I blurt, and when her gaze comes to mine, I cup her face, bringing her closer. “I love you, Lennon. And I’ve wanted love for a long time. But I didn’t know it would be like this. I didn’t know it would be infinitely better than the very best things my imagination conjured up. Being with you feels like the first time I looked through your telescope. It feels like seeing fifty million stars when I’d only ever been able to see ten thousand. It feels like an impossible rainbow of lights dancing through a black night. Like a storm that’s been living for hundreds of years, and meteors falling from the sky. Love feels like looking at you and not understanding how something as beautiful as everything you are exists, but just accepting that it does, because a world without you means a world without light.”

I turn her over, spreading her out below me as I settle myself between her thighs, press my lips to hers. My cock rubs against her center, warm and soaked, inviting me home. Her hips lift, our palms sliding together, fingers twining as I hold her hands on either side of her head as my mouth moves against hers.

Kissing Lennon is like that first sip of coffee on a cold winter morning. She’s everything warm and rich, this cozy feeling that sinks into your bones, settles all your racing thoughts. She wakes me up, slow and steady, chases away the fog, makes me feel ready to take on the toughest parts of my day.

But I think that’s always been Lennon. She stepped into my life, and every erratic thought quieted. She chased away the confusion, one day at a time, until slowly, a whole new world came into view. I stepped outside of my comfort zone, pushed back against the fears. I didn’t do it every day, and sometimes the days I tried were the same days I failed, but I showed up. I tried again.

And isn’t that what progress is? Isn’t that the best we can ask of ourselves?

“I’m going to show up for you,” I promise her on a whisper, swallowing her gasp as I sink inside her. “I’m going to show up for you every day. And I’m going to do my best to show up for myself too.”

“And on the days you struggle to show up for yourself?” The pad of her thumb skates across my lower lip, her eyes following its path. She looks up at me, and I memorize the sight, the devotion that shines so bright in her gaze, the gentle smile she wears just for me, the deep flush staining her copper cheeks as she meets me, one slow, deep thrust after another. “I’ll show up for you extra on those days.”

She captures my mouth with hers, kissing me fiercely, and I give her all of me in return. I bury myself inside her, give it all up, and she takes it without question. I chase her orgasm with my own, exploding inside her as she clings to me, and when I bury an I love you in her neck, she gives it right back, pressing the words to my forehead, sweeping them across my knuckles, painting them over my palm.

“You’re worth it, Jaxon,” she whispers. “You’ve always been worth it.”