Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane

Today is Labor Day which means that tomorrow will be my first official day of school.

I remember it in absolute dread!

Freddy ‘The Hulk’ Harris and his goon squad made my first three years at Jefferson Elementary an absolute misery from day one. They had descended upon the first grades like a flock of vultures, stealing our lunch packs, marbles, milk money, and any items they deemed worthy of good pirate booty.

Many a nose was bloodied of those that chose to resist.

I seriously need a plan of action. I refuse to go through that again.