Extracts from The Diaries of 'Professor' Cornelius Crane

My father brought home a Christmas tree today. It’s pretty strange to see a real tree in the living room after so many years of artificial models. And the smell of genuine pine in the house is wonderful.

We got the box of decorations out of the attic, and everyone helped to put them up. It was really great.

The flashing Christmas lights each have a different character - not like the shitty Jap scrap of the future. There’s these spiral aluminium foil (Actually they seem pretty old and might even be fashioned from tin foil), twirly things that you hang near a window so that the breeze can cause them to spin. They make me think of the DNA double helix – Now there’s something you never hear people mention these days – DNA.

I was amazed at how late the shops started putting up their decorations and Christmas Specials advertizing.

Hell, in the future, the malls were already saturated with the stuff in mid October already.

What’s more, the gift wrap and cards don’t cost more than the presents themselves.

Also, there’s no flooding of the music market with Christmas songs by all the old has-been musicians who can’t make it on the mainstream circuits anymore.

Those Jewboys might deny or forsake Jesus, but they sure know how to monopolize on his birthday.

My mother hung up a Christmas Calendar that was at the bottom of all the decorations. It has little cardboard windows for each day of the month, starting with December 1st and ending on Christmas Day. Each day you open a window to see the picture behind. We had hung it a little late so we got to open 4 today - whoop-dee-doo!!!