Experiment Number One

The second day of training started off as nothing unusual other than Lieutenant Wallace picking me up from my room again soaking wet. I guessed he just returned from another out-of-office meeting.

We headed to the gym and Lieutenant Wallace was silent the whole way up. When we entered the room, he told me to run laps and I looked at him like he was crazy. The last time I ran was when I got the news about my mother, and even then, I had a motivator. The Mendoza family does not run; we weren’t built for it. So I asked him, “Why do I need to run laps? What does that have to do with my power?” He responded, “Not everything is about your power, Emerye. What are you going to do in a situation where you don’t have it? You need to have basic strength.”

I didn’t quite see why I would ever need basic strength since I was only training to fight Dhasl. In what situation would I be in where I wouldn’t have my powers around them? And if that situation did arose, there would be no running. Instead, imminent death. But I couldn’t explain that to Lieutenant Wallace because I could tell he was fed up again that day, just like the day before and the one before that. And if I learned anything throughout my childhood, don’t poke the beast.

Lieutenant Wallace responded, “Just do it.” So, I began to run along the track that was painted on the floor of the gym. Lieutenant Wallace leaned back against the wall to watch me. My lungs burned after one lap. After two, I asked if that was enough. Three, I moaned and groaned. Four, I begged. And five, I wanted to die- so I stopped. Lieutenant Wallace didn’t like that.

“What do you think you’re doing?” He sprung off the wall and marched toward me. “Did I give you permission to stop?”

I was bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to keep down the ravioli I had for breakfast. Yes, I had it as my first meal of the day. Do you even know what ravioli is? Whatever. My throat burned as I wheezed air from my lungs. My chest ached deeply, but I responded to him, “I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“You lack discipline. You give up before you even try to make an accomplishment. You feed on doing things the easy way, which is what’s going to kill you.” His voice was harsh and cutting. I straightened my posture and took a few steps back. All I felt in that moment was disappointment, not with Lieutenant Wallace but within myself, because I let him down. He was upset with me. He didn’t have the best version of me in his head. He was talking to me like he hated me. The feeling felt achingly familiar.

I stuttered, “Sorry, I just never ran that much before.”

He grunted. “How do you expect to get better at something if you don’t try?”

“I did try,” my voice was mousy.

“Not hard enough!” his voice boomed. I took a few more steps back, cowering away from his rage. He looked at me and through his eyes, I could tell I wasn’t the girl he wanted me to be. I wasn’t the girl that the government wanted me to be. The savior to clean up Ren’s mess and to defeat the threat. Lieutenant Wallace thought of me as the lowlife girl from Lusha who knew nothing about the world other than to care for her siblings. A nobody. Not exceptional in the slightest.

He sighed and ran a hand across his face. “Look, Emerye. You’re so oblivious to the things going on here that they’re doing it right in your face. They are playing the ultimate game, one with consequences so dire that if you lose, the whole world does too. But you can’t take one second to look beyond your past to see what the future holds.” His cold eyes shot icicles into mine, causing me to turn away from his glare. I didn’t respond. It was like he slapped me in the face and his hand print stung hot on my cheek.

After a few moments in silence, he said, “Alright, that’s enough for today. Go back to your room.”

Surprised by this, I spoke up. “What? We barely had any time today and we didn’t get to work on my actual powers.”

“I’ve had enough. We’re ending early.”

“But–”

“I said leave, that’s an order.” His voice shook the gym. With tears of frustration, I stomped my way back to my room.

Lieutenant Wallace acted like I was supposed to be smart enough to understand what was going on when everyone in that gods forsaken place was keeping secrets from me, including him. I thought we aired it all out during the power outage but it was clear through our second training, he was keeping things from me.

When I got to my room and plopped down onto my overly fancy bed, my thoughts ran with all the statements and all the words I wished I could’ve said to everyone in the compound. I just wanted to be left alone. I didn’t ask to be an extraordinary weapon. I didn’t even ask to be born with this mutation.