SWNOVELS Chapter 36
- His remedy
Present day.
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“So you see, they have a reason to hate me…I ruined their love” I mutter as tears fill my eyes.
It’s always painful for me to go down memory lane. I was naïve and foolish. Thinking that I could
ake him love me after I literally ruined his life. Nine years later and I’m still paying the price for
loving Rowan Woods.
“It wasn’t your fault?” Ethan asks me, his fingers slowly caressing mine.
“It was. I let my obsession with him take center stage and because of that I made the biggest
mistake of my life” the tears fall freely now.
If only I could go back in time. If only I could change things. I’ve lived my life in regret. I wish I
had listened to that nagging voice in my head. I wish I had payed attention to it instead of
ignoring it. It would have saved me from so much heartache and pain.
Hell, I wish I had realized earlier that I was pregnant. I could have escaped earlier. I would have
left and never told Rowan that I was pregnant with his child. No one would have been the wiser. I know it sounds downright evil but looking back now it would have saved Noah from seeing Rowan
and I fight all the time.
I would have gone to a place where no one knew me. A place so far away from my family and Rowan. A place no one knew them. I’m sure they wouldn’t even have bothered looking for me and
that would have just been fine with me.
“Ava?”
“What?” I ask as a response. I had gotten lost in thought again.
“I said it wasn’t you fault. You were also drunk, so if they were blaming you, they should have blamed him too” he gives me a reassuring smile.
I look at him with round eyes.
“You believe me?” I ask him in surprise.
No one and I mean no one has ever believed that I was drunk. They all thought I was malicious and I took advantage of an innocent man.
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“Of course I do, don’t you believe you’re also innocent?” his blue eyes seer into me. As if he was trying to unveil all my pain.
I sigh tiredly. “I got so tired of hearing that I was to blame. That I wasn’t drunk at all, that sometimes I believe that’s exactly what happened. Everyone has pounded it in me, cementing the
idea that I took advantage of his drunken state that sometimes I doubt the events of my own memory”
It’s sad really. That sometimes I think that my memory is faulty. I mean if everyone says I’m guilty isn’t that the truth?
There are other times I think that the pain I went through at Rowan’s hand was my punishment. That God was punishing me for wanting and sleeping with a man that didn’t belong to me. That’s also something everyone has told me. That my pain was my punishment.
You get used to people’s words when the keep forcing their truth and beliefs down your throat. That’s what happened with me. Soon after I started believing them. Believing that I was a fault. Believing that I was at fault. 1
My heart aches when I think of everything they put me through, Rowan especially. That a man you love could destroy you leaves you wondering if there’s truly any good in the world.
The only good thing that came out of that mistake is Noah. I would never regret my son. He was the one that saved. He was anchor during the times when I wanted to end it all. During the times when I felt so alone I contemplated suicide.
It was after he was born. I was so tired of the constant pain, the constant hate that I thought of it. I knew that Rowan would take good care of him. He fell in love with Noah the moment he was placed in his arms.
I pulled myself from that darkness when I realized what leaving Noah would mean. I didn’t want him to think I was weak. Most especially I didn’t want Emma as his step mother. I knew Rowan would get back together with her and I was afraid she would transfer her hate for me to him.
Now, looking at the vile words she spewed at me concerning Noah, I’m glad that I had chosen to stay strong I wasn’t going to let her hurt him.
“You’re not to blame, Never. You were both drunk so no one was to blame. You parents should have been ashamed for placing the entire blame on an eighteen year old girl. Rowan should have taken responsibility for his actions instead of allowing all the blame to fall on you. He was twenty
“But I’m the one that sought him out”
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“Doesn’t matter. He gave you alcohol knowing that you weren’t supposed to be drinking” he pulls his hand from mine and runs it through his hair. “The more I know about Rowan and your family, the more I dislike them” he says more to himself than me.
I don’t say anything. After all, I was beginning to hate them to.
“Come on” he says then helps me stand up.
“Where are we going?” I ask him.
I wanted to stay a little bit longer. I didn’t want to go to an empty house.
“I’m taking you home…I don’t like seeing you trying to drown your sorrows” he answers.
He doesn’t give me time to say anything before he’s pulling me across the dance floor and out of the bar. I shiver from the chill. He removes his leather jacket and gets me into it.
He helps me get into his car and then he begins to drive. We don’t talk, but the silence between us
isn’t awkward.
The way home I think about everything and nothing. Sure, Ethan helped remind me that it wasn’t my fault, but the guilt of ruining three lives is still there.
Sooner that I would like, we pull into my drive way. Ethan switches off the engine and like the gentle man he is, helps me down.
I pull my keys from my bag and open my door.
“Do you want to come in?” I ask him. “I’m not planning for the night to end, I’m still not drunk enough to forget my pain”
“You plan to continue drinking just to forget?” he asks and I nod my head.
I just needed reprieve even if it was for a few hours.
He looks at me and I see the moment his eyes change. The moment he makes a decision and heat fills his eyes.
“If that’s the case, then I have a better remedy” Ethan says, his voice getting deeper.
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He crosses the threshold of my home and closes the door. The moment he does, he seals my
mouth with his and then for the next few hours he goes to show me just how better his remedy is
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