Every Little Breath: A Tense Psychological Thriller Full of Twists

It was several months before he trusted me enough to take me out on the road with him and even then I was given strict instructions to stay in the van.

I understood his hesitancy, knew how careful he was and that he took precautions to ensure he didn’t get caught, but still it was frustrating. He was teaching me, making sure I understood the rules, but it was all theory, and I was getting bored. I wanted to be a part of this, I wanted to have my turn with the knife.

Still I respected him, hanging on to every word, not only because I knew this was a unique bond that we shared, but also because I realised what a precious gift he was giving me. He had been doing this for a while, made his first kill when he was still in his teens. I knew I had a lot to learn from him.

It was early December when he told me he was going to take me on my first hunt. He called it an early Christmas present, his only instruction to me was to make sure I wore dark clothing. He picked a night when the rest of the family were away, was silent as we pulled out of the driveway and headed out into the countryside.

When we were a few miles out of Norwich, he turned into a lane that was little more than a dirt track, drove half a mile, then pulled into a small wooded car park, killing the engine.

‘What are we stopping for?’ He hadn’t said a word since leaving the house and it made me a little nervous.

‘Get out of the van.’

My heart was racing, but I did as instructed, following him round to the back, waiting as he opened the doors and pulled out one of two duffle bags.

‘We need to alter our appearance,’ he explained, throwing a blond wig at me.

‘You seriously want me to put this on my head?’ I must have looked unimpressed because his eyebrows creased into a frown.

‘Yes. This is important. Put it on.’

I didn’t question him again, I had learnt that it was better not to, so I did as asked, then stood patiently while he made adjustments, pulling the hairpiece slightly forward and smoothing it down in places until he was happy. ‘Okay, that will do for this time. You’re not getting out anyway. But if we reach the point where you do, you are going to need more than a wig and I don’t want you whining about it or questioning why. If you are going to be a part of this, then you follow my rules. Do you understand?’

‘Yes.’

I watched as he changed his own appearance; the baseball cap and shaggy dark beard enough to make him unrecognisable, marvelling when he took it a step further, adding padding under his thick jumper that made him look much fatter. When he had finished disguising his own appearance he took a screwdriver from the duffle bag and spent five minutes changing the plates of the van.

‘Now we are prepared,’ he told me with a grin, throwing the old plates into the bag and rezipping it, pushing it to one side. ‘If any CCTV cameras pick us up, they won’t be able to identify us.’

I glanced at the other bag. ‘What’s in that one?’

‘That bag contains the things we will need once we trap our prey.’ His smile widened. ‘Now come on, let’s go find her.’

As we drove he became chattier, explaining what would happen when we found a suitable victim, and he re-emphasised that I was not to get out of the van under any circumstance.

‘There will be a window of about a minute when the opportunity arises. That’s why I need you to observe for now and watch what I do. That’s a minute for me to surprise her, knock her unconscious, get her in the van and tie her up. There’s no time to think about it, no room for error, and I have to act fast, because there are too many things that can go wrong. Even if there is no one around when I grab her, that can change quickly. Another motorist, a cyclist, jogger or dog walker passing by. If they see me, I’m screwed. I have the element of surprise, but only for a second. If I lose that, it gives her a chance to fight back. I need to get that strike in before she realises what is happening. Once she’s unconscious, I have about thirty to forty seconds before she wakes. Second she falls, I will get her in the van, that’s half my time gone already. Doors closed, hood, cuffs and tape out. I silence her first. If she screams, someone may hear, and I can’t have that. So tape up her mouth, make sure it’s secure. Hood on next. That will disorientate her when she regains consciousness. Then I cuff her, wrists first, ankles second. She will be coming around by this point, but by then it is too late. She will have lost her chance of escape.’

I nodded, excited, couldn’t quite believe I was going on my first hunt. He had only taken one other woman since I had caught him that day and he had allowed me in the basement room to observe, letting me touch her, pinch her by the nose, watch her struggle as she fought to breathe, but he hadn’t let me touch his knives. Tonight he had promised I could play with his precious blades for the first time.

We drove out of the county, through Suffolk, going as far as the Essex border, passing through tiny villages that all looked the same in the dark. Despite it only being the first week of December, a lot of houses already had their Christmas lights up and decorated trees were visible in some of the lit-up windows. The clock on the dashboard showed it was only 8pm, but it felt a lot later. Would anyone still be out on a cold winter’s night?

I asked him that question and for a few minutes I thought he was going to ignore me. He had been quiet for the last few miles and I knew he was concentrating, getting himself mentally prepared. He had been like that in the basement, so caught up in the moment that I am sure he forgot I was there.

‘Just trust me,’ he answered eventually. ‘I know exactly what I am doing.’

We spotted her as she stepped out of the door of a brightly decorated cottage which had gone overkill with the Christmas decs, flashing lights and inflatable reindeer on the roof, while Santa and his sleigh lit up the front garden, slowing the van as she headed in the opposite direction on foot. There were maybe half a dozen houses for her to pass before the road led through the woods, with no more houses for another half a mile. Although there were street lamps, it was fairly deserted and, if luck was on our side, that was where she was heading.

He slowed the van, reversed into a cul-de-sac, then followed the path the girl was taking, passing her before she reached the woods, then pulling over onto the side of the road.

‘Wait here,’ he ordered, killing the lights, shutting off the engine and climbing out of the van.

I saw the girl approach a couple of minutes later in the side-view mirror, wondering where he was and when he would make his move. It happened so quickly, so silently, I almost missed it. But then I heard a scream and a grunt and the girl was running as if her life depended on it, towards the van, towards me.

Where was he? What had happened?

He had told me to stay in the van, but this was unexpected. She wasn’t supposed to get away. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I knew I risked his wrath, but I had to do something, I couldn’t just sit here.

As I climbed down from the van, stepped into her path, her eyes widened in panic, another scream pealing from her lips. She was younger than I realised. Maybe only late teens and I don’t know why that shocked me. She glanced behind her and it was then I saw him, staggering forward in the road. Had she hurt him? She looked back at me, then deciding that I was perhaps the easier option to get past, she ran at me. She had picked wrong though. I might have been younger, smaller, slighter in build, but I had been working out and building my upper body strength, preparing for this moment. I caught her easily by her hair, dragging her back and knocking her to the floor, slapping my hand over her mouth to stop her screaming as I pinned her to the ground.

Then he was with me and he was mad as hell, with me and with her, pushing me off of her and knocking her out cold. I watched him carry her towards the back of the van, unsure if I should follow, deciding I would anyway. The girl came too as he was trying to cuff her ankles together, kicking out frantically and struggling to free herself. Even after she had been secured and locked in the trunk beneath the seat, I could still hear her fighting like a wild animal as she tried to break free.

We drove back to Norwich in silence. I didn’t dare speak, knew I wasn’t supposed to get out of the van. I had broken his trust. But then I rationalised that I had also helped him. He should be thanking me, not giving me the silent treatment. If I hadn’t been there, if I hadn’t acted on my instincts, she most probably would have got away.

Much later when we were in the basement and he had her tied down on the table, he turned to me and finally acknowledged what had happened.

‘I told you to stay in the van.’

‘I know and I was going to, but she g-got away,’ I stammered, my bottom lip trembling. He looked so angry. ‘I was j-just trying to help.’

He held one of his special knives and the point of the blade was facing me as he stepped closer. ‘When I give you an instruction, you listen. Don’t you ever dare to disobey me again. If you do there will be consequences. Do you understand?’

I nodded. ‘Yes.’

‘Okay, now on this occasion you did well and we avoided what could have been a dangerous situation. I am not saying what you did was right, though, and that’s why I had to make you understand that I won’t tolerate you disobeying me again. No harm came of your intervention, though, so it is only fair that I reward you.’ He dropped the point of the knife so it was facing towards the floor and offered me the handle. ‘You helped me bring her here, so I am going to let you make the first cut. Here, take it. You have earned this.’