SWNOVELS Chapter Every Little Breath: Epilogue
We had that moment, that connection.
As I slowed down the car, made eye contact with her, she smiled. It was the first time I had seen her in years, but she didn’t recognise me. That was good.
I have done much to alter my appearance since I disappeared fourteen years ago. I knew it was important I was never found.
It broke my mother’s heart that I left her, but I couldn’t stay living in the house with Dennis and his rules. I needed a fresh start and the chance to carve my own path, and letting her believe I was dead was the easiest way to achieve that. Watching my father go to jail was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. Casey Fallon’s betrayal was a close second.
I suspect Dad always knew I was different, that I had that cruel streak, that I lacked empathy towards others. The first time he caught me, he had been beside himself, unsure what to do. I was his son and he loved me more than anything, but I had just tortured and killed a girl. He had raised a monster.
I think it was a close call that day whether he should help me or call the police. Part of him was disgusted with me, wanting to do the right thing, but he loved me, had promised he would do anything for me. I know it broke him inside when he helped me bury her body in the woods and he was never quite the same after that.
Of course, I promised that I would never kill again, but even while I was making that promise I knew it was one I wouldn’t keep. Killing is in my blood. It is the only way I know how to survive. Once I had taken a life, I knew I would never be able to stop.
I thought I was unique, that this was a burden I would have to carry alone, so learning that my cousin and half-brother, Rod, had the same cravings, was a revelation. Initially I was wary, but I gradually grew to trust him, taking him under my wing and helping to nurture his natural bloodlust.
How could I have known that the downfall to my perfect life would be my girlfriend.
I had been out when she had shown up at the house we were renovating, having gone to Halfords for some new wiper blades, and I took my time, even stopping for a MacDonald’s on the way home, safe in the knowledge that my latest victim was tied up securely in the basement and wouldn’t be going anywhere.
My dad had been sick and I had been working on the house alone for the last few days, which is why I had felt confident in taking Amanda Haines there, certain that no one would disturb me while I had my fun.
Looking back, it was an unavoidable collision course; Casey stumbling across Amanda first, then my dad feeling well enough to go to the house and also going to look in the basement for me.
By the time I knew what was happening, Dad had been arrested, Amanda had been rescued, and Casey was the one who had pointed the finger, wrongly assuming Dad was the monster. Amanda had never seen me (thank fuck for blindfolds), so she knew no different. The only person she had seen was my dad, who had been in a tailspin panic, not knowing what the hell to do. It had been easy for her to believe he was the one who had taken her.
I honestly thought I was going to be sick, convinced my dad would tell them the truth, certain I was going to be arrested. But it never happened. He took the hit for me.
I guess when your parent tells you they would do anything for you, sometimes they really mean it. Steve Noakes is one hell of a dad.
That almost broke me, knowing that he had covered for me, that he had sacrificed his own freedom so I could roam free, and for a long while I struggled to deal with it.
Casey Fallon had so much to answer for. She had destroyed my family.
I knew that one day I would have to take revenge. I also knew I had to plot it carefully.
That was why I left it a few years after faking my own death, before contacting Rod.
His initial shock that I was still alive was outweighed by his desire to punish Casey, and it didn’t take much to convince him to go along with my plan.
I waited on the sidelines, let him have his fun with Saffron and Lucy and Amanda, planning to meet him in the woods that night to give Casey the shock of her life.
How unfortunate that I was running late after my van broke down, and I watched in frustration as the police swarmed the location where she was supposed to die, knowing that she had killed Rod, that I had missed my opportunity.
I had no choice but to remain under the radar. The reason I have been so successful is because no one knows who I am, Gareth Noakes is dead. But soon I will have no choice but to step out of the shadows.
Casey Fallon still needs to pay for what she did to my dad, plus she has Rod’s blood on her hands now. I can’t let her go unpunished.
For now, though, I wait and I watch, and I plot my revenge.
When the time is finally right and I make my move, she’s dead.