Envious Desire



Axle

It’s been a month and a half of insanity. I have randomly reached out to Chloe with no response. I’m desperately attempting to keep my distance. However, I’m unsure how long I can resist before arriving on her doorstep like a caveman, busting down her door, gathering all her things, and bringing her back home!

Life has been a living hell without her presence. Day and night, my only solace is when I contemplate our future– together. She is my salvation. Respecting her wishes despite my emotions has proven far more laborious than I ever perceived.

Selena is a constant intrusion in my life, no matter the importance. She’s like a blood-sucking leech, sucking every last bit of patience right out of my body.

Her regularized dropping of Anele off unannounced has become a hindrance to my business: rescheduling meetings, halting phone calls, interrupting sessions, and introducing herself as if she were my fucking wife.

She appears at my home, attempting to make herself comfortable as if it’s her own, entering whatever room she pleases, appropriating a relationship. That woman is delusional in every way known to man.

Anele is her never-ending justification for everything. Why does she pop up unannounced? She claims she desires Anele to know her father. She shamelessly attempts to convince me she postulates I would abandon my own daughter. The fucking nerve of that fucking vile creature. She’s highly aware I would never contemplate such horrid actions. I’ve turned my life upside its head to ensure Anele has at least one stable parent.

She’s even gone as far as sending me photos of herself, mostly naked. I shake my head back and forth at the ridiculousness of her depraved actions. I’ve repeatedly reminded her to stop with the childish games and delete her pictures as soon as they arrive to ensure they don’t save to the cloud.

I crave NOTHING, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with that wretched woman. She’s a fucking menace and must be stopped. Hopefully, soon, all will be revealed.

Parking the car, I peer at the building where Chloe resides. I found myself on multiple occasions just sitting here waiting for a glance at her. Twice, twice in a month and a half, I was graced with the opportunity of viewing her beguiling face. I couldn’t resist but to gaze at her as she drove away. I had to use all my restraint to not storm towards her, kiss her, haul her over my shoulder, take her home, and make love to her eight ways till Sunday.

Resting my head against the back of the seat, I contemplate whether arriving here is advisable. Should I be seated across her apartment complex right now? What if she no longer craves me? If she desires for me to vacate the premises? Suppose my impromptu visit infuriates her? In that case, if she utters the dreadful words I under no circumstances hope to harken–I no longer wish to have you in my life?

DAMN! I punch the steering wheel, infuriated with my current predicament. I allowed the space she required with the full intention that when she healed, she would return, and I would welcome her with open arms. I hadn’t predicted it would have taken so much time. At least, that’s how I perceived it.

I extract the little black box that has been burning a hole in my pocket for months. Once she returned from that horrid ordeal. I elicited the services of Shelly to buy the perfect band encasing the most astounding gem to captivate her heart. The ring to leave her awestruck.

A light blue two-carat diamond encased in an infinity band encrusted with white diamonds.

We knew this ring belonged on Chloe’s delicate finger when we saw it. It screamed Chloe. Although, Shelly warned me to allow her time to readjust before popping the question. However, I hadn’t considered this to be where we would end up.

She leaped into my arms in my fantasy as if nothing had ever happened. We cohabitated, christening every crevice of our home to the point she would blush at every turn seated somewhere in the house. I’d ask her to take my last name, she’d accept, and we’d build our family with mini versions of ourselves running around and causing a muck.

I can’t help but laugh at the reel playing in my head of how things should have been. What’s that fucked up saying, “Everything is written in the sand, but the wind keeps blowing.”

Instead, she returned terrified of me. So beyond traumatized, she believed I was an illusion and mourning the loss of our child. To have Selena rub her stomach in her face and then the baby.

I would not have been able to remain around the dumbfuckery Selena put her through for as long as she did. Her strength is unsurpassed by any woman I’ve ever known.

To aggravate the situation even further, she had to bear witness to my surprise reaction to the baby’s kick. It was overwhelming. I get it. I understand her need for distance. That’s my reasoning for granting her wish and releasing her. I’m painfully aware she requires her separation, and allotting a duration to heal is necessary despite my longing for her presence.

Persuading her back into my arms is absurd. It’s a requirement to accept what’s transpired and sanction her to return only when she is capable of beginning again– with us, of her own free will. Until then, I’m in limbo, counting down her return like a child waiting for their mother’s love.

The sudden recollection of our first kiss in front of her door hits me like a bolt of lightning. The softness of her lips, the way she moaned, ugh, fuck! I crave to have her in my arms again.

FUCK IT!

Exiting the car, I slam the door, infuriated that I’ve hesitated to claim my woman! I fucking love her, and regardless of the circumstances, she belongs in my life, daughter or not.

She’s the very air I breathe. I refuse to live without her for another moment longer. I’ve been suffocating since she disappeared. I refuse to any longer.

Entering her building, I fly up the stairs, unwilling to lounge for the elevator. Taking the steps in twos, I land on her floor, storming towards her door, halting just before it. Inhaling a deep, lung-filling breath, I ball my hand, tapping my knuckles on the door.

My heart began to beat in my head, my breathing intensified. I couldn’t wait to see her beguiling face and her mesmerizing coffee-colored eyes. Fuck! I can’t take it. My impatience soars, causing me to beat on her door.

“Chloe, it’s me. Please, open the door.”

I pause with a lump in my throat. My nerves begin to jitter. Fuck!

“Chloe, please, just open the door. I need to speak with you. It’s urgent, please.”

I stop breathing when I perceive the lock turn. However, I’m

aware there is no ruckus emanating from beyond her door. It’s late, is she even home?

“Chloe?”

“Axle?”

Twisting to view behind me, Jade is in her doorway, peeking her head out.

“Jade. I need to speak with Chloe. Do you know if she’s home?”

“Axle I–”

“Axle?” Shelly appears in the doorway.

“Shelly, I’m looking for Chloe.”

“Clearly, we can tell by you banging on the door and shouting her name.”

“My apologies. I just really need to speak with her.”

“Have you tried calling her?” Shelly questions me.

“This isn’t something to speak about over the phone.”

“I don’t know Axle. She disappeared Sunday, saying she would be back, and I haven’t seen her since.” Shelly spews with irritability in her voice.

WTF? “What do you mean you haven’t seen her?”

“Exactly what I said. I haven’t seen her. She hasn’t come back?”

“Where did she go?”

“I don’t know. I text her daily, and all she does is text me she’s okay.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. I think she just needs time, Axle. I check in with her every day. She’s fine.”

Fuck, this has gone on for too long. She must take her place by my side. Accepting this newfound information, I filter through my options.

“Thanks, Shelly. I hope you both have a great night.”

“Good night, Axle.” She vanishes into Jade’s apartment. Noticing Jade linger in the doorway, I inquire.

“Jade, is everything okay?”

She grasps the pendant on her necklace. “Yeah.” She nods her head. “I just– I just think she needs time. She’s working on getting better.”

“What do you mean, she working on getting better?”

“Just that she’s aware of what she needs and is ensuring she gets it.”

“Jade, that’s extremely vague.”

“I know, but I can’t say anything more without betraying her trust.”

Staring into her eyes, I nod my head in acceptance. However, I was determined to reach out to her.

“As long as she is not in any danger.”

With a half smile, I thank Jade and stroll out of the building, stopping before I reach my car. Pulling my phone from my pants pocket, I dial Chloe’s number.

Hearing the phone ring through the receiver, my nerves are set on fire. I couldn’t wait to hear her angelic voice. Ring after ring, I wait with bated breath. My anxiousness deflates when her voicemail picks up, my eyes seal shut, disappointment fills me.

Left with no other option at the moment, I wait for her voicemail to bless my ears with the delicate sound of her voice.

“Chloe, it’s me. I need to speak with you. Please, call me back.”

Hanging up the phone, I lean against the car, contemplating my next move. I conclude that a text requesting her to ring me when she is available will suffice.

For no apparent reason, I lingered outside her home for about an hour before returning to my stark, arctic home. I craved to view her and feel her skin’s softness as we embraced, even for just a moment.

Arriving at home, the emptiness of my house weighs on my chest.

This is her rightful place by my side, and I’ll do everything in my power to ensure she remains here.

~~~

What do you think of the ring?

Axle went to go get his woman. She wasn’t there. 😭

Thoughts? Theories?

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