Envious Desire

Jade

Entering Cross Enterprises, my nerves spike. I’m guilt ridden with the knowledge I’m the cause of such misery. My best friend vanished into an abyss and her now distraught man has been shot all because of me and my dreadful past.

This, all of this, has been a psychotic domino effect, it’s problematic and the fault lies with me. Tears sting my eyes while the elevator rises to Axle’s floor. I reach for the only thing that grants me solace.

Trudging towards Victoria’s desk, I release the necklace, observing the smile that once adorned her face disappear, replaced with genuine concern.

“What’s wrong honey? “Her forehead crinkled, eyes squinted with inquiry.

“I can’t... I need... oh my god!” Covering my face, the tears burst from my eyes. I’m petrified to peer in his solemn eyes and explain my role in his heartache. I can’t. Victoria whirls around the desk, embracing me.

“Oh honey whatever it is, I’m sure it will be fine,” her loving hand flows up and down my back to soothe my anxiousness.

Shaking my head, “No - it won’t be. He’ll hate me, ” I manage to squeal out.

“Honey, you’re going to need to be a little more specific.”

“I... it’s...” Axle comes into view, charging down the hall straight towards us. Swiveling my head in the opposite direction, I’m unable to peer in his sunken eyes. My best friend has disappeared into the abyss... all because they cared for me... because they assisted me in my time of need. I never understood the saying no good deed goes unpunished - until now.

“Jade, what’s wrong?” Axle embraces both of us. Shaking my head, he ushers us into his office, leading us to an area with a sofa.

“Victoria, get her some water please.” Disappearing without a word, another selfless human being going out of their way to assist me. Alone with Axle my angst overflows from my eyes even more.

Endeavoring to calm my nerves, my eyes dart in every direction, other than at the man whose life I altered by accident. Taking in the office Chloe has described countless times, I feel the weight of my guilt suffocate my lungs. My breathing labors, what the hell was I thinking coming here?

“Jade, take long, deep breaths. It’s going to be okay.” Axle mimics the action in hopes I follow suit.

No, it’s not, it’s never going to be okay after this. Victoria strolls in, water in hand, extending her arm, placing the water in my grasp. I gulp it, parched like the Sahara Desert on a scorching hot summer day.

Sealing my eyes, I focus on taking long deep breaths in and expelling them just as slow. Peeling my eyelids, I’m met by both sets of concerned orbs laser focused with worry lines smacked across their foreheads.

“I’m sorry. I’m okay,” I give a half smile in an attempt to ease their concern.

“What happened?” Staring into his clear eyes, I hate myself for what’s about to be exposed.

Striving to begin, I open my mouth but my voice has retreated to the depths of my stomach. Mouth agape, I’m unable to form the words necessary to explain my part in this horrific story.

“Jade, take a deep breath and take your time,” he allows me patience, which is undeserved.

Gripping my nerves, I finally gather the courage to speak my truth. “Axle,” I meet his attentive gray eyes, “I’m so sorry. It’s... it’s all...” my voice decreases, “my fault,” my eyes descend to my lap.

“What is?”

“Everything,” I express with anger. Anger at myself for what’s transpired, for allowing this to travel with me for so long... for being so weak.

“Jade I don’t understand,” frustration filled his voice.

“You - getting... shot and,” I could feel the heat from his stare piercing my soul.

“And what?” His voice took a dangerous tone.

The silence in the room allowed my soft voice to be heard, “Chloe.”

Feet planted on the floor, shooting up from his seat, his voice elevates, “WHAT!”

Jumping on the sofa, hand grasping for the pendant, fear consumes me.

“What do you mean Chloe? How are you at fault for what happened?”

I felt like a little girl being reprimanded by the principal when Victoria holds my hand while placing a tissue in the other.

“I’m not following. What does any of this have to do with Chloe?” Axle interrupts with a hint of impatience.

Victoria, places her hand on his hand, giving him a look to calm down, allowing me the space to clarify my part.

“I’m getting there, I promise.” Veering my burning eyes towards Victoria, she’s the only one I can dare to gaze at to finish the retell of my day.

Focusing on her worrisome eyes, “I’ve been receiving calls from Rikers. I’ve been denying Dane, but it’s been more frequent in recent days.”

Taking a deep inhalation, I continue, “But today, things escalated... his boys, John and Derek, came to my place to make sure I answered the phone, ultimately, to escort me to Rikers Island to visit him.”

I stare at Axle, viewing a twitch from my peripheral but commenced with the story.

“In our conversation, he explained how he had his boys shoot you as retribution for what you did to him. In his psychotic mind, you helped me because we’re an item and that’s why you came to my rescue,” my leg began to bounce while expelling each word.

Axles’ eyes shut, hand covering his face, “and Chloe?”

“I... I think they took her,” tears shoot from my eyes again, leg now uncontrollable. What if they’re doing to her what they did to me? The guilt! The pain! It’s unbearable.

“I’m so sorry Axle,” I manage to squeeze out.

“Don’t give me apologies! I’m going to meet with Dane myself!” He roars in my direction.

“Dane is part of the Valentino Mafia Axle! You can’t.”

“I don’t give a fuck if he’s part of God’s team. I’ll go over Dane’s fucking head after I cut it off. Chloe is my priority!” His eyes are wild with fury. “Can you get in contact with them to set up a meeting with this mafia?”

Nodding my head, “I can try, they gave me a phone for when Dane calls, but Axle.... they know where I live. I’m scared.” I grasp my necklace, rubbing the pendant.

Without hesitation, “You’ll stay with me. We’ll set up security around the clock. Just make that call and set up a meeting!”

Swiping the tears from my face, I reach for my phone dialing the only number that’s saved. Listening to the phone ring, a deep voice invades my ear drums, “Janelle? What can I do for you?”

God his voice, his voice sends an alarming chill up my spine, it’s John. Wretched memories fill my head. “I need to speak with Dane.”

“Oh, a little tough girl are we?”

“Can I see him or not?”

“No.”

“John, it’s about my friend.”

“Dane doesn’t fucking care. He just wants his fucking money.”

“I don’t have it!”

“Then I guess we’ll have to pay you a visit and remind you what happens when you don’t obey.”

Violent short convulsions ravage my body at the thought of them touching me again.

“NO!”

“Like you have a fucking choice.”

Axle snatches the phone from my hand, “Listen here mother fucker! If you want the money, the only fucking way that will transpire is if I speak with the BOSS himself! Now go set up the fucking meeting and call this number back when it’s fucking done!”

He’s going to pay? No! He can’t pay for my escape.

Axle hangs up the phone with fury burning from his eyes. It’s best to table this until another time, his rage is clearly evident and managing his emotions.

Taking a long deep breath he addresses me, “Jade, call me as soon as they contact you. I need you both to leave. Victoria, cancel the rest of my day.”

“But Axle you have...”

“I said cancel it!” He grabs a glass filled with clear brown liquid, swigging the whole cup.

“Jade, Leo will take you to your place to gather your belongings and escort you to my home. You can stay in any of the guest bedrooms.” He reaches for a bottle, refilling his glass.

“Now respectfully - GET OUT.”

Springing from the seat, I flee towards the door with sunken shoulders. As the door shut behind us we heard his outrage release as glass shattered.

Axle’s home feels peculiar at the present time. Usually, I’m here when celebrations and merriment are filling the halls but now, it’s dark, as if there is a void, an emptiness in the home.

Making my way to the adjacent bathroom, balmy water fills the tub. Relaxation and meditation is a must. Settling in, I allow the blistering liquid to coat my entire body, soothing my hyperactive nerves.

Darkness begins to consume my eyes, welcoming the humid blanket to envelope me. Drifting off, my phone sounds, terrorizing my tranquil state. Peering over the edge, it’s the other phone, it’s John.

Reaching for it, I answer, “Hello.”

“Hey there... Peach.”

God I loathe that fucking name. “What is it John?”

“I spoke with Dane. He said he wants the money given to us.”

“There’s no way that’s happening. Axle said he’s giving it to the boss and no one.”

“I figured that, I tried to reason with him, Dane was against it. I took it upon myself to call the boss and he agreed to a meeting on Friday at 11am.”

“Good. I’ll let him know”

“Janelle, don’t fuck us or we’ll fuck you, got it.”

His words triggered an Alaskan chill to freeze my blood in the blistering water. “We’ll be there.”

Hanging up before he gets the opportunity to say another word, I’m anxious with a side of paranoid. Picking up my cell, I dial Axle in haste.

“Jade.”

“We have a meeting on Friday at 11am.”

“Fuck! Nothing sooner.”

“No. I’m sorry.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later.”

The line clicked, I sunk further into the water allowing my phone to crash on the floor.

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