Envious Desire

Chloe

Axle communicated with me a few nights ago, a text. It was– sweet. Nothing invasive, although informative, I remained a constant on his mind.

“I hope you’re doing well. Just wanted to let you know I think of you at all times of the day.”

He sent that at 1:08 in the morning. I’ll admit, rising to a text from Axle triggered a colossal smile to hijack my face. Pondering him triggers emotions of pure elation; however, I’m still unable to face him.

The mere consideration of him neighboring Selena, cooing after their baby, pulverizes my heart to dust. Before I allow my emotions to possess my tear ducts, I commence the preparation of my bag for our weekend of buffoonery.

After rendezvousing with Shelly at the club, we strategized to have a girl’s night… manis, pedis, alcohol, and Netflix. The ultimate girl’s night; however, I evolved my intentions to hold her captive the entire weekend.

Double-checking my list of items, I ensure everything is packed before I wander out the door to surprise my best friend with a weekend of nothing but shenanigans and sisterly bonding.

Shelly

Apartments are so expensive! How the hell is a one-bedroom apartment so much money? Three thousand dollars a month! What the hell!

A knock on the door captures my attention. Rising from the sofa, I place the laptop on the coffee table, shuffling towards the door. Looking through the window, I see a face that lights up my mood.

Pulling the door, my voice echoes, “CHLO!”

She’s concealed by four grocery bags and what looks like an overnight bag.

“Surprise! We’re having a girls’ weekend! Manis, pedis, alcohol, Netflix, and nothing but us engrossed in mischievous behavior and bonding! We’ll remain awake until daylight! Call out of work! This is going to take four days.”

Chloe stumbles in, attempting to juggle all the bags when I swoop in, grabbing two bags leading her to the kitchen.

“We have enough sustenance for the whole weekend, pizza, ice cream, fruit, eggs, cheese, ham, salami, bread… the works from our childhood.”

“Mmm… grill cheese and sunny side up eggs for breakfast! I haven’t had that in years.”

“Me either. What better way to start our weekend. Oh, and because we are adults, we have wine!”

Chloe hands me a bottle of Medzoda from Argentina.

“Oh, Chlo, my favorite. You’re the best!”

“I’ll start the grilled cheese sandwiches and eggs. What do you want to watch on Netflix?”

I grabbed some groceries, which triggered Chloe to slap my hand.

“Ouch!”

“You are not to lift a finger. Your job is to perch on that seat and keep me company. That’s all that’s allowed!”

“That’s not how it was back then.” Shelly twirled her hair in her right hand. I recall numerous days at the kitchen table observing that very behavior, awaiting directions from Cassie.

“Maybe so; however, that’s how it will be today. Now either take a seat and keep me company or go to the other room until breakfast is complete.” Chloe sticks out her tongue; all I can do is laugh at her childishness.

Laughing along with her, I open my favorite wine, pour a glass, and plop at the island where Chloe is slicing a tomato to prepare our breakfast.

“How have you been, Shell?”

That’s a loaded question. “I’m– hurt. I loved him more than words. I saw the signs, but I didn’t want to acknowledge them. I disregarded every single last one because he never gave me a reason to be suspicious. The benefit of the doubt. I used that excuse to allow the veil to be pulled over my eyes, never allowing myself to view what was right in front of me. I had no idea it was her the whole time. I should have known when she showed up “by accident.” Air quotes fly in the air.

“By accident?” Chloe’s eyes bulge out of her sockets.

“Yeah.” Shaking my head at my own stupidity. “She showed up saying she was making a house call for an elderly person. She’s such vile trash.”

“Trash is such a nice word. We need a better word to describe her.”

“Whore!”

“Still too nice.”

We both giggle at our pettiness.

“That’s what I’ve called her since I caught them. The whore doctor.”

“Well then, Dr. Whore it is.”

Laughter fills the air between us.

Extracting one of the ingredients, I’m astonished. “Is that gouda cheese?”

“Mm-hm, just like when we went to that place on 125th Street. I’m making that grilled cheese for us today.”

“Oh, that grilled cheese was superb! I can’t wait. You just triggered my salivary glands.”

I could feel my mouth watering at the memory. “Wait, did you get the onion and Munster cheese?

Chloe raised both items with the edges of her lips stretched across her face.

“I recall how good it was. We both devoured our sandwiches that day. Don’t you remember, I inquired about their ingredients just so I could replicate it?” Chloe stated matter-of-factly while placing them back on the counter.

“OMG! Yes, you shamelessly flirted with that guy just to get the recipe.”

“Hey, that shameless flirting got us to where we are today.” Shaking her head, Chloe resumes her preparation.

“How are you, Chlo? How was staying with my mom? Did it help at all?” I inquire with a heavy heart.

Huffing out a loud breath. “Yeah– it did. At first, I was a bit… incorrigible, to say the least. I slipped back into drinking, and– I dabbled– with drugs again.” Her eye fell towards the mundane floor.

“CHLO!”

“I know, I know! It happened once, and let’s just say I won’t go back down that road again after what transpired.”

“What does that mean?” She piqued my curiosity.

“Nothing.” Her head moves back and forth. “Forget it.” She waves it off with the knife in her hand.

“Hell no. Now Spill!” I enforce with fierceness.

Breathing in from her nose, she expels a breath through her mouth before she begins.

“The day those text messages came through.”

I had to interject. “Chloe, I’m so sorry. I messed up so bad that day. Eric called me, begging for forgiveness again. He got a text from Axle while on the phone with me, and he let it slip that the baby was born. I thought I started a new text chain, but you were included in it. I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t be. I was going to find out eventually. I just– I was already living in hell due to my own liberties, and it just expanded that night.”

“How?” My heart ached for her.

“After reading the text chain, I told Eli I required a night of ignorance. He agreed, thankfully. When we arrived, we began our night of mischief with shots dancing, and then I spotted the one person I required services from, a dealer.”

“Chloe!”

Chloe sealed her eyes, twisting her head, forehead wrinkles on full display. “I’m well aware, Shell, I know.” She released an exasperated breath. “I sent Eli on a mission to acquire more liquid escape. Upon his departure, I meandered to the dealer and obtained the ideal remedy, acid. I wrangled one for each of us; I figured Eli may want to escape from his hell too. When Eli returned, we consumed it and resumed our movements. A little while later, Eli disappeared again, and that’s when I felt him.

“Him?”

“Axle. I saw him, Shell– or at least I perceived it was him. I believed it was him, Shell; it was him in every aspect. His touch electrified every cell in my body. I craved him. He’s the one person I pine for.”

Chloe’s mind drifted. Recognizing her silence, she blinks her eyes to commence. “One thing led to another, and I took “Axle” home.”

“Chloe, you didn’t!”

“I know! We started to– you know– have sex.”

My eyes bulged.

Her voice dropped in tone, “He was spooning me, taking me from behind, when images of my time in captivity flashed before my eyes. I had to halt everything; my mind was full of anguish. He accommodated my every whim. I inquired for him to remain alongside me, he snaked around me, and we fell asleep together.”

She took a deep breath to continue, “The next morning, it was certifiably insane. I moved, and– he fell out of me. When I turned around, I saw Eli.”

“Oh my god Chloe!” My hands concealed my mouth.

“I know! I thought it was Axle the whole time! I was out of my mind between the alcohol and the acid. I made a huge mistake!”

Chloe clasped her hands over her face. I rushed to her side, embracing her.

“Shell, it was so crazy. I believed he was Axle. I really did. I saw his face, Shell; it was him.”

“Oh, Chloe, you know acid makes you hallucinate. You hallucinated Axle because he was the one thing your mind craved. I get it. You made a mistake.”

Our embrace intensified to assure her she still has me in her corner despite her screw-up.

“Shit! The grilled cheese!” Chloe unlatches from our embrace, rushing to the food before it burns. We both giggle at her hasty movements, saving our nourishment from the heat of the pan.

She places the grilled cheese sandwiches on the chopping block before she begins the sunny-side-up eggs. Moments later, we are plopped on the sofa, wine, grilled cheese, eggs, and “You” playing on the TV.

I peer at Chloe, realizing this– this right here is fundamental for my life. I needed my sister to be by my side. I’ll never keep anything from her again.

Two seasons in, and we’re both in awe of the insane lengths people will go to in the name of “Love.”

“Can you believe she killed her over jealousy?” Chloe asked with a voice of awe.

“Envy is a horrible color, even if it is the color of my eyes.” We laughed at my nonsense.

“Well, your eyes may be a heavenly shade of emerald, but there is not an ounce of envy in them.”

Leaning towards Chloe, we embrace when a knock at the door triggers us to jolt, causing us to peer at each other.

“You expecting anyone?”

Chloe’s head moves back and forth. Rising from the sofa, I stroll towards the entryway, swinging the door open when the edges of my lips stretch to the point of hurting.

“MOM!”

Flying into her arms, we share a tender embrace that only a mother could give, brimmed with insurmountable love and affection. God, I’ve missed her squeezes.

Retracting from each other’s grasp, “What brings you here, Mom?”

Strolling past me, I shut the door, “I needed to see my babies. Both you and Chloe have gone through some horrific trauma, and Mamabear wanted to check on her Ruby and Sapphire.”

“CASSIE!” Chloe screeches while she flies into her arms. Observing their love crashes over me in waves of warmth that fill me with an appreciation of their bond. I’m so happy Chloe has her. Elated, she has us. Life wouldn’t be the same without her. She filled something that was missing for us, we’re a family, and no one can take that from us.

“Oh, two for the price of one! How fortunate! So, what are you ladies up to this Thursday afternoon?”

“Wait, Mom, how did you know I was home?”

“I went to your job, and they informed me you were out today. I traveled here, and to my surprise, I have you both.”

“Well then, now that you’re here, join us in a day of nothing but total relaxation.” Chloe clasps both her hands, guiding her to the living room. “We’re watching “You,” on Netflix. We’re up to season two. Have you seen it?”

“YES! It is quite entertaining in the darkest of ways. However, I’m inclined to watch it again with my girls.”

“Take a seat, Mom. I’ll grab your wine.”

“You still have that old thing?”

“Always, you will always have your wine in my house. This carafe will travel with me to the ends of the Earth, ensuring you have what you love to drink and will forever be welcomed in my house.” I pour her a glass, placing it in her hands. “Mom! Your hands are freezing!”

“I’m old Sapphire. It happens.”

“Do you want a blanket?”

She sips her wine. “No, thank you, baby.”

Chloe rises from the corner, waving all the necessities for a manicure. “What color would you like?” Chloe inquires for both of us.

“I’ll take the blood red.” Mom snatches the nail polish, hugging it to her chest, triggering us to giggle at her childish actions as she sips another large gulp of wine.

“I’ll join her in the crimson family.” I jump in.

“I’ll take the blue.” Chloe winks at us while she sets up our manicure table.

“Mom, do you want a refill?”

“Yes, baby, please. Do you have any sweet potato chips?”

“Coming right up!” I refill her glass before heading to the cabinet to bring her the desired snack of choice.

Returning to the living room, mom and Chloe are huddled up with smiles on their faces as Chloe lacquers her nails in Mom’s favorite color.

I join the festivities in varnishing her other hand in the lustrous, scarlet shade intensifying her pale flesh.

“Baby?”

“Yes.”

“Could you place one of those chips in my mouth? Apparently, my hands are unavailable at the moment.”

We all laugh, Chloe and I taking turns popping chips in Mom’s mouth. Looking into my mother’s eyes, I notice a shift. “Mom, are you okay?”

“Yes, baby. I just need a moment. If you will, please excuse me.” She rises, heading straight to the bathroom.

Chloe turns to me. “Okay, it’s your turn. Hand me those man claws so I can beautify them into luxurious mitts.”

Chloes laugh at her attack on my hands. I swiftly fling a pillow at her head, triggering a pillow fight with fluffy cushions flying through the air and laughter filling our ears.

I hear from the distance a noise stemming from the hallway, capturing my attention to halt my actions, which allowed Chloe to launch a pillow at my head.

“Stop! Wait!” I raise my hand for her to halt her actions.

We both stand in silence when the sound flows through the room again, triggering me to fly down the hall to my mother’s side.

Flinging the door open, I view my mother bent over, spewing her guts into the commode.

“Mom! Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

In between heaving, “Nothing baby, I’m on medication, and it causes an upset stomach. I’ll be fine.” She waves us off, but I’m unwilling to abscond her side like this. I bend at the knee, holding her hair rubbing her back in hopes of soothing her pain.

She heaves a bit more before she collapses to my side.

“MOM! MOM!” Tears flow out of my eyes.

Chloe rushes to our side. Wiping my mother’s face, I see her eyes seal shut, and panic set in even further. “MOM, MOM, Wake up!”

“Oh my god, Mom! Chloe, she stopped breathing.” Chloe’s eyes widen. “Chloe, call nine-one-one!” Liquid streams down my face.

Chloe rushes out to grab her phone while I place my mother gently on the floor to begin compressions. “Come on, Mom. Don’t you leave me! Don’t you fucking go! Open your eyes, Mom, PLEASE!”

My compressions become erratic, “MOM! WAKE UP! PLEASE! DON’T DO THIS TO ME!” Sobbing with every reduction, I continue without ceasing my actions. Her body jolts lifelessly on the floor while I pump to bring her back to life with all my might.

Chloe rushes back into the bathroom, “They’re on the way.” Chloe pushes me to the side, continuing compressions. My hand flies over my mouth to conceal the anguish rising in my throat. She can’t leave me; she can’t. I won’t be able to survive without her. My breathing hitches in my throat, viewing Chloe work tirelessly to bring our mother back to life.

Hearing the banging on the door, I rush to the front, allowing the paramedics into my home. “Where is the patient?”

Unable to speak, I point down the hall. In utter disbelief, my back rests against the wall, attempting to contemplate how this is even happening when a familiar voice startles me.

“Shelly?”

Twisting to view his face, it’s Eric.

“What happened?”

All I could muster was, “Mom,” in a low voice while more tears sprout from my eyes.

Eric’s eyes widen, closing the gap between us, embracing me. For the first time, my initial instinct is not to push him away. I welcome his embrace. I require any form of security right now.

The paramedics race down the hall with my mother strapped onto a bed. My heart ceases to beat at the look of her lifeless body. Chloe stops dead in her tracks when Eric comes into view, coiled around me. I can see the heat in her eyes; however, she recognizes this is not the time.

“Can I join her?” I implore the paramedics.

“Yes, but we have to leave now.”

I withdraw from Eric’s embrace and follow them out the door, leaving Chloe and Eric to their own devices. Looking back with waterlogged eyes, I observe Chloe turn towards Eric, and there is no care in the world I can give right now– all that matters is my mother.

We enter the ambulance while the paramedics prepare for transport. All I can do is hold my mother’s cold hand while waterworks flow and pray for her to return to me when the deafening sound of a flatline rings in the ambulance, triggering my heart to cease.

~~~

Axle reached out to Chloe. 💙💙💙

Chloe makes up for not being around. What do you think of their interaction?

Cassandra is sick! What do you think about Chloe taking over compressions?

What about Shelly’s reaction to her mother?

Eric?

Thoughts? Theories?

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