elimination

I race through the halls and away from Bump Nose’s room as fast as I can. It a beautiful feeling: the freedom of speed and the sanctity of darkness. I open another door and find that I have escaped outside onto the freezing tundra. With every step my lungs ache against the wind and my legs whine for oxygen. I push on and on until at last I collapse in relief. I lie against the icy ground watching my smoky breath form shapes in the sky above my head. Slowly but surely the sun begins to rise centimeter by centimeter. Soon there will be colors illuminating the sky. I’ve never actually watched the sunrise before. It’s considered too egregious a source of unregulated dopamine. I no longer know if I believe the dogma we have been fed about unregulated dopamine, yet as the sun slowly creeps across the sky tension rises within me. Before the first traces of color appear I am gone, sprinting across the tundra, chased by the sun.

As light begins to bathe the sky in full, I arrive back in the dark hallway next to Bump Nose’s room. I sit against the wall, arms crossed over my legs. I remain there, for what feels like hours. My mind is blank, devoid of a single thought or picture until at last my heavy eyelids open at the sound of quick footsteps racing down the hallway. 12′s eyebrows form a worried arch. I notice for the first time a thin set of premature wrinkles around her mouth. I wonder how much I helped to draw those lines. I move to rise in a slight panic, thinking that it is time for class, yet she reads my mind. “I came 45 minutes early to talk to Bump Nose.” I nod, briefly realizing that Bump Nose never retired to his station last night. 12 sits to my left next to the door mirroring my position. She tentatively brushes the hair out of my face and scoots in next to me. I lay my head on her shoulder and for the first time in a long time I feel safe enough to sleep.