Elegi Of Rose

Nurses and doctors came rushing inside the room, pushing everyone back except Ayu whose hands were still holding Roni'. His vitals were rechecked, including his brain activity which the doctors studied and it was with smiles on their faces that they informed her Roni was finally awake.

Ayu couldn't believe it. She wanted to be alone with Roni. She wanted to be able to talk to him. But as her mind was running along the things she wanted to say to him, his eyes closed once again.

"He closed his eyes. What's wrong?" she asked in panic.

"He's fine. He's merely resting," one doctor told her, studying Roni' monitors.

She nodded, relieved.

"We'll have to do some tests when he gains consciousness once again," another doctor said aloud.

"Yes, yes, do what you have to do."

"For now, we need to give him some time to rest. Call us when he wakes up."

She nodded once again.

Then, one by one, the room emptied as doctors gave orders to the nurses, and finally she, Herland, and Roy were once again alone inside with Roni.

Hours passed by and no one dared say a word.

Ayu was still trying to convince herself that she was not dreaming and Roni was awake. Herland, she didn't have any idea what he was thinking. And Roy-well, she'd pay to read his mind at the moment because he was once again sitting on his chair with a serious blank look on his handsome face.

The doors burst open and Sinta and Lis rushed in with their faces flushed.

"What are you doing here?" Sinta exclaimed, almost running across the room towards her.

"Don't you dare touch her," Roy's cold voice spoke for the first time. Sinta stopped with her hands closed in fists.

"Roy!" Lis said, startled to find him behind them by the door.

"Get out," Sinta addressed her with rage.

"Let's go, Ayu," Roy said gently. "You'll see him when he wakes up again. I promise."

Already drained with overwhelming emotions, Ayu reluctantly released Roni' hand and stepped back. Slowly, she walked through the sheath of angry aura emanating from both Sinta and Lis who stepped back to gladly let her pass like Vatican soldiers that they were, standing at each side of her.

Roy held out his hand and she took it, welcoming the strength he offered.

"I'll call you," Herland said from where he was standing at the foot of the bed.

It was Roy who nodded, guiding her out the door, crutches and all.

"I can't believe it," she uttered more to herself than to her husband.

Roy did not answer, obviously still in shock as well.

Slowly, Ayu stole a glance at his direction as he walked alongside her, working with his crutches. What is he thinking? God, I hope it's not something stupid, she prayed silently.

*****

As they drove back home, neither of them spoke a word.

Yes, she was happy and glad that finally, Roni was awake, and hopefully he'd be fine and be back to normal soon. But that was just it. She didn't feel a rush of romantic emotions when she finally believed that he was awake. She didn't picture him waking up and planning a wedding with her. It was just plain relief and freedom on her part.

Though she knew she still needed to ask for Roni' forgiveness, she felt she was finally free from all the guilt. And relief was another thing that came about-relieved that finally, she had her final answers. Now, knowing Roni could go back to normal and walk and talk, she was sure she didn't want him back. She just wanted closure. She wanted things to be over and she wanted answers herself.

Throwing a quick glance at her husband, she realized that she wanted something else as well-but that would be another problem and she got to take them one step at a time. Right now, Roni would have to go first.

She had to settle her past before she could gamble for her future once more.

*****

By the time they got back home, Roy was still quiet and Ayu felt awkward.

God, what must he be thinking?

She wanted to stop him and ask to spill out whatever was on his mind, but she couldn't just do that now, could she? He had been bugging her about her dodging game with him that he might probably tell her the same things she told him. It was no question where she would sleep. For almost a week now, she had been sleeping in her room, and it would be wrong to be with him when she knew she wouldn't even get to close her eyes for the night. But a part of her wanted to lie on that bed beside him, to assure him that she was here to stay, that nothing would have to change.

But does he want it the way you do? The joy-spoiler part of her brain asked and it was right. Though she wanted to show Roy that she would stay if he wanted, she didn't know if that was the way he really wanted it. For all she knew, he was already dying to hand her back to Roni. She slept with that fear in mind.

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*****

She didn't hear from Herland the next day and she was already getting anxious. What if it was just false alarm or something? But she knew that if something bad happened, her friend would call her.

The other thing she could think after analyzing everything was Roni didn't want to see her. It made more sense, and it made her sad, even depressed, but she couldn't blame him if that were the case. She only wanted to be assured that he was physically okay and conscious and coherent.

She spent the three days constantly checking her phone like a zombie that even Roy asked her how she felt. She knew he was busy and she didn't want to trouble him or make him think that she was depressed about not being able to see Roni.

Roy himself was kind of not himself as well and she was getting afraid his stupidity would get better of him and make him do stuff she wouldn't like. But if he was thinking about anything near that thought, she didn't know. He was always on the phone with his secretary talking about business.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" he startled her by that question while they were having breakfast.

"None that I can think of," she answered, taking a piece of toast from his plate.

"Wanna go camping?" he asked.

She pretended to think. "Only if you won't let me carry one whole chicken," she finally said.

He smiled, but it did not really reach his eyes. It hurt her to see him like that. She knew he was only trying to get her mind off Roni. Well, he didn't have to make such great efforts to take her mind off anything. "I won't if you won't wear shorts." "Deal," she smiled and whirled around to go to her room.