Elegi Of Rose

"Dad, where the hell are you?" Ayu tried real hard not to shout louder. She almost stumbled down the street, struggling with her bag and last bit of intoxication. "Yes, of course I already know! No, I'm going right where you are so you better tell me where, or I'll get on the next plane out of this city. No, this can't wait until tomorrow, dad! For heaven's sakes you set me up to be married in two days' time, that's just bullshit!" A mother walking beside her covered her son's ears at Ayu's last word. She ignored the blazing gaze of the woman, too busy listening to the address her father was giving her. Without much of a goodbye, she clicked off and made her way to the restaurant.

*****

She would have loved to paint her father's features the moment she saw him, but she was just not in the mood. He was not his usual confident self right now. He looked like he was almost scared and that was the reason why she would have loved to put that face on canvas--but no time to think about that now because she was too furious at the old man. Ayu stormed across the restaurant, her face fuming in anger. As she made her way to where her father stood before a white clothed table with wine glasses, she deliberated whether she should give herself into the earlier urge to claw on his face.

Of course, she didn't. He was old and fragile and perspiring a lot it would be a crime to dig her fingernails into his wrinkled skin. Her father's gray-blue eyes which looked exactly like hers stared at her anxiously as she stopped outside his personal space, arms crossed over her chest.

She tapped her booted foot on the floor twice and waited for an explanation, not bothering to verbally demand it.

"Darling, let's sit down first," Leo Suar motioned at the chair beside her. She looked around and saw that some customers were looking at them curiously, their utensils halfway through their mouths. Still glaring, she felt for the chair and sat down stiffly. Her father did the same. "What would you like to eat?"

"Why? You'll hand me as payment for food?" she saw him flinch with her comment and she almost regretted it. Tucking her blond tresses behind one ear, she tried to calm herself.

"Yu, darling, please understand-"

"I'm trying to understand, dad, but I just can't," she snapped at him, "How can you do that to me, your own daughter? Why?"

"I was desperate!" he said, holding up his hand, "And Roy was kind enough to help me when no other people would!"

Anger rose up her throat again, "Kind? How is that kind, dad? He asked for your own daughter and you gladly consented? Oh God, I thought mom was nuts, but you?" she shook her head in disbelief.

"Darling, just listen to me. It's only for six months. And why don't you try it? You wanted to get married two years ago, right? Why not now?"

She gaped, not so sure if she was actually talking to her own father, "I can't believe this. Is this about what happened two years ago? That's it, isn't it? Did mom talk you into this?"

"No, but it is part of the reason-"

"Goddammit, dad, you don't have the right to marry me off just because of what happened two years ago!" she waved her hand for emphasis.

"But look what you've been doing since then! You mother and I can't see that you're actually living a life with the way you're going through it right now. Roy might be the answer. He's a good man-" "You mean a good businessman because he was able to talk you into giving me away as payment!"

"Darling, just listen for a second, okay? I did it to save our company. It's your own future."

"Don't try to turn this around me, dad. You did it to save your precious company and I don't want any of it."

"But someday you will."

"Yeah. Maybe. After all I paid for it!"

"Okay, I know this is absurd, but I also thought how you might feel that's why I insisted the contract only last for six months. You can get out of your marriage by the time-that is if you would still want to." She laughed sarcastically, getting the attention of the people around them once again. "You really planned it so well, didn't you? It is just like making a strategic plan for your damn business." "Yu, please, I did it for you and your mother."

"Does she know about this? Did she urge you to do it?" She would not have been surprised if he said yes because that was just her mom, but he surprised her by shaking his head no. She frowned.

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"No, she doesn't have any idea, so please don't tell her. I want her to feel happy knowing you'll be tying the knot soon. You know how she felt about what happened two years ago."

It was in that very moment that Ayu realized that her dad was really desperate to make ends meet when he signed the contract with Roy Punda. Though she would love to leave him and go as far away as she could, she knew she could never do that. Her dad had been the first person to approach her when she needed someone the most. He had been there through her grief and always was-until he signed the damn contract.

"What does Roy Punda really want anyway? Of all things, why me? He is not desperate to have a wife, is he?"

"I don't know, darling. I asked him that very same question myself. He just said he has his reasons. But don't worry; I made him promise that he won't force you to do anything you don't want to do once you two are married." "Did you sign on it too?" she asked sarcastically.

Her father sighed, "No, but I take Roy's word. He's one of the people I trust the most."

"Yeah right, I believe you in that. You even trusted him with your own daughter." She knew her father was already suffering with her sarcastic remarks, but she just couldn't help it.

He reached out to hold her hand on the table and squeezed it, "You've been through a lot, Yu, I know that. But it's been two years. It's time you move on and take a plunge. Consider this marriage with Roy as a new start. Who knows, he might be the right one-"

"Dad, in case you haven't noticed, I don't really have so much of a choice here so stop with the crap about moving on. I've moved on. In fact, I would be ready for a new start-but not this way," she snapped, but did not hold back her hand, "Okay, I'll do this not because I want to-I want you to remember that- I'm doing this to save your ass."

That was enough for him and he nodded slowly, smiling faintly in gratitude.

"I'll go now. I need to have some time to think and get my head back together. I don't know if I am in the right century where women have gained their rights in society and family," she took her hand from her father's and stood up. He made a motion to stand up, but she stopped him, "No, I don't need a lift. I want to walk."

"Will you tell your mom?" he asked with fear. She almost laughed. Knowing her mom, the old lady would jump in joy to learn that her daughter would soon tie the knot whatever the reason may be.

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"No, dad, I'm not telling mom. Because I want you to suffer just a little bit knowing you're hiding a little dirty secret from her. It's close enough to prison as you can get. Forgive me for thinking that way, but I'm still angry and I hope you understand. But no worries, I'm not running away. I'll be in that wedding so no need to check on me. See you there." With that, she turned and walked out the restaurant. She didn't want to look back, knowing she'd see the hurt on his face. But she was hurting inside as well, so it was fair enough.

*****

She walked down the streets of New York, feeling the breeze of the ending spring and wishing she would die and wither with the flowers by the end of the season. How wonderful would that be?

Her phone rang and vibrated inside her bag; she fumbled for it and frowned at the unregistered number appearing on the screen.

Maybe it was one of her clients. "Ayu Suar," she answered.

"This is Roy Punda," the oh-so-familiar voice said from the other side.

"Oh, great, my future husband," she said dryly. "To what do I owe the honor of this call?"

"Dress for dinner this evening. I'll be at your door by seven sharp. We're having dinner with my family."

"What dinner-" she did not have time to finish her question because he disconnected as soon as he said the word family. Family.

Her face paled just a little bit.

The Pundas?

Of course she knew the Pundas but it did not occur to her that she would marry one of them. She stood frozen in the middle of the sidewalk, fear and anxiety running through every cell of her body when it finally dawned on her that she was marrying into one of the wealthiest families in the country.

I am not ready to meet the clan yet! She shouted in her mind.