Elegi Of Rose

"That's a very nice welcome," Ayu said as coldly as she could. She looked down at Sinta's small stature before her. Her enemy's five foot four height was nothing to her five foot eight. But don't get some crazy idea that Ayu could easily beat her because the woman was stronger than she looked-especially when it came to Ayu.

"How dare you-" Sinta's hand went up for another attack but Roy was fast to catch it with his hand this time. Sinta's eyes flew towards him in fury.

"Sinta, right?" he asked, and Ayu was taken aback. How did he know about Sinta? "You touch my wife one more time and I'll make sure you'll regret it," she heard him say coldly, his blue eyes seriously serious.

Sinta pulled her hand away roughly with a menacing laugh. "Look here. You found a husband?" her gray eyes transferred to Roy, "How unlucky of you. You better hold on tight though. She might get you in another car wreck and I say you'll be lucky to be dead."

"We did not come here to see you, Sinta, so cut the speech. It's getting really old," Ayu told her.

"Get out. You're not welcome here."

"Says who?" she raised one eyebrow at the blond lady standing between her and the room. She took one step inside and circled around her forever nemesis. Her ever supportive husband followed behind. "I'll call security," Sinta cried out.

"Go ahead," Ayu turned around to face her with a sly smile. "It would be my pleasure to tell them you slap everyone who visits Roni. That would be assault, right?"

"I don't know why you're here, bitch, but make sure that you're gone when I get back." Sinta whirled around, her short blond hair cutting through air as she did so. The door slammed behind her as she left, leaving Ayu alone with Roy--and of course, Roni.

Ayu slowly turned around to face the hospital bed where Roni's comatose body lay and she gasped. The feeling of seeing him lying on that bed powerless and almost lifeless broke her composure. Seeing the man, who had been haunting her dreams for almost two years, in that state hurt more than Sinta's hand slapping her face. God, it hurt to know that the man who had been so full of life was lying there motionless, oblivious of the time passing by, and it was all her fault. She felt that same clenching feeling in her chest every time she remembered the car crash. The pain she thought had stopped was just sleeping after all. It was still there, the feeling of so much guilt. Once again, like two years ago, she was bombarded of too many 'if only' thoughts.

Her tears broke free as she slowly walked towards him, her feet wobbling.

Roy never uttered a word which was what she needed from him at the moment. She didn't need his touch for now because she felt she would crumble on the floor if anything as much as brush her skin. That was how weak she felt right now. The whimper that escaped her lips was brought by the look on Roni's face. It was still as she remembered it. He was still the same black-haired beauty she knew. He looked pale though.

He missed a lot of sun, she thought.

The tubing that was attached to his mouth a long time ago was gone. But those machines monitoring his vital signs were still there. So as the emergency cart she once drew on. Slowly, she willed her hand to touch his sleeping face and it felt so familiar. His face, his skin, and she knew his brown eyes would still be as what they were when they looked at her back then. Her shoulders began to shake once more. She was full of guilt that she couldn't contain it inside her. She was well and doing crazy things while he was stuck here, his mind somewhere only she could imagine. She had fought with his family when they decided to do euthanasia. She had fought hard because she didn't want to lose hope that he would wake up and be better again. She fought because she couldn't live another single day knowing she didn't do anything to save him. And now, he could breathe on his own, obviously, but he was still lost in a place no one knew. Deep down inside, Ayu thought that Roni could be tired right now and that if he could only talk, he'd ask them to let him go. Only she and Sinta believed he'd wake up, but it seemed that it was not going to happen any time soon. "I'm sorry, Roni," she whispered brokenly. "I'm really sorry..." She sniffed, and would have fallen on the floor if Roy did not catch her and took her into his arms. "It's my entire fault. Sinta was right. It was my entire fault..." she cried out, her shoulders shaking. She clung on her husband's shoulders like she was about to fall off a cliff.

"Shh... no, don't think that," Roy whispered in her ear. He ran his hand back and forth around her back to soothe her. His even heartbeat against her heaving chest helped ease the pain and his gentle words of assurance were lullaby to her ears. But she cried harder, pouring out every ounce of guilt and hurt.

"I just want him to forgive me. God, I want him to wake up and tell me it's all okay," she cried against his chest, her tears drenching his shirt.

Roy did not say a word, probably speechless seeing her like that. Who wouldn't be? But she didn't care what he was thinking. Right now, she got her answers.

Yes, seeing Roni gave her answers to questions, but it also made her feel worse. God, she wouldn't disagree if Sinta was there and called her a bitch one more time because right now, that's how she felt of herself.

*****

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Minutes later, Ayu looked up and said, "Can I have a moment alone with him?"

"Of course, I'll be outside," Roy said quietly and walked out the door.

Ayu composed herself before she turned to face Roni.

"I'm sorry about that," she said. "In case you haven't figured out yet, he's my husband. It's a long story and I won't have enough time to tell you." She forced a smiled on her face and brushed his black hair with her shaking fingers. "I see they cut your hair," she chuckled, her thoughts flying back to her memories with him. They seemed blurry now, but they were still there. Five years with him gave her many to remember. "He's handsome, isn't he?" she uttered, talking about Roy. It kind of felt weird talking about her husband with Roni but she felt like she could talk to Roni freely more than anyone else and she sighed. "Do you know that he's the reason why I came here? He asked me if I'm still in love with you. I don't know why he wanted to know either, believe me."

She sat beside him on the bed and took his hand with hers. "I know you've been hearing this a lot from me, but I'm sorry." She swallowed and continued, "Now, I'm sorry because I..." she faltered, thinking if he could hear her and if he could, he might get hurt. "I'm sorry because I think I'm finally starting to let you go."

A single tear fell from her eye. "I don't know if it's because of him, Ron. I honestly don't know. And I'm afraid. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. It would have been easier if you didn't leave me hanging and now, even our memories together are starting to fade as the days I spend with him goes by. He helps me forget in a way that's healthy, you know."

Then, she laughed. "I'm going crazy, I know. But don't worry, I got my answer," she looked at him sadly. "I'm starting to let go. But it's really scary." She stood up and wiped her cheeks with her hands. "Anyway, I have to go. Sinta could get back any moment now and I'm not the type who turns the other cheek." She grinned and bent down to kiss his forehead. "I loved you, you know that right? And I still care for you." Her hands stayed on his cheek as she said, "And don't worry, I can handle Roy. Come what may, right?"

*****

They left the hospital without meeting Sinta, but her relief was not about not having to confront Roni' childhood best friend once again. It was the lighter feeling she had in her chest. She was right. She got the answer by seeing Roni. But on the other hand, she also got another matter to face and it was called Roy. Back there, she finally admitted her husband's effects on her. And yes, it wa scary because she couldn't just tell him, 'hey, I'm starting to like you,' because their situation was getting in the way. The stupid contract kept reminding her that she couldn't get anything out of their marriage other than sex and probably heartache if she was not careful. "Feeling better?" Roy asked her as they climbed in the car.

"Yes, I guess so," she answered and then remembered something. "How did you know Sinta's name?"

Planning your weekend reading? Ensure you're on 00005s.org for uninterrupted enjoyment. The next chapter is just a click away, exclusively available on our site. Happy reading! "Herland told me about her," he said nonchalantly.

"He told you."

He nodded as he put the car in gear. "He also mentioned a black-haired girl named Lis."

Ayu laughed. "I can't believe it," she shook her head, remembering Roni' twin sister.

"So, how do you feel?" his question was simple but the look on his face said it meant everything to him.

"Hurt. Sinta really has a strong hand," she answered, feigning ignorance.

But he saw right through her because he said pointedly, "You know what I am asking about, Ayu."

"I don't know, Roy," she sighed. She was not ever going to tell him everything. That was why she sent him outside back there in the first place!

She saw his brows meet in a line through the rearview mirror. She wondered what he was thinking. Both of them really had to talk whatever they were keeping secrets. It was getting frustrating! But then again, she would never say anything unless he would do it first.

*****