Elegi Of Rose

Henry Bell drove them home because they were both tipsy by the time the party was over. They remembered everything and they were still conscious and coherent but nobody would let them go home alone. After that first dance, they danced another one and joined their families. At first, Roy tried to stop her from taking a glass of wine but she promised she wouldn't drink more than two so he said yes. Ayu remembered promising Ria to help Rin with baby Ren's so-called WALKING PARTY and she also recalled Henry telling them he'd take them home in his car and that Roy could go back for his car the next day. Roy refused the offer but his friend insisted among others.

When they were finally home alone, they decided to have one last glass of wine. Roy looked at her as he handed her the wine and said, "You promised to tell me about your incredibly mysterious past." She smiled and answered, "I know."

"Let's go to the balcony," and he then led her upstairs. She didn't know which balcony he was talking about but followed him anyway. She stopped in her tracks when he opened his bedroom door. His room was the other part of the house that she had never invaded.

"We're going inside your room," she stated without a question.

He frowned, "Why?" and when he saw her expression, he smiled naughtily and added, "We're not going to do what you have in mind..."

"Okay! Just... okay, let's go have that talk and get this over with." She walked past him and entered his room and swept it with a glance. As expected, it was all manly and neat and dull. The sheets were dark gray-all of it-, the furniture all black, and the walls plain and white. A man of his wealth should get a better interior designer, really.

Ayu heard his chuckle as she strode inside and half-ran towards the glass door across the room that led to the balcony. "You seem tense," he pointed out as he joined her outside.

"Shut up," she snapped, resting her elbows at the wood railing of the balcony, looked over and pointed, "Your view here is not great..."

"I like it."

Really, it was not that great. It overlooked the street-no great view there. "What's to like watching the street and passing cars?"

"Yu," his gentle voice said behind her. Ayu looked over her shoulder and saw that he was fixing her with a knowing look as he stood there leaning against the glass sliding door holding his wine glass. He knew she was stalling. Whether she liked it or not, she thought she should tell him. She didn't want him to appear stupid in front of other people not knowing about Roni or her past.

She gave out a breath, thinking where to start, and a long silence reigned between them for a long time. Funny how they get along with silence, she thought in passing. Finally, she opened her mouth and said, "Two years ago, I was ready to walk down the aisle to get married."

He looked at her with a blank expression on his face and uttered, "Roni?"

"How-" she stopped herself when she remembered he overheard Roni' name during her phone conversation with Herland on their honeymoon. "Yes," she answered. "He's Herland's best friend." She took her glass to her lips and gulped down some wine. This was harder than she thought. She turned around to face Roy, leaned her back against the balcony and took a deep breath. "Roni..." she played with her glass and watched the dark liquid move in a circle, "Roni called off the wedding a day before we could say I do."

"And that's why you couldn't get over him?"

Ayu shook her head. "It's not that... it was the accident that followed."

His eyebrows crossed. "Accident?"

"When Roni told me we should call off the wedding, I was driving and he was in the passenger seat."

She heard his light intake of breath and he uttered, "Thus your phobia riding shotgun."

A faint smile formed on her lips. "I always feel like I am back on that day of the accident every time I'm near the steering wheel."

"What happened to him?"

"He did not get lucky as I did. I was shocked by his announcement and lost control of the wheel for a few seconds and before I knew it, another car was running fast towards us and it hit his side. He got the impact of the collision and now..." she stopped and swallowed, trying to control her emotions and Ayu wasn't used to showing any weakness towards anyone. "... and now Roni is still in the hospital and in a coma."

Her words must have stayed in the air after leaving her mouth because it took him time to react and when he did, it was not the reaction she expected. "You got to be freaking kidding me," he blurted out.

"Of course I'm not, you dimwit."

"Then he's still alive?"

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"Of course! What did you think?" Anger was starting to rise up in her now.

"I'm sorry... I just thought... I'm really sorry."

Ayu took a deep breath. He was lucky she had a good amount of alcohol running through her veins right now. "It's fine."

"Do you still see him?"

"No, not for a year now."

"Do you still love him?"

His question took her by surprise and she snapped her eyes to meet his and what she saw made her wonder. His face was unreadable, but his eyes were glittering with... hope? Risa for what?

She chose to ignore that one for the moment and decided to answer his question truthfully. "I don't know... All I know is that it was my entire fault."

"No it was not. You never wished anything of it to happen."

"But I was the one driving."

"And you where taken by surprise. You never knew what would have happened."

She was tired of bantering over that matter. Herland and her parents had told her the very same things two years ago. "I don't know..."

"Is that why you haven't had anyone after the accident?"

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"No... I... I don't believe I still love him-but I'll never know that for certain unless I get to see and talk to Roni."

"Let me get this straight," he held up one hand. "You never committed with anyone because you are not certain if you're still in love with the man who broke up with you the day before your wedding?" Coming from him, it sounded stupid but what he said was the exact truth. Roni falling into a coma left her hanging. She never had the chance to know his reasons for calling off the wedding. She never had the chance to know if she should wait or not. All in all, she had been floating in the air like she was inside a thin bubble that was about to pop and she didn't know where she would fall.

And at this moment in her life, the bubble had long popped and she was still falling without knowledge of where her frail self would land.

Right now, she was falling... falling.

Her eyes searched Roy's and their gazes locked once more.

For the first time, she wondered why they bother to argue every time they got the chance when in fact, they really got along just fine. They were both comfortable to be in one space with the silence, both of them knew what the other was thinking. For the short time she had been with him, she knew him well enough. Maybe he was right. She brought out the worst in him and knowing someone in their worst could make you appreciate them in their best-and that was the case with Roy. She knew him as the husband who is arrogant and moody, and she also knew him as the man who is caring with kids and tender when it came to real display of emotions. Just like now when she finally laid out her past in front of him, making herself vulnerable, and he was staring at her in that tender and caring way of his that she only got to see once in a blue moon.

"Now you know the real story," she whispered, her eyes not leaving his.

He nodded slowly and pulled away from the door to walk towards her. Ayu's heart began to hammer once more.

Being with Roy was different. She never lost track of time nor the surroundings when she was with Roni. She never had a single fight with him like she had with the man standing before her. Her actions were not as carefree when she was with Roni-she was always Ms. Prim and Proper. With Roy, she is herself and she honestly didn't know if it was a good thing. Their relationship was new and different for her. Acting her mind had always been natural with him, but it seemed that it had not brought him or their relationship any good. As a matter of fact, she caused him enough trouble to kick her out of his house. But on the other hand, she didn't have anything to be sorry about because it was all his and her father's fault. Ayu mentally shook her head. Her crazy mind went berserk once again, causing yet another indecipherable train of thoughts to keep her awake the whole night. Recently, she found it difficult to fall into a deep slumber and she knew it was because of the thought that just within a few paces away, her hot husband lay sleeping in his own room.

Again, she shook her head to erase another uncomfortable image. But her useless thoughts flew out the balcony the moment Roy's hand rested on her arm, his eyes searching hers. "Now I know..." he whispered, his breath brushing against her face-that was how close he was.

Ayu didn't have any words to say to that because the little particles of alcohol had already calmed her senses and released her precautions from their bounds. Like every time they were that close, everything else was forgotten. His hand seemed to have a mind of its own as it took her glass from her and placed it on the balcony together with his, and as he did that, his nose nuzzled her own, their lips just centimeters away. The teasing game went on like forever before they both impatiently pulled one another in a gripping embrace, fire burning their lips as they devoured each other.