Egomaniac

What an ass.

Me. Not the shapely one I was just caught staring at. Although…what an ass.

Emerie had been leaning over the reception desk to reach for my ringing office phone when she caught me leering at her succulent rear end. The polite thing would have been to look away, pretend I wasn’t checking her out. But what did I do? I winked.

Again. What an ass.

And now, Emerie stared at me as she continued to talk on the phone. Things went one of two ways when a woman caught you red-handed ogling her. She flirted back, or…

Emerie hung up the phone and walked down the hall toward me with purpose. Her face was impassive, so I wasn’t sure what to expect.

She stopped at the doorway and crossed her arms over her chest. “Were you just checking out my ass?”

So this was heading the other way, where the object of the ogle calls you out on your shit. I mimicked her stance, folding my arms across my chest, too.

“Do you want me to lie?”

“No.”

“It’s a great ass.”

Her cheeks flushed. “You’re an ass, you know that?”

“Then I must be a great ass. Because it takes one to know one.”

Her stoic face cracked, and she laughed. I liked that she was more amused than annoyed. “Do women tend to find your behavior attractive?”

I shrugged. “I’m handsome and rich. Women tend to find that attractive. You’d be surprised how much I can get away with.”

“You are so full of yourself.”

“Maybe, but it’s true.” I came out from where I’d been standing behind my desk, leaving only about a foot or two between us. “Tell the truth. If I was short, bald, broke, and toothless with a hump on my back, you’d have told me off after catching me looking at your ass.”

Her mouth opened, and she looked adorable trying to come up with a retort even though her face had already told me I was right.

“You’re an egomaniac.”

“Maybe. But an attractive one.”

Emerie rolled her eyes and huffed, but I caught a slight smirk on her face right before her hips sashayed out of my office.

What an ass.

The rest of the afternoon, I was tied up on the phone. Even though I’d cleared my calendar of office consults until next week, word had gotten out that I was back, and all of my miserable clients wanted to update me on their spouses’ latest maneuvers. I worked in an ugly-ass business, but I was damn good at my job. Revenge was what they wanted, and every time I dealt a blow to a wife who deserved it, I mentally got even with my own ex, Alexa, all over again. I probably needed a therapist, but vicarious revenge was cheaper and far more satisfying.

I’d just hung up with a client who wanted a restraining order to keep his estranged wife from burning his porn stash when I overheard Emerie talking on the phone from the reception area. The empty office space carried her voice, and I couldn’t help but listen.

“Queens? That’s the closest you can get me to midtown for under fifteen hundred a month? What if I went smaller? No reception area, just a simple office in a building somewhere?” She paused for a minute. “What’s so funny? Yes, I did think you were quoting me space where more than one person can fit.” Another pause. “No, I’m not from New York. But…but…You know what? Forget it. I’ll call another agent.”

“Trouble finding a place?” I said from behind her.

Emerie spun around. The look on her face was pure exasperation.

“What am I doing in New York?”

“You tell me.”

She sighed. “Long story. I—” My office phone rang, and she held up a finger and reached for it before I could even attempt to.

“Drew Jagger’s office…Who, may I ask, is calling?…Mr. London…”

She looked to me, and I held up two hands in the universal no-way sign. She continued smoothly.

“Mr. Jagger is in with a client right now. He also has an appointment immediately following this one that is already waiting. Can I take a detailed message for you?”

She was quiet for a minute as she held the phone away from her ear and raised her brows. I could hear that blowhard Hal London even standing two feet away. When he took a breath, she politely managed to get him off the phone.

“Did you get all that?” she asked me.

“I did. Guy’s an asshole. I would almost rather represent his cheating bitch of a wife. He keeps me on the phone for an hour every chance he gets. It’s his dime, but I still don’t want to talk to him. You managed to get him off pretty quick.”

“Try pouring on the sweet extra thick. That always throws people off.”

“I’ll have to keep that in mind.”

Emerie looked at her watch. “It’s almost four o’clock. I can’t believe the furniture company isn’t here yet. I’m sorry, I’ve been here all day.”

“No problem. I’ll just add it to your rent bill.”

She smiled. “Fine. But then I’m charging you for my secretarial services. I’m not cheap.”

A dirty flash of Emerie playing secretary with me as her boss popped into my head, and the words tumbled out before I could stop them. “I’d pay a lot for your services.”

She blushed, but then pushed back. “You must be a dick to work for, between your big ego and pervy comments. Good thing you’re a lawyer for when you get sued.”

“Did you just call me a dick?”

She bit her plump lip. “I did.”

I chuckled. “You figured that out pretty quick.”

An alarm on her phone began to buzz. She turned it off. “I have a four o’clock call with a patient I have to take. I’m going to step outside to take it. That way I don’t miss the furniture company either.”

“Why don’t you use my office? Might as well get some use out of that desk before they take it back. I’m hard on furniture. I didn’t want to ding it and screw up your returning it. More privacy to talk to your patient.”

“I don’t want to miss the furniture company.”

“I’ll keep a lookout.”

She hesitated. “You don’t mind?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Go ahead. I’ll play secretary for you now.”

It didn’t take much to convince her. I watched her walk down the hall—correct that, I watched her ass walk down the hall. When she reached my office she stopped and looked back over her shoulder, catching me once again. So I winked. I’m nothing if not consistent.

It was a little after four-thirty when the furniture company finally showed up. Emerie was still in my office, so I knocked on the half-closed door to get her attention. She was writing in a notebook while talking with a headset on. She’d piled her long, copper hair in a messy bun on top of her head, and when she looked up, it was the first time I’d seen her wearing glasses. They were dark frames, rectangular in shape, and screamed fuck-me librarian.

At least that’s what I heard when I looked at them. I stared for a minute, getting caught in my own fantasy as she finished up her call.

Her brows drew down as she said goodbye and slipped off her headset. “Is everything okay?”

Were her eyes always that blue? The black spectacles must have made the color pop even more than her fair skin already had. “Uh, yeah. The furniture company is here.”

She looked at me funny, but then walked out to the lobby. After she signed some paperwork, the workmen followed her to my office. They wrapped the desk in moving blankets and taped them in place.

Emerie sighed, looking on. “It’s a beautiful desk.”

I watched her watching them ready it for moving. “Gorgeous.”

In the last three days, she’d realized she’d been swindled for ten grand, gotten arrested, and found out her dream office belonged to someone else. Yet this was the first time I’d seen her truly saddened. It looked like she’d reached her limit. When I saw her eyes well with tears, I felt it in my chest. It affected me more than I could explain. And obviously it affected more than just my chest, it affected…

My sanity.

Because the bad idea I heard myself suggesting certainly wouldn’t have come out of my mouth had I not had a momentary lapse in sanity.

“Stay. You and your desk should stay. I have plenty of space here.”