Egomaniac

My head felt like I’d been run over by a car full of pissed-off AA members. I was so thirsty, my mouth had been overtaken by a desert, yet every sip of water made me queasy. Jesus. No wonder I don’t drink very often.

The only good thing about this hangover was that I was so busy feeling like crap, I didn’t have the capacity to think about last night.

Drew.

That kiss.

That kiss.

Baldwin.

Holding my breath, I walked into the office even later than my normal late. I didn’t have a session until the afternoon, but I was behind on typing my notes into patient files.

The thought of facing Drew suddenly made my hangover nausea seem like just a warm up for the real thing. I was relieved when I turned the corner into the hallway to see his door was shut. The awkwardness with him was inevitable, but it would be easier when I felt better. Putting it off as long as possible seemed ideal at the moment.

Inside my office, I hung my coat on the rack behind the door and popped my laptop into the docking station. It wasn’t until I sat down at my desk and reached to flip on my monitor that I saw the note. It was Drew’s handwriting:

All day deposition in Jersey. Won’t be back until tonight. Need you to do me a favor and go upstairs to my apartment. I left a note with instructions in the kitchen. Penthouse East. Keycard for the elevator and door key are in your top drawer. Thanks, D.

That was odd. I attempted to settle in and answer a few emails, but curiosity wasn’t going to wait long. Taking the key and elevator card from my desk, I headed out to the lobby after less than five minutes. On the ride up, I watched the lights illuminate in a daze. I knew Drew lived in the building, but he’d never mentioned it was the penthouse. What could he need me to do in his apartment? Did he have a cat?

The shiny silver elevator doors slid open when I reached the top floor. Stepping off, there were only two doors, PW and PE. Unlike my apartment, the Penthouse East lock turned easily. Drew had written that he wouldn’t be back until tonight, yet I felt compelled to call out as I cracked the door open.

“Hello?… Hello? Anyone home?”

The apartment was quiet. No furry little creatures greeted me at the door either. I closed it behind me and went in search of the kitchen.

Holy shit.

Drew Jagger’s apartment was stunning.

Mouth hanging open, I walked right past the sleek kitchen, down two steps into the sunken living room and went to the wall of glass. Floor-to-ceiling windows framed a view of Central Park that could have been plucked out of a movie. After taking in the scenery for a few minutes, I unglued my eyes and went back to the kitchen. On the granite countertop was a note:

Down the hall, first door on the right.

What the?

There was only one hall. My palms were sweaty when I reached for the doorknob. Why was I so nervous?

I had no idea what to expect, so I pushed the door open ever so slowly. Only to find…an empty bathroom? I was still holding the note from the kitchen in my hand, so I rechecked the directions. First door on the right. Assuming he must have made a mistake, I was just about to shut the door when I saw a sticky on the mirror above the sink. I flicked on the light and took a good look around the room before reading it. It was one hell of a nice bathroom. Bigger than the bedroom in my apartment. Turning to meet my reflection, I pulled the sticky note from the mirror.

Bag on counter. Got you some girly bath stuff. Remote to tub jets in bag, too. Happy belated birthday. Enjoy your day. P.S. Motrin in medicine cabinet.

Unexpectedly, my eyes welled up with tears. The hard-ass destroyer of relationships had a soft side.

My skin was getting pruney. I’d actually dozed off for twenty minutes soaking in the tranquil tub and listening to Norah Jones. Drew had picked up bath salts, lavender bubble bath, and two small lavender candles. The odd feeling I had stripping out of my clothes and drawing a bath in an unfamiliar home quickly faded when I stepped into the warm water.

I’d been in the tub for more than a half hour, and the water was starting to chill, yet I still wanted to try out the whirlpool jets. I opened the drain for a minute, then added some scalding water to warm the bath back up. Grabbing the tiny remote, I pushed a couple of buttons, and the tub whirled to life.

Mmmm, that feels heavenly.

I increased the pressure of the jets on my back and covered the one at my feet with the arch of my right foot, simulating a foot massage.

It really felt like a massage. When was the last time anyone actually gave me a massage? A man? It had been a long time. Too long. Which was probably why when I shut my eyes to enjoy the sensation, I began thinking what that sensation would feel like other places on my body.

And that brought my mind right back to Drew.

That kiss.

That kiss.

Sigh. I hadn’t realized Baldwin had walked into the hallway, and Drew was only doing it to make him jealous. It had felt so real. So filled with desire. The way he pressed his body up against mine so hard, holding me so tight, I thought it was hunger fueling the kiss. And even though I’d been startled by it at first, my body had reacted immediately. Which was why when I realized he’d only done it because Baldwin was watching, to make him jealous, I was flooded with so many mixed emotions.

Today I was also confused for another reason. I seemed to be more concerned about things turning weird between me and Drew than I was about what Baldwin would think.

Since I had the man on the brain, I decided to send Drew a text. I wasn’t even sure if he was a texter—I’d never really seen him pay attention to his phone other than to answer it.

Emerie: This might be my new favorite birthday present ever. Thank you.

My pathetic heart sped up when I saw dots start jumping.

Drew: Topping a gift to slice open your eyeballs, which you returned? You’re damn easy to please.

I laughed. I also moved my foot to uncover the jet and spread my legs to feel the water pressure.

Emerie: It was really sweet of you. This bathtub is heavenly.

Drew: Is? Are you texting me from the tub right now?

Emerie: I am.

Drew: You can’t tell me shit like that. I’m in the middle of a deposition, and now I’m going to be distracted picturing you naked in my tub.

I started to type a response, then stopped. Drew was picturing me naked. Tiny goosebumps broke out over my body, even though I was blanketed with warm water. I knew he was teasing me, yet there was still something exciting about it, and I wanted to play back.

Emerie: Do you like what you’re picturing?

Drew: I just had to adjust my pants under the table. What do you think?

I think…I liked the thought of Drew Jagger getting a hard-on thinking about me. My body was reacting to his texts the same way it had reacted to his kiss last night. I attempted to think of something sexy to type back, but before I could come up with something witty, the little dots were jumping again.

Drew: How did things go with Professor Putz last night after I left?

At the mention of Baldwin, the same other feeling I’d had last night hit me like a bucket of cold water: a reminder that Drew was just being his normal crass self. Yet again I’d thought he was serious for a minute.

Emerie: Not much to tell.

For some reason, I left off that Baldwin had asked if he could take me out tonight to make up for canceling on me.

The texts from Drew had been coming in rapid succession, but he went silent for a few minutes. Eventually, the dots started again.

Drew: Have fun. Gotta get back to my case.

I didn’t hear from him again after that. I soaked a few more minutes in the bath, and then went back down to the office. My afternoon appointments were uneventful, and the rest of the day blew by while I caught up on updating case files. Baldwin texted to say he’d made reservations for seven at someplace I wouldn’t attempt to pronounce, so I left the office at five-thirty to freshen up before dinner.

I changed out of the skirt and blouse I’d worn to the office and into a little black dress. It wasn’t necessary to look up the restaurant where we were going; I knew it would be fancy. Unlike Drew, Baldwin didn’t go to underground pool hall bars or eat greasy burgers from Joey’s. The funny thing was, I really had no desire to go to some uppity place tonight. As I fastened small, pearl drop earrings to my ears, I became annoyed with myself for pretending I wanted to be at those places with Baldwin. The truth of the matter was, I had pretended to like some of the same things as him just to have a reason to spend time together.

When Baldwin knocked promptly as seven, I still wasn’t feeling like myself. My normal excitement had been replaced by annoyance. I was annoyed he’d blown me off last night in favor of the latest woman he was screwing, and I was annoyed I’d been pretending to like things for him when he clearly didn’t go out of his way for me. I opened the door and invited him in so I could grab my phone from the charger and change purses. While I was in the bedroom, I heard a cell phone ring from the living room and then Baldwin’s voice say hello.

I listened to one side of the conversation as I returned to the living room.

“Probably about eleven.”

I walked to the kitchen and opened the purse I’d used today to go to work and began to transfer a few things to my small black clutch.

“Okay, yes. It’ll be late, but we can discuss it then.”

I scrolled through my messages while Baldwin finished up his conversation. A text had come in from Drew about ten minutes ago.

Drew: On way back. You still at the office? Have to write a motion when I get back, going to be a long night for me. Ordering Chinese for delivery. You want something?

I started to text back and then stopped when Baldwin hung up and asked, “You ready?”

“Sure.” I picked up my new purse and went to the closet to get my coat. Baldwin—always the gentleman—took my coat and stood behind me to help put it on. “You have to work after dinner?”

“Hmmm?”

“The phone call. I overheard you say you would talk to someone later.”

“Oh. That was Rachel. We both have work events this weekend, and she wants me to attend hers with her after mine. I told her I’d discuss it when I get there later this evening.”

The little bubble of anger that had been threatening finally broke inside of me. Oddly, I wasn’t really angry at Baldwin. I was pissed at myself. I turned to face him.

“You know what? I’m sorry to do this last minute, but I’ve had a headache all day, and it’s just getting worse. I’m afraid I won’t be very good company tonight.”

Baldwin was taken aback, his brow furrowed. “You don’t want to go to dinner?”

“Not tonight. I’m sorry. Can I take a rain check?” I hadn’t intended to, but I realized immediately after I said it that Baldwin had used the same phrase on me when he canceled last night. Can I take a rain check?

After he left, I remembered I hadn’t sent Drew the text I’d began typing out. My finger hovered over the I’m already gone, but thank you for asking message until it started to erase the words.

Screw it.

I typed something without allowing myself to rethink it.

Emerie: I’ll take a moo shu pork.