Egomaniac

“Can I ask you something personal?”

“No.” Drew’s response was quick.

“No?” I crinkled up my face, confused. “You know, usually when two people are sitting around talking and eating, and one of them asks the other if they can ask something personal, the other generally says yes. It’s polite.”

“I have a rule. Whenever someone asks if they can ask something, I say no.”

“Why?”

“Because if you have to ask if you can ask, it’s probably something I don’t want to answer anyway.”

“But how do you know if you don’t even hear the question?”

Drew sat back in his chair. “What’s your question, Emerie?”

“Well, now I feel like I shouldn’t ask it.”

He shrugged and finished off the last of his beer. “Okay. So don’t.”

“Did something happen to you that made you bitter about relationships?”

“Thought you didn’t feel like you should ask?”

“I changed my mind.”

“You’re kind of a pain in the ass. You know that, right?”

“And you’re kind of a bitter jerk, so I’m curious what made you that way.”

Drew tried to hide it, but I saw the corner of his lip twitch toward a smile. “I’ll tell you why I’m a bitter jerk, if you tell me why you’re a pain in the ass.”

“But I don’t think I’m a pain in the ass.”

“Maybe you should see a therapist, help you figure that shit out.”

I crumpled up my napkin and threw it at his face. It hit him square in the nose.

“Very mature,” he said.

“I don’t think I’m a pain in the ass in general. I think you just bring out the ass in me.”

He smirked. “It’s a nice ass to bring out. Speaking of which, if you’re full, I could help you unzip to get comfortable.”

Jesus, he really was a smartass. “I’m never going to live down the night we met, am I?”

“Not a chance.”

I sipped my merlot, not wanting to waste it, but I was so full from the humongous burger Drew had ordered me. Honestly, I couldn’t wait to get home and unzip my skirt, although I wasn’t about to admit that to Drew.

“So, back to my original question. Why are you so bitter about relationships?”

“I deal with divorces all day long. It’s a little hard to have a positive outlook when all you see is cheating, lying, stealing, and people who started out in love getting off on hurting each other.”

“So it’s because of your line of work. You didn’t have a bad relationship that soured you?”

Drew stared at me for a while. His thumb went to rub at the center of his bottom full bottom lip as he deliberated over his answer, and my eyes followed. Damn, he has great lips. I bet they would devour my mouth.

Luckily, the waitress came and interrupted my ogling.

“Can I get you anything else?” she asked.

Drew looked to me. “Some dessert or anything?”

“I’m too full.”

He answered the waitress. “Just the check. Thank you.”

She took our plates, and when she left, there was a minute of awkward silence. He still hadn’t answered my question, and I thought maybe he was going to try to change the subject again. I was surprised when he answered.

“I’m divorced. Marriage lasted five years.”

“Wow. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

Even though I could tell it took a lot of effort to share that much, and I knew I should probably leave well enough alone, I couldn’t help myself. “Did you have a long-distance relationship?”

“Not in a physical sense, no. That bitterness today was purely from my experience in divorces. The number-one reason people wind up in my office is they don’t spend time together.”

“I’ll admit, a lot of my counseling cases are similar. It’s not always a long-distance relationship like the one you heard me talking about today, but in the majority of my counseling, the couples don’t spend time together. They’re either working a lot and don’t make time for each other, or they’re still hanging on to the separate lives they had before they were married.”

“I bet our cases are very similar. Come to think of it, maybe you can hand out my business cards, for when your counseling doesn’t work.”

My eyes widened. “You’ve got to be joking?”

A slow smile spread across his face as he brought his beer to his lips. “I am.”

The waitress returned with the check, and Drew took out his wallet. I went to take out mine, and he stopped me. “Dinner’s on me. It’s my apology offering for being a dick today, remember?”

“Well, thank you. I hope you’re a dick often,” I joked. “I have ten grand to save up again.”

Drew stood and walked around to my chair, pulling it out as I stood. “Oh, that won’t be a problem. I’m pretty much a dick every day.”

The lock on my apartment door was tricky. I had to wiggle it around and pull the key in and out a few times before finding the exact right spot that allowed me to turn the bolt. Baldwin must have heard my keys jingling. His apartment door, next to mine, opened.

“Hey. I knocked earlier to see if you wanted to grab some dinner, but you weren’t home yet.”

“Oh. I had dinner with Drew.”

Baldwin took the keys from my hand. Somehow, he got the lock on the first try every time. The door opened, and he followed me inside. “Drew?”

“He’s the real tenant in the office I thought I rented. The one who’s letting me stay for a few months?”

Baldwin nodded. “You’re dating him now, too?”

I snorted. “No. He was a jerk today and made it up to me with dinner.”

“Why was he a jerk?”

I went into my bedroom to change and continued our conversation through the partially closed door.

“I guess he really wasn’t a jerk. We just have very different opinions on counseling relationships. He overheard me on a call and gave me his thoughts on how my advice to my patients would work out.”

After I’d slipped into some sweats and a T-shirt, I went out to the living room. Baldwin was sitting where he always sat when we hung out. I took the couch, and he sat on the oversized leather chair. Sometimes it made me feel like his patient.

“He shouldn’t be listening to your counseling sessions. They’re confidential.”

“It was my fault. I tend to yell when I’m on those video conferences, and I left my door open.”

“Maybe I should stop by the office?”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. Check things out.”

Baldwin was being sweet. Hearing that someone had been a jerk to me brought out his protective side. Although the thought of Baldwin vs. Drew was actually pretty comical.

The two were polar opposites. Baldwin was thin, well mannered, average height, and looked every bit the professor he was. He even wore bow ties and glasses that made him appear older than his thirty-five years. Drew was twenty-nine, tall, broad, and thick. He also cursed whenever it suited him, regardless of who was around. Even though I would never describe Drew as well mannered like Baldwin, there was something very chivalrous about him beneath the rough exterior.

“I don’t think that’s necessary. I’m fine. He’s just a little jagged around the edges is all. Funny, I hadn’t thought of it until now—his last name is Jagger…jagged. Sort of fitting.”

Knowing Baldwin liked a late-evening glass of wine, I walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge, taking out the bottle I kept for him before he’d even responded to my question.

“Would you like a glass of wine?”

“Yes, thank you.”

I poured it and grabbed myself a water. As I handed it to him, he said, “You’re not joining me?”

I plopped down on the couch. “I’m too full. I ate a huge burger for dinner. Drew ordered me a double cheeseburger deluxe.”

“He ordered for you? You’re such a picky eater.”

“He knew I liked burgers.” I shrugged. Untwisting the cap from my water, I asked, “What did you wind up eating?”

“I had sushi from Zen’s delivered.”

I scrunched my nose. “Glad I missed that.”

“I would have ordered something different if we were eating together.”

Baldwin always deferred to me for ordering. It was one of the things I loved about him. Sushi seemed to be his go-to meal for dates, so it wasn’t like he was deprived of his favorites.

“No date tonight?” I asked. Normally, I avoided the topic of his love life. It was difficult to see him with women, and hearing about them in any detail would kill me. But tonight I felt less hesitant for some reason.

“Papers to grade. You would have appreciated the answer I received from a female student.”

“What was the question?”

“I asked them to give me a sound argument that Freud’s psychoanalysis techniques were flawed. We’ve spent the last three weeks studying Grünbaum and Colby, so it should have been an easy question.”

“Yes. I agree. What did you get as an answer?”

“Ms. Balick wrote, ‘Freud was a man.’”

I laughed. “I think that might be a valid argument. You should probably give her some points for that.”

“Cute. But I don’t think so.”

“You were always a tough grader.”

“I always gave you good grades.”

“I earned them.” Which was true, but it got me thinking. “Have you ever given anyone points they didn’t deserve? Maybe because they were pretty or you felt bad for them?”

“Never.” His answer didn’t surprise me. Baldwin sipped his wine. “So where do you want to go Thursday night?”

“Thursday?”

“Your birthday dinner.”

“Oh. I forgot. I’ve been so busy lately, it totally slipped my mind that my birthday is coming up.”

“Well, it didn’t slip mine. I was thinking we could go to Ecru. It’s a new French place on the Upper East Side. The waitlist for a reservation is three months long, but a colleague of mine is friends with the owner and said he could make sure we get in.”

“That sounds great. Thank you.” If I was being honest, I would have preferred to go to Joey’s again for a big, greasy burger. But Baldwin was a foodie and always trying to expand my palatal horizons. On occasion, I even liked some of the fancy foods.

Baldwin stayed for a while, and we talked shop. He told me about a paper he hoped to get published, and I told him how nervous I was to meet two of my video clients in the office tomorrow. After I relocated to New York, some of my video and phone clients who were local to the area had become face-to-face clients. It was always odd meeting them that first time, but tomorrow’s appointment made me particularly nervous because I suspected the husband could be physically abusing the wife.

It started to get late, and at one point I yawned and stretched. My thin T-shirt rode up and exposed some of my stomach. Baldwin’s eyes zeroed in on the flesh, and I watched as he swallowed. Moments like these confused me the most. I wouldn’t claim to be an expert on men, but I’d dated a decent amount myself, even had a few long-ish relationships. Generally, I could read a man’s attraction to me pretty well, and in this moment, I would have sworn Baldwin was into me. It wasn’t new. I’d felt it on plenty of other occasions. Which might be the reason I was still hanging on after so many years.

Sometimes a spark turns into a fire.

Baldwin cleared his throat and stood. “I should get going. It’s late.”

“Are you sure? Maybe I’ll pour a glass of wine for myself if you want to have a second…”

“I have an early lecture tomorrow.”

“Okay.” I hid my disappointment and walked him to the door.

Baldwin said goodnight, and then stopped and turned back. For a brief second, my imagination got the best of me, and I imagined him turning around and shutting the door—deciding to stay.

Instead, he said, “I’m expecting a package tomorrow. If you see it in the hall, can you grab it for me? I won’t be home until late.”

“Sure. Is tomorrow night the New York Psychology Symposium you were telling me about?”

“No. That’s next week. Rachel has tickets to see an off-Broadway play tomorrow.”

“Oh. Rachel.”

“You met her last week briefly at the coffee shop.”

“Yes. Rachel.” Like I could forget. She’d been wearing the dress shirt he’d worn the night before when I heard his door open and peeked through the peephole. “I’ll grab anything outside your door. Have fun tomorrow night.”

After he left, I washed off my makeup and brushed my teeth. Of course, even though I’d been yawning not five minutes ago, I was wide awake once I could go to sleep.

Story of my life.

I thought about my conversation with Drew earlier in the day—it seemed like it had occurred a week ago. Captain Prolactinator had suggested I masturbate before bed. But I was in no mood to think about Baldwin after hearing about his date tomorrow with Rachel.

Although…

I didn’t have to visualize Baldwin, did I? A vision of Drew suddenly popped into my head. He was definitely good looking enough…

But I shouldn’t.

I turned over and forced myself to close my eyes. An hour later, I reached over to my end table. I was desperate for some sleep after the long, draining day.

I turned on my vibrator and closed my eyes, attempting to relax to the hum.

Ten minutes later, I was sound asleep with a smile on my face.