Dyllys

“Wake up.”

Dyllys opened her eyes and tears immediately starting flooding them. It was dark in the room and she could feel a presence beside her. She didn’t want to be awake, it hurt so much. She tried to stifle a cry but couldn’t. She sat up on the edge of the bed and felt the form that had been beside her stir. The lights flickered on.

“Dyllys?” the voice asked sleepily.

Dyllys turned her head at the voice and the crying stopped. “Faran?”

Faran came closer to her and looked at her quizzically. “You’ve been crying.”

“Faran is that really you?” Dyllys asked and then touched his face. “Was it all just a dream. Oh, Faran,” Dyllys fell into his arms leaning her head into his chest. She could hear his breath and his heart beating, such a familiar sound. Faran put his arms around Dyllys and remained silent.

“Faran I had this terrible nightmare. Emanuel made me –” she stopped unable to recount the awful memory again. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re here.” She looked into his deep brown eyes and then, smiling, she leaned up to kiss him. He was warm and his kiss was just as she remembered it. Then suddenly it didn’t feel right at all and Faran pulled away from her. Dyllys looked at him, confused.

“Faran, what’s wrong?” Dyllys said. “Faran, please.” She let her hand trail against his jaw like she used to do whenever he was upset with her; it always made him smile. This time he didn’t smile. This time his jaw hardened in response to her touch.

“Dyllys, stop. I can’t do this.”

“Why did you call me Dyllys?”

Faran looked at her with glassy eyes. “Because that is your name.”

“Don’t be silly,” she said, laughing, and then leaned into his chest again taking a deep breath of his scent. But there was something wrong: it wasn’t the earthy sent that Faran had always carried, it was something different and unfamiliar. She pulled away from Faran and looked at him again. There was something different about him. Then Dyllys looked at her hands, her hands that had been the color of olives were now an ivory white. She ran her hand across her arm and then slowly lifted her hands to her temples and lightly brushed her wings with her fingertips. She froze and looked back at Faran.

“It wasn’t a dream was it?”

“No,” was all Faran could manage.

“You’re not my Faran, are you?” She wanted to reach out and touch his face but stopped before she could feel the warmth of his skin beneath her fingers.

“No,” he whispered.

Dyllys pulled her hand away from him and then slid off the bed, “I – I’m sorry,” she said and then fled the room. Faran watched her go and then stared at his own hands and let out an enraged cry.

Dyllys heard his cry on the opposite side of the door and cringed at it. This was all Parris’s fault. She left Faran behind and wandered down the hallway, anger and sorrow mixing within her. She opened Parris’s door without knocking. He was alone in the dark staring at a computer screen. He turned when he heard the door open.

“You awake now?” Parris asked.

“Why? Why couldn’t you just leave me alone? I was fine the way I was,” Dyllys replied.

“You wanted this just as much as I did.”

“How can you say that? It was my choice not to feel ever again. Mine.”

“It was Faran. He rejected you didn’t he? He wouldn’t play along with your little fantasy.”

Dyllys came into the room, her eyes downcast, and sat on Parris’s bed.

“When Glory brought him to Tossu I couldn’t distinguish the past from the present. I knew he wasn’t my Faran, but I suddenly wanted to remember everything when I saw him. It was wrong of me. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You were thinking of finally getting to say goodbye.”

“How do you know so much about my life?”

“Did you make your memories external so that they would be easier to lock away and forget?” Dyllys touched her wings again.

“No.”

“You gave some of your most cherished memories to my great-great-great grandmother before you decided to die. She passed them on to my great grandmother who passed them on to me before she died. I was the only one she ever showed them to. I think she didn’t trust anyone else with your story. I don’t even know why she trusted me. Maybe she new she was dying and she didn’t want you to die with her.”

“It was supposed to be quick, you know. I had this romanticized idea that I would follow Faran into eternal sleep like Juliet did with Romeo. It’s taken so long though.”

“Are you still determined to die?”

Dyllys looked at him and smiled. “I couldn’t stop it now if I wanted to. What is done is done. I never wanted to live forever anyway.” Dyllys looked at Faran. “You are wonderful at spinning the conversation away from questions you don’t want to answer. Why did you help me?”

Parris smirked. “Here I was lecturing Faran, and I myself find I’ve become just as selfish as he. I was hoping that you would be able to help me.”

“You hoped that if I could feel again then Esper could as well,” Dyllys said. It wasn’t a question.

“How astute.”

“You realize that it doesn’t work that way. I never rewrote any of my programming, I broke it, learned to ignore it, because I was human once. I can’t make something that wasn’t human become human.”

“I realize that conundrum.”

“You should have known it before.”

Parris went to reply but the com link activated and Esper’s voice rang through the room. “We have reached the rendezvous point, Parris.”

“Let us continue this conversation another time, Bellezza,” Parris said and walked through the door of his room. “I have business to attend to.”

“Parris, can I come with you?”

“I think that’s a grand idea. Why don’t you bring Faran along as well, I’m sure it will be quite educational.”

* * * *

Dyllys knocked on the door and waited. She heard nothing on the other side of the room. Hesitantly she spoke, “Faran, it’s me, Dyllys. I would like to talk with you if I could.” She heard the door unlock and pushed it open. When she looked at him she had the feeling that as she had gained back her humanity, she had stolen it from Faran. He looked like she had once.

“Faran, I need to apologize. I think you will hate me for this.” She turned away from him quickly. She was finding it hard to look at him while she made her confession, “I was awake once before this time. My Faran was dying and I woke up. But when I rushed to his side to share one last kiss with him, to tell him that he had done what he had promised he would, it was too late. I never got to tell him. He died thinking me still a puppet of Emanuel and still a slave to him. It broke my heart. I didn’t want to live anymore, and I certainly didn’t want to feel, not without him. It was too painful. So I did the only thing I could think to do, I started the process of my destruction and then fled back into my emotionless shell, but I didn’t die and then Glory brought you to me and it was like Faran hadn’t died at all. I thought I finally had a chance to say good bye, to tell him that I was free. I was confused. I should have known all along that you were not him. I know you tried to tell me, but I didn’t want to listen. I wanted to believe that I had a chance to see him again.” Dyllys turned suddenly and looked at Faran. “Faran will you ever forgive me?”

Faran looked at Dyllys and spoke, “Do you know that all my life I have always been told what to wear and how to act and what to be. I never had a will of my own, I blindly obeyed. Then one day I was tired of it, I wanted to leave behind my father and his world and become my own person. My father wanted to restrain that side of me and so my aunt Glory devised a plan. She convinced my father that it would be in my best interests and the family’s if I were to come to Tossu. But it wasn’t in my best interests, or even my father’s, it was in Glory’s best interests because I think Glory is infatuated with you Dyllys. She wanted so badly to be the one that broke the spell and she saw me as a way of doing that. My father used me, my aunt used me, you used me, and so I decided to use you. I thought if I could pretend I was helping you I could escape all of them. So I guess what I am saying is that I forgive you, I just hope that you can forgive me.”

Dyllys laughed and Faran looked up at her. “What silly creatures we are.” She looked at Faran with her icy blue eyes and smiled. “It’s strange that we were all helping one another after all despite our best intentions otherwise. I guess all we can do from now on is move forward. I want to help you Faran, to find yourself.”

“I wish I could have helped you, Dyllys. I really wish that with all my heart.”

“You have Faran, more than you know. Now come, Parris has plans to educate you more thoroughly in his world.”

Faran led the way through the door. When Dyllys stopped he continued on unaware that she was not following behind. She leaned against the wall for support. Something was wrong, she could feel it. She heard the sound, like tinkling shards of glass, and turned around to look. Silver cascaded down her back as she caught a glimpse of her hair losing length, crumbling into fine silver dust. She should have known that to have death she would have to endure the pain of life.