DROUGHT

“What did you do?” The women inside me asked me. Her voice is worried and scared; I don’t know what happened and am trying to compose myself. The other me wants to take over, but I don’t know if it is the real me, but she is scared and traumatized, while the one driving is relaxed and fearless. I look at the boy beside me, trying to recognize him. He can’t look at me even though he knows I am looking at him.

“Eyes on the road,” He said while looking outside the window after secretly staring at me with his fearful eyes.

“His name is Josh.”

“Thank you for letting me know, Lein.”

“He is Ellie’s boyfriend. Don’t flirt with him.”

“I know, this kid is not my type.”

He looked at me and asked, “What?”

“Nothing. I am just talking to Lein.”

“What?” He asked in surprise.

“You might not be aware, but you are talking to my daughter and wife.”

“Wait, who?”

“Well...well...well...well...well”, And stepped on the break and watched the commotion of the civilians and militaries.

“What is going on?”

I want to watch a little closer, but I don’t want the military to see me. That is why I am only watching from a distance. Enough for them not to notice that I am watching them crystal clear. They are giving water in exchange for food supply. The free water that they promised months ago didn’t happen. Now, the people are thirsty and dying to get water. I remember how they took the water, my uncle was trying to give the people and dried the tank, leaving them nothing but frustration, worries and hopelessness. Now they are inflicting terror on civilians. They use their uniforms to get what they want and abuse people.

“You will thank me later, Lein, for taking over”, I whispered, which made the boy look at me again with a question in his eyes.

“I already gave you canned goods. Give me water,” The skinny man said to the soldiers.

“It is not enough,” One of the soldiers said.

“What?” The man asked with dismay.

“I gave you all that I have.”

“Well, no water for you.”

“No!“The man cried because the men in uniform fooled him. After he gave his canned goods, he got nothing in return.

“Please, my son and wife are dying; they need water”, He begged, but he was ignored, which left him no choice but to fight the men in uniform. He tried to grab one of the containers to bring it home for his wife and son, but the man in uniform shot him dead.

“Aaaahhh!!!” The crowd screamed when they heard the gunshot and saw the man dead on the ground. They are all in horror because of the soldiers who are supposed to protect them but are now abusing them for water.

“I don’t like what I saw.”

I am about to drive to the commotion to teach those soldiers a lesson, but Josh stops me, and I obey him because we will get killed if I go there. I sat back and took a deep breath, and continued watching them. What happened to my uncle flashed back. The day he gave free water to the neighborhood to help them survive, even for a while. Still, the military took the water and left nothing for people to survive. I made my hand close, and when I heard another gunshot and saw another civilian dead on the ground, makes me remember how the thug shot my uncle in his head. Tears fell down my cheek, and I immediately wiped them before Josh saw them, but I was late. He already saw me crying.

“You are weak.” The fearless voice whispered. Just a sudden, she took over.

“I am just carried away.”

“No time to be carried away”

Josh looked at me because I was talking to myself. He didn’t know that I was talking to the voices I could hear inside my head. He thought I was still Lein, but I am not.

“Okay, we need to go now. They are not our responsibility.”

The young man beside me didn’t say anything, but I knew he agreed that we needed to go, but I was not driving away, and we were still here, watching them. Even it made me sick, and it was like torture because I wanted to kill those bastards and steal the waters they stole from people, but I couldn’t.

“Today is their lucky day”, I whispered and started driving away.

I might spare them today, but I promise not to spare them next time we cross our way. They might be in the troop, but I am not scared of them. Of course, Mary is not scared of them. I went back to my original plan, is to find water. The containers inside the military truck linger in my head. It is a temptation that is hard to resist. I can’t erase it in my head. That is why I turn around and drive back to the commotion.

“Hey, where are we going?” He asked. He is tensed and scared.

“To the exciting part.”

I continue driving without a plan to get water from them without getting killed, but I can’t think clearly because of the mixed emotions I am feeling now. The emotions of anger, for the optimistic people, who are using their power to take advantage of those who are weak, fear it is because Lein is still with me and what she is feeling is what I am feeling too. Excitement to bring the water home. I am excited to get those waters and bring them home for the family, even though I don’t know how.

“Are you crazy?” He asked, but I didn’t answer. I am driving back to steal the water because the water is the people’s water and if the civilians cannot have it. I will.

“You are crazy,” Josh said with tension in his voice. He holds tight because I am driving fast. He feels scared, but he doesn’t have a choice. He is with me, so he needs to bear the tension of being with me.

I had already heard gunshots before I reached the place. I don’t know what was happening, but it wasn’t good. I parked the car away from the place where I heard the gunshots. We are shocked at what is happening. The heartless soldiers are shooting civilians, and all civilians fall dead. I look closer without my eyes blinking while Josh covers his ears because the gunshots are getting louder. I noticed that the soldiers were falling too. They are one by one die. They are not the one who is shooting but someone else from above hiding behind somewhere. I realized that the soldiers were fighting back against someone who was shooting them.

“Let’s go!“Josh said, still covering his ears, and he was almost crying.

“Ssshhh”

I drove somewhere that could hide us because I wanted to see who was shooting. I remained inside the car until the shooting stopped, and all soldiers and civilians died. The surroundings turned into a calm and quiet place in an instant. I want to see the containers from here, but I know someone out there will get them. That is why they killed all the soldiers.

“Woohoo!” The voice from nowhere said That echoed throughout the whole place because, after the shooting, the place suddenly turned peaceful with dead bodies lying on the ground.

“All clear”

And one by one, they appeared from bushes and trees all over the place. They carried guns and had a red handkerchief tied to their right arm. I wanted to look at them closer, but I didn’t want to get caught. That is why I did my best to see their faces without getting closer, and I am right. They will steal what the soldiers stole from the civilians—the stealers of the stealers. They put everything they can use inside their bags and carry the containers and ammunition. I recognized one of them. He is the man who killed my uncle. They are the thugs who went inside my house and poisoned Hope. I still remember everything, even if it happened six months ago. I close my fist because of anger; I want to run to him and slap and kill him with my bare hands, but I am scared.

“You are a scaredy cat, Lein.”

“Let me take over.”

“No...no...no”, I whispered and bowed my head because seeing them again was a nightmare. What happened flashes back again. The gunshot deaf my ears for a moment, the cries that I can still hear, and the pains that I can still feel. All of them explode like a volcano, but the difference is the volcano explode can explode freely while I am in silence.

“Are you okay?”

I shook my head because I was not and will never be okay. I silently watched them leave, carrying all the supplies. One of them fired a gun, and they screamed with joy. They have a lot of supplies now, which makes them happy. I want to follow them, but Josh holds my hand to stop me and whispers,

“Let’s go. It’s too dangerous.”

I am furious and want to scream, but I can’t. I want to follow them, but I am not allowed to. I want to kill them, but I don’t have the courage. The voice inside me is correct. I am a scaredy cat because I am weak. Knight cheated because he knew I was scared of confrontation, weak to face his other woman and powerless to leave. That is why he easily takes advantage of my silence and my fragility.

“Go back to your senses, and don’t be a scaredy cat.”

The voice in my head said, but I didn’t move because I felt so weak. Remembering all the bad things that happened to me that left a huge impact and that huge impact left a mark.

“Let’s go.”

“Let me take over.” The voices I hear are not just one but four, which makes me confused. They can take over in just a snap, and once they take over, I feel like I don’t know myself anymore because of another personality that is showing.

I take a deep breath and get my gun. I got out of the car and walked to the dead. I looked at them and felt pity, but that was their fate. They are destined to die that way. I checked every pocket. Maybe there is still a gun left. I found a cigarette and lit it to calm myself while putting the pocket gun I found from one of the civilians inside my pocket.

“What are you doing?” Josh asked that I thought he would only stay inside the car and cover his ears until we went home.

“Find any weapon that you can use”

“We will not follow them, right?”

“We will”

I saw his jaw drop and felt his tension again, like he wanted to pee on his pants. He froze and gave me a serious look. Will we follow them? I laughed when I saw the expression on his face and walked near him to close his mouth and wink at him.

“What a chicken”, I whispered flirtatiously.

“What?”

“You know what, kid, you will never protect Ellie if you are a chicken shit,” I said like an old man. The accent from my voice is like an older man living in a barn.

“What?” He asked with confusion.

“You know what? I am confused, and I don’t know you anymore. I feel like you are not the mother of Ellie; you are not Lein,” He said, and he paused and continued.

“You look like... like... a lot of personalities”, He added, and I laughed at him because he was right. I have many personalities and can’t control if they want to take over.

He shook his head, said, “Forget it!” and walked back to the car with his heavy steps. I feel like I pissed him off, but that’s fine. It will get over, and he will get used to me.

I continue searching for the things that I need. At the same time, he is waiting inside the car like a kid and secretly watching what I am doing. I pretend I didn’t notice him and continue searching while my gun is fully loaded because I am ready for what will come. I threw the cigarette at the dead soldier. I remember him slapping one of our neighbors with a gun. I stared at him for a moment and realized that the soldier was like Ellie, who was too young to have blood on his hands and too young to die, but I shook my head even though he was young. He chose that path, so he deserved it.

“Oh nice” I tear the wrapper, take the chewing gum inside, and chew it. It’s been a long time since I haven’t tasted chewing gum. That makes me miss it and feel every chew that I am doing. I love it, and it feels like heaven in every chew. It gives coolness to my mouth because it’s a mint flavour. I continue searching, and when I can’t find anything, only the shattered flesh is on the ground. I stopped searching and returned to the car with nothing but the pocket gun and gum in my mouth. I went back to the car and,

“Let’s go,” I told the grumpy boy with a smile.