SWNOVELS Chapter CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Insanity had come to visit and had brought plenty of luggage. It made itself comfortable but caused its host to be confused and irritable. Illogical stuff was going on in that mind. The brain had commenced to atrophy, and small tumors would now be visible on a scan. Hallucinations were only a part of it; the way his thoughts were processed was also aberrant. Keith stood naked in the middle of the I-95 highway and didn’t like the look of the oncoming transport truck. It was black in color and seemed to him that it was a harbinger of bad luck, and sure enough, when it hit him, it broke every bone in his body and squished his head like a pumpkin falling from a great height.
When the trucker turned his head from drinking his coffee, he saw the vampire heal; Earl released his brakes and continued on its way to avoid a pileup. The vampire staggered into the forest feeling vindicated that the black truck had indeed been bad luck, and he had a headache to prove it. He saw things that weren’t there and some things that were present that he couldn’t see. He ran into the same large tree several times. Vampire insanity could be temporary or permanent; it could last for years and usually end with the death of the biter.
In the woods, he stumbled upon a skunk, which looked like a juicy bag of blood to Keith. He could detect the life-sustaining blood in it but not much more. He stalked it cautiously, and each time the animal looked toward him, he feigned ignorance. When he grabbed the animal, it released its ill-smelling fluid, and as he drank its blood, it didn’t taste much better. Having not entirely drained all of the mammal’s blood before he tossed it, he inadvertently created a vampire skunk using just the right part of his brain. The skunk turned on Keith in his state of insanity, sucked more blood out of the vampire than he had sucked out of it, and blurred off into the forest in its new state to explore its surroundings and test its unique skills. Keith had created the very first vampire skunk in history.
Sitting on the forest floor, he tried to concentrate on what was happening, but it wasn’t easy. His eyes burned and watered from his encounter with the skunk. His nakedness was satisfying enough but wouldn’t be so comfortable for others to see. Keith was so hairy that he could almost pass for a werewolf. His heart pumped once, releasing a rush of endorphins, and it felt like someone had covered him with a warm blanket on a cold winter night. Keith had the silliest look of satisfaction on his face. Life was now upside down in so many ways.
“You should probably run.”
Keith quickly looked from one side to the other. “What? Who said that?”
“I did.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m right here.” The oak tree looked down at him.
“Trees can’t talk.”
“That bear is going to maul you.”
“I don’t see a bear.” With that, the black bear was on him and took the back of his head off with a mighty swipe. The powerful animal couldn’t stand the stench of skunk, so it ran off, perhaps saving the vampire’s life. It had undoubtedly been strong enough to take his head off.
As Keith healed, he stared up at the tree. “What kind of tree are you anyway?”
“I’m an oak tree.”
“Will you be my friend? I don’t have any friends.”
“I will certainly be your friend. I’ll be your best friend.”
Keith started to cry, and tears ran down his face. “I’ve never had a best friend.” He hugged the tree repeatedly. Finally, he had found a real friend. “Come on, let’s do lunch.”
“I can’t move; I’m a tree.”
Keith and his now inferior brain tried hard to make sense of the situation. It would start in the general direction of reality, but it was easily distracted. In fact, just about anything could take its attention, even things that weren’t there. “How long have you been here?”
“I don’t know. Time is slow for trees. A million years, maybe, but that’s just a guess.”
“Oh.” Keith was saddened that the tree couldn’t budge. “The hell with that, come on!” Keith pulled the tree out by its roots and dragged it behind him. “Boy, something stinks around here.”
“I think it’s you,” said the tree.
“Oh.”