SWNOVELS Chapter CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
KEITH HAD SET A 55-INCH ROUND POKER TABLE in the forest with four chairs. He had the dead black bear jammed into one chair as best he could. The decomposing bear was starting to stink, but the vampire didn’t notice. The bear had an old poker face with no tells, positively calm and collected. It had told Keith that he had only played a few hands of poker in his life, but he didn’t believe it. It wasn’t that he thought the bear was a professional poker player, but he knew he wasn’t a novice either, but that was okay because poker could be a dangerous business. A crow landed on the bear’s head, and Keith chased it away.
Keith dealt the bear five cards and did the same for himself. The bear looked at his cards, but Keith couldn’t tell whether he had a good hand. The bear winked, and that threw off his concentration. The vampire winked but then found that he couldn’t stop as it was the birth of a tic. He winked and blinked and winked.
“Damn it! Now you got me winking like crazy. Stupid bear. Don’t you be cheating this time? We’re only playing for fun. If I win, it doesn’t mean I’m a better man than you, so relax.”
The black bear nodded, and then Keith returned the nod. The bear nodded again, and Keith did as well. On the seventh nod, he was becoming annoyed but couldn’t stop. It went on for almost five minutes when they both decided to give up on the reciprocal nod.
“I never cheated.” The bear stared intently at his cards.
“Bear, don’t tell me you never cheated. The very first hand, you had five aces? I know you don’t have sleeves, so where did you have that extra ace?”
The black bear nodded slightly, almost imperceptible. “I don’t like your tone. It was in my left nostril. Are you happy now?”
Keith blinked several times and nodded. “Now, that is smart for a bear. People think that bears are not smart, but you guys are smart.”
“Especially for a dead bear.” The bear clapped his paws together. Either the animal had another excellent hand, or he was pretending. Playing poker was all about acting. The best poker players should have been able to earn Academy Awards. Play-acting was the prerequisite to being a great poker man.
“Let me see inside those nostrils.”
The bear tilted its head at just the right angle so Keith could stare into his nose. No cards up there, just a couple of bear-sized boogers. Keith checked his cards, and all he had was a pair of sevens, so he decided he would fake it. He threw out three cards but, in the end, only had two sevens. His face showed a big fake smile, but it looked disingenuous. Keith wasn’t fooling the dead bear.
The black bear sniffed his cards, then sniffed towards Keith’s hand. “What do you have over there? A pair of seven’s? Smells like a pair of sevens.”
“It’s not a pair of sevens, you asshole!”
“All right, I’ll raise you a barrel of honey.”
“I thought you said honey makes you fart?”
“I’m not gonna eat it. I’m gonna sell it back to the bees.”
“Oh.”
“And anyway, bears have to fart too.”
“I suppose. I’ll see you three bottles of whiskey. I’m good for it.”
The bear nodded. “All right, what do you got?”
“I got a pair of sevens. What do you got?”
“Five more aces.”
“Damn it. I’ve never seen such a lucky bear!”