SWNOVELS Chapter CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
PIERS ANTHONY ENTERED THE LIVING ROOM, where Dracula and Moon Diamond were conversing head-to-head. It was amusing to see the cat laugh. He knew how beautiful the cat was and how Zacharia lived a nightmare. Life was unpredictable, with the seemingly impossible sometimes being possible. Piers could hear Allison rattling around in the kitchen while preparing to bake a Chiffon cake. The writer was wearing a nice dark suit with expensive bat cufflinks. He also wore an awesome Japanese Musashi sword forged in the Japanese Nihonto tradition. He looked down at Dracula as the Master looked up at him. A moment of silence as Piers hesitated.
“Well, well, Piers Anthony. Nice cufflinks. And what are the circumstances of this visit? Someone somewhere must indeed be killing humans. The famous author refuses to engage in battle. Zacharia, he’s a Sagittarian, don’t you know.”
“Vegetarian.” He nodded toward the cat.
Moon Diamond nodded, commenced to clean himself with his tongue, and then fought with himself as Zacharia tried to get the cat to stop. It appeared as if the cat was taking a fit. Those two souls in that one body would never be in harmony. One may as well place an antelope into a cage with a tiger and tell them to get along. It was a situation that simply wasn’t meant to be.
“Were you two talking about me?” Piers sat on the sofa, on the opposite end from Dracula.
Dracula looked more relaxed than he had in a long time; his face was devoid of stress. He seemed pretty comfortable. “You are not that important.”
Piers looked at the Siamese, who was now nodding and admitting that they were, in fact, talking about him. “There’s a vampire down by the Magnetic Hill Zoo; he or she has killed two people in the last two nights. Someone should do something about it. I thought vampires would flee any area where they could sense you?”
“The whole planet is going to hell. Some don’t even believe in me. Why don’t you go get him?” Dracula gave him a look. “the Master turned you, or so I hear.”
“Not funny, Master.”
Moon Diamond was dancing around on his hind legs to get Dracula’s attention. “Master, why don’t you send me? If I am to become a sheriff?”
“That’s a splendid idea, Zacharia. You don’t need my permission to kill some evil vampires. You’re your own cat. I mean vampire. Take the cat and kill that guy or author; just take the cat. You two can sort it out. Bring me back his bones.”
The cat growled as it was ready for action.
That wasn’t the response that Piers Anthony was hoping to get. Dealing with Dracula was always complicated and not always easy to read. “That doesn’t sound like such a great idea. Would it be the cat and me against some vampire monster? He could be an expert swordsman. Some super vampire, one never knows what lurks in the shadows.”
“Piers, have you forgotten so soon that you are a vampire? You have considerable strength and cannot gain experience by getting me to fight your battles. It’ll be an experience that will help you adjust. The more you act like a vampire, the more of a complete vampire you shall become. Would you like me to turn you back into human form?”
“That’s not possible. Is it?”
“Definitely not possible.”
“Dracula, why can’t you come? You don’t appear to be terribly busy. I’m sure you could rip that guy to pieces in no time. Tear his head off and make him wear a hat. What do you say?”
“I say no. After Allison bakes me a cake, we’ll have sex and lots of it. Besides, Zacharia is quite a talented fighter. You should have seen him with a sword.”
Piers smiled awkwardly. He thought that Zacharia might have been exemplary with a sword, but that skill didn’t do him any good now. His claws were now his sword. Unfortunately, he didn’t think that they would be as effective. “That’s more information than was necessary. Oh, come on, we’ll be like two caped crusaders.”
“Yes, Laurel and Hardy.”
“You know, for a friend, you’re not very friendly. What if I get myself killed?”
“I have confidence that you shall return victorious. Why do you carry that sword if you don’t want to use it?”
“I use it to frighten off feral pigs.”
“That is so interesting, in an uninteresting sort of way.”
Jenny entered the living room carrying the lion cub. “Mom, I’m home! Hello, father.” She gave Dracula a stern look which made him smile. It was now more of a running joke than anything else.
Dracula was surprised to see Jenny home so soon. “Hello, daughter.”
Allison ran in, and they hugged. Her mother looked down at the lion cub. “What the heck is that?”
“It’s a lion cub.”
“Well, I can see that, but why do you have it?”
“I don’t know, Mother. I released it from some stupid room, and now I have to take care of it. It’s not a real lion, though; it’s a product of magic. Isn’t she the cutest thing?”
Dracula looked down at the cub chewing on Jenny’s leg, then up at Jenny. He smiled and nodded as he recognized the cat immediately. “That is a real lion.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s a spell.”
“It’s a real lion cub that was enchanted. That is a genuine lion.”
“No, it ISN’T.”
“It is.”
“Isn’t.”
“Is. Look into my eyes.”
“Not funny.”
Zacharia was anxious to leave, so he hit the author’s left leg to get his attention. It was battle time. He gestured with his head that he wanted Piers to depart in search of the killer by the zoo. Zacharia went into the author’s mind telling him it was time to go and that he would take care of him, so he didn’t have to be frightened.
“All right, Dracula, I’m off to get killed.” The author smiled, showing his teeth.
“Have fun. You better protect that cat.”
“What? I thought the cat was going to protect me?
“Bye now.”
“I may as well have a big old dumb alligator for a friend.”
As Piers Anthony departed with the cat, Jenny continued to argue with her father. “I’m telling you that it isn’t a real lion. It’s a wizard’s spell. It was conjured up by magic. So I guess you don’t know everything. Do you, Dracula! Why don’t they call you Vlad anymore?”
The Master showed a beguiling smile. “Nobody knows everything. It is a real lion. Ask me how I know.”
Jenny stood akimbo with attitude; she felt she wouldn’t like the response. She had the feeling that he was going to come out on top. “What makes you think it’s a real lion?”
“Because my little wizard, I’m the one that spelled it.”
“What! No. What?”
“A wizard had a spell and wanted me to unleash it to see what would happen because of who I am. There’s magic in these bones, you know. I turned it and spelled it at the same time. The cat’s name is Sarah, by the way.”
Jenny got down on the floor with the lion and played with it. “What am I going to do with you, Sarah? You are too cute.”
“It’s a vampire. Did you see its fangs?”
The girl was more than a little annoyed. “You created it. Mother, is he lying? He’d say anything to make it sound like he’s not wrong.” Jenny attempted to enter her father’s mind, but he wouldn’t let her; he gave her a raspberry from within.
Allison got down with the cub and thought it was cute; nevertheless, she didn’t want to see it as a full-grown lion. “Your father doesn’t tell fibs as far as I know. So what did you learn?”
“I learned a lot, but I need to seek a wizard to kill him and take his Blood Book. That will supposedly teach me everything I need to know to become a great and powerful wizard. I need that stupid book. I don’t have the experience to take on an experienced wizard, so there it is. That stupid sorcerer just might be the end of me.”
Allison wasn’t at all happy to hear that. “Don’t say that. Why don’t you let your father go get the book for you?”
“I would love to, but I can’t. The book will bond to whoever gets near it first. If fangs over there gets to within a mile, it’ll be his book, and it won’t work for me.”
Dracula nodded.
Allison laughed at the cat as it made a funny noise. “Jenny, you must show your father a little more respect.”
“I’m going to get something to eat, and then I’m going to my room to think things through. No, I’m going to hang in the Ferrari. Maybe I’ll go for a drive at two hundred miles an hour.” Jenny marched into the kitchen. “Hey, fudge! Can I have some?”
“Ask your father.”
“Oh, Father, can I have some fudge?”
“If you don’t mind, the flaked blood mixed in there.”
“You know what, I’m gonna try it anyway since I’m three-quarters bogyman. This is soooo good. Mother, I’m taking the cat into the Ferrari for a while. I need to think.”
“Jenny, aren’t you going to tell us about your adventure?”
“Later.”
“Don’t you think the cat might tear into that expensive car?”
“Father can buy me a new one.”
The doorbell rang, and it was a FedEx courier. He commenced to bang on the door and the lion cub transformed into a full-grown lioness; she ran to the door to protect what she considered her lion cub, Jenny. Allison screamed as Dracula blurred to intercept the cat.
Dracula looked into the eyes of the lioness. “Sarah, there is no danger here.” The lion returned to her cub form.
Allison’s heart was pounding. “Oh, good grief.”
“Allison, there’s nothing to fear from Sarah. However, I wouldn’t want to be a burglar trying to break in here. She won’t harm anyone without just cause.”
Jenny headed out to her car with the cub right behind her.
Allison snuggled up beside Dracula on the sofa, trying to relax. “Why can’t we have a typical home instead of a circus? What next? She’s growing up way too fast. I want her to be a baby again.”
Dracula kissed her not once but three times. “Good luck with that. Don’t forget that she has my genes in her. I am amazed at her energy every time she gets near me.”
“That wizard that’s she’s talking about. Is he a real danger to Jenny?”
Dracula attempted to choose his words carefully. “He could be.”