Down End Road

I paced angstily up and down the corridor of our new private wing. After we had returned from Maine, Harris had given the four of us the private wing to be able to get away from the crowd’s endless questions of inquisitive students. It was supposed to be a temporary solution, but after the ball, Harris thought it best if our small quartet lied low.

I jumped when a door slammed behind me, the sound rattled my already jumpy insides. Rosemary walked into the small parlour, her hair mildly dishevelled by the wind that raged outside the window. Her brown eyes finally noticed my stiff presence. “Hello Myra.” Rosemary said, eyeing my deer-in-headlights stance. “Everything alright?” She asked.

Anxiety bundled up in a lump in my throat, I nodded mutely. Rosemary, keen and alert, continued to eye me with suspicion. “You waiting for Alex,” she interrogated. Her British accent added a frightening authoritarian lilt to her words. “He’s out with Maverick.” Rosemary stated, turning to the Kitchenette tucked in the corner of the room.

Rushing water penetrated the terse silence, as Rosemary filled up a glass. “What are you going to do Myra?” Rosemary asked cryptically. “I’m ninety-percent sure I know what he is to you. Seeing as it was a scary story told around campfires when I was a child. I also happened to do my theosis on you in uni. No one liked that.” She added at the end with disdain.

I felt my blood run cold, a frosty chill tingled along my spine as my feet stood apart. Unbeknownst to me, my body was already in defence mode. Posturing for a non-existent physical threat. Sharp brown eyes, tracked the movement, a wicked smiled curved her lips. “Ah, so you do know.” Rosemary speculated. “And to think your parents thought you were as clueless as a ostrich with her head in the sand.” I felt my pride bristle at the remark.

“Do you know when he’ll be ba-” Before I could finish, Alex and Maverick walked into the room, with a large bang of the door. Their laughter soon died, noticing the unease in the room. I pursed my lips and looked at Alex pointedly.

“Um?” He hummed, more of a question and sound-filler than anything else. “Right, so… yeah.” He rambled. “Feel like I missed something.” Alex joked, trying to uplift the mood. Funny, how roles had reversed.

Alex, once mood and reserved, had evolved into a more open… man. One I would gladly have by my side if it weren’t for… certain parts of me that I didn’t trust not to hurt him, and certain people I knew would hurt him because of me.

“Nothing.” I squeaked, muscles still tense under Rosemary’s infamous scrutiny. “Can I- ahem- talk to you please?” I requested, my tone high and flustered.

“Sure,” Alex answered, suspicion laced in his deep masculine tone, that was far too alluting for its own good. I nodded brusquely, hurrying out the door and away from Rosemary’s unnerving presence.

Alex followed me out, leaving a slightly confused Maverick and a knowing Rosemary in our wake. Our echoey footsteps were the only thunderous sounds as we made our way out the Manor doors and into the woods. To the same place where all this madness had started.

Looking back on what had happened, I regretted nothing. None of it. Not because, I felt no remorse for all the hurt that had been caused but because I got to meet Alex. My rock, my greatest ally. The love of my… life. I admitted it, I loved him. I was irreversibly, head over heels, crazy in love with Alexander Griffin. I think he was too, so as I walked down the dirt path, mud caked on my once clean sneakers, I continued to tell myself that what I was about to do was what was best for him.

Sparrows squawked and fled their nests, not willing to bear witness to the tragedy that was about to unravel. We finally made it to the middle of the forest, trees surrounded us and cocooned us in a way that made it seem like the most private place in the world.

“Um, so- I- about- ugh.” I rambled. “This is a lot harder than I thought.” I mumbled to myself. Alex, patient and kind, stood patiently waiting for my words to stop mincing themselves. “Right I’m just gonna come out and say it.” I announced determinedly, taking a deep breath I finally found my voice and began.

“You have been officially accepted into the University of Aveyard in California, not only that but you have been accepted into their gifted program for members of the Order of Jay. Seeing as after this summer we graduate and become full-fledged members of the Society of the Civil.”

Alex looked shocked. Truly flabbergasted at the new revelation. “But-”

“Wait, that’s not all. I think you should go. I think you should go and start your life, separate from me and my madness. I want you to start a life, or rather have a life. We could still see each other whenever I would fly up to California to visit the Order of Jay, and Holidays. I think it would be good for us to get some separation.” I babbled.

Alex took the force of my words in frowning silence, his eyes squinted. “Wait, are you… banishing me to California?” He asked.

“No,” I responded. “Not exactly.” I sighed. “I’m just strongly recommending it.” I excused. A horrible silence engulfed us then. One where all of our unsaid words, all of our silent declarations fell in the chasm yawning between us. I could already feel his absence stab at my fractured soul. It made me wonder just how I would cope when he really left. And if he would feel like that too.

“Why are you trying to get rid of me?” He demanded. His confusion was quickling boiling into anger. I felt it come off him in waves, each one another force that pushed against me.

I swallowed thickly, preparing myself for my next careful words. “Alex, the summer is over. We can’t go on like we are forever. That’s why I think we should go our separate ways neither of us would be ready to go onto that next step and to be honest I think it would completely ruin us. We…” I trailed off. So uncertain of myself, but sure in my decision.

“Myra… tell me why you are pushing me away.” He demanded softly, gently grabbing hold of my limp hand. “Do you not feel the way I feel?” He asked sceptically. He brought my hand to his chest, right where his heart thrummed life through his veins. “Myra, I lo-”

I immediately stopped him. “You are going to get hurt Alex! Why can’t you see that? I’m a monster. Power no one should have freezes my veins and takes over. Abigail Adams hurt people. She was tied to John and-” realisation coursed through me in a sickening wave of stupidity as I realised what I had just said.

“Hang on, what do you mean, ‘tied to John’?” He interrogated. I felt my body seize and my hand slowly draw away from him.

“Alex, there are things that are going on and I need to figure them out before I let you, further, into my mess.” I abruptly changed the subject, but it was only half true.

Yes, I needed to figure out more about what being queen meant. About all the risks and dangers of the new title. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t have him at the same time.

The truth was, I was absolutely terrified of ruining his life. Of tying him to me forever, of letting our bond grow so strong to the point it was unbreakable, and he would hate me. Hate me for tying him to someone who was unbearable and monstrous.

I didn’t want to hurt him either. My dad was now stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, purely because he loved me. I was not willing to let that tragedy take place again, and certainly not to Alex. I could care less what happened to me, as long as he was safe.

We individually attracted danger, but together we risked our lives constantly. Alex didn’t deserve that. He deserved a normal, white-picket-fence kind of life. Where he could have normal kids, with a normal… wife, where they would lead a relatively normal life. No imminent life-threatening peril continuously making itself a guest in his life. That’s why I didn’t want him to come to Maine with me. However, he could never know that.

“What are you even talking about?” Alex yelled frustratedly. He grabbed at the, now, long strands of curls that nestled atop his head, tugging at them furiously. “What do you have to figure out, that we can’t figure out together!?” My breath left me, the question landing a blow to my vigorously beating heart.

I stared at everything and anything but him. His arguments wearing at my thin resolve. My mind trying to come up with a plausible excuse. Something he would believe. Something that would cause him to leave me alone. I wasn't good for him.

In tune with what I was thinking, Alex immediately stopped my train of thoughts. "Myra, stop it." Alex demanded. "Whats really going on?" He asked louder.

Why!?!?!

Why? could he see through me so well! It was infuriating. And scary, and wonderful,and enchanting, and overwhelming, and... it was just his ways.

I felt my mouth move to answer on instinct. "Do you trust me?" I asked. I felt a little dumb struck at my instant response, another speck of fear fell onto the pile.

"Yes, always! Now tell me what is going on!" Alex commanded again. Fear threaded in his tone.

I shuffled on my feet, suddenly very interested in my dirty chucks. The silence of the forest around us was deafening.

"You are lying to my face." Alex said. "I don't know what this freaky connection between us is, but I know that you feel it too. I know because I feel how scared you are of your own feelings. I just don't know why." He said. His eyes squinted as he analysed my lowered face. Searching for the answer in the thoughtful lines of my face.

I felt his hands weigh on my shoulders, a comforting but pressuring weight, that assured me and alarmed me at the same time. It was alarming how used to him I was. How dependant, I was, on him. But then again, everybody depends on somebody, right?

What was wrong with that. What was wrong with having someone in your corner. People aren't meant to be alone. We need people who love us to help us out sometimes. Even if its a risk.

So why was I punishing myself and submitting to my fears? Why was I telling myself that being queen meant being alone. I boldly raised my gaze to his, feeling a new found bravery I hadn't felt in a while, flood my thoughts. The best part was. It was mine and not some mystical power's.

"I'm really scared." I said. "I wanted to push you away so you would be safe and happy. But you just don't.... Ugh!" I exclaimed, frustration at my own confusing thoughts tumbled into the storm of emotions that were blocking my throat. "I just want you to be safe, and happy, and lead a normal life. Because that is what you deserve." I said through clenched teeth.

Alex remained silent, his penetrating gaze still stuck to me like glue. I didn't deserve this much of his attention. I didn't deserve him.

"Someone is trying to kill me and end my lineage." I finally squeaked out. "I didn't want to tell too many people. Only your parents, Maverick's parents and Harris know about it. I don't want to tell mine because they'll get worried and insist I step down. And I have more reasons to send you away, that I want to tell you but feel like I'm not ready to tell you and... everything is such an overcomplicated mess." I groaned, rubbing my eyes with the heel of my palm.

Strong arms engulfed me, and I didn't hesitate to hug him back. "Breathe." Alex cooed in the shell of my ear. "Just breathe." He coached, I released a breath I didn't realise I had been holding.

"What do you want?" I asked hesitantly, my voice muffled in his chest. I felt his chest vibrate with his smooth chuckle.

"You only just now asking me that?" He deadpanned. I felt him continue to chuckle and I just groaned irritatedly into his chest.

"Hush up." I demanded playfully.

I felt his chuckle fade away as his laughter was replaced by severity. "I wanted to go to California." He murmured in my ear, like a secret. It gave me annoying wombat-butterfly-mutants. "But now all I can think about when I think about moving forward, is you." He said, a lulling lilt in his voice.

He continued to hold me as I mewled over this new information. I finally decided to come out of hiding and look up at his face. "I don't think we should do this right now," I said, vaguely referring to us and our odd relationship. "What if we took a year. I figure out who wants me dead, we both see what the world has to offer and then we see each other as changed and level headed adults. Or you see me that way." I offered.

"Whats wrong with right now?" Alex asked. I felt my lips smile sadly.

I shook my head. "Not right now, I think that if we were together right now, we'd end up hurting each other." This was healthy, this was what I should've done from the start.

Alex nodded. "I think that's actually a good idea. But can we just get something on the table?" He asked, I nodded in agreement. "I love you." He said. "Romantically, platonically, either way I love you." Alex admitted.

Cloud nine was an understatement to how I felt.

"I love you too," I confessed. "Romantically, platonically, I love you." I repeated. "A year?" I asked.

I felt him nod. "A year."

This was why I loved him. He knew me better than anyone, he was my protector, my friend, my ally. He was my everything. But he knew how to be my everything in a way that didn't drown us.

I loved him. He loved me. And in a year maybe that would change, maybe it wouldn't. But I was okay with that. Because prince or no prince, as long as Alex was happy I was too.