Don’t Cry Baby

"He was in my fucking house, sitting across from my mom with this wicked smile across his face like he beat us. Like we should sit down and give up because he knows how to break us." "Damien calm down, I'll talk to him."

"Hell no you will not. That's exactly what he wants."

"Damien you can't tell me what I can and cannot do. I know him better then you, I know he'll listen to me." I roll my eyes at him and he rubs his tired ones. neither of us have been getting very much sleep. the whole Ty situation is keeping us both on edge.

I know if I talk to him he'll listen to me. I know it, I have to try and reason with him. It's like making a deal with the devil.

"Just trust me Damien okay, I'll go over there tonight and talk to him." Damien nods but he still looks skeptical. I slide over on the bed and sit closer to him, grabbing his face between my hands. It is so different from Ty's, there's no five oclock shadow scratching against the pals of my hand. I place my lips gently against his, he grabs me and kisses me harder as if he needs to feel my lips on his to be able to breathe. I know where he's coming from, I breathe better when he's around.

Everything feels better when hes around, it's unlike anything I have ever felt with Ty.

Times were often filled with angst and fear when I was with Ty. Waiting for him to take something I said wrong. He was so unpredictable, his anger always getting the better of him. When it came to him though. I couldn't think straight. He had this power over me, he was like my kryptonite.

**

Damien left hours ago yet I am still firmly planted on my bed staring at the ceiling. Saying i was going to talk to Ty and actually doing it are two different things. The pep talk I have been giving myself for the last twenty minutes to go and do it was a long one.

I make my way downstairs and avoid making any noise so I don't wake my parents. I step outside onto my porch and feel the anxiety build. the fear is still there, the love for him is still there. It's stupid of me to still be in love with him, but you can't just fall out of love. If it's easy it was never love at all.

I walk up the steps to his big red door and hit my knuckles against it. I hear shuffling inside and finally the door opens. A side of Tyler I've never seen walks out, his beard has grown out more then he has ever let it grow out. He wears a ratty old t-shirt and jeans with holes at the knees. Visible stains over the chest of his shirt and a wave of sympathy washes over me. He has never looked this broken. He couldn't have been at Damien's today he looks terrible. How could Damien lie though.. he wouldn't lie but maybe he interpreted what was going on differently. He never described to me what he looked like.. it's possible he could have looked exactly like this when going over to speak to Mrs. Edson.

"Ash, What are you doing here." His voice croaks out in a rasp and he wobbles slightly as he steps out onto the small step. I just now notice the bottle grasped tightly in his hands.

"Jack Daniels on a Wednesday night, thats unlike you."

"You don't know me anymore Ashley." He stares at me eyes darkening, he lifts the bottle to his lips and takes a large sip.

"I know, I'm sorry Tyler. I just can't let you hurt me or my friends anymore. You..you scare me Ty. I still love you but you scare me. What you did to Damien today wasn't okay, you can't just show up at his house like that."

"I thought you'd be there I was hoping to talk to you baby." I flinch as he calls me that, I step back slightly. I can't fall for him like this I can't let him manipulate me. He steps forward closing the distance between us, caressing my cheek. "Please don't walk away from me, stay with me in this moment. Stay with me baby doll." My lip begins to quiver as I look into his sad blue eyes, those blue eyes that haunt me in my dreams. The tears fall before I can stop them.

"I can't Ty...you hurt me."

"Please baby doll just for tonight, it can be our goodbye. Please stay with me just tonight." I look into his eyes trying to find the lie, trying to find the catch. All I see is despair and sincerity, I look down at my conversed feet counting the laces and following the line they make through the shoe out of the shoe. I think about everything that could happen when I walk through this door and let him hold me for one more night. I think about the feelings that are still here, hidden and pushed down by fear but still present in every way. I look back up at him and cower from the hope that is laced in his expression. He pulls me in and wraps his arms around me, and I melt. I melt into the comfortable feeling of his strong arms, I melt into the familiar feeling of his 5 o'clock shadow brushing against the skin on my cheek. I fold, I break; he breaks me all over again and before I realize it I'm following him into his house. Despite his state of dress right now his house looks perfectly clean and normal. No cans of beer, no food lying about. I look up at him and he smiles sheepishly down at me before taking me downstairs to his room. This is only the second time i have ever been in his house, he has always come to mine. His room is much like the day I came in, same grey walls. Same vinyl records on the shelf by his tv. He still doesn't have a record player, all these records he can't even listen to. He was always confused as to why I read my book a million times yet he keeps these records he can't even hear. I turn around and my thoughts stop dead in there tracks. Tyler pulls his shirt up and over his body, his pants hanging low showing off the v line he's always had. His treasure trail peeks up over the waist line of his underwear ending at his bellybutton. Flecks of hair are etched across his chest like someone took a pepper shaker and ground it up across his well formed pecks. This body could hold my attention for hours, it always could. I remember lying in bed tracing the lines his abs made, kissing every inch of him while he laid back eyes closed enjoying the sensation. I look away not wanting to think about the good memories.

"Enjoying the view Ashley, I brought you here to sleep not to do whatever is flitting through your dirty little mind." I roll my eyes and walk towards the bed. Realizing all I have is jeans and my shirt that I'm wearing I look up at him. "Oh right." He turns around and rummages through his drawers looking for something for me to wear, he tosses me a tshirt and I gasp as I unfold it.

"You're letting me wear this, you love this tshirt." He smiles and mumbles something quietly to himself. I don't hear what he says, that's gonna drive me crazy until I fall asleep. I throw on his Elvis tshirt and crawl into his bed. He crawls in after me wrapping his arms tightly around my body. I always loved how easily we fit together, tonight is no different. My body falls into familiar habits and I relax into him. He rests his head in the crook of my neck and before I know it my eyes are growing heavy and droop closed. Sleep comes so easily, easier then it has in weeks.[