Don’t Cry Baby

Sleep comes and goes throughout the night; nightmares greet me when I finally fall into a deep sleep. They cause me nothing but dread until I wake up to the sound of my alarm. I peel my eyes open and slowly sit up, my body screaming at me as I start to move. I feel sore and achy all over, I climb out of bed and reach for my housecoat. I wrap it around myself and pick out an outfit. Simple leggings and a sweatshirt, something comfortable for today, I retreat to the bathroom to take my morning shower.

I whimper as I finally catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The bruises on my jaw, his fingertips, are not a pretty sight. I avert my eyes and climb into the shower to wash away the memories of last night. I fee the tears slide down my face, I try my best to keep them away, not wanting my eyes to look red, but I can't help it.

When I finish in the shower I get out, get dressed and begin applying makeup to the bruises on my face. I use a sponge and lightly dab at the different areas hoping to cover all the bruises. Every time I touch the dark spots to conceal them, I feel pain. The pain makes me whimper and my hands begin to shake. Making it difficult for me to apply all my makeup.

As I'm finishing up, I take one last look making sure no sign of the bruises are there. There is a hint of a darker shade in the areas where the bruising is worse but, nothing that anyone will notice. I straighten up and finish getting ready for school. I can do this, no one will even know.

I race down the steps and to the door hoping no one will stop me as I try and escape. I do not feel the need to explain why I chose to wear makeup today unlike every other day. I normally just do mascara. I choose sleep over a full face.

I race towards the door and put my shoes on.

"Have a good day at school hunny!" My Mom calls from the kitchen table.

Every morning she sits there drinks a cup of coffee and reads the news. I'm just glad she's not one of those moms that forces me to eat breakfast. I'm never hungry until at least 11.

I step outside not eager to start the day and jump at the sight ahead of me. There standing against a tree is Ty, with sad eyes. He slowly trudges over and looks down at me through thick black lashes that could make any girl jealous.

"I'm so sorry baby, I never meant to hurt you. You know I can't control it sometimes please forgive me. I love you; I'll do better." I smile at him and take his hand squeezing it reassuringly.

"I forgive you Hun, please don't ...don't grab me like that again. It really scared me. I thought we were passed that." He nods and I can see that he truly is sorry. We walk together for awhile; we stop about a block away from the school to make sure we aren't seen by too many people. We say our goodbyes and part ways.

"Have a good day baby doll, I'll come over later and make it up to you." He winks and I shudder knowing exactly what he means. He gives me a quick peck on the cheek and runs off in the opposite direction.

School has been relatively boring today, nothing too special going on pretty much the same old shit. Damien makes it a little more bearable. I know Ty would be angry that I am still friends with him but, I can't just drop my only friend at this school.

He sits with me at lunch and sits by me in all our classes together. He truly is an overly sweet guy; Maybe Ty can learn to like him; he just needs to take the time to get to know him instead of letting his jealousy take control. He has been hurt a few times. He always tells me; it is hard for him to trust anyone.

It's hard for us sometimes when he loses his mind over something so little, I try to be understanding but sometimes he can get scary.

"Hey Ash, I asked you something. Did you hear it?" Damien says with a laugh, I feel the crimson creep up into my face as I look up into those amber eyes.

"I didn't I'm sorry I was just thinking, what's up?"

"I was just wondering if you could come over after school today and help me out with something?" I nod and smile. He smiles back and we set up a time to hangout.

Maybe Ty just won't have to know that I'm going over to Damien's today, it's best if he doesn't for the both of us.

**

Damien's house isn't large, but it isn't small either. It has a beautiful porch with a wooden porch swing hanging from it. I'm itching to sit and relax in that swing. It's painted a beautiful grey colour with darker trimming. It looks so homy when I step inside, all mild calm colours. Except for the vibrant red couch that sits in their living room.

Damien tells me that he had picked it out when his dad first left because all the colours in their old home were boring and he wanted a colour that would cheer everyone up. Red is vibrant and exciting, so he picked that one.

I smile at this thought; Damien is so caring when it comes to other people; it's no wonder we get along so well.

"Okay so I just needed help with this cake, it's my mom's birthday and to be perfectly honest with you I have never baked a cake in my life. It's just her first birthday without my dad and I want to do something special for her."

"Oh awesome, I'd love to help you bake."

Damien walks into his kitchen and grabs everything he needs to bake a cake; I smile and stand patiently at his side as he gets everything ready.

"So, this is the part where you come in because I have no idea how to bake this damn thing." I giggle and step forward to take charge, I slip my hair up into a knot with the elastic I always keep on my wrist. "Okay first of all you need to preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit." He smiles and walks over to the oven he stands there staring at it for a few minutes and I begin to laugh.

"You don't know how to do that do you?" He turns around looking guilty. I walk over shaking my head with a grin. I press the button and preheat the oven and walk back over to the counter. "Okay so we'll need a large mixing bowl please." He grabs a large red bowl out of the drawer to my right.

"Okay grab a cup of white sugar, 1/2 cup of butter,2 eggs, 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract, 1 and 1/2 cups of flour, 1/2 cup of milk and then mix it all together in this bowl." Damien's eyes grow wide as if he didn't hear half the things I just said. I chuckle and shake my head.

"Maybe we'll take it a bit slower than that okay." He nods and we begin putting the ingredients one by one into the bowl. I grab a piece of flower and chuck it into his face his mouth hangs open.

"Oh, you did not just do that." I giggle and he grabs an egg throwing it right at me I turn, and it lands right in my hair.

"Oh my god that's so much worse then flour you ass." I roll my eyes and laugh, and he looks at me with a grin his cute dimples in full view.

We finally get the cake in the oven to bake and my hair is officially crusty. I lift it up filled with disgust. Damien sits at the table laughing his ass off. I walk over and punch him right in the arm. He doesn't even bat an eye.

"That didn't even hurt." He rolls his eyes and picks me up slinging me over his shoulder. I'm laughing so hard I can't even breathe. He starts walking me towards the stairs. We're both laughing so hard we don't even hear the door open or close. He spins me so I'm facing the door and all I see is a woman tall and beautiful standing with an amused expression on her face.

"Um hey there, you must be Damien's Mom. Happy birthday!" Damien drops me on the floor in surprise.

"Oh hey Mom, how was work. Shit I'm sorry Ash." He leans down and helps me up.

"You know that really hurt." His Mom laughs and shakes her head.

"Hi Ashley, how are you?"

"Very good Mrs. Edson, how about you."

"Good, would you like to stay for dinner?" I smile and nod she ushers is into the kitchen and we sit down at the table.

We talk to her as she prepares dinner and I can't help but enjoy being around these kind people. They're both so wonderful.

By the time I get home it's pretty late, my parents knew where I was so they were perfectly fine with it.

I climb upstairs to go to my room excited by the idea of climbing into bed. I open my door and take a sharp intake of breath. Tyler sits cross legged on my bed looking at my favourite book, roughly turning the pages. Looking from front to back.

"You know, I still don't understand why you continue reading this book. You've read it so much I'm sure you have it memorized." He speaks quietly and slow, almost sinister. He grabs the cover and rips it off. I gasp, he continues to rip pages and throws them on the ground. A tear escapes my eye and I look away. He walks over and grabs my face in the same spot he did last night. I whimper and more tears fall.

"Do you feel that the heartbreak as you watch one of your favourite things get ripped from you." My bottom lip quivers as he holds my jaw tighter. "That's exactly how I feel knowing you were over there with him. Look what is in your fucking hair. You need a shower." I completely forgot about the egg Jesus his mom was probably staring right at my hair the whole time. Ty grabs my arm and forcefully pulls me to the bathroom. My muscles clench hoping my parents are nowhere near the bathroom. He pulls me in and roughly undresses me turning the water on. He undresses himself and climbs in first. I stand outside the shower shivering goosebumps dance all around my skin.

"You better get in here princess; you wouldn't want me getting angry again now would you." I slowly climb in and he pulls me into the stream of hot water. The water cascades down my body and relaxes my tight muscles but, fear of what to come still floats through me.

"I shouldn't even do this for you after what you did to me. Going over to his house. Did you think I wouldn't know; did you think I wouldn't suspect?" I close my eyes and feel the fear creep back up. "Hey hey, stop crying open your eyes. I want you to look at me this whole time. I wanna watch you as I pleasure you baby. Don't you move." His hands caress my cheek and it takes every ounce of my power not to turn away. He grabs my nipples between his fingers on both hands and twist them. I bite my lip between my teeth hard enough to draw blood. My body begins to vibrate, my body forgiving him faster then me. He grins and pulls me close kissing my neck, sucking hard. Leaving little bruises down everywhere his lips touch. He slips his fingers inside me and I gasp feeling weak in the knees.

"You like that baby, you like my fingers buried deep inside you. Could he make you feel this good, could he pleasure you like this?" He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his torso, longing for his member to plunge into me. I kiss his neck and he growl, I move and kiss his lips, darting my tongue out pleading for entrance. He allows it and kisses me deep. I feel his growing member pulse.

"I can't take this I need to be inside you." He pulls me onto his large member and thrusts deep into me. He thrusts hard as if he is taking out all his aggression out on the sex. I grip his shoulders trying not to call out. "Don't cum baby it's my turn not yours." I feel him shudder as he releases, not pulling out. "That's your punishment for the day, I won't let you climax. You do not deserve that. If I catch you with him again your punishment will be much worse, I assure you baby doll." We finish washing up and he carries me back to bed. He kisses my jaw littered with bruises in the shape of fingerprints.

He grabs my hair and pulls my head up so my ear is at his mouth.

"Don't ever go over there again. Promise?" I sit up and stare into his fiery eyes.

"I can't make that promise to you. He..he's my friend. You've taken away all of my other friends I'm not letting him go too." Ty growls and slams my head back against the wall. My vision blurs and the room goes fuzzy. He stands up off the bed and angrily throws his clothing on. Without saying a word, he climbs out the window.

I lay down in my bed letting the tears fall freely. I pull a pillow over my mouth to muffle the sobs, so no one hears. I turn and face away from my door wrapping my blanket around my body like a small safe

cocoon.

A knock at my door startles me.

"Hunny, your father and I are leaving early in the morning and won't be back for a couple days. There's a convention in Millet we're going to see." I'm glad my mom didn't try and come in. "Okay Mom, have fun I love you."

"I love you too sweetie have a good sleep." I roll over and wrap myself in my blankets. The tears continue to fall down my face.

He loves me I swear he loves me; he doesn't want to hurt me. He loves me forever and always.

**

I am running and I can't breathe, I can barely see in front of me. Everything behind me is completely black.

The air is thick and musty, and my legs are on fire. I look down and notice I'm running through pine needles and dirt; my bare feet feel every prick and gouge.

I can't see who I'm running from, all I feel is fear, Bone chattering fear. I push my lungs harder than I think they can handle. I run as fast as I can, until I'm stopped abruptly by a body. I look up and i'm met by fiery blue eyes. I know whose eyes these belong to.

I jolt awake drenched in sweat, my heart pumping so fast it feels like it'll beat right out of my chest. I sit up putting my head into the palms of my hands propped up on my knees. I slowly breathe in and out trying to calm myself. I run a shaky hand through my hair untangling the knots from my restless sleep. I climb out of bed and walk to the bathroom. The sight before me in the mirror is startling. The bruises on my jaw have lightened slightly but are still noticeable. I lift my hand up and feel the back of my head for the bump that is surely there. I wince as my fingers brush over it.

I blow a puff of air out of my mouth, shake my head and climb into the shower. Longing for the heat to ease my tense muscles.

It's hard to think about leaving him, it hurts me to not think about him as my boyfriend. I know it is wrong what he does, I know that it's crazy for me to love him even after all the pain he's put me through. Most of the time he makes me feel loved, I'm scared to think about what might happen if we were to end.

We do need to have a talk though. He needs to change he can't hit me like that. He can't hurt me and expect everything to be okay just because he apologizes.

I love him, and I know he loves me so I will give him another chance to change his ways.

**

I walk outside and my heart drops. Tyler isn't standing out here waiting for me.

Normally, after a night like that Ty would be standing here waiting to apologize but he is nowhere to be found. It hurts knowing he couldn't even be bothered to come and apologize to me for what happened last night.

The walk to school was slow and painful, my muscles are tense and tired. I walk in and I'm instantly embraced my strong thick arms. I look up into amber eyes and a dimpled smile and I feel myself relax.

"Hey Ash, you're looking wonderful today. My mom really likes you. She says you're welcome over whenever you'd like." I smile nervously.

I love being around Damien he makes me feel happy and relaxed.

**

"So, class, as you know your finals are coming up in a few weeks. I'm passing out notes that you should definitely study. This final is worth 50% if your grade so takes it seriously."

"Do you wanna come over and study after school?" Damien leans over and whispers. I turn, smile and nod. He grins and turns to sit properly in his seat.

**

Once we arrive at his house we go up to his room. It's cozy, painted in blues.

He doesn't have many posters up just pictures with old friends, from his old school I'm assuming.

"Kinda boring hey?" He says with a sheepish grin. He rubs a hand over his head.

"Oh no I was thinking cozy actually." He grins and sits down on his bed. I climb up beside him and lay down on my stomach pulling out my notes. He does the same. We stay like this for hours talking about school and studying for the final.

"We should take a break I want to show you something." He grabs my hand and takes me to a room across the hall.

We walk in and I take a sharp intake of breath as I stare at the beauty in front of me. Lined across all the walls are books. An endless supply of books, one in particular catches my eye and I feel the tears prick

at my eyes.

I walk over and run my finger along the spine of my favourite book "Looking for Alaska" written by the wonderful "John Green"

It is the very book that Ty ripped to shreds last night.

I grab it off the shelf flipping the pages from front to back enjoying its beauty.

"That ones my favourite too." I look up and Damien is standing in front of me, close enough to touch. He grins showing off his dimples.

"What do you like about it." I say staring up into his amber eyes.

"I like the beautiful characters, the way they fit together so easily. The way he writes about Alaska and how she talks is astounding. I've read it probably 50 times and each time I fall more in love with the characters then the first."

"That's exactly how I feel." He's so close to me now I can't breathe. His lips are close enough if I arch my neck, I could kiss him. I almost don't want him to stop moving forward. I want his lips on mine, I want his gentle hands to caress my cheek and kiss my neck. Lost in thought I don't even think about Ty as I stare into those beautiful amber eyes. I don't think about how mad he could get if he finds out. I don't think at all. I lean in and brush my lips against his soft ones. He instantly reacts placing his hand behind my neck deepening our kiss. His tongue explores my mouth and dances with my tongue. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he pushes me against the bookshelf.

He grabs my legs and lifts me, so my legs wrap firmly around his waist. We're so close together I can feel every inch of him. He's nothing but gentle and that's so different from Ty.

Ty my boyfriend, Ty the man who loves me, Ty the man that has my heart. I pull away like his lips are on fire and he lets me go with a look of confusion.

"I-I'm so sorry Damien, I shouldn't have done that. I have a boyfriend I have someone who loves me. I'm such an idiot." I turn around and run out so fast. The blood pumps in my ears so loud I can't hear a thing. By the time I get to my block tears are streaming down my face. He'll hurt me he's gonna hurt me.

I walk up the sidewalk to my doorstep and there he is. Leaning against my house waiting my return.

"Where the hell have you been?" His voice cuts like glass. Sending a deep shiver through my spine. I look up at him having trouble finding the right words.00☐☐☐☐☐☐