SWNOVELS Chapter My CEO 398
398 OMG Is This Really Real? (Winona)
I'm waiting for Klara to arrive at the cottage after Lisa has gone to shower and sleep at the estate. Despite me going through the relaxation techniques and even with the positive DNA results, I'm on the edge of a precipice.
Once again, my life has gone over a point of no return. It's unbelievable that I'm pregnant. This had changed everything I thought my life now was.
Even with these tests telling me I am pregnant. I can't get my head around things. I can't find a way to quiet my mind, and I know I must. It's vital. But all the calm in the world still doesn't guarantee the baby will survive. That part may always be out of my hands. Wanting inner calm for the baby's sake just makes me stress more that I can't find inner calm. All the other things surrounding this pregnancy haven't helped. But at least I can take hall pass week and who I had sex with out of contention..
Yes, I will tell Jayden one day. But I can certainly pick my battles now and that is a great relief. But pushing past this into a calm zone is not something I think I can do right now. I really want to.
It's like I'm stressing over having nothing to stress about. Which is stupid because I have plenty to stress about. Trying to control the uncontrollable for one thing.
Logically, I know if I lose our baby, it's not my fault. This is nature, and it wasn't meant to be. But knowing this impossible thing has happened, it's also impossible not to look forward to a time when I have this baby in my arms.
But having that expectation of getting a healthy baby is the worst thing I can do. And, at the same time, I can't just go thinking that there is no hope at all.
Especially
with darling Henry around to remind me just how resilient tiny lives can be. Then I see Abby's bright smile and she was never meant to be either. Miracles do happen.
Am I greedy for wanting one more miracle for myself?
I answer a knock at the door and Klara is there, carrying a professional leather bag instead of a basket. Her expression is focused. She's here to handle business. There's a shift in her energy. She's not here as Viktor's mother or my friend; she's here as an expert. I invite her into the dining area as she sets her large leather briefcase on the table.
"I'm so pleased you're here, Klara. I'm finding it impossible to quiet my mind. I'm so thrilled and yet so
damn scared at the same time."
"I know you received some important news. I'm not aware of the outcome but I am here for you and giving this pregnancy the best chance. This is, of course, not a guarantee."
I nod. "I understand. I want to do the same. Give the baby the best chance but not get caught up in blaming myself if the worst does happen. I know if I do everything I can, then I don't need to feel guilty. But I also can't guarantee that won't happen."
"It's a process, like any grieving. You can't know until it happens and then it's day by day. But we can take
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98 OMG is This Really Real?
a little control by finding things that work for you.
"It's like you've been sent to me just for this moment have to say, I probably want to do this with the medical team I'm familiar with, but having you is a godsend I never knew I needed."
"I came prepared today with a few things that I believe can support your body and mind during this time"
I nod, inviting her to take a seat across from me. "Thank you, Klara. I was hoping we could talk through some options to help keep me and the baby as safe as possible"
Her eyes soften, and she reaches for the clasp on her bag 'Of course. First, let me say that my role here is strictly professional, and I respect your privacy in every way. Nothing discussed between us will be discussed by me to anyone else."
I feel a weight lift off my shoulders. I'm not navigating this alone. Thank you, Klara. I really appreciate that. There are people who would use this pregnancy against me *
"Let's cut the white noise and focus on you." She opens her bag, revealing a collection of herbal mixtures, oils, and neatly labeled jars.
"Given the unique nature of your pregnancy, we need to combine traditional care with holistic practices that are scientifically proven to be effective."
"I'm willing to try anything at this point."
"Always with a doctor's input because even natural remedies can conflict with other things. You will need a doctor here regardless of what you plan to do."
"Of course. I'll make that decision soon."
Klara gets out several jars and tubes and sets them in front of me.
"These aid in relaxation, maintaining a steady mindset, and managing emotional strain." She pauses, studying me closely. "Our goal here is to create an environment where you can find inner calm and strength. That then gives your baby the best chance."
I watch as she unpacks each item, explaining their purposes with the precision and confidence of someone who's done this a thousand times before.
"This oil blend, for instance," she says, holding up a small dark bottle, "is a combination of lavender, chamomile, and frankincense. Used correctly, it can help with stress management and improve sleep quality. We'll do daily relaxation exercises incorporating aromatherapy as well."
She continues, taking out a jar of small, dried leaves. "And this is raspberry leaf tea. Known for strengthening the uterine muscles and supporting circulation. It's beneficial for all pregnancies, especially those at higher risk. However, you'll only take it under supervision, as timing and dosage are key."
I reach out and take the jar, feeling the dried leaves between my fingers. "You really have thought of everything."
My hand goes to my abdomen automatically. Will I feel the baby move? I can't explain the feeling of hope and yet dread combined.
I want to feel those first flutters inside and every kick. But that will make this so very real, and if I then lose the baby, equally unbearable.
I just don't know how I cope with this.