SWNOVELS Chapter 464 My Life is Finally My Life
(Jayden)
"She loves you, Jayden. Her life has been crap. And you've got another baby on the way now. That's big, man. That's bigger than anything else. Don't screw it up."
I flinch at the mention of the pregnancy. How did he know? Winona must've told him. Of course, she did. She trusted him.
"Look," Lance says, leaning back in his chair, "I know you're pissed at me right now. Hell, you've got every right to be. But don't let that anger eat you alive. Find a way to forgive. Not me I don't deserve it but for yourself. For those kids. They need you, Jayden. All of them."
His voice softens again, and he smiles faintly. "You were my brother, Jayden. The only real family I ever had. You, Winona, and Lisa... you made my unbearable childhood memories bearable. And I know I wasn't perfect. Far from it. But I'm grateful for you. For everything." He pauses, his eyes glinting with a hint of mischief. "I wasn't perfect, but I was awesome. And don't dwell on not having a mother now, we all expect parents to go before us. People get over it, and you need to. I know you had some good times with Judy, Hell, I did too, but you move on."
A strangled laugh escapes me, unbidden. That's Lance. Always finding a way to make me laugh, even now. I feel the tears track down my cheeks. I'll miss him. As much as I hated him for being with Winona, and breaking what we had, I'll miss him.
He exhales slowly, his expression turning serious once more. "Take care of yourself, Jayden. And take care of them. You've got something special. Don't let it slip away."
The screen goes dark.
"Dammit, Lance. I loved you, you asshole." Cass says as the tears stream down her face.
I put my hand on her shoulder. "We all did and yes he is... was... an asshole."
He was my brother. And now he's gone.
I get up and unplug the USB and hand it to Viktor. "Let's get that to the detective. I think that's all they'll need."
"I'll take it to him myself," Viktor says.
"Then I can take them home."
A deep sadness is lodged inside me. I text Winona to call me as soon as she gets a moment. I hope she and the baby, and Lisa are handling things okay.
Only a few seconds later I answer her call. "Hey."
"Hey, are you okay?"
"Yes... well no, not really, but... I just watched a USB Lance had couriered."
"Lisa and I got them as well. How was it? Is it what I think it is? Is it Lance?"
"It is. It's all so hard to process. I guess I'm in fake it till I make it mode. I need to get them both home so we can sort through the services and the wills. Apparently, I'm executor for both." "Oh, Jayden. Are you okay with that?"
"I think so. It's what they wanted, I can honor that."
"You're a good man, you know that?"
I don't answer. "This USB should expedite the release of the bodies. We'll fly them back as soon as possible."
"The kids will be happy to see you. I haven't said anything yet. I figured we do that together. I'm not sure what to say to them."
"Let's get in some expert help on that, I think. Abby especially will have a lot of questions regarding Grandma Judy. I think we can shield them from the details while we can." "Bobby is bound to see it on the news or something."
"We can talk to him separately."
"What a mess, Jayden."
"How's Lisa?"
"She's barely left her room. I'm worried. She threw the package at the wall. She's very angry."
"I can imagine."
"Anyway, I had Anne take the kids back to the penthouse. That's their home. And... Well, we don't have to live separately to keep up appearances now." "It's an odd feeling."
"Jayden, you deserve to grieve your mother, you deserve to grieve what you could have had with her but never got, at least in your adult life. You deserve to preserve all the good memories you have of her.
"I know. But it will take some time to let it all sink in."
"Look, if it's easier for me to live somewhere else, that's okay too. No pressure. I do not expect you to have some magical epiphany about us. I want you to really heal from this." "No, the kids need you close. I'm not making any promises, but I need you, as a friend, as Lance's friend. As the only person in the world now that knows me, warts and all." "Jayden, we started as friends, we'll always be friends, no matter what."
"Thanks." Hearing that makes me feel better. Just having someone in my corner makes me feel like I can get through all that's to come over the next few weeks.
"I'm going to try and get Lisa to come to the penthouse to stay."
"That's a good idea."
"I'm not sure she will though. But I can't stay here forever either."
"Let me know if you're okay, I'm not sure watching the USB alone is wise. It's sure to upset you. Do you feel okay? With the pregnancy?"
"It actually surprises me how normal
I feel. I mean I've had plenty of
upheaval and emotional turmoil. But
I know there's always a chance it
could happen with no trigge
whatsoever."
"Yes, Winona, please don't think you have any sort of control over it. I don't want you blaming yourself for something that is completely out of your hands." "That sounds like very good advice to give yourself right now too."
I take that in. She's right.
Lance made his choices. I had no say in that. Like to think that if I'd forgiven him and not been so hard on him that it would've made a difference. But I know, it would have only prolonged the inevitable. In his case anyway.
Him taking Mother down with him is something no one could change.
Now she's gone. She's really gone.
My life is finally my life.