Discovering Fae

It’s been another two days in this place and every morning and every night, that old man comes back and asks me who I am. I didn’t need to know who I was. I needed to know where I was and why Mal hadn’t found me yet, because no amount of bad weather and slow flying could account for nearly a week of lost time. I was going to have a few choice words for him when I figured out how to get back to him so I could beat the living tar out of him.

I’ve put off my self-given lesson because I had to make a few adjustments to my little space I had made in the middle of the jungle. I had an honest shelter now, not a swing. That one had snapped the night before last during a nightmare. Apparently, my spazzing ended up charring the vines I had used to tie it in the tree. I can guarantee that, had I not had a fire that night, no animal would dare come close to the yelling, swearing, crazy girl that night for fear of losing their hide.

No, I figured it would be smarter if I used something less flammable and a little stronger. So, I started hauling stone from the land slide. It was tiring work and I still only had termites to eat so I’ve ended up losing a fair amount of weight, since my pants kept sliding down. I had to use a vine as a belt.

But, it was paying off. I made a little hut of sorts. It wasn’t super sturdy, since I wasn’t going to waste my weak water collecting skills on making mud to make the rocks stick, but curious snakes wouldn’t get in and the smell of smoke from my fire kept away anything bigger. The only thing left to do was put the roof on, which was the platform of my original shelter. No sense in wasting a perfectly good... whatever it was. Right now, it was a roof.

“It’s not the Ritz Carlton, but it’ll serve,” I said to myself.

“Who are you?” came the raspy voice and I groaned as I turned around to face the owner.

“I’m starving, currently,” I answered as my stomach twisted painfully. “Does that answer suit you? Because in a few days, it’ll change to dying then dead.”

“There is abundance all over,” he waved his hands around the jungle. “Why only eat the one thing?”

“Because, genius, I don’t know where I am and none of this is familiar,” I snapped as I sat down before I fell. “Don’t you think that I would be eating anything besides freaking bugs if I had any idea what would and wouldn’t kill me first?”

“Do you not feel the intention of the life around you?” he smirked as he turned to leave. “Your spirit is indeed clouded. Clear the fog and you will see. Who are you?”

“And he’s gone again,” I huffed as I flopped to the ground. “Annoying geezer.”

I was exhausted and with a fire burning away, wood gathered to last for a while longer, and a less destructible shelter, I was going to take the rest of the day to be lazy.

Who are you?

I am Fae. That was easy enough, but it wasn’t a suitable answer for the old man. I don’t even know why I even wanted to answer him. It’s not like he’s given me any reason to. But, something kept telling me that the answer he wanted to hear was an important one for me to admit.

Who am I?

Could he have picked a more difficult question to ask? I mean, that wasn’t an easy answer beyond the surface. And, if I was being honest, I wasn’t even Fae. Not really.

I was Faella, daughter of Queen Justine and King Quinn, princess of the Sidhe and heir to the throne. I was Soul Bonded to Malachi King and Spirit Bound to Blaine, Zane, and Ben.

Somehow, that didn’t seem like the right answer either. Who was I?

I was Fae. Mary and Quinn were my estranged parents, from whom I was taken when I was only hours old. I was raised by Gary and Bonded to Mal. I was connected to Ben, Blaine, and Zane.

I missed my parents and my grieving friends, but mostly I missed Mal. I missed him so much, it hurt, just like it did when he left me, only now, there was no anger to dull it. Just sorrow and sadness, making it sting more.

Who am I?

How does one know that about themselves? I have a name, but did the name make me or did I make the name? I mean, my name was Fae and I was fae. Talk about irony, right? But that was more of what I was and less who. I didn’t even know where to start.

I opened my eyes and, noticing it was getting dark, I added some wood to the fire and went into my hut, carefully. I didn’t want to bump it and end up crushed by my shelter.

I didn’t want to go to sleep tonight. I was tired of the nightmares. Tired of waking up in a cold sweat, shaking and crying and jumping at shadows until the daylight broke. I hated that every time I closed my eyes, I saw Rex’s face, twisted with hatred and sick enjoyment as he mutilated me over and over again.

I hated that I could still feel every mark, every beating, every broken bone he gave me, even after the healers fixed the damage. There was no scars, no bruises that needed healing, no bones that were broken. Physically, it was like it never happened.

But it did. I was healed, but broken. I had been found, but I still felt lost. My soul was lost. The only time I felt like there was any kind of peace, like I wasn’t hopeless, was with Malachi.

His eyes were a lot like some of the leaves around here. Green and vibrant and full of life. He was strong in ways I felt I never could be again. I could see his pain in them, too. Pain I caused by being such a burden, by needing him so much.

I wrapped my arms around myself and sighed. I missed Mal. How he would hold on to me at night to make sure I knew, even in my sleep, that I was safe. And I did feel safe. Nothing could touch me when he held me like that.

I missed how he always seemed to know what I needed from him before I did. A hug, a hand to hold, someone to keep me from falling when the weight on my heart got too heavy, a string of uttered words to bring me back from the darkness. A Jolly Rancher. That made my mouth water.

He said he was never going to forgive himself for leaving me, for not telling me we were Bonded. He said he would spend his life trying to make it up to me. The idiot didn’t know that I had forgiven him the second I woke up, safe, and saw him sitting there, waiting for me.

I wanted to go back to him so badly. I wanted to go home.

I miss you, you stupid fairy.

Mal

I miss you, you stupid fairy.

My eyes flew open and I shot to me feet as I heard Fae’s voice. I felt her in my head, almost like it was a room and she was there, filling it up with her. Her smile, her laughter, the way she moved, the smell of her shampoo... I could close my eyes and see her like she was in front of me. If only I could reach out and touch her, if I could just feel her, it would be real and she would be back. Without Fae, I wasn’t alive anymore. I needed to know she was real.

I reached for her. I felt no flesh, but I felt her all the same. She felt so tired and weak. Again. But she wasn’t hurting, thank Fate.

I could feel her emotions. She was tired, hungry, sad, irritated, but then, relieved, happy, excited. She felt me, too.

I couldn’t talk to her, but I tried to send everything I had to her. How I missed her and was relieved she was okay, worried that I couldn’t find her.

I am Fae, broken and lost, missing then found. Who are you?

That was it. Only that, and she was gone, like trying to catch air.

Who am I? What did that even mean?

Who cared?!

“Mary! Quinn!” I shouted, running through the house.