(Dis)content (Judgement Of The Six Book 5)

The phone rang before my alarm.  Hell hath no fury like a woman woken before her alarm.  I fumbled to find the phone in the dark.

“Hello?”  My voice cracked.

“Hey, Z.  This is your reminder to pack your bag.  You promised to cover tonight.”

“Ethan.  You are sick to call me this early.  I said I’ll be there.  Now, leave me alone.”  I ended the call without a goodbye.

The phone rang again before I could drop it back on the nightstand.

“What?” I answered.

“I’ve dusted your gloves, babe.  You’re overdue.”

The call disconnected, and I smiled in the dark.  Only Ethan, the huge pain in the butt I called friend, could annoy me and make me smile at the same time.  He was right.  I needed to go in and really purge.

Hitting the bag at home helped, but I suffered from a slow buildup.  Ethan compared it to PMS.  I grew moodier until I started an actual fight.  Except the fights were never fair.  In my anger, I pulled too much of my opponent’s emotions, and they tended to just stand there with a stupid smile as I hit them.  But I couldn’t avoid the fights.  I needed them.  Hitting an actual person drained me way more than the bag, and it was the only thing that helped when I got like this.  I hated fighting but didn’t see any other choice.

With a sigh, I slid from the sheets and shuffled to the bathroom.  My long, red hair was a tangled mess, and I scowled at myself in the mirror.  The green of my eyes seemed vivid against the bloodshot background.

I should have slept longer.  I already felt edgy and knew it would be a long day.

*    *    *    *

Many hours later, I parked in front of Ethan’s bar and spar—located in a less than desirable part of town—and leaned my head against the steering wheel.  How could a day go so wrong?  I cringed remembering how, in a fabulous fury, I’d stormed my boss’ office, told her to shove her petty self-pity, which she’d been radiating all day, up her butt, and then left, slamming doors and pushing coworkers.  Not one of my better resignations.

Ethan had been right; I was overdue.

Sitting back with a sigh, I started to change.  I kicked off my flats and pulled my yoga pants on under my skirt.  Someone walked by the car and stopped to stare in as I threw the skirt in the passenger seat.  I pulled the curiosity right out of him, and he kept moving.  The extra emotions bloated me and didn’t help my mood.  Gritting my teeth, I swapped tops, not caring who saw.  In a hurry, I pulled on my socks and sneakers.  It felt good.  I knew what was coming.

I stepped out of the car, not worrying about the people I sensed in the nearby alleys.  They were too busy getting high to notice me as I strode across the street.  The emotions of those inside the bar drifted toward me, increasing the tension I carried.  With a scowl, I yanked the door open.  The warm air pushed past me, lifting my hair slightly.  The heavy beat of music beckoned me, but I didn’t pause.  I shouldered my way through the bodies that crowded the room and made my way to the bar.

Ethan stood behind the cheap, laminate counter, filling orders.  Tall and lean, he had the attention of most of the women in the room.  The tight t-shirt he wore probably helped.  He glanced at me as I moved around to the side and ducked under the bar to join him.

“E-Z!” a regular called out.  I ignored him.

The bar came to life when Ethan and I tended together.  We didn’t do it too often, anymore.  It called too much attention to me.

“Damn, girl!” Ethan shouted to be heard.  “The more you sit on that thing, the better it gets.”

I rolled my eyes at him, glad he’d chosen to comment on my butt rather than how early I was.  The extra padding I’d acquired by taking up an office job only seemed to want to settle on my butt.  It had to be those frozen dinners, I thought.  It certainly wasn’t lack of exercise.  I’d hit the bag for forty minutes straight last night.

“Glad you decided to quit yet another job so you could come in early to help.  Better start shaking that thing.”

He just had to go there.

“Shut up, E.”

A few of the patrons who sat listening to our exchange laughed.

“Which one of you idiots wants a drink?”  My voice carried over all the noise.  Happy faces turned my way.  They knew me.  They knew how this place would get soon.  While they got high, I’d swell with every negative emotion they let loose.  Oh, how I hated them.

“The spit’s free,” I said with a glare.  One of the customers had once told me my light green and amber-flecked eyes reminded him of snake eyes when I glared.  He’d loved snakes.  Of course he had.

Ethan bumped into me, drawing my attention and breaking my death glare.

“Don’t be like that.  They love you.”

“Right.”

He slid the drink he’d just poured across the bar and turned to face me.  He arched a brow.  Concern softened his light brown eyes.  It had been almost two months since I last saw his beautiful face.  Despite the rage boiling in me, I smiled at him; and he relaxed a little.

“You’re going to love them more when you see who I have lined up for you, Miss Moody.”

Ethan took care of me.  He set up the fights, always seeming to know just when I needed them.  He was careful, though, about whom he selected.  It was a paid gig for the fighters, a flat fee no matter the outcome.  It kept the extreme competitors away.  They had too much emotion when fighting; and, often, I ended up worse off than when I started.  I needed people who let out very little emotion.  Not calm people.  Cold people.  Emotionless.  They weren’t always easy to find.

“Hope it’s better than the last guy.”  I slopped some cheap booze into a glass and pushed it at a guy holding out a five.  I took the money and slid it into the waistband of my pants.

Ethan laughed as he stole the money back out and put it in the register.  He kept talking as we continued filling drink orders.

“He’s a brick wall.  He fried his brain on home-stewed goods years ago.  If he’s got any emotion to steal, it’s nothing you’d want in you.”

“Sounds interesting.  If he doesn’t do it, it’s you and me again, babe.”

We didn’t fight; it was like we danced, but with fists and kicks.

With my help, Ethan had learned to block his emotions from me—to a certain degree anyway—at an early age.  After all, he was my sparring partner; I couldn’t have him flopping to the ground after two minutes in my presence.  When we were younger, he’d radiated so much anger the possibility of draining him had been slim, unless I would have purposely tried to.  But as we grew closer, some of his anger had faded.  At least, when we were together.

He grinned at me, winked, then turned to fill the next drink order.

We worked side by side for an hour.  He filled most of the orders while I shouted insults at the patrons.  They laughed, Ethan made money, and I struggled to hold myself together.

“E, if he’s not here soon…”  I shoved crumpled bills in the cash drawer.

Hands settled on my shoulders as I slammed the drawer shut.  How many cash registers had I broken that way?

Ethan spun me away from the register, probably to save it, and planted a kiss on my forehead.  Then, he pulled back with a grin and nodded to the stage.  I turned to look.

The floor-to-ceiling chain-link fence had converted the stage into a fight cage.  Mats lined the floors to protect anyone slow enough to get knocked down.  A bag hung from the ceiling for warm-up; and, on occasion, it provided a place for my opponent to hide from me.  A door led to a back hall restricted to employees and my guest fighters.

As I studied my sanctuary, the door to the cage opened, and a big brick of a man walked onto the mats.

Cheers erupted in the bar, and he raised his gloved hands over his head.  Then, he did a few warm-up jabs.

Emotions soaked the room, and I could pinpoint where each one stemmed.  But very little seeped from the man on the stage.  It meant I wouldn’t drain him as I fought.  It meant Ethan had found me a real challenge.  It meant I’d finally feel some peace.

I turned back to grin at Ethan.

“I love you.”

He laughed.

“Now you feel love.  Wait until after.”

He swatted my butt as I turned away.  The distraction broke the weak hold I had on my control.  Emotions flooded me.  The elation of the band when the crowd cheered, the lust from the dancers as they bumped and rubbed against each other, and the anticipation from those who turned to face the cage.

I pushed past people and made my way toward the employee door that opened to a crowded, dirty hall.  Ethan’s business wasn’t legitimate enough for a cleaning crew.  Which meant it was perfect for me and the fights.  With a smile, I turned right and walked toward the door marked “Z’s Play Room.”

The big man turned when I opened the door, but he didn’t approach.  My gloves waited for me on the floor.  They were clean and dust free as promised.

I looked through the cage, across the bar, and met Ethan’s eyes.  His smile was gone.  He nodded at my opponent as if to say, “Get to it.”

Tightening my gloves, I turned from Ethan and eyed the fighter with pity.  I hated my need to fight.  I hated that I would hurt him.  I hated that I would never grow close to another person because of the drain I put on them.  Most days I hated just about everything.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

The man turned to look at me.

“He said you would ask.  Call me Brick.”

Ethan’s idea of a name, no doubt.  I studied the man a moment before stepping closer.  Ethan was right.  Very little spilled from Brick.  I tasted a hint of contentment and nothing more, though the scent of stale cigarettes and old booze hung around him like a cloud.  I gave Ethan one last look, then focused on Brick.

“Tell me when you want to stop.”

The big man raised his fists and beckoned me.

All right, then.  I swung first, relishing the feel of my shoulder muscles stretching and my stomach tightening.  I connected, and a tiny bit of pent-up frustration burst from me like air set free from an overfilled balloon.

I ducked under his counterswing and swung again.  Each time I connected, I released more of the pent-up emotion I’d siphoned.  The crowd shouted encouragement to Brick, and their excitement refilled the depleting emotion before I could enjoy any relief.  I picked up the pace.

Jab after jab, Brick stayed with me.  He rarely landed a blow, but took plenty.  Sweat trickled down my back and beaded on my upper lip.  I danced around him, ducking and weaving.  I kicked the back of his knee and brought him down but only for a heartbeat.  He laughed and surged to his feet with an uppercut that almost connected.  A quick twist saved me, and a glint of annoyance flickered in Brick’s eyes.  The emotions of the crowd still touched me, but Brick and I were moving fast enough now that I continued to drain myself faster than I could siphon.

Then, I felt a change in the room.  A black hole, a vast, emotional nothingness approached.  The unusual phenomenon momentarily distracted me.

Brick saw an opening and swung.  The force behind his jab caused a breeze along my cheek as I dodged to the right.  A reminder to stay focused.

Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling of that black hole and the sudden belief that something really bad was coming my way.  Maybe it was the letter still on my fridge.  Maybe it was because I was once again jobless.  Maybe it was because I knew Ethan planned to talk to me again.  Whatever it was, it filled me with dread, an emotion created by me alone.

I ducked under Brick’s next swing and came back with a punch to his jaw.  Something crunched, and I wanted to cringe for him.  Brick staggered back a step and shook his head.  I didn’t press him.  Instead, I gave him a moment to clear the hit.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed the repetitious movement of a dark-haired man near the fence, but I didn’t look away from Brick.  His gaze looked a little unfocused, and I hoped I hadn’t done any real damage.  I still had a lot to drain.  Sometimes, if a single fight wasn’t enough to empty everything, I called out to the crowd for another contender.  I might need to do that with Brick.  He’d taken enough of a beating.  The guy pacing beside the cage might be up for a round or two.

Brick brought his gloves back up and stepped toward me.  A low growl, barely loud enough to hear over the noise, reached me.  I turned to look and met the deep brown eyes of the tall, dark-haired man.  My stomach dipped at the sight of him.

Just as I was registering the details of the stranger’s strong, clean-shaven jaw, Brick swung and knocked my lights loose.

Time slowed as my head snapped back.  Something crashed against the fence.  I barely heard it over the ringing in my ears.  I widened my stance to stay upright and saw one of the brackets pull from the ceiling before I straightened.  Stunned, my gaze followed the dust down as I automatically brought my fists up.

I expected more from Brick, but he wasn’t moving toward me.  He wasn’t looking at me, either.  Something crashed against the cage again.  Then, I saw it.

The metal of the cage bent inward as a huge dog crashed against the fence again and again.  It didn’t look at me.  It only looked at Brick, who stared back at it blankly.  I’d hit him too hard.  I must have.  Maybe Brick had hit me too hard, too.

Ethan shouted my name as a few more of the brackets tore from the ceiling.  A memory surfaced of a video I’d seen earlier that year.  A man had been attacked by a dog, just about the same size as the one that crashed against the cage.  When the dog had fled, there’d been little left of the man.  The memory shook me free.

“Brick, move!” I yelled, trying to jar him from his stupor.

I gave the man a shove toward the door, then ran past him when he showed no interest in saving himself.  People in the main bar were screaming and running for the exit.  Chaos reigned beyond the cage—every man for himself.  Worried for Ethan, I pushed through the door to the hall so hard that it bounced back on me and banged my left shoulder.

The rhythmic slamming of the cage stopped as I stumbled out into the service hall and eyed my options.  The employee entrance was too close to the dog.  I’d need to go out to the alley, then circle around to the front to get Ethan.

Claws screeched on the employee door, and I almost tripped over myself in my rush toward the back exit.  Behind me, the door shuddered as something hit it with enough force to make the metal groan.  My heart stopped, and I twisted to look over my shoulder.  I was still alone.  But for how long?  A burst of adrenaline helped me reach the end of the hall.

The cold metal exit bar of the back door gave way, and I flew outside, startling a few of the users who lingered amongst the trash.  I pulled emotions from them as I ran past, fueling myself.  The people sagged.  I didn’t stop running or pulling.  I might need it to get to Ethan.

Ahead, the mouth of the alley beckoned.  Already, people from the club ran past on the street.  Screaming and shouting filled the air, along with my own rapid breathing and the pounding of my feet on the pavement.

Before I reached the mouth of the alley, the door burst open behind me.  Taking a risk, I looked back.  Just in time, too.  The dog flew at me, knocking me backwards.  I lifted my arms to block its snapping jaws as I fell to the ground under its weight.  My head hit the blacktop with a burst of pain, and I lost my breath a second time.

My ears rang.  I gave my head a tiny shake and blinked as I looked up at my hands.  They weren’t braced on fur but a human arm.  I blinked again, trying to focus.  Beyond the snarling face and snapping teeth, I met the light grey gaze of an older man.  He had wrapped his arm around the thing’s neck in an attempted chokehold.

“Run,” he said. The man pulled back, straining to win me some wiggle room.

The thing on top of me roared and tried shaking the man off, but it didn’t budge from its position.  Its front paws rested on the pavement, boxing me in, and its chest pressed me down.  How did the man expect me to run?

I focused on the dog.  I’d never tried pulling emotions from an animal before.  But now, I stretched out my senses.  I felt the worry of the man holding the beast but nothing from the beast itself.

“Get off me.”  I punctuated my words with a swing to its elongated nose.  I connected and had the satisfaction of hearing its teeth click together.

It grunted, and the man above gave an extra heave.  I had room to breathe.  More than that, I had room to run.  Twisting to my stomach, I pulled myself free.

When I won my way to my feet, I didn’t look back.  I ran to the mouth of the alley.  If the thing had followed me, Ethan was safe.  I wasn’t.

Most of the people had already fled.  I bolted across the street, almost knocking over two girls dressed in shoes not made for running, and slid into my car.  The engine roared to life as I pressed the gas pedal to the floor and left behind a blue-grey cloud of exhaust, a path of burnt rubber, and my best friend.

*    *    *    *

Heart still thundering, I burst into my apartment.  I locked the door and backed my way to the kitchen before I tried to start breathing normally.  My keys fell to the floor, and I yanked the note from the fridge and read it again and again.  Not human.  My mind stuck on that phrase.

A man had been pacing beside the cage.  When Brick had hit me, that man had changed.  No, not man.  It definitely was not human.  Had it hurt anyone?  Crap.  Ethan.  I patted my backside for my phone.  I’d left it in my bag.  The bag I’d dropped behind the bar.  I shook inside and out.  I needed a phone.  I needed to check on Ethan.  I needed to run and hide like the letter said.

There wasn’t much in my stark apartment that I needed.  I went to my closet, grabbed a bag, and started throwing clothes into it.  Five minutes after storming my way in, I was ready to run out.

A knock startled me as I reached for the knob.  My breath rushed out of me, and for a moment, I did nothing.  Another sharp knock.  I leaned forward and looked through the peephole.  The familiar face had me yanking the door open.

“Ethan.”  A sob escaped me as I dropped my bag and threw my arms around him.

He caught me and held me close.

“I was so scared.  Are you hurt?” he asked, pulling back.  He looked me over and frowned at something he saw on my face.  With a finger, he gently brushed my jaw.  It felt tender.

“Brick caught you good,” he said.

Screw Brick.

“What was that thing?”

He let go and moved to come in.  I stopped him.

“No.  I can’t stay here.  Let’s go to your place.”

He gave me a worried look.

“You sure?”

I nodded.  He picked up my bag and held out a hand.  Against my better judgement, I took it.  I felt very little coming from him, though.

We walked around the back of the building to the parking lot.  In the dark, everything seemed scarier.  My heart continued to pound, and I was glad Ethan was with me.  He opened my car door; but before I could get in, he wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and pulled me close.  I let out a shaky breath and laid my head against his chest.  I felt the steady thump of his heart under his shirt.

“I thought I lost you tonight,” he said.

He smoothed a hand over my hair, and I winced.  He must have felt it because he dropped his arms, stepped back, and looked at me with concern.  I reached up to gently probe the area on the back of my head.  A large bump pulsed there.

“You almost did,” I said, thinking of the beast that had brought me down.  “But I’m fine now.  I’ll follow you.  We’ll talk when we get there.”

He nodded and waited by the car until I closed the door.

*    *    *    *

We pulled up to a small, boxcar house.  Rusted pieces of metal that used to be parts of vehicles littered the dead lawn.  Ethan’s dad’s house wasn’t out of place in this neighborhood.

Ethan parked on the street and got out to wait for me as I parked.  At this time of night, the neighborhood was quiet.  Everyone was either high or already passed out.  I grabbed my bag and joined him.

He offered his hand again.

“Better not,” I said.

Ethan nodded, then followed me toward the house.  I let myself in and smiled at Mr. Petnu.  Regret poured from him when he saw me.

“Izza, whatcha doing here?”  His words were slow, but he watched me closely.

“Hi, Mr. Petnu.  I thought I’d stay for a while, if that’s okay.”  I moved aside, so Ethan could step into the cramped room.

“You know it is.  Want my bed?”  Hope flavored the air.

“Um, no thanks.”  I waved a hand farewell and moved down the little hall to Ethan’s cramped room.

A full-size bed just fit between the two walls, leaving no room on the sides and only two feet between the end of the bed and the closet.  The bed was neatly made, and the closet doors were closed.  I knew if I opened them, I would see all of Ethan’s clothes tidily hung or folded.

“Explain to me again why you live here?” I said, setting my bag on the narrow dresser squeezed in between the end of the bed and the closet.

“I’m waiting for him to kick it so I can claim my inheritance.”

Ethan never answered seriously.  I flopped back on his bed, and he joined me.  We lay together, looking up at the stained, foam-tiled ceiling.

“He asks about you all the time,” he said, and I knew he meant his father.  “He wants to know when I’ll marry you and actually make something of myself.”

“You still haven’t told him about the bar?”

Ethan snorted.  “He doesn’t give a damn about what I do with my life, only who I settle down with.”

It wasn’t even that.  Mr. Petnu wanted me to be with Ethan.  Just me.  Ethan’s father wanted us to live there with him.  I would be his permanent high.  Cheaper and better than anything he could buy. And, that was the reason I wouldn’t hold Ethan’s hand coming in.  If his father saw, he’d think it meant we were finally together.

“All the more reason to leave,” I said before changing subjects.  “Tell me what you saw.”

“I was watching the fight and filling drinks.  People kept coming in as usual.  I didn’t pay them any attention until that guy walked up to the cage.”

He turned his head.  I turned mine to meet his serious gaze.

“He changed.  One minute a man, the next…”

I nodded.

“Yeah.  That’s what I thought.  I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t something new someone lit up in there.”

Something flickered in Ethan’s expression a moment before he closed the gap between us and pressed his lips to mine.  All night, he’d kept himself closed off.  I’d only caught hints of emotions from him, nothing long enough to taste.  As his lips pressed against mine, though, some of them escaped.  Desire.  Fear.  Love.  He pulled back.

“I love you.”

His words pierced my heart.  Everything he felt for me drifted around us.  It was a heady emotional mix that I wanted to drown in.

I pulled away and touched his face.

“I love you, too, just not that way.”

He closed himself off once more.

“Because you’ve never tried.”

“And I never will.”

He shut his eyes with a pained and sorrowful expression.

“Did you feel anything tonight?”

It wouldn’t do any good to pretend I didn’t understand what he meant.  This was a talk we’d had before.  He thought, if he could keep his emotions locked around me, it meant we had a chance to be something more together.

“Don’t lie and say you did.  I know you didn’t.”

“Just now I did.  When we’re alone.  When there are no distractions.  When you’re the only one I have to pull from.  It will always be this way, Ethan.  You know that.  I have to be alone.  I have to isolate myself.”  I turned to my side and held his face.  He opened his eyes.  Hurt filled them.  “If I don’t, I die.”

“What if—”

“No, Ethan.  I won’t risk draining you.  You’re too important to me.  You’re the only friend I have.  God, look at my parents.”

My parents weren’t much better than his.  I’d broken them.  Just by living with them as a kid.  And, if I let myself love Ethan, like he wanted, if I spent every day of my life with him like he wanted, I’d eventually kill him.  I would never be with anyone that way.  Just holding hands on my first and only date had left that boy lying limp on the floor.  Deep down, Ethan knew I would never do as he wanted.  I loved him too much for that.

I sat up.

“I’m going to use your shower, then turn in.”

He nodded but didn’t move.

“I’ll take the couch.”

“Thanks.”