SWNOVELS Dirty Plays: Chapter 4
“I HAVE PIZZA AND BEER,” Beckett’s voice echoes from the foyer.
I groan as I shove a cushion over my face, not wanting to deal with Beckett’s cheerful ass right now. I wish he would allow me to wallow in my depression here on the couch with Dobby by my side.
“Jesus, Z. When’s the last time you left this room? Or showered?” The level of Beckett’s disgust at my current state is apparent in his voice. “Have you been going to practice and your positional meetings?”
“Yes,” I growl. “You know I wouldn’t blow off those things and risk my fucking job”
It’s unusual for any facet of my life to be in disarray, and typically I’m clinically clean with my place, but since Vivi walked out of my door the other night, I haven’t felt like doing shit. I’ve only been doing what’s necessary of me and even that is bare minimum.
Beckett heads to the kitchen and sets the food down on the counter while ordering me to come eat. When I don’t respond, he releases an enormous sigh. “All right. I’ve had enough of this shit. Get your ass up.”
“Fuck off,” I grumble.
“No,” he snaps. “Don’t tell me to fuck off. Your grumpy ass doesn’t scare me, so you better get your ass up and get over here and eat before I make you.”
“Ha!” I bark “I’d like to see you try.”
“You testing me? Remember what happened last time you challenged me to a wrestling match, don’t you?”
I yank the pillow off my face and sit up to face him. “You fucking bit me because you’re a goddamn cheater.”
He smirks as he raises his shoulders in an oh-well shrug. “There’s no fucking rules against fighting dirty when it’s a street fight.”
I roll my eyes. “I’d hardly call the two of us wrestling for the last slice of pizza when we were piss drunk a street fight.”
Beckett laughs. “Whatever. You know the last of the food between us is always serious.”
He’s right. We’ve fought like brothers since we were teenagers over the last bit of any kind of food we both loved. I won most of the time, but Beckett isn’t exactly a walk in the park, being he’s nearly the same size as me. Makes the victories when I win all that much more sweeter, knowing I’ve beat a worthy opponent.
Beckett pops the top of a beer can open. “I will not ask again for you to get your ass over here and eat something.”
I huff as I shove myself up from the couch and do as he asks because, truthfully, I don’t feel like fighting with him. He’d kick my ass right now, and I’d let him. I deserve some punishment for what I’ve done to Vivi.
I drag one foot in front of the other and then plop down on the barstool at the counter facing Beckett. His dark eyes roam over me, inspecting every inch.
“You look like absolute hell,” he says as he hands me a beer. “What will it take to fix you so you stop looking so pathetic?”
“There’s no simple solution to fixing me. I fucked up and deserve to feel like a fucking asshole.”
Beckett curls his lip. “No, you don’t. You did what you had to do in order to make your career go smoothly. Honestly, I’m kind of pissed Vivi doesn’t understand all of this and cut you some slack. Maybe she needs to see how miserable you are so she’ll forgive you, and we can snap you out of this. You’re making me sad. Your depression is fucking contagious, and I don’t like it.”
I roll my eyes. “So sorry to inconvenience you and make you have some sort of feelings. I know you hate those.”
“Don’t be a jackass. You know I hate seeing you sad, and I’m glad I haven’t seen you this broken up since—” Beckett cuts himself off, knowing trudging down memory lane and bringing up my mother is never a good idea. “Anyway. Are you sure Vivi is even worth sitting around here with all this heartbreak? You’ve only known her a couple of months.”
“She’s worth it, man,” I tell him as I spin the can around in my hands. “I think she’s…the one.”
“Fuuuuck,” Beckett whispers. “Are you telling me you love this girl?”
My eyes snap up at the mention of the word love. I haven’t given much thought to how deep my feelings ran for Vivi, but is it possible this is what love feels like? I’ve never been in love…never really had an idea of what love is or what it’s supposed to feel like. It’s not like I’ve had the healthiest examples of love in my life. The one person on the planet who’s supposed to love you the most, your mother, is one person in my life I’m sure hates me the most. I don’t think she ever loved me—she never told me either. I was a paycheck for her, and she didn’t give a fuck about me other than that.
So how am I supposed to know what I’m feeling about Vivi?
Finally, I tell Beckett, “I don’t know. I only know I can’t stand to be away from her, and I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“Hmm.” Beckett’s mouth twists. “So maybe you’re just obsessed with her then, and some time apart will do you good.”
“I don’t want time away from her. I want her here with me, where I know what she’s doing and that she’s safe.”
“She’s living with her friend, right? I’m sure she’s fine there.”
“That’s clear the fuck across town. What if I’m not quick enough to get to her if she needs me?”
“Vivi is an adult, Z, and she’s a badass. She had the guts to hop on a plane and move across the country on her own—live with a complete stranger—in order to make her career dreams come true.” Beckett chuckles. “I think she’s capable of handling herself.”
“I know she is, but she shouldn’t have to. Not when she has me to protect her.” I lock my gaze with his. “And I want to protect her. From everything and anyone who would hurt her. It makes me feel better knowing I can keep her safe because I don’t want anything to happen to her.”
“Because you love her,” Beckett adds.
I stare at him as my brain attempts to reconcile what he’s saying.
“Z, I know, better than anyone, the shit you’ve gone through. You’ve closed yourself off, and I totally understand why. If I had a mom like yours, I would’ve done the same, but not everyone you love will leave you or not return the feeling. Hell, I love you, and my parents do too, and have we gone anywhere?” He opens the pizza box in front of us. “It’s time you allow not only someone to love you but also for you to love them back. Deep down, if you search in that dark heart of yours, you already know you’re in love with Vivi, and she loves you too. I can tell by the way she looks at you, which is why I stopped pushing so hard for you to keep your distance from her. You can’t stop love, my friend. Not when it’s meant to be.”
Shit. Is he right? Am I in love with Vivi? Is that why I’m so crazy about her?
Panic sets in, and the thought of Vivi never speaking to me again washes through my mind. At this point, I can’t picture myself without her even though she has answered none of my calls or texts since she left three days ago.
I scrub my hand down my face. “What if I fucked everything up, and she never speaks to me again?”
“Give her time,” he says with a gentle tone. “Then you can apologize your ass off once you’re done with the whole arranged dating thing.”
My lips twist. I hope Beckett is right about Vivi forgiving me. Robert fucked up with her big time, and I saw the way she rejected him after he tried to get her back. I don’t want her to treat me the same way.
The vibration of my cell lying on the counter grabs both our attention. I pick it up, hoping it’s Vivi, but my lip curls when I spot who it is.
“Not Vivi, I take it?” Beckett asks before he takes a bit of pizza. “Your face looks like you’ve just stepped in dog shit.”
“This is worse. Gia texts me constantly, mapping every minute of the three dates I agreed to with her. One is at a nightclub tomorrow night, and the other is at the upcoming premier party for Love in the Sands, and the last is the Reality Show Awards. “This chick acts like she’s planning our fucking wedding. She’s crazy, even ordering me on what I need to wear to all of the events.”
“She sounds fun.” He laughs. “You’re going to love spending time with her. You and women who have bitchitis don’t get along well.”
The texts keep rolling in, and with every ping, I’m reminded how much my life fucking sucks right now.
When Beckett sees I will not address the messages, he grabs my phone, points it at me to use my face ID and then gasps, “Holy fuck. She’s sending nudes!” He turns the phone sideways and tilts his head. “Whatever doctor she goes to does great work. These tits look almost real.”
“Delete that shit and then tell her to stop texting fucking nudes. This is a business arrangement. Nothing more.” I grab a slice of the pizza and take a bite. “That girl is fucking relentless and doesn’t get that I’ll never put my dick in her.”
“Well, if you won’t, tell her I will. She’s desperate for the diiiiick, and I’m happy to oblige her.” The way Beckett belts out the word dick in one long pronounced word causes me to laugh.
“Oblige? What the fuck, man? Are you like fifty? Who uses that fucking word?” It feels good to laugh, but it still doesn’t mean I’m happy—and I won’t be until I have Vivi back here home with me.