SWNOVELS Devoted: Chapter 37
My cheeks heat up. Everyone’s staring at me. Maria scowls at me as Frankie steps in between us.
“Rosa, come on, I need another soda, anyway. Come with me?” Maddie says, sliding herself heavily out of the booth and approaching me with a smile, her green eyes searching mine. She knows. Grayson helps her up, and she holds onto her bump, stretching her back.
I nod and she loops her arm through mine and leads me away from the VIP lounge.
“Thank you.” I barely hold back the tears.
Instead of going to the bar, she diverts us to the left and taps a keycard against a scanner, opening a set of black double doors that lead into a hallway.
“Please ignore everything that vile woman said. I think she could tell straight away how Luca feels about you. The way he looks at you, Rosa, it breaks my heart. Go talk to him. I’ll wait here and cover you.” She gives me a bright smile before wrapping me up in a hug.
I already like Maddie.
She’s already shown me more kindness than any of my old friends. They didn’t even notice I was missing for two months.
“Thank you Maddie,” I say, giving her a tight squeeze.
“Go. You two need to speak.” She gives me a gentle pat on the back before she lets go.
I make a dart towards the fire escape as best I can in these heels and push open the door. The waft of cigarette fills my nose as I walk into a cloud of smoke.
Luca takes a long, silent inhale, the red ember glowing in the darkness. Without a word, he digs around in his suit pocket, pulls out the white packet and holds them out to me. I blink back the threatening tears as I remember our evenings together, sitting on his balcony puffing away, watching the sun rise.
Putting the filter between my lips, he flicks the Zippo. The flame dances in front of me as I lean in and light it. Closing my eyes and taking one long drag, I let it burn its way into my lungs.
I tip my head back and exhale. Luca lets out a low groan. “I miss you, tesoro.”
Crossing my legs like I have to every time I’m around this man, I take another drag.
Sadness fills his eyes as he stares at me.
“I miss you too, Luca,” I say softly. I just want to memorize him. This feels like a stolen moment.
He takes a step towards me and I take one away, my back now flush against the cool metal door. My blood is pounding in my ears. Tossing my cigarette to the floor, I suck in a breath. His familiar sandalwood cologne surrounds me. Dropping my chin down to stare at the gray pavement, electricity sparks through me as his thumb tips it back up. His deep green eyes search mine before settling on my lips.
I’ve craved this moment. When his hand wraps around my throat, desire pools in my core as his thumb gently caresses the column of my neck.
“I knew this tattoo would look gorgeous wrapped around your neck.” His lips tickle over my ear.
I furrow my brows and pull his palm back enough to look. I gasp when I spot the dark rose spanning across the entire front of his hand. “W-why did you get that?”
His thumb traces my lower lip. “To remind me of my endgame.”
“And what’s that?” My heart is in my throat. Deep down, I know his answer.
“You. Rosa. You are my endgame. You always will be.” His eyes sparkle as they gaze into mine.
“How can I be? You made your choice. You’re marrying another woman.”
Anger swells in me, and I push at his chest, but he doesn’t move. He only takes a step closer so our bodies are flush. His other hand trails along my thigh, all the way down to the hem of my short dress.
His long exhale pours heat down my chest. “I know, but that doesn’t stop me wishing it was different.”
“Then why marry her? Why let me go?” A knot of frustration churns in my stomach.
Disappointment clouds me when he removes his hand from my thigh.
“You know I don’t have a choice,” he groans while moving a loose strand of hair away from my face. Even if it might be a good reason, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt me.
“Do you know, every night I lay in bed, replaying our time together? It’s like I can still feel you there with me.” His finger traces across my collarbone, sending ripples of desire through me.
Does he do all of this with her? Does she sleep in our bed?
The agonizing thought of betrayal makes me flinch away from his touch.
“No, Rosa. I haven’t, nor will I ever, go near her. I’m yours.”
His fingers move down my arm, leaving a path of fire in their wake. “I remember every night we spent that you let me explore every inch of you. Giving yourself over to me. Trusting me to be the man to bring you back to life.”
A gush of air leaves my lungs as the memories swim to the surface. And fuck, it hurts.
He brings his nose into my ear and takes a deep inhale.
“The way your back arches and your lips part at the slightest touch.” His words feather against my neck and I clench my legs together. “Most of all, I think about the way you’d jump into my arms when I came home. You’d have the brightest smile before you kissed the life out of me. I miss the way you opened up to me, and only me.”
He takes my hand in his and places it over his thumping heart. His eyes darkening as they settle on mine.
“I will take everything you told me to the grave. You can trust me with your life. I will always be honored that you were brave enough to tell me. And I will always be there for you, no matter what.”
A warm tear slides down my face.
“Thank you,” I sniffle.
“One last kiss?” he whispers.
“I thought our last one was our last?” I bite the inside of my mouth.
“We will have as many last kisses as it takes to finally be back where we belong, tesoro.”
I know we shouldn’t. I don’t want to be the other woman, but he has me under a spell. I’ll never be able to resist this man. I crave him in ways I really shouldn’t.
I nod slowly, biting down on my bottom lip.
One last kiss.
His palms cup my cheeks as he crashes his lips over mine. Closing my eyes, I let him take control. Deepening the kiss, his tongue invades my mouth. He’s slow and gentle, like he doesn’t want to break me.
With a quick peck, still gripping my cheeks, he pulls back and smiles at me with a flash of his perfect white teeth.
I run my hands through his hair, our noses touching.
“I want more.” The words fall from my lips.
“I want it all,” he counters, nipping my lip.
I crash my lips over his and he groans into my mouth. Hoisting myself up, I wrap my legs around his waist and he grabs hold of my ass with one hand, his other tattooed hand snaking to grab my neck again.
“Fuck, Rosa,” he growls, his hard on pushing against my panties.
“We can’t do this, not here.” He sighs, resting his forehead against mine.
I cup his stubbly jaw, bringing his eyes to me. This hurts him, too.
“Why don’t we just run?”
He sucks in a breath. “Trust me, Rosa, I’ve spent the last three months debating every option to get out of this. Trying to find a way back to you, where I can whisk you away and we live our lives on the beach. There just isn’t a way. Not right now, at least.”
Tears brim in my eyes. I unwrap my legs from him and he helps me stand. Pulling down on my dress, I can’t even look at him.
“I guess that was our last kiss, then.”
I try to hide my bitter disappointment at his rejection.
We stand there in silence, the air crackling around us.
I clear my throat to break the spell.
“I best go back in before Uncle Frankie starts looking for me,” I mutter and he nods, taking a step back.
“If you ever need me, you know where I am. I mean it.”
I scoff. “I don’t think so. You have a new life to be planning. You don’t need me pestering you. I’m a big girl now. I can cope on my own.”
Maybe if I say the words out loud, he might believe them. I’m starting to, but it would have been a hell of a lot easier with him by my side, helping me fight.
Hurt flashes across his face and his brows furrow. Taking a step back towards him, I brush my fingers along his dark stubble. I don’t want him to hurt, either.
“Hey. It’s okay, Luca. I promise you. We can still be friends?” I give him a sweet smile.
We both know that would never be an option. It would tear us apart. We can’t resist each other.
“And I’ll always be grateful for everything you’ve done for me, Luca. You changed my life, you brought me back to life. And for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. The way you protect your family. They don’t know how lucky they are to have you in their corner. You deserve to find happiness, too.”
He nods and nuzzles his face into my palm.
“The one person who brings me happiness is the only person I can’t have.”
“No, but sometimes you can’t have it all.” I lean forward and press a quick peck on his cheek, and he sucks in a breath as I do.
“I’ll see you around, big shot,” I whisper and push open the door.
My heels click along the wooden floors. Maddie is still waiting in the hallway for me. She gives me a bright smile and a wave as I make my way to her.
“All good?” she questions.
“I’ll be okay,” I say, holding back the tears.
“Oh, Rosa. Come here,” she says before wrapping me up in a motherly embrace. Something I haven’t experienced since my mom died. And I lose it. I break down, sobs wracking through my chest and she holds me tight.
“I can’t do this.” I thought I could, I thought I could face him, the booze, everything. But it’s too much. I’m scared I’m slipping right back to where he found me. I don’t want that. Not anymore. I’ve been given a taste of a happier life, and I want to hold onto it.
She pulls back, holding my shoulders, her bright blonde hair shining in the lights.
“You can do this, Rosa. I promise you.” She digs out her phone from her bag and hands it to me.
“Put your number in there. If you need anything, even just a friend, I’m here.” She wipes the smudged mascara from under my eye.
I type in the number and hand it back to her.
“Let’s get back in there.” She loops her arm through mine and we work our way through the crowd back to the VIP lounge.
Grayson watches her like a hawk. Snatching her wrist, he pulls her onto his lap the second she reaches him.
Uncle Frankie raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug my shoulders in response. We are not quite at the opening up stage just yet. Maria is busy tapping away on her phone, sipping champagne.
“Has anyone seen Luca?” Keller asks.
Maria shoots me daggers, just as Luca makes an appearance. My eyes go wide as I spot the dark red smudge of lipstick on the corner of his mouth. Keller must see the same thing as he turns his head to wink with a knowing grin before turning to Luca and wipes his mouth with his thumb. Luckily, Maria is too busy glaring at me to notice.
Luca smirks at me and rubs his thumb along his lips and Keller covers his mouth, holding back a laugh.
“Rosa, really?” My sister hisses in my ear.
“What?” I give her my best innocent look.
“You know what!” She jabs me in the ribs discreetly.
“It’s not what you think. Just leave it. Okay?” I shoot her a frown.
“Oh, there you are!” Maria pushes herself out of the booth and squeezes herself against Luca’s tall, muscular frame.
I straighten my spine. It might kill me inside, but I can’t let them see it. My hands start to tremble. The bottles of champagne are mocking me on the table.
I need to get the hell out of here.
“Frankie, I have to go. I’m meeting Jas and Olivia at Rush,” I blurt out a complete lie. A small shake to my head stops Eva’s question before it leaves her mouth.
“Fine. Just be careful.” He doesn’t look my way, as he’s flirting with the waitress who’s serving another round of drinks.
“You coming?” I ask Eva.
“Yep.” Her tone is harsh.
Great.
I say my goodbyes to the table, and give Luca and Maria my congratulations, faking the hell out of my smile, and dart towards the exit. I can still feel his touch on my skin and his kiss on my lips.
There’s no way in hell I’m attending that wedding.